Posted by: Bekah | October 5, 2009

Monday Funnies: Stuff guys record about Robert Pattinson

Dear Rob,

I wish I could walk around with a recording device & capture random conversations I have with my husband. I won’t even mention you and he’ll say something so brilliant and hilarious about you that it must be shared with the entire LTR world.  For example, the other day we were in my car and I switched on the Twilight soundtrack when he wasn’t paying attention to listen to your songs for old time’s sake. When he realized what I had done, he called you a “Mumbling fool” and went on a 5 minute rant about your mumbling singing-style. I have to admit, he’s kinda right. You do have, as he lovingly coined it, “the mumbles.” While I think it’s endearing, he thinks… well, I’ll let you guess what he thinks about you & your “mumbles.”

I came home from work the other day to find my husband, not surprisingly, in his home recording studio with his headphones on.  I assumed he was working on something for his latest indie dance song craze, but no, I was wrong. VERY wrong.

It turns out he, without the aid or guidance from me whatsoever, tracked you down, interviewed you and premiered a remix of one of your songs on his “radio show.” Or, at least, he thinks it’s you. I have a feeling “Robert Paddleston” might be an impostor.

I now present to you the most Epic Stuff Guys say about Robert Pattinson” EVER:

I love “the Mumbles,”

Listen here on Imeem if the link above did not work (you’ll have to sign up- it’s worth it. Great site!)

I had no part in this interview/song. Seriously. Not showering? The Tuck? The British slang? The stealing of my Twilight soundtrack so he could recreate “Let me sign?” My husband did it all. While I’m extremely proud to call him mine, I’m also a bit concerned. What if his hatred of “Paddleston” is a front? And he secretly has a man-crush?

Discuss Epic things YOUR man has done/said about Twilight on The Forum
and see what Monday Funnies are going on over on LTT
Don’t forget about the Contest we’re running through Wed at 11:59pm ET


  1. man crush! man crush! man crush!

    • Hahahaha this is amazing!!!

  2. You should be so proud! Best interview EVER!!!

    Robert Paddleston seems like the biggest douche ever… Nothing like our Robbie P.

    So yeah… I cry foul… Imposter!

    However… I could see all my little gay buddies dancing to this dance remix of “Let Me Sign” in da clubs…

    Best Monday morning I’ve had in…. ever…

  3. My husband had the audacity to completely blow my cover by sharing my love for Rob by stating the following, while we were driving along with some of our unassuming friends, “Yeah, Mrs. Sharpie loves that Patterson guy. He’s like twelve, but she already claimed him as her “free pass” because she thinks he’s a hot dirty Brit…” And then a friend asked, “Whose that?” And Mr. Sharpie responds with, “You know, that vampire guy.” All the while I am cringing in the passenger seat dying of first-hand embarrassment. And HOW did this even come into conversation you might wonder?? Somebody mentioned a FULL MOON, and my poor husband is trained to feign excitement anytime I mention NEW MOON, so he thought that’s where the conversation was headed. He’s like a Pavlovian dog that responds positively anytime he hears something Twilight or Robert related. Oops.

    • You rock for mentioning Pavlov’s dogs!

      • Heehee 🙂 Thanks!

    • How did you train the ‘pavlovian reflex’ for Twilight in your husband ?
      Any response I get in mine is generally an eye roll……..

      • Oh Ruby, I’m not going to lie…The husband usually does the eye roll or the ever popular sigh. However, he has accepted the fact that I wanna bang Rob, and this is only accepted because he too has a “free pass”. His is Megan Fox (wow-how original 😉 ). I can roll my eye balls all I want, but limit my snarky quips about his freebie, as long as he doesn’t rag too much on mine. It has taken many months, Ms. Ruby for my husband to fully accept the fact that I will without hesitation bang Rob any where, any time, and any place. 🙂

        • Weeellllll Done you go girl!!!
          I TRY to keep my hubbie in a certain amount of ignorance {it’s not cool in real life to admit you are 5th in line at the dumpster to DO Rob when you are a cougar whose sons are Robs age, experience counts!!}, Still he has noticed the increased ‘pleasure’ he’s getting and has even refered to the fact that I “might” be thinking of Rob…..of course I deny any such thing {I have to consider his ego} and ask if he wants be to ‘back off’…… Mr Rubytuesday is a clever man and does not ask what I thinking of anymore…….

