1st Place

Dear LTR readers,

Remember when we used to run contests and give out fake prizes? Like a pub crawl and tour of the Heineken factory with Rob & TomStu? Isn’t it nice that after a year plus of running the blogs we can actually giveaway REALLY GREAT prizes from some of our favorite places!? Well, get excited because we’re about to giveaway the most amazing stuff to some very lucky contest winners from our favorites: Bella Bejeweled, Dwell Deep, Jeweled Ambrosia & Lobotome.

We’ve got TWO ways to enter: The contest here on LTR contest is Rob-related and LTT’s contest is Twilight-related. The prizes are slightly different, so make sure you check out BOTH contests! PLUS we have two contest going on in The Forum! Have you joined yet?

Here are the details

Like this... only BETTER!

Contest: So here’s the deal… remember those conversations hearts that you get around Valentine’s Day? Yea, those chalky little hearts with little sayings on them? Yes, the same ones that Jacob gave Bella for Valentine’s Day in New Moon. Yes, the same ones they released as Twilight merch that “sparkle” and taste awful and have boring little Twilight things written on them? Same thing. Only we’re kicking it up a notch and asking YOU to design funny, hilarious, cute, naughty, just plain wrong, Twilight and Rob conversation hearts! Go wild, add sayings, making up something funny, add an image what would REAL (LTT/LTR) Rob/Twilight conversation hearts say? Only thing is it’s gotta fit on the heart!

Need a heart to get your started? Here’s a couple…

(click on these to save a larger version)

Don’t have a photo editing program? You can upload one of these hearts to this awesome site called Picnik and add text and save! SUPER easy!

Rules: Email in your entry by 11:59pm Friday night (2/13) EST to Letterstotwilight@gmail.com. Rob-related hearts will be eligible for the prizes below. Enter as many times as you’d like. Contest is open to EVERYONE. Even if you live in Antarctica

Prizes:

Bella Bejeweled: First place winner wins a GORGEOUS necklace from Bella Bejeweled called “Look After my Heart!” This necklace is made from sterling silver and features a Swarovski pearl. When you buy this necklace from Bella Bejeweled you can choose your color pearl from several options. Shown here in taupe pearl, our winner will be able to choose the color pearl they’d like too!

Check out Bella Bejeweled’s Valentines Gift guide for some GORGEOUS jewelry at really great prices! And send the link to your hubby/boyfriend/dude you’re hooking up with or to a friend who owes you something! (Psst- mention LTT/LTR at checkout for free shipping!)

2nd Place

Lobotome: The second place winner will take home (aka we will mail you) our favorite notepad in the history of notepads: The “Bite Me” Notepad! You’ll probably remember the first time we talked about this Notepad when we gushed over it like crazy people, but literally we’ve had one of these notepads in our handbags every since we first got them! Plus we have a cute little image on our sidebar that glares at you every day, tempting you to buy one!

If you’re looking for an affordable, amazing gift any Twilight lover would LOVE, pick up one (or many) of these Notepads. Hop on over to “Specials” on her webpage to check them out. Plus if you’re a part of the “Big Loser” weight-loss group on the Forum, we’re giving away Lobotome’s “FIT ME” healthy living notepad over there! Check out the details on THAT contest!

Seriously, we weren’t kidding about GREAT prizes, were we? (Okay, you’re right… I’d trade ALL of this in for a pub crawl with Rob & TomStu) So enter NOW and make sure to check out the contests over on LTT and The Forum!

Love,
UC & Moon

Dear Rob,

We usually reserve weekends (and Sundays especially) for a time when we post fan letters or hot videos, but I just couldn’t help myself from writing you a letter. I was (gulp) inspired…..

Inspired by this picture from your recent Details magazine shoot to reminisce about my favorite pics from your photo-shoots over the years.. or over the past 15 months, anyway..

Take a deep breath… more after the jump!

Dear Rob,

Have you ever wondered what merchandise has your face on it? Wondering what you’re not being paid for? Well I think I found ALL our merchandise in ONE location. This girl’s bedroom:

Did you even know this stuff existed?

And since we’re 2nd hand embarrassed for the girl above let’s watch a video of your funny moments cause that’s always a good time

Oh man some of those are classics… and I gotta say it, I’ll always be jealous of Laura Culpepper. Freakin’ luuuuucky. 😉

Happy Saturday everyone!
Themoonisdown

What’s your favorite Rob video? Share some in the comments, we’re always looking for new ones!

Our internet game is still ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter

Rob: remember how you wore a lot of TWEED in New Moon? Well, we’re gonna take a time out from you for a second (cuz let’s be honest- there’s nothing to say) to discuss your Edward attire with a fab fan letter!

Hello Isabella. My name is Edward Cullen. Can I help you open a checking account?

Dear New Moon Costume Designer,

Sit down, have a heine and let’s chat.

Edward Cullen does not wear Khakis! I repeat, Edward Cullen DOES NOT WEAR KHAKIS! Our husbands, dads, bosses, dudes working at Target and English lit professors wear khakis. Edward Cullen does NOT receive the JCrew catalog.

