Posted by: Bekah | November 8, 2009

Rob Pattinson gets mail on Sunday…

Dear Rob,

Yesterday as I was responding to a few of our 270-something unread emails, (I think I caught up to October 7th. If you haven’t heard from us yet- you will soon!) I was reminded of how brilliant all of our readers are.  And since there are only 7 days in a week and we only post once per day, we don’t get to share enough of the brilliant fan letters we receive. So today I’m sharing a few….


The one where she gets cock-blocked (A Rob-Dream)


It's a shame you just got cock-blocked, cause it was this big...

I was at work (I’m an apprentice mechanic at Honda) and Robert must of come in to look at some cars (who knows why) and one of the salesman introduced me to him. He seemed very polite, and I asked him if he would like a tour of the building (I’m not sure why, cos I’m sure in real life he wouldn’t care). He said yes, so I took him to the workshop to introduce him to everyone and explain how things work etc. Then it was knock of time, and I said I had to go and pick up my son from school.

He asked if he could come with me. I said sure, and we started walking. We were talking a lot as we walked and we came to this bridge over a river and I pointed out some crocodiles. We kept walking and he said to me “So since you have a child I guess your opposed to sex.” I said “no why is that?” His reply was “well would you like to have sex” I said yes (naturally, who wouldn’t?). And we continued walking to get my son, we picked him up and took him to my friends house so she could babysit. Went back to his hotel to have dinner and then back to his room…. THEN I WOKE UP!!!

I am mortified! How can I just wake up at the most crucial part of the entire bloody dream??? Horrified I really am!!! -Nicole

The one with the hypotheticals

Dear Rob,

I’ll keep this short, I know you’re busy (actually so am I come to that). I just want your opinion on something, to find out your preferences if you will.

Ok so (hypothetically you understand) you are back in the UK and down in Cornwall for a few days. Across a crowded room, beach, surf shop, pub, club, you see me (I mean a hypothetical woman). She is obviously older than you, has long blonde hair, very long and very black finger nails (and yes they are real btw) and has black stars tattooed across her lower back (and another one somewhere else but I, I mean she, doesn’t want to show you that). Do you fall at her feet and beg to be her love slave, or run away?

Just asking.

C xxx

The one where she can’t escape you

Robert Pattinson Portrait

Why would you want to escape this?

Dear Rob,

So now it seems that I can’t even escape you by watching some educational programming on the Science Channel. This is what happened:

-Turned on a program about super massive black holes
-This lead to me thinking about Muse’s song of the same name
-This lead to me thinking about the Twilight soundtrack
-This lead to me thinking about the baseball scene (the best!)
-And this all lead me to thinking about you as Edward Cullen in the movie

Damn you Rob!!

“I over analyze everything” (aka Beth)


Oh shit. I've been caught

The one  that we hope is not true

Dear Rob,

I have a problem.
It’s not the fact that I have a picture of you as the background on my phone. It’s not the fact that I have posters of you hanging behind my bedroom door, despite being well over the poster phase. Nor is it the fact that when I get drunk I tell people how much I love you and exactly why. You see, my problem kinda lies with you directly.

The other day I posted via Facebook status update how many days were left until that blessed event known as the New Moon release. Some friends and I were bantering about how you and your maybe-she-is-maybe-she-isn’t girlfriend Kristen were on the cover of every magazine. Just some normal, light banter . . . about you. (Which P.S. I totally came to your defense when one friend suggested that people only thought you were hot because of Twilight. I told her I though you looked pretty eff-able beforehand and were the reason I saw the film in the first place).
But I digress.

You see, it was lovely banter until English Bestie dropped this bombshell: “My friend ______ used to date Rob.” Of course, I immediately hated her and screamed “BITCH!” I mean, what else would I have done?? But it got worse . . . English Bestie proceeded to tell me that her “friend” said that you weren’t in fact the mumbling, modest, gentleman I believe you to be. According to this girl, you were a rude, arrogant arsehole. And you know what? This does not sit well with me.

