*I’m anti-spoilers so if you want to be a Remember Me virgin in 2010 then go read LTT or an old LTR post today cause while I WILL NOT give it away, I’ll mention some stuff that you may not want to hear. So come back another day if you don’t want spoilers, trust me I TOTES understand!*

Dear Rob,

Warn a girl next time she goes to see one of your movies and THAT happens!! And by “that” I mean about 800 things! For serious. Holy crap! Can’t say I saw that coming, talk about awesome!

So Remember when I said I had no clue what Remember Me was about? Well funny thing is after watching it we had to fill out a questionnaire and they asked us to summarize the movie and I really couldn’t tell you a simple one sentence answer. It was about a bunch of things but oh so good! Here are the highs and lows of those bunches of things…

(LAST CHANCE SPOILER ALERT!)

Highlights–

• Sitting behind Summit distribution dudes and Alexandra Patsavas and ladies from her Chop Shop crew (yes, I’m a nerd who knows what she looks like)

It's not about a Zombie eating brains!

• The spaghetti/shower scene. Yea, trust me in 2010 you’ll be saying MOON the spaghetti/shower scene was redonkulous, you were SO right about that one!

• Big Brother Rob is pretty much to die for. The girl who plays his sister Caroline is a star waiting to happen

• I said it on Twitter and I’ll say it again: “holy sex sceneS batman.” Um, wow. I think the men in the audience probably felt uncomfortable (or turned on) by the group moans and sighs all the women let out. I’ve also never been more glad Twilight doesn’t have sex scenes. THANK YOU JESUS you know my heart couldn’t handle that

• Rob and his friends banter has some really great one liners and funny moments

• Random American Pie/Chris Weitz shout out in the middle of the movie. I seriously said “CHRIS WEITZ!” outloud. I am whipped for him, after all

Yup, still hot

Yea, the fight scene was even hotter (in that weird, totally wrong way) than it was in that paparazzi video all those months ago

• Rob gets an Executive Producer credit on the movie. He has good people working for him!

c
c
cc
c
c
c
c
C
c
c
Follow the cut for even more Remember Me goodness!

Dear Rob,

FACT: This week has kinda been insane with all the pics, vids & promo shizz you’ve done for us. FACT: I don’t think I’ve even watched or seen half of it. FACT: I’ve been wanting to do another FACT post for awhile since last time we did it it was so freakin’ fun. FACT, I may have had a glass or two of wine on an empty stomach and FACT I’m a light-weight so FACT I’m quite tipsy cuz FACT I’m utterly depressed that because Moon lives in LA she gets to do every fun thing in the history of ever like see a pre-screening of Remember Me today. FACT: I might hate Moon.

Moving on, as I was gazing at the before pictures from when you were on “What not to Wear” pictures of you in London yesterday, I was struck by a ton of FACTS about you.

I hope I got them right. Actually I know I did cuz tipsy UC is always right. That’s a FACT

Love,
UnintendedChoice

FACT: Nick took one look at Rob’s outfit and said, “Oh no you don’t.” and Rob said “You’re not the boss of me.” Then Nick said “Oh, yes I am.” So Rob grabbed a random cougar off the London streets knowing she would be okay with his outfit because, what cougar would disagree with Rob? Turns out THIS cougar would disagree with Rob. She wants in Nick’s pants, so she got an invite in the car and Rob got pissed at the two of them.

FACT: Rob mistakenly thinks of his co-stars and director as examples of high fashion and in an effort to copy their fashion taste will be seen wearing a soccer goalie’s shirt paired with mustard-colored pants to the LA premiere. (Taylor is “too young to know what real fashion is” so he’ll ignore him)

FACT: Rob asked Kristen for an autograph. When she looked at him puzzled he exclaimed, “Oh gosh. Hey K. I thought you were this guy from my favorite team.”

Cause it was inevitable! There was really nothong else we could do than hit it with a good ol “One picture, Two takes.”

I wanna hold your wriiiisssttt... I wanna hold you wrist!

Take one – Moon

Dear Nonstens,

Please remain calm, break the “in case of emergency” glass case holding the brown paper sack provided with your LTR/LTT membership and breathe deeply! Those heart palpitations and that feeling of light-headedness should start to dissipate as you view this picture.

