Man. What a year you’ve had. I think you’ve filmed at 3 movies, been in at least 7 different countries, released 3 movies, bought 2 new shirts, stole a pair of pants off a set, kissed at least two different girls, drank 758 bottles of Heineken, ate 323 boxes of hot pockets and lied about Kristen & your relationship at least 2700 times. Are you exhausted? I thought I’d do something unique that no one is doing and make a top 10 list of your 2009 photographs/photoshoots, but then I got bored and figured everyone would be doing that. So then I decided to just pick the top Rob moments of 2009. That was NOT an easy task. In fact, I couldn’t do it. First of all I went back through all our old letters to you (yes, all of them) and got distracted remembering the good old days when Moon wrote fan fic and it only used to take me 10 minutes to write a letter. Then I realized that picking the top 10 moments on my own was impossible.
I was perusing the comments on a letter to you the other day and noticed robgirl86’s comment filling someone in on your life in the past 30 days. She wrote:
-he was out with the Britpack
-he drank some beer
-he did a new Pap-film
-others fighted for his rights
-there was/is a HUGE “We-fight-for-Rob-campaign”
-he drank some more beer
-he got maybe swine flu
-he will marry Kate Perry
-he has not shaved
-he is back in London
I decided that was IT! I am going to recap 2009 for you to reminisce, and at the end hopefully we can come up with your top 10 moments of this past year! In no particular order (but kinda chronological)……
-you partied with a young boy for New Years 2009
-you disappeared for awhile in London and we got so bored that we started playing with a lame plastic version of you
-you did some stuff in London that we can’t remember so it was obviously not important and while you was gone we began the amazing Rob-porn for women
-for about 3 hours on a particular boring day we tried to figure out if you were commando in a trailer for little ashes
-you went to Vancouver and turned into a dad
-the twilight commentary is released providing us with plenty of Robisms to last the rest of the year. We promise to ‘break it down” and never do, disappointing millions of people across the globe about 25 people.
-you’ve made it! You have a fake persona on twitter (fakerpattz). he makes us laugh with his perfect portrayal of you as well as the fact that by choosing the name “Fakerpatz” which clearly means Fake R Pattz he confuses the rest of the faker community into becoming Faker-something. (fakernick, fakerstephanie, fakerparis, fakerpattypattz) which makes us laugh. hard
-you introduce us to The Tuck
do I post the picture of The Tuck? Do I ? Do I? Find out after the jump!
–zygote rob is revealed. and we try to forget
-we realize that you want to be blown behind a dumpster by as many of your fans as possible all your fans in their fantasies
-we started to ponder what it would be like if you weren’t famous. What if you had a gangsta Myspace page and lived with your parents?
-you treated us to major word vomit #1 and turned a kiss on the cheek with a rich man’s daughter into someting “more”
-you take off your shirt and all is right in the world. or your make-up artist just deserves a really big pay raise. we’re still not sure.
-we don’t have to wait too long for major word vomit #2: something is coming out of your pants
-we’re still glad you’re famous because you don’t look the greatest in the uniform for Bahama Breeze
-the freakiest fanmade video of all time was released. and we have no words
-Biel decides to channel her video making skills into the hottest vids of you ever
To be continued…..
Rob’s 2009 was a LONG one. I posted basically the first half of the year. Stay tuned for part 2 tomorrow. But for now… let’s vote! Pick your top 10 moments based on what I choose today. And OBVVIOUSLYYY I probably forgot some. So comment with your top moments (from January-June!) so I can hit myself on the head and say, “Um Duh.”