When we picture Edward’s pants on our bedroom floor, they are not khakis. Why? Because khakis are a reality. In fact, many of us probably do have wadded up khakis on our bedroom floor. It just reminds us that our husband was too drunk tired to find the hamper.

We were sad in Alice’s vision of Edward and vamp-y Bella running through the forest, garments flowing in the breeze. But (ugh) they were beige and… bad. I know it is cliche, but can you please put a g*d-damned vampire in black pants? Black pants are universally hot. Black is the new black.

Wait! Come Back! If not a checking account, how about a money market with a 3.5% APY?

With aforementioned khakis, there is also a beige vest in said vision. Ummm, no. Firstly, beige is not a good color for a pallorous complexion. Seriously, I have experience with pale, look at my screen name for goodness sake. Secondly, it’s a vest,… a vest.. for Edward. Ew.

Overly Emo? Retro Gilbert Blythe? What was your inspiration here? It could *gasp* work if the white shirt was unbuttoned, a vintage “Clash” tee peeking through, triangle scarf, fidora, and dark jeans… and only if he were auditioning for American Idol, season 7. No! No vest! Vests are not for frolicking in the woods with your immortal beloved. Vests do not frolic. Vests mean business.

This beige vision is a sad contrast to the Phoebe Cates-in-the-red-bikini- slo-mo dream sequence in “Fast Times.” This could have been an “Ohhhhhhhhhh Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” moment for Edward, but it wasn’t. This slo- mo, well, was ho-mo. Down with khaki on any Cullen (except maybe Carlisle, somehow it suits Carlisle. Mmmmmm, suit… Carlisle.. anyway).

Less Tweed, more gray thermals

Let’s look back at Twilight Edward’s wardrobe. Pea coat.. yummy, clingy grey, tee… delish. But the Volterra wingtip shoes? A hot, rich, 17 year old immortal is NOT going to be sportin’ the Florsheims.

And what is with Edward’s tweed coat with the back velvet collar? Too metropire. Only Lestat can pull off velvet.

[Also, in this beige vision of bad clothes why a Dorthy-of-OZ dress for Bella? How about a Betsy Johnson or Vivienne Westwood dress? Bella could do better. There is a fabulous Nordstroms in Seattle. I’m sure Alice would take her. Go Bella, go!]

Call me costumer on this one.. I have some sketches and fabric samples.

Please get off this downward spiral before Breaking Dawn. Unborn Resemee is frightened that she will be swaddled in hot pink Lederhosen. Ask Clinton Kelly, he’ll back me on this one!!

Signed,
Snow White Driftted

(No street cred aside from being a costume design major (that’s a major?? Yes it is. From a real University?? Yes, Fight On!) so of course I am an expert even though I have never worked one day in the industry outside of college.)

Vests remind Snow White Drifted of Business Time, Treat yourself and see what reminds me  (UC) of business time after the jump!

*It’s been so long since we last saw Rob SingleStrand and friends have put together this handy dandy chart and guide so that we will know what to expect when we next see Rob. Enjoy!*

Srsly click to enlarge this Bingo of Robs, it's AMAZING!!

Dear Rob,

So it’s been, like, ages since we saw you last and that makes me a sad panda. I mean, what if when you surface again, I have a heart attack from over-stimulation? What if you’ve forgotten how to interact inappropriately given each specific situation? What if, we the fans don’t recognize you? All this worry is keeping me up at night so MeteorMuse and I decided we needed a chart. Just a little somethin’ to keep in our back pocket, so that when there becomes a whirlwind of you (promoting Remember Me and Eclipse, filming a new movie, getting drunk and waiting for me behind a dumpster), we will be prepared and can recognize the Rob we have been given. And just a hint Rob, you may want to print one of these handy guys out yourself so you will know what the fans expect.

Check out the chart here to print and/or follow along!

First, we have AwardRob aka OscarRob. This Rob is wearing a tux or at least a sexy suit but is probably sans underwear. His hair is washed (!) and probably freshly cut but he isn’t completely clean-shaven. AwardRob is flirty (it couldn’t be the eight glasses of champagne). I think we all have February 22, 2009, and OscarRob’s little red carpet panty-dropper emblazoned in our brains. Yes, OscarRob wants to get you alone and take his time with you. You will definitely fall in love with AwardRob.

Hmmm photoshoot Rob

PhotoshootRob is amazingly sultry and sexy. He’s been wearing rich designer clothes all day while eyef*cking a camera. PhotoRob may or may not have stolen a pinky ring or a tee shirt from the shoot and his hair is perfectly tousled. Since the day has basically been one big tease, all PhotoRob can think about is finding a great girl and playing with some toys, ifyouknowwhatimsayin. Your place or his, it won’t matter.

DrunkRob is one of my favorite Robs. DrunkRob looks like a hobo in some form of trench coat over dirty clothes. Hey, if it’s good enough for the floor, it’s good enough for the bar! He definitely has his cigs, cell phone, and a pocket full of random crap, usually NOT including his wallet. Beware DrunkRob sticking you with the tab or cab fare. He’s forgetful like that! After three or thirteen Heinekens, DrunkRob may only be capable of second base before passing out fully clothed in a random hotel room.

