Posted by: Bekah | April 30, 2009

Dumpster Diving with Robert Pattinson

Dear Rob,


EastFriend from The Quad had this little gem in her box of tricks.  It’s rare that there’s a picture out there of you that I haven’t seen before, since I spend all day every day scouring the earth for your beautiful face. I believe she took this that night a few years back when she “taught you the ways of a woman” (since she’s a few years older than you and much more experienced) I thank her every day for teaching you that thing that you do. Yes, you know the one! (And I suppose EastFriend does too.. uh.. this is getting weird…)

Anyway, this pic IS out there, but somehow I missed it. I think someone swiped it off Facebook or something. Do you understand the magnificance of this picture? There is so much to talk about! There is SO much going on here… What? You think I should ‘break it down Vanity Fair style” with The Quad? Great idea, Robbie! I will do that…


EastFriend: Okay back to the picture (which we weren’t discussing. So it’s hard to go “back” to…)
UC: do you have it EastFriend?
EastFriend: where is WestFriend?
WestFriend: I am here! give me that pic.
UC: yes pic now
EastFriend: sorry. had to put on water to boil. will send pic
WestFriend: who puts water on to boil? did you just throw a Rob in there?
EastFriend: I put water on to boil. for pasta salad. I sent the pic via email
WestFriend: well, if it was for pasta salad, then you are forgiven

UC: okay discuss PICTURE
WestFriend: homeless, freakin man. but i would still bone him. even if he tried to pick-pocket me. which I would encourage even if his other bum friends wondered where he got the money
EastFriend: when I first saw it I said, “well, I’d blow him behind the dumpster.” cause you know one’s there–amidst all that trash.
UC: and that’s where the dumpster idea came from. brilliant
EastFriend: and let’s discuss his pockets being STUFFED full.
UC: I need to grab the picture. I thought you meant you sent a pic of the pasta salad. Um, he looks SO hot
EastFriend: where is Moon:?
UC: and he is clearly a hobo in that dad jacket
WestFriend: I bet he even has pasta salad in them pockets
UC: I think he’s also standing next to one of those things in London where you tie up your horse?
WestFriend: They have those in disneyland!
EastFriend: I love that he’s multi-tasking…talking on the phone: “Tom, I need a lift home–and bring me a cheeseburger while you’re at it.”
UC: he looks blonde and I like it…
WestFriend: I bet he is there…
UC: (just like I like kissing a girl.)  He has his journal in his pocket as well as a plastic bag
EastFriend: he wrote songs in that journal.  guaranteed.
UC: do you think he brought a horse and is cleaning up poo?
EastFriend: no–it has a book in it. Love sonnets of William Shakespeare.
WestFriend: he brought a bag to throw his used condom in.
UC: haha EW
WestFriend: I am not even kidding.
UC: and how thoughtful. He doesn’t want to hurt the earth. and/or have a crazy fan pick it up and touch it and then….
WestFriend: or offend anyone.
UC: … well, you know.. stick it up “there” and make a pattinson baby
EastFriend: I love his mutton chops-in training…
UC: I feel sad that Moon is missing this
EastFriend: that’s a pitiful attempt at a goatee.
UC: I want to lick it though
EastFriend: his mid-section is peen proud.  just sayin’.
UC: I would like to lick that too. it’s those black pants. they’re tight.  prob still from high school. I love that shitastic outfit:  t-shirt, black pants, trench coat, beanie
EastFriend: it’s his dad’s coat.
UC: clearly. He left his at kristen’s
Moon: sorry guys I got a crazy person on the phone. give me a few
UC: we can pause. let’s pause. and reflect
EastFriend: wonder if that’s his gray shirt? from the movie. which he says he wore. “That’s my shirt.”  Brilliant, Rob. You get a cookie for that observation.
UC: I bet
EastFriend: (paused again.)
WestFriend: that is sooo his shirt
UC: pause for reflection until moon is back
WestFriend: I hate reflecting.
UC: meditate then?
WestFriend: but I shall in the name of Moon