So I started worrying; what if you really are rude and arrogant and an arsehole? What if you aren’t actually nice at all and your whole demeanor of being a sweet, sensitive gentleman is, in fact, a big fat lie? And since I was so fraught with worry I even tried Googling “Robert Pattinson’s ex girlfriend called _____”. Truth. But alas, nothing came up (that’s what she said) that could assist me in my queries.

And so I had a decision to make:
Believe this girl that “dated” you or stick with my own (and I’m sure many other people’s) version of you?
And I chose to stick with my own belief. I mean, who’s to say this bird’s even telling the truth? So please, I beg you: don’t make me regret my decision of thinking of you as un-rude, un-arrogant and un-arsehole-ish.
Stay nice, stay humble, stay cute and funny.

Many thanks in advance,
Jayde xo

The one with Johnny Depp

Dear Rob,

It’s still pretty early in your career, but I think it’s pretty safe to say that you are the next Johnny Depp. No lie. So please don’t ruin things by knocking up KStew! Yeah she’s pretty and all. And maybe she did dump her boyfriend for you. Which if you think about it, that’s not really too big of a deal. I mean dude was kinda ugly anyways. Especially in comparison to you. Back to the point, everybody wants you two together because you are the living, breathing, human versions of Edward and Bella. Blah blah blah. You guys won’t last though. She’ll be your Winonna Ryder. You’ll get a tattoo of her name, get engaged, then BAM! breakup. Her career will lose pizazz once the steam of your relationship and Twilight dies down. She’ll become a shoplifter. Then one day you’ll meet some French singer and you’ll settle down. You’ll buy an island and a yacht and go into hiding as much as you’d like (omg that is SOO you!). All the while, you’ll have an amazing, eccentric career. Sounds pretty great, right? Congrats in advance for the awesomeness to come for you. Has Johnny Depp won an Oscar? No, I don’t think so. You will though! A Grammy, too. I’m sure. I may not have Alice’s powers, but some things you can just be sure of.


P.S. Make sure to hold off on the settling down for awhile. I need time to (a) learn French (b) move to France and (c) work on my singing!

Thanks to all the awesome letter writers. Do you have an idea for a letter to Rob? Email us!

Spend your Sunday on The Forum
Or over on LTT
Take a wild guess where I got all the pictures- Robsessed of course!


  1. Thanks for posting my letter! 😀

    Nicole – HOLY EFF!! I would be sooooo pissed that the dream ended there! Always the way.

    C – LOL!

    Beth – I do the exact same thing. The tiniest things will make me think of Twilight/Rob. I think it’s a “gift” you get when you get so “involved” with a fandom. It used to happen to me with Harry Potter.

    Amanda – ROFL!


    • Jayde-
      I agree, Rob could not be an arrogant, rude asshole. I always wonder why we’ve never heard from any of his old girlfriends-wouldn’t they have sold their stories to OK! or the Star or whatever rag by now if he WAS an arrogant, rude asshole?

      That’s my thinking anyway. He must have a pretty good (in all departments) boyfriend and so non of the old gf’s want to do anything nasty or embarrassing for him.That’s my opinion but I’m probably a little delusional so believe what you will.

      • That should be he must have BEEN a pretty good bf, not he must have a pretty good bf.

        Although who knows? Maybe as it’s written it means TomStu would beat up any old gf who did anything nasty to Rob?

    • Hey Jayde, love your letter…I felt once similar, when a b*tch wrote a creepy-bad-ass-story of Rob on a blog…
      I “knew” that it was shit, but…you know I felt like kinda nervous…and I didn’t know why….
      but then I realized that out there are many poor people which obviously have NO life!
      Certainly we know him through internet and that’s def.NOT a way to really KNOW somebody….but everytime I look in his eyes I can “see” a beautiful soul and a great intelligence, That’s there and that’s never ever a Fake!

    • Oh, I definitely have that ‘gift.’ I can link ANYTHING back to Twilight/Rob. Try me.

      • Ok, Shleeeigh.