We’ve also called in the suicide prevention teamed used in the Justin Timberlake/Britney Spears outing of 2001 to help us learn to cope with our emotions. Trust me they’re good!

Loves a good forgone conclusion,
Moon

 

Take two – UC

The gates of HALE have frozen over...

Dear TammyO*,

I want to take some time today to formally apologize to you on behalf of the entire LTT/LTR family. You were right all this time. Rob & Kristen have been making love to Luther Vandross in front of the dying embers of a fire while reading each other passages from the Song of Solomon all this time. You were completely justified in calling some of our readers

foul smelling mouthed c@nt[s]

And you’re right. We COULD all stand to lose 5-10 lbs. I mean, I had a McDonald’s breakfast sammy this morning to celebrate our 5,000th follower on Twitter PLUS I had Chipotle for dinner. What would Rob think? What would Kristen think? I’ve been living my life thinking I could get Rob someday. But Rob would never go for someone like me- someone who eats high calories meals from fast food restaurant chains and doesn’t remember if Song of Solomon comes after Ecclesiastes or before the book of Isaiah. You were just trying to help. All that time and then we banned you- you were just trying to show us the way. The way of Robsten. Robsten is the way, the truth and life… THE LIFE. Robsten is the Life. I have seen the light. Hallelujah. Amen

Forgive us,
UnintendedChoice

Discuss “it” (whatever “it” is to you!) over on The Forum
Laugh with UC over on LTT

*Don’t know who the HALE TammyO is? Ohhh you missed a good time. She popped up at the end of the summer and unleashed her hateful comments on the Letters community. So she forced us to ban her. Which is hilarious. Cuz who could get banned from LTR? TammyO can! Here is one of my favorite comments of hers:

now kindly go to the gates of hale..your daddy lucifer is waiting to let you in you evil f@ck

We’re also prettttty sure she has a real lesbian crush on Kristen.

Seriously? I answered that question 2 minutes ago. The answer was lame then. It will be lame now

Dear Rob,

Are you as tired of answering questions about the hardest scene to shoot (The Break-up scene) or your favorite scene to shoot (The night before the break-up in front of Bella’s house) and how Twilight differs from New Moon (duh) and how difficult it was to play dream sequence Edward (it was hard- because it isn’t Edward- you asked Kristen how she would play it) as I am of hearing the answers? I can’t even imagine what you’re going through answering this crap over and over again. Then again, I’m not getting paid to listen to it- you’re getting paid to answer the questions. Hmm. Okay, I have the worse end of the deal.

Anyway, like Moon yesterday, I’m not even halfway into all the crap that has come out since Friday and Saturday. I’m overwhelmed. I need you to slow down a little bit, ok? Or at least stop doing 8 minute interviews breaking down how you got into the Edward Cullen mindset. Or do something to spice it up. I gave you a few suggestions a few weeks ago. How about next time someone asks about the chemistry of Edward & Bella in New Moon you go on about your palatial pad & the fun you have with microwaves. And when the interviewer stares at you blankly gasp and say, “Oh, did you say Edward and Bella!? I thought you meant Kristen & I. Sorry I confuse us just like the majority of our fans.”

Anyway, onto business. A few things stuck out to me as I was falling asleep watching really enjoying all the news and videos of the past few days:

MTV & Fandango polled their readers asking the question:

“Which of these young actors will be the first “Twilight Saga” veteran to win an Oscar in their career?”
Actors and final answers
a) Robert Pattinson (43%)
b) Kristen Stewart (23%)
c) Anna Kendrick (1%)
d) Dakota Fanning (29%)

False. The question was not, “Which of these young actors are the most attractive.” It was who will be the first to win an Oscar. The correct answer would be Dakota Fanning. (Imdb says she has won 17 awards and has been nominated for 16. Which makes no sense.) Or quite possibly Anna Kendrick. The girl is legit. Or maybe Michael Welch is going to surprise us all and become the next Philip Seymour Hoffman. Moon saw Phil eating alone out in L.A. the other night so I pretty sure he’s not getting laid. And we know no one is banging Michael Welch. It could happen. But Rob Pattinson winning an Oscar? Hmm.. I’m pretty sure the Brad-Pitt effect is in full force here and Rob, you’re too pretty for the critics to take seriously. Sorry to break it to you…*

How you doin'?!