Find out what happens when Moon comes back after the jump (Here’s a hint.. we may have discovered the secret to Rob’s conception)

Moon: alrighty. I totally missed everything, and I LOVE this picture
UC: go back and read! then tell us when to stop our reflection time
EastFriend: I am not talking.
UC: me neither
WestFriend: I’m holding in my pee…so i am not talking…but I am doing my pee dance

The Return of Moon:

Moon: alrighty that coat is most defs his dads, and that plastic bag IS the condom duh!  hobo style
WestFriend: do you think it is the coat that his dad wore the night he was conceived?
UC: yes
WestFriend: and it is special to him?
UC: I bet Papa P & Clare did it near a dumpster, and that’s why Rob is so fond of them. They were coming back from Church.. and just couldn’t wait to get home
WestFriend: so he is hanging out by it to pay homage to his conceiving ground
UC: so they went behind Buckingham palace (cuz there’s nothing else in London that i can think of) oh! the BBC headquarters…
WestFriend: and got “buck” naked, except for the jacket…and black socks
Moon: cause those European cars are SO small. Couldn’t get it on in there
UC: way too small to get freaky there. That’s why Rob didn’t like it when we did it in the car last time
Moon: OHHH this alley way is where he found all items for his ONE OUTFIT- the sweater the ripped jans
WestFriend: that’s where he got the nikes!
Moon: I’m sure he found that ONE leather jacket in there, and just out of sight next to the dumpster is the DADCASE, cause seriously everyone threw those out like 10 yrs ago
WestFriend: just dust it off a bit…with his one tshirt…and it’s as good as new.
EastFriend: wait, what did I miss? busy reading a Bobby Long interview. Screw Rob. I’m all about some Bobby.
WestFriend: You missed that.. Rob looks hot…in the face. and I did screw Rob.
UC: omg EastFriend said screw rob. I mean duh, but let’s fire her and invite Sam Bradley into the quad

To Recap:

EastFriend: so Rob is standing amidst trash.
UC: got his new outfit
EastFriend: there’s a dumpster nearby.
UC: obviously. He brought a horse
EastFriend: and he’s on the phone. with me.
UC: and tied the horse up there
EastFriend: while smoking. And that plastic bag is for me, too–he bought me a book. Virgil–Doomed Love.
WestFriend: that grey shirt isn’t tight enough to be his shirt he wore during the Napoleon Dynamite scene. (you know..where he stalks off looking awkward.)
EastFriend: he wasn’t working out when this picture was taken. So it fit tighter in the movie. In London he had a beer belly from all those heineys and cheeseburgers.
WestFriend: love him long time.
UC: I want to lick the beer belly. Where did Moon go again? She’s lettin’ down The Quad. I’m gonna fire her as a bloggy partner and hire Sam Bradley. And PS- Rob looked hot in that awkward scene. So shut up your face
WestFriend: “it’s gettin’ hot in here…”
UC: Nelly’s at it!
WestFriend: “even though Rob looks like a Bum”
UC: hahaha
WestFriend: “I am getting hot…”
EastFriend: “cause i am getting so hot, I’m gonna take my clothes off…”
WestFriend: “I want to take Rob’s bum clothes off!”
WestFriend: “Good gracious Rob’s bulge is bodacious!”
UC: I feel like this is the East Coast/EWest Coast friend show

UC: WHOO HOO!  Didn’t he retire?
WestFriend: that’s amazing!
EastFriend: Who is Conan? the barbarian?

UC: I wanna stalk Rob this summer in NYC while he’s shooting his new movie. And by stalk I mean follow the “do’s and don’ts” from the other day’s post. And flash him. I mean, not show him my size B’s. Cuz that’s depressing. I’ll just bring a pic of yours, East Friend….
WestFriend: after being with Kristen…a B is a step up from them training bras.

I Love The Quad. Discuss The Quad today in our Thursday Chatter section in the forum.  Another great section in the forum is FanFic– and so far TWO authors have shown up to answer questions and give some sneak peeks!  Whoo hoo!