        Rwandan genocide. Go!

        • Rwanda is in Africa; at Cannes he auctioned off a kiss to support amFAR which is an AIDS charity which is an epidemic in Africa.

          NOOOOO!!!!! How did this happen to me?!?!

          • Seems I’m not the only one with that gift!

            I probably would have gone with the film Hotel Rwanda about the genocide that was nomindaetd for a bunch of Oscars and Rob was present at said awards ceremony in 2009. Tenious but I still got there! Or perhaps that the star of Hotel Rwanda, Sophie Okonedo, is from London and so is Rob. And no, I didn’t need Wikipedia for those!

          • Wow. I thought people would be so depressed about mass killings they would never be able to link it with HHH.

            Guess I wrong! 😉

    • Hi Jayde, is this ex Nina Schubert or some girl we never heard of?
      Or Nikki Reed??
      Anywhoo, i won’t be surprise if Rob is a douche. That’s normal for a hot guy. Nobody’s perfect . I’ll take him as he is 🙂

  2. wow, am i the first to comment?!

    i love the last one! learn french, move to france and work on my singing. lmao!

    i hope it isn’t true that he’s rude and an arsehole. i just can’t see it. maybe the ex was bitter that he left her.

    • I can see it. I think there was an interview where he got a text from a girl and he had no idea who she was.

      But maybe I can group all of his potential “asshole-y-ness under “oblivious” because I can TOTALLY see that one.

      • I can see it too… I remember that interview. He showed the intervier the text and they had a good laugh ’cause he didn’t know who she was. Then he followed with “I have so many Carolines and Victorias”

        But perhaps the most troubling one for me is the interview where he says he tells girls not to like him because he is a “d!ck”… Which he followed by saying, “Now I realize why Stephenie Myers says I would make a lousy boyfriend”

        I’ll just stay in my “Rob is almost perfect” world… Cause is warm in here and I get to spend time with you fine people. Here is to making it count! 

  3. It’s like 6 degrees of separation. Almost every day, something will lead me to think of Rob and/or Twilight. I’ve given up on trying to figure it out.

    It doesn’t help that I go to this website every morning to start my day. It’s an addiction.

    I didn’t see Twilight in the theater, so I am dragging my hubby to see it on Thursday, the 19th, in a town more that 45 minutes away. I can’t wait to see Edward on the big screen.

  4. I just had a horrible moment of self-realization. If Rob is in fact a rude, arrogant asshole, it would kind of make me like him more…

    • I second that!

    • That was my thought too. In fact, I can *kinda* see him as being a bit of a dick at the end of a relationship. Especially if the girl is clingy and nags him for going out with his friends and being a general 20-something guy. I think he’s commented about how bad he is at relationships. But isn’t that sort of the appeal of him? He’a unattainable. Even for Kristen Stewart, I’ll bet he’ll end up being unattainable.

      We all love him but do any of us actually want him to be a nice settle-down relationship guy who gets married and has kids? I married THAT guy. I don’t need my fantasy guy to be that too.

      • Dude, AMEN. I married the perfect man (in my obviously unbiased oppinion). I need Rob to be a bit of a closet dick.

        • He did say he was a dick. A BIG HARD TOOL. LMAO
          But he has mentioned that ALL of his ex gf’s broke up with him in a recent interview. So the girl could be right about how he treated her for whatever reason. She could have been a bitch or too clingy as well. Wait, I just remembered him talking about all the pick up lines he told girls. One was a bit cocky. He said something like “I would look better in those clothes”. But he was just being the typical guy trying to run game on girls. If she fell for it and got burned… than sorry sweetie. You live and learn.

      • Did you listen to the recent press tour where he said he was “stubborn”, “self-righteous” and “obsessive”? He was talking about his acting, but I could see where those personality traits could come across as being an arsehole in a relationship . . .

        • I haven’t heard that one! I definitely think those traits would probably come across in the rest of his personality. Why, oh why does that make him more attractive to me?