Dear Rob,

Since there is SO much video/picture goodness coming out right now from the New Moon press tour I thought I’d pick all my favorites and write you mini letters for each.

Sound good? Yup, just shake your head yes!

10 Days!!!!!
Themoonisdown

Vodpod videos no longer available.
Dear Rob,

Clearly the British school system health/reproduction/sex ed classes are severely lacking because you don’t know where babies come from. Spoiler Alert: it’s NOT your armpit. If this is true no wonder Kristen has such a sour look all the time. I’d be pissed off too if some dude insisted on boinking my arm pit.

Sex can wait!
Moon

Vodpod videos no longer available.
Dear Rob,

“Insecure about something, eh?” Says the guy who drove around LA in a green Porsche!

It’s the motion in the ocean,
Moon

tons more Rob after the jump

Dear Rob,

Yesterday as I was responding to a few of our 270-something unread emails, (I think I caught up to October 7th. If you haven’t heard from us yet- you will soon!) I was reminded of how brilliant all of our readers are.  And since there are only 7 days in a week and we only post once per day, we don’t get to share enough of the brilliant fan letters we receive. So today I’m sharing a few….

Love,
UnintendedChoice

The one where she gets cock-blocked (A Rob-Dream)

It's a shame you just got cock-blocked, cause it was this big...

I was at work (I’m an apprentice mechanic at Honda) and Robert must of come in to look at some cars (who knows why) and one of the salesman introduced me to him. He seemed very polite, and I asked him if he would like a tour of the building (I’m not sure why, cos I’m sure in real life he wouldn’t care). He said yes, so I took him to the workshop to introduce him to everyone and explain how things work etc. Then it was knock of time, and I said I had to go and pick up my son from school.

He asked if he could come with me. I said sure, and we started walking. We were talking a lot as we walked and we came to this bridge over a river and I pointed out some crocodiles. We kept walking and he said to me “So since you have a child I guess your opposed to sex.” I said “no why is that?” His reply was “well would you like to have sex” I said yes (naturally, who wouldn’t?). And we continued walking to get my son, we picked him up and took him to my friends house so she could babysit. Went back to his hotel to have dinner and then back to his room…. THEN I WOKE UP!!!

I am mortified! How can I just wake up at the most crucial part of the entire bloody dream??? Horrified I really am!!! -Nicole

The one with the hypotheticals

Dear Rob,

I’ll keep this short, I know you’re busy (actually so am I come to that). I just want your opinion on something, to find out your preferences if you will.

Ok so (hypothetically you understand) you are back in the UK and down in Cornwall for a few days. Across a crowded room, beach, surf shop, pub, club, you see me (I mean a hypothetical woman). She is obviously older than you, has long blonde hair, very long and very black finger nails (and yes they are real btw) and has black stars tattooed across her lower back (and another one somewhere else but I, I mean she, doesn’t want to show you that). Do you fall at her feet and beg to be her love slave, or run away?

Just asking.

C xxx

Dear Rob,

I wish I were kidding when I say that seeing you in the Vanity Fair pictures this week made me really miss the time when I lived in New England 7 years ago. Not only was it so beautiful, but I met a man (who I married 4 years later) and a friend that I now call Moon. It got me thinking about taking a trip. So I stopped by my local travel agent on the way home from work the other day and picked up some guides. The guides were so uninspiring.  Cheesy couples hugged during cheesy sunsets while they drank cheesy Caribbean drinks wearing cheesy Hawaiian shirts.

It got me thinking about how much tourism money a town would make if they just used your image in their travel guides. Cape Cod & Martha’s Vineyard, are you listening? This is how you sell a vacation:

or at least a thousand dirty thoughts...

See you in Gay head!