  1. […] rob pattinson and a crazed fan in a dump – The  Pattinson pants girl must have found were we put that hideous creation. PS Rob we’ll meet you out by the dumpster… […]

  2. W-O-W. I mean you discussed about dumpster, palace,bbc headquaters, his parents, fans, friends, movies and his bulge all in one letter.

    I was gone in [stick it up “there” and make a pattinson baby]

    • haha i can’t believe i went there.. but it had to be said.. cuz you KNOW some crazy fan would do that..

      • yes, it is a probability.

        • Girls, if you can, visit Pattinosn Online
          [ ]
          before May 1. They are sending Birthday messages to Rob.

          • Oops! I meant to say Pattinson Online. My fingers slip sometimes.

  3. hi everyone! first post *pumps fist in the air*

    i dont even know where to start you guys crack me up. i am rolling. good thing its too early for any to see me laughing my head off!

    • wah *sobbing softly* i’m not first.

  4. RL calling will try to come back later. bye!

  5. Love to the Quad!! You’re the best, ladies.

    I knew you’d make me feel like it’s OK that the first thing I noticed in this pic was the peen-proud bodacious bulge. 🙂

    That’s NORMAL!!

  6. My fave line came from Moon – “The plastic bag is the condom…hobo style!” ROFL

    So what do they call that size? Magnum plus?

    • That killed me too lol

    • they call that size GHETTO

  7. OMG! Sooooo much to discuss in this picture I don’t know where to start !Guess I will just say that Rob is the only man who could look this HOT standing in an alley.
    Would love to stay and discuss this all day, but RL interferes. Have a great day everyone!

    Great find UC, Moon and friends!

  8. WestFriend: homeless, freakin man. but i would still bone him. even if he tried to pick-pocket me. which I would encourage even if his other bum friends wondered where he got the money

    EastFriend: that’s a pitiful attempt at a goatee.
    UC: I want to lick it though

    LMAO Girls – Classic. Loved the whole conception part – I think you may be on to something there. It seems like every time I see a picture of Rob my eyes go straight to the crotch first – you girls definitely didn’t disappoint with this one! lol. Thank you!!

  9. I wish I could find somewhere like that to tie up MY horse here in London 🙂

    I usually just leave my horse in the front garden/yard……

    • that sounds like a very British thing to do!

      • “I think he’s also standing next to one of those things in London where you tie up your horse?”

        In Britain, that’s normal……


        P.S. I don’t have a horse, really…..

        • you’re just pretending! you ride a horse and write literature like Jane Austen… it’s okay.. we still love you

  10. And OMG yes!!

    That coat might be his Dad’s — I have pics on my phone, I MUST download them……

    • Yes, please. I want to confirm it. But I still like to believe it’s his.

  11. Longtime Lurker here… just wanted to say that was the funniest post I’ve read in a long time 🙂 Thanks for the laugh this morning ladies!

    • yay! i’m glad you liked it:)

    • WELCOME tracy!

  12. When I first see pictures like this, it makes me feel bad for him. How miserable it must be to have your picture constantly taken constantly in unflattering places.

    Then I grow a pair, strangle my conscience and have imaginary sexy time with him.

    • in said unflattering place.

    • hahahaahah

    • I love your comment! Imaginary sexy time!!!! Still laughing as I type!

  13. So, since you feel like stalking in NYC, my friend and I ARE going to NYC in June. To stalk? Me? NEVER. Okay, maybe. But, just a little. But, don’t worry I printed out the do’s and don’t and I WON’T wear my “Bun My Oven, Mr. Pattinson” shirt, even though he does have the platic bag ready in all need be cases. Maybe I’ll run into Pattinson Pants up there. If I do, I’ll be sure to get a picture and ask her to deck up my keds in all the books artwork. I’ll just have to borrow a pair of keds from my grandmother, but other than that I’m good to go!

    • hahaha.. if you run into pattinson pants, be SURE to rip them off her… !

      • Girls, I blank out sometimes. So who is Pattinson Pants?