          • you girls are hilarious – Ruby & Sharpie! My bf tries to play dumb about Rob even though Rob’s lovely face is on both my twitter and desktop background. It’s kinda like when he still pretends not to know how to spell my last name – it’s a ten letter Polish last name 😉 – and we’ve been dating for 6 years. Whatever – I’m not going to rub Rob in his face – he doesn’t seem interested in what I do with my spare time even if involves starring at numerous pics of Rob and reading Twilight fan fiction.

    • I think my hubby has become immune to my Twilight banter. He either tunes me out or acts like he’s listening.

      He’s does roll his eyes a ton, and insists that its just a phase and after Breaking Dawn comes out, I’ll be over it all… he must not know me very well…

      • LOL-silly boys! They will never learn. Rob would have to become a puppy killer for me to not want to bang him. Since that is unlikely to happen, he will forever be “bangable”. And Ruby-you are so right! I can only swoon and giggle so much before it might become a bit obnoxious for the hubs. I still reassure him that I love him way more than Rob (but I know in my heart that I’d do Rob behind a dumpster in a nano-second)

    • LOL! That is SO funny!! Why is it that our significant others can NEVER get his name right? Do they do it on purpose?? Mine has called him Patterson, Pattiston, Peterson, and now he just uses one…Peniston…I like that one the best!! 😉

      • How lucky that your husband actually attempts his name. Mine just refers to him as the “homosexual vampire.” 😉

        • BWHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I think it’s only normal that the S.O.’s get a wee bit jealous! 🙂 I mean COME ON!!!! Just look at him!!!!

          • Oh that’s for damn sure! Guys get so threatened by men we adore! My mom told me after last year’s Oscars, my dad was like “Hugh Jackman is gay” – I was like WHAT?!? He’s married and has children! Just because he does musicals, he’s gay? He’s also Wolverine…what does that mean? lol

    • Ha! Your hubby outing you is, sadly, quite common. My husband has also “outed” me too. His way was less subtle in fact, we were at my bestie’s rehearsal dinner. She shares an affinity(obsession) for Rob. When it was his time to give his I’m-the-best-man-lemme-say-something-only-I-think-is-funny speech, He started talking about how they loved eachother, and how he was great for loving her, and helping her through her Rob Pattinson (aka “He who must not be named” as my hubby calls him) addiction, much like he has done me. LAME. He then proceeded to tell an anticdote about how he caught me reading an add about an “adult toy” called the vamp. SIDEBAR: I’m not a pervy perverson, it was on Twilog and I was reading it and he was all “Oh muh GUh”, what are you doing? Are you buying that? Ew! It sparkles! This is way out of hand babe.

      Anyhoo, he outed me and muh bestie all at once and it was super embabrassing,oddly enough, first and second hand.

      • Sad face!!! 😦 I really can’t complain about my “outing” after hearing yours! Geez-talk about a public broadcasting! Did you hide under the table, or stand proud and shout, “I WOULD DO ROB BEHIND A DUMPSTER!!! GO AHEAD AND JUDGE!!!!’
        I guess that’s our problem when our S.O.’s become all too aware of our affinity (or our Robsession) for Mr. Sexypants himself. 🙂

        And UC-PS…I JUST listened to your husbands “interview” with Mr. Paddleson and I am heaving with laughter!! I had to save it for when I got home from work, otherwise they would’ve come after me with the butterfly nets. 😀

    • Damn girl, that’s pure brilliance.

  4. Oh God, breathe, Ashleigh, just breathe…


    Word of warning – don’t listen to this at your desk at work unless you want your colleagues to wonder what you are CRYING (seriously, I am, and you will be) with laughter at.

    “Oh, that thing where you glow in the dark or whatever…”

    UC, that was amazing, totally amazing – the Let Me Sign mumble remix at the end killed it.

    You are one lucky lady!

    • don’t i know it:)

    • Unfortunately I did not see your warning before listening to the Interview/Re-Mixed Let Me Sign at work.

      Suffice it to say that I got some odd looks when I was laughing hysterically, and even more when “Rob Paddleston” hit the high note at the end.

      LMFAO! UC is one lucky lady!

  5. Boo! I can’t hear it. It opens up a new window, then the window closes and I’m asked if I want to save the file. So I save it, try to play it, and nothing happens. Sniff!

    UC, fess up, is your husb the Twilight Widower? If so, please ask him to go back to blog writing.

    • Arg! I can’t hear it either! 8 more hours until I get home from work.
      I can make it! I can make it!

      • i’ll get it uploaded somewhere else too that might work!

  6. UC,
    I had to stop listening after “Rob” stated singing over the cheesy homosexual techno song.

    I love that your acute fondness has affected you husband enough to make a fake interview with Rob.