Love,

UnintendedChoice

Seriously. Moon and I spent 4 months living in Martha’s Vineyard with D. Choice. We’re not making this up. If you ever get up there, you won’t be disappointed.  Those 4 months are some of the ones I cherish the most! And it’s not just because I did zero studying and only made out with D. Choice the entire time…:)

Thanks to Zephyersky, Pixiechick, SassySmart, and JodieO for making all of these. You are the best. Always. XOXO

I just realized why this week we’ve had a TON of gay porn spam in our spam filter: Gay head anyone?

Discuss where you want Rob to take YOU on vaca on The Forum
That biatch, Moon, who had an incredible night last night and saw the ENTIRE Twi cast, says something on LTT (probably not about her night. But read about it on Twitter!)

Dear Rob,

When it rains, it pours right? You probably feel like you can never please us. One minute we tell you to go away, the next we ask you to come out of hiding, I’m sure it’s all really confusing for you. But we are women so it’s our prerogative just like Bobby Brown says “they say we’re crazy but I really don’t care. They say I’m nasty but I don’t give a damn, it’s my prerogative.” So deal! HA. Like we said we’re glad you’ve escaped that hotel jail cell they kept you in and now we have a ton of new pictures from photo shoots, press events and you just running around livin’ your life like it’s you prerogative. Sing it! Maybe you and KStew should karaoke this song, she could do the air humps while you wear the hammer pants.

Anyway all that to say there’s a ton of new pictures out that I’ve never seen before so thought I’d share em with my gals (and gays who aren’t commenting) and start our weekend off with a bang. All together now: that’s what she said…

And without further adieu or sexy lyrics I give you: Picture of Rob I’ve never seen

The photoshoot that keeps on giving

Rob’s serenading the photoshoot folks with something very moving I’m sure. Like Party in the USA, Mambo #5 or heck, My Prerogative. He’s gotta be on point for his duet with KStew

Bunny and Noreen party of two, your table’s now available at the Olive Garden. Right this way ladies, lemme show you to your table. I highly recommend the mushroom ravioli. With extra CHEESE.

Why does this feel like one of those old timey news reels they used to play before movies during World War II? It looks like Rob is a military hero receiving some kind of medal for his bravery for saving his whole platoon and the local village from an air raid attack and that crying girl lost her boyfriend in the battle but is thanking Rob for his bravery.

Follow the jump for more Friday good times and pictures/videos I’ve never seen!

Dear LTRers,

Suddenly overwhelmed by the amount of Rob news, pictures and gossip floating around on the interwebs? Don’t know how to prioritize which stories to read, which magazines to buy and which pictures to blow up as 8 x 10s, crop out that “girl,” laminate and hang in your shower? I feel ya. So as I did yesterday on LTT, I took one for the team and spent the evening ignoring the cries of agony of the Philadelphia Phillies fans around me and caught up on all the Rob news anyone would ever want to know ever. Seriously, I watched like 23 fan videos of Rob in Japan including the one entitled, “Rob Pattinson kissing me in Japan” which turned out to be a 18 minute play between some young Japanese girl’s Hello Kitty keychain figurine & Pocket Edward (Who does a little more than kiss that poor kitty cat).

• Rob finds out that there’s a thrift store next door to his hotel in Toyko and walks in and says (through his translator) “Give me the highest Japanese fashion you’ve got” And the translator makes a mistake and says to the store owner, “Robert would like a varsity jacket from the 60s that a 10 year old boy could fit into.” He was in luck! The store had one.

• No seriously, Rob actually did go to Japan, but I only got through :35 of the first video before deciding I don’t care what he has to say about New Moon because I’m going to see it in TWO WEEKS from tonight! But if you care (or if you, like me, like to screenshot the D.I.L.F. every chance you can get) Watch all the vids here

• It’s possible Rob IS reading something other than porn inside those pretentious books of his! He makes a political joke about being the guy who wrote a health care bill for Obama (#5) Also, we learn “Things we didn’t know about Rob” that we did already know (Get some new stories Rob! You can’t drive- got it. You blossomed at age 12 (I’d beg to differ) You’re cheap (see bullet point #1). You don’t wash your clothes got it. Tell us something NEW!