  14. I love when u ‘break it down Vanity Fair style’
    Some of my fave lines-

    “I need to grab the picture. I thought you meant you sent a pic of the pasta salad. “- Too funny. I did LOL at that.

    “do you think it is the coat that his dad wore the night he was conceived?” If so that coats needs to be in the HHH Shrine.

  15. The Napoleon Dynamite reference… hilarious. lol

  16. ‘Ode to a Dumpster’ (I’m on a roll)

    Oh Rob with Dadcoat and Dadcase too,
    will not deter my need to screw, I mean for you.

    The dumpster beckons! Heed the call.
    I’ll grab the bulge, while in we fall.

    Your hobo condom, while thrifty be,
    is not what I find tonight we need.

    For tonight, of nights, the dumpster knows…
    Is the night a normal girl drops and blows.

    k, perhaps this is a bit much for b4 coffee. sorry.
    I was feelin it.

    • Um…hello, Proselyte…the last stanza of your poem? Yeah, I spit coffee all over my laptop.

      This is better than Jane Austen. I think Jane herself would agree, too.

      • Apologies Leigh Anne…at least it didn’t come out of your nose. Hot coffee, ouch! I had no filter this morning.

        Apologies Jane Austen…(if this is the evolution of contempory culture as written by a woman, then Jane is soooo rolling over in her grave!)

        Apologies Quad if this tribute casts a shadow over the original, inspired moment of greatness. You know the one.

        • @Proselyte That was made of WIN WIN WIN !!!!

    • Um WOW!! That needs posting to the forum stat! In a new poetry section perhaps?

    • wow your verbiage skills are awesome.

    • hahhahahhaha! you’re my new favorite person! rob could be in the dumpster covered in day old spaghetti and i’d still bang him.

    • another fabulous poem. Last stanza especially. I feel the need to reply with another haiku

      Rob by the dumpster
      Smells and looks just like a bum
      I blow him anyway


  17. Yay–a new pic to love! And we love it, don’t we? It’s fabulous!

    I also love knowing the origin of the Dumpster. And UC’s thoughts on the whole horse scenario. And WestFriend singing Nelly. And Moon going to see Conan, but not the barbarian.

    This is brilliant!

    • my fav is when WestFriend sang Nelly too.. that girl is pure gangsta

      • Yes but she didn’t mention the pole in the basement….

  18. I love Dumpster Rob!! “the bag is the condom”. I ❤ u Moon!! Exactly what i was thinking! And I ❤ the quad too. Thanks for the new picture. XOXO

  19. Ha! Loved it…I too was gone, like maygirlg, at the mention of sticking it up there and making a pattinson baby. You guys say all the things we want to say and I love you for it. Thanks for being such great bloggers and for the hilariousness; it never grows old!

  20. When we were at Sam and Bobby’s show in Nashville, Sam sang a song written by his mother, Lee Lindsey. And he made a comment (that I thought was a joke) about his mother having a myspace. but then I just looked it up! Is this Sam’s Mother????

    Holy Crap – I hope I look that good when my kids are in their 20’s…..
    Sam and Rob’s moms are so very beautiful. I’d hate them if I didn’t love their sons so much!

    • that looks 100% legit!

      • Wow, so his mom is Canadian. I read somewhere that he was Canadian too but raised in London hmmm.

      • It’s her. His sisters are gorgeous, too and look just like her. It’s unfair really…to have a family that good looking.

  21. @UC – Do you think two “B”‘s make a right? Cause if so, I will fly to NYC and we will flash him together.

    • oh good idea… i believe that might work!

      • If you add an abysmal “A” I don’t see how it could make things worse. I’ll leave my hubby and the kids with the Rican relatives on Staten Island and meet you there. 🙂

        P.S. The whole “recap” had me rolling.

    • I’ve got some full c-cups I’ll add in….ya know….for the cause.

  22. that plastic bag IS the condom duh! hobo style

    Love that picture, always been one of my faves. RealRob hanging by the garbage.