    • So sicky, so true, me too

  5. Fabulous letters girls!


  6. Thanks for posting my letter!! Very cool. The tattoo on my avi is the one I wouldn’t want him to see, mind you he might wedsnesday night if I get close enough coz it’ll be out!!!

    • You seriously have that tattoo?

      • Lol, yep. That photo is my left shoulder!!! The black stars are all over my back xx

        • Wow.

          You must be dedicated.

          I don’t think I can be that dedicated about anything. I mean I keep considering getting my daughters name tattooed on my back but I don’t know that I could even pick the font and feel comfortable with that for a lifetime.

          Kudos to you!

          • Dedicated, or just odd? I’m about to travel 300 mile to see Rob in London.
            I’d wanted a tat for years and that just seemed right.

    • Very cool! My sister, who I love(d) dearly but is not into Twilight at all, has been talking about getting her first tattoo of the words “Be Still” because they have a religious meaning for her. I told her she should go ahead and do it and that I would go with her because I want to get a tatoo of the words “Be Safe” because they have a religious meaning for me 😉

      • Well for me it is puerly a Twilight thing, but the words can mean anything to you. It’s a nice senterment.

  7. Thanks for posting my letter (the Johnny Depp one)!
    I feel really cool. Like “i’ve made it” or something lol
    I did a fangirl *squeeee* when I got your email 🙂

    I love LTT/LTR ❤

    • Hi, love your letter, so funny…I think you are not like Alice, you are BETTER! lol

      • lol thanks!

        Well Rob IS extremely talented. It seems wrong to not expect greatness from him in the future.

        • I liked it too – hoping I wasn’t coming off snarky below, I didn’t mean that at all. x

    • The poster (hilarious) caught my attention, but your email/letter held it. Very, VERY clever!!

  8. Just wanna say, today I felt in love with a beige-coloured armchair…the one where Rob is sitting on…I want to be that chair….is that normal?

    • Well see ur avatar? I wish I was Rob’s finger.

  9. Score for the Johnny Depp letter!!!

    • I like the tone of that letter. It’s similar to my letter to Rob:

      Dear Rob,

      Thank you in advance for the great sex we will one day have. Some things you just know!

      Lots of Lust,
      Delusional In London


      • hahah, that’s hilarious! At least you got something in common!

  10. Olá Moon & UC… greetings from Portugal. I read your blog almost every day… you lady’s are amazing, and really funny!

    The “your eyes are red; your toes are blue; Boone’s is sweet; and you’re my Kstew” is the best poetry I ever read. Lol…

    Rob is cute and funny… but I think Edward his why we are all here. Wish there as a real boy like him living near me…. one, a little more willing of doing naughty things ;P.

    Have fun you two.

    • thanks for saying hi Joana! XO

    • Ola’ chica Joana…hi!
      I am here for Rob, you can have Edward if you want….lol

  11. “well would you like to have sex”

    Best pickup line ever!!!!

    PS. Some of you scare me. Just saying.

    I still ❤ you though!

    • Haha!

  12. Beth…my advice: stop over analyzing and resign….he is it worth! lol

    • He is simply irresistible…why waste the effort to even try? 🙂

      • Yes hon, you’re so right…yesterday I thought about him by making pop-corn…lol

        • Popcorn? Ok I gotta hear this!!!! If you are too shy to share it on here, pls email it to me! 🙂

  13. Jayde- you should get your friend to get her friend on here and write a blog! I’m sure we all have some questions (I think there’s even a blog about those questions somewhere…)

    • I am definitely planning on interrogating English Bestie further next we get a chance to talk!

  14. Rob has himself said that he’s warned chicks, “Don’t like me, I’m a dick”, that he knows all about puposefully ruining relationships, etc.

    Also, people often mistake the charming and polite demeanor of Brits to mean that they are “nice”. Politeness does not always equate to decentness.

    People with “fragile egos” are also often capable of causing others pain.

    All that being said, I too, am sticking to the warm, fuzzy image I have of Rob being the sweetie he seems to be. The love.