    Will he be recreating his movies next?

    • hopefully.. maybe the real Rob will star?

  7. Will write more later, but UC, good lord! He knows about the tuck! That was utterly brilliant. I so want to give DChoice a big hug. Dying, just dying.

  8. DYING! That was absolutely classic. Harry Potter, Quidditch, and Hobbits all in one interview? Amazing.

  9. D Choice WIN!!

    “Honey, which one are you, Choice or Moon?”


    Totally crushing on your hubs. Best start to a Monday I’ve had in a LONG time ;o)

    • this was my favorite part too! WHICH ONE ARE YOU?! hahaa

  10. That was amazing!! I have tears running down my face from laughing so hard. I don’t even know where to start, because that was all kinds of win!

    Anyone else think Mr. Paddleston’s mumbles sounded a bit like Scott Stapp from Creed? *shudder*

  11. Homosexual dance remix!!!!! DChoice for the win! Pass the ecstasy and a glow stick!

    There’s no way someone can make fun of someone else that hard without a little love for the other person. You’ve got a mancrush on your hands UC.


  12. Excellent – Especially love the English accent (prince harry / cockney barrow boy) and expletives !!!

  13. Your husband sounds just like the History Club guy at my former college.

    OMG! D. Choice knows about toe thumbs. I tried to tell my love about them (due to his love for Ms. Fox) but he just responded by saying Robert Pattinson is gay.

    I can never tell the love about The Tuck. Embarrassement to the extreme.

    &&&& love, love, love the remix. : )

  14. ‘You ignorant TOSSER!’ Bwa hahahahahaha!

    OMG…UC…awesome! The song!!!!! Holy Crap LOL!

    My head my thrown back in pre-coffee uphoria! No lie! He’s a keeper.


    • Listening again, and now I’m crying. It’s that good.

      • Oh dear God….I just realized who he reminded me of in the song…’Blue-eyed’ soul Frankenstein style! Hahahahaha! Srsly!

        • Dear Pros3,
          Love you for totes having a comment conversation with yourself!

          your Brookie…

          • My Brookie,

            Your welcome. Clearly I have issues.

  15. oh dear lord that was hilarious. I was literally crying. Does he watch a lot of Family Guy by any chance? He sounds pretty much like Seth Macfarlane would if he interviewed Rob. Props to your hubby, he should do more of those interviews.

    • he does love Family guy… oh don’t worry.. when Moon heard this she said “he’s doing this again”
      I haven’t told HIM yet… i gotta get him good and liquored up first to agree to that!

      • OMG you haven’t told him yet? LMAO!

        Yes darling bring him lots of alcohol and whatever snacks he snacks on when drinking! 🙂

  16. I love how he used all of my daily vocabulary in this piece alone:

    “bugger” “wanker” “shagging” “Bollocks” “tosser”
    “bloody hell”

    Fabulous job x

  17. Thank you, thank you, a thousand times thank you! I had the absolute worst morning, and I sat down at my computer, looking for a bit of Rob-solace. What I found was a message on my fb page saying, “LTR! LTR! You have to read LTR!”
    So glad I did!
    “No, I was outside in minivans….” I. Cried. Laughing.

    Self-cleaning mechanism – WIN.
    Going to redo my makeup now…I’ve laughed so hard that I now look like a homosexual bloke after a night out dancing to mumbles over techno.

    Thank you again!
    *runs outside to wait in minivan*

  18. Your husband needs to release “Techno Let Me Sign” as a single. I was torn between horror, 2nd hand embarassment and then at the end I was kind of getting into it!

  19. D.Choice – You rock my world!!!
    I don’t have a husband, but if I did, I would want him to randomly record faketerviews with RPadl in a VERY BAD British accent alllll the time…..

    • Rpadl LOL!!! Let me Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiign!

  20. AWESOME! that was the funniest thing I have ever listened to! Everyone at work is looking at me because I’ve been trying to be quiet while laughing my ass off and then the song starts and I start choking because I took a drink of coffee and started laughing hysterically at the same time! Your husband rocks!!!

  21. HOLY CRAP! This is hilarious – I love the “Wait….honey, which one are you? Moon or Choice?- I forget….” SO FUNNY! That man’s a keeper! 😀

  22. Hahaha! I’m still hyperventilating of laughter! UC, you should be so proud of your husband! At least his Twilight condescension led to this piece of brilliance, whereas most significant others just try to ignore our Twilight craze or question our sanity about it.

    Your hubby should defs bring out disco-let me sign on single! DChoice would make a great stage name as well!