  23. I can’t even talk, laugh or drink my effing coffee. That was beyond words and def my new fav break down VFS.

    Horses named Tom, Buckingham Palace, plastic bag condem, shitastic outfit, Dad Case, dumpster diving, and more. Rediculous (in the good way). Loved it.

    Do you think that AH could take some of that post and announce it to the world? I think, YES!

    • Oh yeah, and laughing so hard through tears made me spell condom wrong.

  24. I don’t know what to say. You have rendered me speechless.

    Absolute brilliance. If we had you 4 breaking things down vanity fair style for our government, I’m pretty sure we would all have a free puppy and life time supply of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.


  25. Rob Pattinson, recycling to the extreme to create a better world for the children. This man never fails to amaze me with his caring ways, hell I bet if he flashed us his better than perfect ass we would be blinded by the sunrays shining from his arse.
    I am sure with all the goodness that Rob is he smokes only environmently friendly ciggies that are made especially for him at a top secret environmental lab someplace in Iceland. Just a thought.

  26. This was one of the pictures – if not THE picture – that made me fall in love with him. When I first saw if a while ago I got hypnotized by his eyes, the beard, the whole hobo look, AND he’s smoking! I love when men smoke.

    And have you looked at his crotch? It’s effing waving at me!!!!

    …don’t worry, Rob, I’m on my way! lol

  27. That picture is Super Delicious. I would do it anywhere with that man. I wonder if he is hung like a horse. hmmmm…ponderings.

  28. All the Mowgli (Sam’s code name) & Simba (Bobby’s code name) references!! I love it!! Also – WestFriend wins at life and she should get an effing AWESOME fake prize for this shizz:
    “Good gracious Rob’s bulge is bodacious!”

    PS – You spelled Conan and Shakespeare wrong in the tags. How in the H do you expect Conan & Billy to get their Google Alerts to the site if you spell their names wrong?? LOL 😉

    PPS – Hi Sam! ❤

    • oh dang.. that’s what happens when i blog at 1 am and am rushing!

      • No worries. You know me and my anal-ness.
        Wow that sounds all kinds of gross…



  29. Oh Quad, this may be my favorite BIDVFS ever!

    You ladies are just hilarious, good thing I finished my coffee, it would have been out my nose. So full of win.

    I love those stuffed pockets, good thing he picked up that Dadcase to carry his shit around in. Hobo-style condom…I’m going to be laughing about that all day.

    Mr LPB just came in to ask what I was laughing about. hee hee. I lied.

  30. LMAO At the plastic bag for his condoms. But maybe that was to pick up horse poo in. You know how mom’s always have a bag to put poo diapers in. Maybe his mom taught him well. Oh wait I take that back cuz she had him pose for those terrible child porn modeling pics. Nevermind!

  31. I really prefer homeless, scruffy Rob to cleaned-up Rob. Nerdy Rob is hot too…there’s nothing anyone can do to this man to take away his hotness.

  32. Coming out of lurkdom to point out:
    Rob’s wearing the dadcoat to get the Last-Tango-in-Paris look. Probably for Kristen so they can commemorate their “special bonding” nights.

    “Good gracious Rob’s bulge is bodacious!” LMAO!

  33. Note to self: must find hi res version of this pic so I can better examine the goodsfor research of course *wink*

  34. “I want to lick the beer belly.”

    I feel you, UC. I’m not sure there is a part of his body that I wouldn’t lick haha.


    Girl, I had no idea that I had a partner in crime with the dirty poetry! The entire poem was made of win haha

    • I’m glad I’m not the only that wants to lick all things Rob. Including his used deodorant stick.

      Now to find someone who wants to “gobble up” their kids when they look cute. Is that normal?

      • Yes. Totally normal. Sometimes want to use a spoon to gobble up cuteness.

        • Phew! I’m normal! Yeah!

  35. Good Morning Ltr lovlies!-


      • Rob needs to eroll in my “How to Tie Shoes 101″course! We could work on a little “hand/eye co-ordination!

    • He looks like he wants to eat me in that picture. In a vampire way you dirty minded people.