    • So do I… and honestly I dont’t think he is a “dick” leastwhile to my understanding…bad guys (and I mean as*holes) are not staying for months in a fort with a “good friend”…and they certainly have no “fragile ego”….lol

  15. Dear Beth,

    Don’t worry, everything reminds me of Rob too. I could be looking at dirty dishes and garbage and my thoughts still go to Robbie. 🙂 So yeah, that’s normal hon, don’t even try to change.


  16. I can so relate to the 1st letter! I get cockblocked too, all the time. I guess it’s natures way of keeping the mystery and wanting more later.

    I swear something always happens that interrupts the important parts of the dream…the other day it was my daughter calling me “mama” over the baby monitor.

    • In the first letter there is so much dream action beforehappens the important scene…I mean …WOW,
      so much imagination in the whole car-son-sexy-question-neighbour scene!

      I always dream of Rob, but everytime he is just already laying in my bed…and then…..I awake! Damn!

  17. Woah…..
    a letter from someone who knows someone who dated Rob!!! That’s like finding Atlantis!!! We need to talk to this girl…or maybe not. You know what they say about meeting your heroes; or talking to people who have dated your heroes…same difference.

    Nah…I don’t care…I still want to talk to her!

    • We have talked to her…or at least UC and Moon sent her a letter. Remember?

      “Explain (in detail please) what it was like to kiss Robert. Please provide pictures, if you can, and crop yourself out.”

      “Were you the one to take Robert’s flower? Please explain, in detail, what it was like (maybe not the first time, but after a month or so) Please provide pictures, if you can, and crop yourself out”

      I’m not sure she responded…so she must have NEVER existed. Therefore, Rob is still single, and a virgin waiting to be taught.

  18. Glad I’m not the only one that thought “this big” when I saw that photo of Rob. Feel free to check out the Photoshop mock up I did yesterday using that photo. This is my first time trying to post an image link, so I hope it works.


    • Bahahaha! Like it!

  19. I am Nicole…..

    You know what sucks! I’ve never had a dream like it since! Pfft, clearly my imagination sucks 😦


  20. It’s not so much that things make me think about Rob as that I am constantly thinking of him, and things get in my line of sight while I am doing it, don’t you think? 🙂

    And I was told the other day that the reason you are always cock-blocked in your dreams (is there a female equivalent?) is that otherwise your system would simply shut down and you would spend all your time in bed dreaming until you starved to death. Sounds like a scientific explanation to me!

    I still remember horrible dream when I was just about to kiss this very kissable movie star (no names) and he turned into – my dad!? Yuk, yuk, yuk. I woke up extremely disappointed and frustrated to say the least… 😦

  21. Fab letters ladies. I just had my first Rob dream and have sent it to Moon & UC and yes, I too woke up at a crucial moment 😦

    Also can link Rob to just about anything and everything, and usually do, that’s just normal robsession – no?

  22. bahaha, Amanda’s Rob Deep is my fav! ‘specially her p.s.

  23. I think Stephenie Meyer is in charge of Nicole’s dreams….damn fade to black!!!!!!!!!

  24. Hmmmmmmmmmm, I’m not so sure about the last letter. LOL as always, but Amanda, are you sure your name isn’t spelt A-M-A-N-D-U-H!?????
    Just asking … y’know.

    Great post as always.
    Whoah, Moon is softening on KSTEW. What did she say ? Her shoes and hair were to die for?

  25. My letter made it! Yes, it happens every day where I see or do something and the mind completely links it to Rob or Twilight. Guess it could be worse!

  26. […] Rob Pattinson gets mail on Sunday… Dear Rob, Yesterday as I was responding to a few of our 270-something unread emails, (I think I caught up to October […] […]

  27. Maybe he’s just like most guys and he’s just concentrated on him all the time, and add in the alwaysgonedoingmovies/press/ect and thats why he could be d!ckish….

    Either way, I’ll take him. I’ve always been attacted to guys with that ahole quality, its such a good challenge 🙂

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