  23. […] Monday Funnies: Stuff guys record about Robert Pattinson « Letters to Rob – view page – cached I wish I could walk around with a recording device & capture random conversations I have with my husband. I won’t even mention you and he’ll say something so brilliant and hilarious about you… (Read more)I wish I could walk around with a recording device & capture random conversations I have with my husband. I won’t even mention you and he’ll say something so brilliant and hilarious about you that it must be shared with the entire LTR world. For example, the other day we were in my car and I switched on the Twilight soundtrack when he wasn’t paying attention to listen to your songs for old time’s sake. When he realized what I had done, he called you a “Mumbling fool” and went on a 5 minute rant about your mumbling singing-style. I have to admit, he’s kinda right. You do have, as he lovingly coined it, “the mumbles.” While I think it’s endearing, he thinks… well, I’ll let you guess what he thinks about you & your (Read less) — From the page […]

  24. Haha, hey tell your hubby he can be a DJ, nice speaking voice.

    I also don’t get the hatred towards Pattinson. My hubby’s the same, he tolerates my obsession but when he opens his mouth, he’s got nothing but mean things to say about Rob, Twilight and anyone remotely related to them!

    Love Rob’s mumbling(in RL), love your DH’s interview :-)…started dancing to the remix!

    • you don’t get the hatred? we spend our days TALKING about this guy! jealousY:):)

      • Well yeah I figured the jealousy….but come on UC, we all know Rob’s a little far-fetched, gosh he doesn’t even know I exist! Ok that just made me depressed.

        Anyway, I don’t think the men should be jealous, they should be thankful, they’re getting laid now a lot more than before. Don’t ya think? Haha.

  25. Best. Husband. Ever.

    “Honey, which one are you again?”

    I died. Quietly cuz I’m at work, but I did.

    Husband FTW!! 😛

    ‘mumbling over top of a cheesy homosexual techno song”
    GENIUS! He sounds like Dr Teeth let Animal sing a song!
    UC, I may or may not be in love with DChoice!
    I think I need this interview on my MP3 player.
    And wtf, I OWN a minivan… *runs outside to check*

  27. HAHAHAHA um, that was magic. You’re a lucky lady.

    This was genius:
    “even at like 110 yrs old I’m irresistable to high school girls and milfs alike when I remove my shirt in the sunlight on mountain tops”

    Also, that remix is perhaps one of the best things I’ve ever heard. It had a very Flight of the Conchords meets Strongbad feel to it. Which is just win in every sense possible.

    • “It had a very Flight of the Conchords meets Strongbad feel to it. Which is just win in every sense possible. ”

      Truer words were never spoken.


    I STILL CAN’T STOP LAUGHING. UC you better be careful, this one is a keeper 🙂

    Funniest thing ever. EVER.

    • EVER!!!!

  29. Last night, The Man totally outed me at dinner with his brother and SIL. She knew I thought Rob was hot, but since The Man was feeling good thanks to a few drinks, he decided it would be a great idea to share knowledge of the Robporn he found on the computer. The only problem is that he claimed I had 150,000 pictures of Rob. NOT TRUE. I have like, 100 on that computer. ‘Tis a mere pittance.

    SIL does not find him attractive (WHAT? IKR?!?!) at all, but doesn’t give me shit about it. The Man elaborates and denies that he is jealous (yes he is) and how ugly he thinks Rob is. At this point, I want to punch him in the face. I withhold my fist however. he further proves my argument that he is jealous when he says “I wish I got half the attention Rob gets from her!”. Um, hello, I don’t know Rob, I’ve never met him and probably never will, I merely look at his pictures and occasionally have vivid fantasies. Occasionally.

    The problem is that The Man has ZERO celeb-crushes. None. This does not bode well for me, because he cannot begin to understand my fascination with Rob. Woe is me.

    I will now be keeping all pictures of The Pretty on a thumbdrive.

    • Ugh!!! That’s a horrible story! See, this is why I just keep quiet about Rob….my bf knows I’m obsessed with Twilight and that’s sorta okay in his book but everytime I’ve ever mentioned anything about Rob, it didn’t do me any good 😦 Jealous. Same goes for any hot celeb guy I mention – Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt….so I’ll just keep it all to myself and you fine ladies.

      I did trick him the other day – was having him listen to the Twi soundtrack and Rob’s Never Think came on. Of course I did NOT tell him that was Rob singing because I didn’t want him to prejudge. To my surprise and pleasure, he ended up turning the volume UP during the song!!! 🙂 I squeeled secretly inside. I still never told him it was Rob.