    • Eek! Yes! Thank you Gen. xoxo Dang this man (boy, whateves) has, ‘IT!’


      • Hahaha! ❤

  36. Oh Lordy be! I should not read this first thing in the morning, while drinking coffee, and with the hubs in the room. Bad combination, my friends, very bad.

    As usual, you guys are just full of win! Thank you for making my morning!

  37. I am with EastFriend.. I am all about bobby.

    And I can’t believe i’ve never seen this picture! how did i miss all this glory?? and he does look blonde, but did you guys see his baby picture on ET? He was sooo blonde.


  39. Ok, so Rob looks like a bum here. And not a buttocks type of bum…a…vagabond type of bum.

    But, we can discuss his buttocks type of bum if you want to.

  40. The Quad strikes again! I ❤ your faces!

    I’ve seen this pic before but I’m looking at it in a new light. Hmm, never noticed the stuff (condom bag) peeking out of his pockets.

    I was just noticing the giant Crotch bulge. I’m with Westy, his bulge is bodacious! And bringing out the Nelly, you go girl!

    Dana Carvey did a bit about buying condoms and how he wants to go into a store and ask for their biggest size. When they don’t have ones big enough, he’ll ask for a tarp and some bungee cords. Now that’s the kind on condom Rob needs! LMAO!

  41. Ahh…I’ve never seen this pic either, it’s beautiful. Love the scruffy hobo look, he’s the only one who can make it look this gorgeous.

    The crotch!!! Good lord, I want a high res copy of this photo.

    And, I’ll have you girls know, I can’t even look at a dumpster the same way again. They get me all hot and bothered now.

  42. I love how easily distracted The Quad can get. It totes cracks me up and reminds me of convos with my girls. Awww…thanks for bringing back some memories. lol!!

    • we’re very ADD… oh look shiny toy!


    • The fingers…I’m just sayin.

    • The first one…I am out of breath.

    • That boy knows exactly what he’s doing! (Visions of I Love LA… yum…)

  44. OH wow UC…you should have put this on the Don’t list…because you know my crazy ass would have totes done it, and yes, I pondered…

    “well, you know.. stick it up “there” and make a pattinson baby”

    But now I know and I’ll figure out another way.

  45. @bandmum
    I posted the new video, did you see it yet?

    • @JAG – Help a sista out. What video? I just left your site. You are F*****G hilarious!

  46. I thought this quote from Rob’s Fandango interview fit nicely with today’s letter:
    Fandango: Do you and your castmates try to top each other with the wild post-fame encounters you’ve had?

    Pattinson: In a lot of ways they are all quite similar. The funny thing is that I’m always going around trying to look as inconspicuous as possible I find that people are always really disappointed when they actually recognize me. They are like ‘”Oh! At first I thought you were a bum but then I realized who you were.”
    I would seriously like to know who these people are that are “really disappointed” when they actually recognize Rob because (as evidenced by above photo) even Hobo Rob does not disappoint!!!

    (my first LTR post! Yay!)

    • i SOO thought of t hat when i read this today!!!! YAY for first post! XO

  47. Love this pic-

    • @Gen – That pic makes me want to cry! Stupid girl dumped our Robbie! Does she have ANY clue what she tossed out of bed? Obviously not!

      • Some people are just plain stupid!! lol Come here Rob, I wouldn’t do that to you…hell I would never let you get out of bed lol

        • Hahahaha! Exactly! NEVER NEVER NEVER!

  48. Speaking of HTB – Did anyone have any luck finding it yesterday on IFC Direct? IfOnly and I managed to find the IFC Direct channel, but HTB not listed as playing. WTF?

    • snmlamb watched it! Lucky her!!

    • I watched it. I have comcast, though. but, it was under Movies and Events there, then IFC Festival or some jazz like that. But, it was amazing. So worth the $7.

  49. Just saw this-

    • That is the question- isn’t it?????

      • I love him. Period.

        • Agreed.

  50. @cynicalbliss Welcome!!!! Have you been to the forum yet?

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