• Rob lands in L.A., Moon makes a joke about needing to “Run over to LAX” for something and I haven’t heard from her in like…12 hours. You don’t think….. No…. maybe??

• New pics emerge of Rob as a child and he looks so much like my ex-boyfriend when he was younger that I’m half-tempted to call him up and attempt to rekindle the romance just in case he turned out to look like Rob in the past 8 years.
  

  One day I'll listen to "Puddle of Mud"

  Even though last time he called me he didn’t say anything and instead held the phone receiver up to his radio that was blasting Puddle of Mud’s song “She F*cking Hates me”. That’s Normal… right?
  i
  get
  creeped
  out
  wheniseepicsof
  littlerob
  stupid spacing issues

Hey guys. I like baths

• Rob washes his hair for the first time with a hair cleaning product and it doesn’t know what to do. So it does this fluffy “Yay I’m clean” hair-dance and ends up look like this, which can only be described as exactly how a newborn baby’s hair looks after it’s first bath.

• Michael K. gives an opinion on Robsten: He doesn’t believe in their magicness. He thinks Rob is too busy pondering over things like corn than to be bothered with trivial things like banging hot chicks. If this guy wasn’t super flaming, Moon would’ve married him 5 times by now. Here are more of his thoughts on Robsten

• Ever wondered what the real story was behind Rob almost getting smashed to smithereens this summer by a cab in NYC? Our fav Rob video makers are back. So now we know:
  

How’s that for a quick newsflash? Feel informed? Good! Me too!

Happy to help. Love,
UnintendedChoice

The gals over at The Forum ALWAYS know what is going on. As does Moon- she tells me everything. So see what’s going on on LTT

Robsesssed is where I got most news/pics and this source

Psst. I love Moon

Dear Rob,

Guess what! Those Harper’s Bazaar folks must be jealous biotches who can’t share the spot light with your Vanity Fair hottness, because what came out a day after your Cape Cod photo shoot for US? Yup, these Harper’s Bazaar pics and after Twitter almost melted down from mass twi-hysteria today we’re here to break them down like we always do…

Breaking down the Harper’s Bazaar pictures Vanity Fair Style (hmmm sorry VF and HB!)

Who wears short shorts? Nair for short short!

The one where we subscribe

Moon: Ah yes and here we have the new cover of Mortuaries Monthly
UC: the new cover of “Guys you wanna do who wear leather” monthly
Moon: and girls who you covet their footwear monthly. biotch.
UC: effff me. i want her footwear
Moon: ugh sometimes life isnt fair and this is one of those times
UC: i think they are Loubs? Do they have a red bottom?  hard to tell- it looks it
Moon: its too bad she doesnt rock it this hard in real life
c
The one about electrolysis

Moon: i think they borrowed this skirt from the rings of nibelungs set- rob brought it with him
UC: you’re right. is she wearing slightly blue tights?  or it was just cold that day…?

She's got legs, she knows how to use them!

Moon: OMG zoom in dude she has NOT shaved in like 3 weeks AT LEAST. Those are not tights that is LEG HAIR! i knew pacific NW was cold but DAMN thats some lumberjack shit
UC: hahaha omg girl!! you KNEW we’d be coveting your shoes! was tht a lil “eff you” to everyone… “i might dress hot but i’m not gonna shave”
Moon: kstews keeping that shit REAL. Like real real
UC: looks like some major razor burn going on
Moon: the wardrobe dept gays were like GIIIIRRRLLL you best be setting up some laser removal appts even we don’t roll like that!
UC: dude they’re on roses! I didnt notice!
Moon: yes they’re so “bed of roses” Christian Slater right now. That was the set up theme. Ok,  i need to zoom out her sasquatch leg is creeping me out
UC: did you zoom in over the package? i did
Moon: not much going on in the package area
UC: except some crumbs from lunch
Moon: those pants are squeezing him tighter than a sausage casing. That’s like grandma in her support hose or as Truvy said “I bet you money she’s paid $500 for that dress and doesn’t even bother to wear a girdle. It’s like two pigs fighting under a blanket” he’s probably begging for mercy

Follow the cut for more on hermaphrodites, sitcoms and hefty bags