  30. 1. your hubby sort of sounds like kevin smith.
    2. he has a lovely falsetto.

    • I was totes thinking the EXACT same thing. “Choice”…are you married to Kevin Smith????
      The remix was total win. I think our husbands could come up with their own bog. LTM….”Letters to Mumbles”

  31. Well, I guess it’s safe to say that all those times you may have thought he wasn’t paying attention to you when you went on and on about Rob, he was listening. That’s impressive he knows so much…like any man he needs to know what he is up against and know all he can about “the competition.” This is awesome. I may or may not hold a rave in my cube later to this song.

    • he said, “Do your readers know about The Tuck?” randomly one day.

      Um.. yes…. everyone knows about The Tuck (shudder)

      • The Tuck is a mystery wrapped in an enigma. I love that he was thinking about it on some random day … enough to ask.

  32. Your husband is hilarious. This just made my day. It’s amazing how that remix sounded exactly like Rob and Let Me Sign, uncanny. 🙂

  33. Techno-Rob is brilliant! Guys should definitely utilize their Twi-aversion in constructive ways more often!

  34. oh, he totally has a man crush. Your obsession has become your competition. don’t worry, we’ll help you destroy him*

    *as in give him extra dumpster time.

  35. i love that your husband actually took the time to create this. he is clearly your comedic soulmate. WIN WIN WIN!!!!

  36. HAhahaahahahahaha! Epic indeed.

    Count chocula, cleaning mechanism, homosexual techno remix. Win. LOL

    you’re lucky for having him!

    • ps. Great vibrato and falsetto. He’s got it on point.

  37. Impressive that your hubby knows so much about our Rob. Shows he hay have been listening after all. God, wonder how much my hubby knows…

    Funny X’s a million!!!!

  38. oh my god. that’s epic.

    i also appreciate jimmy fallon’s “bothered”

  39. Wow… This must have taken him so much time! I say man-crush. But, c’mon, the dude has great taste 😉 haha!

  40. D Choice, you are my new best friend, you just don’t know it yet. Love this, you are hilarious. The song has slayed me, I cannot breathe because of the laughing….crying…omg, you just made my monday.

  41. DChoice is now my fav unicorn!!!!!

    Does DChoice work? has he a lot of free time? and when is the next Mr Paddleston interview?

    Really we should have known Mr U.C. would have the funnies down pat…after all one half of our favourite duo married him!!
    Don’t worry Moon there must be another similar DChoice out there somewhere……

    • D Choice is one of the funniest people I know. I’d say I get my funny from him, but he’d be offended.. he’s MUCH funnier than me.. I get my funny from Moon

      • Wherever the funny comes from it keeps me here…for hours and hours every day!!!!
        I do not work and I {apparently} have lots of ‘free’ time……..

  42. I’m a huge lurker – LOVE LOVE LOVE this site…and must say I was laughing my BUTT off at this!!!! Loves it – you are one lucky lady!

    PS – All I get from my husband for Twi-talk is the eye roll and/or an “are we SERIOUSLY going to a midnight showing?!” Sigh. I hope for a man-crush someday…

    • this is a FIRST for “D Choice” I promise you:):)

  43. That was hilarious and awesome. DChoice is obviously the best husband on the planet. Funny and self-effacing enough tot give his wife’s blog readers some good times. Thanks, DChoice!

  44. I can not wait to go home and listen to this!
    It sounds like it’ll be epic!

    I ♥ that you have a hubby that does stuff like this! LOL!

  45. I didn’t know you were married to Bill Bryson! LOL!! That was hilar! 🙂

  46. I’m so glad you’re loving the song. He’ll be glad 🙂 I am adding a link for those of you who couldn’t get the song to work. You’ll have to sign up for an Imeem account, but it’s worth it.. seriously. Plus I link to it ALL THE TIME:)


  47. It was wonderful. I agree, soulmates!! UC and DC that is, or maybe DC and RP……

  48. holy shit. LMFAO!!!!!!!!!
    I am laughing so hard I can’t breathe. I just lost it completely when he started singing lmao!!! This is the best thing ever.

  49. Yay Mr. UC!! That was awesome!

    And is it just me or does “Mumbles Paddleston” sound like a zombie??? GRRRR!! BRAINS!!!

  50. Are you married to Jack Black? DChoice sounds just like Jack Black and that is all kinds of awesome! My hubs is just a boring engineer, he would never do something like this, you are so lucky!! 😉 Will he interview the fake lesbians next? I would so looove that!

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