Follow the cut as SingleStrand breaks down the rest of the chart and what we can expect from Rob when he comes out of hiding

Dear Rob,

I hear you’re going on The View- is this true? Cause hunny, if it is…..those ladies are going to EAT you alive! You better start preparing now. Read the paper every day to catch up on your current events. Pick up a subscription to Star magazine (don’t worry- with you in hiding they haven’t had you on the cover in awhile) to make sure you know what fake but semi-true things are going on in pop culture. And Rob- whatever you do- DON’T forget to watch The View every day from now until March 2nd. You can’t rely on Emile to cover you during this promo experience. The ladies of The View are going to be SO anxious to talk to you that I wouldn’t be surprised if Emile’s morning OJ is “accidentally” spiked with some sleeping pills and she has to cancel her appearance at the last minute. They want you. And you only.

I’m not really familiar with the show. I haven’t actually seen an episode since that Lisa Ling girl left- well, until that bout of sickness I had a few weeks back when there was NOTHING left to watch on morning TV. So my experience is limited, but I’m pretty sure I can still help you out, so listen up!

Usually the gals start out the morning with rapid fire current events. So once they introduce you, strut your sexy self up to their table and flash them that dazzling Edward Cullen Robert Pattinson smile. Barbara will probably say something unintelligible in her weird accent, so just smile and nod. Or respond in some equally unintelligible weird British accent thing. Then she can smile & nod. And whatever you do, keep your eyes on above Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s shoulders. She’s still breast feeding. Yes, we know they look nice.

If I was on a show with a bunch of strong, opinionated women, I’d want to see what this new hot guy they threw in to steal my screen time knew about the day’s events. They’ll definitely ask you if you think the health care bill is dead. Just use your “I’m British and have been in London since Christmas” card on that one. You can’t use that for every answer, but in the case of politics it’s Elisabeth vs. the rest of the gals which to you translates to perky boobs v. saggy boobs. We know who you’re going to side with on that one. And you DON’T wanna cross Joy. She’ll call you an idiot. And you might cry.

They’re bound to discuss the Oscars. Here is where you can take the opportunity to mention you hope Anna Kendrick takes home the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress because “she’s a really good friend of mine.” That will hopefully get them asking about Anna and forget all the rumors they’ve heard about you and some other co-star. Watch it though- the plan could backfire because everyone knows M’onique deserves the Oscar. And then Sherri Shepard might look you square in the eye and say, “I hear you’re dating that skinny bitch who can eat anything and still be as skinny as a twig but with enough of an ass to be hot.” Sherri just lost a lot of weight. Don’t let her know you’re into really skinny chicks like Kristen. If it goes there tell them that whenever she eats a burrito you can see it over her leather pants and people think she’s pregnant. That might calm them down. Or it might not. Just try to get a copy of the stage layout before-hand so you can know at all times where the closet exit is.

Just remember what I said. Prepare, prepare, prepare. These women could talk about anything. Better pick up the latest issue of “Parenting” magazine in case they want to discuss the g-diapers. Have Dean/Steve, your security card, practice with you. Ask your mom, sisters & borrow your dad’s girlie magazines so that you can find pictures of every woman in Hollywood and rate their hottness. Think along the lines of: Reese Witherspoon- definitely hot. Octomom- wasn’t hot but is now kinda hot with her new body. Elisabeth Hasselbeck- Definitely hot. No, no! Don’t admit it. She’ll get cocky. Just flash her that dazzling Edward Cullen Robert Pattinson smile when the others ask what you think of her and say- “She seems really great!”

Follow the jump for more advice for your time on The View!

Myello there leghair. I wonder if Rob's legs asked for sunglasses since they never see the light of day

Dear Rob,

I was talking to UC tonight and we figured out that Remember Me comes out in like 4 weeks! And then we got all grandma like and asked “Where has the time gone?” Well, first there was New Moon, they it was Thanksgiving, then is was our 1 year Anniversary, then it was Christmas, New Year and now it’s freaking a month away till we get to see the spaghetti shower (again) and you getting punched out (again). Yea, it was hot the first time around and it’ll be even hotter the 2nd. TRUST.

So anyhoozle we figured it was about time for a round up and then a very special 1 picture, 4 takes: Remember Me edition…….

• Rob and Emilie are going to be on The View to promote Remember Me and hopefully to debate the popular topics of the day like whether parents should spank their kids, how many times a week they get sexy times with their husband and whether that “Pants on the ground” song is SO played out yet or not

• Think you can hold it together long enough to interview the RM cast AND Robert Pattinson? Nah, we didn’t think so. But some lucky biotch who will inevitably faint or say something 2nd hand embarrassing (please, God. YES!!) will get to because they entered a contest at PopSugar. Good luck and may the least embarrassing girl win!

• A bunch of new stills came out from Remember Me and you can see the rest at Robsessed but the best news is that JodieO got inspired… Sometimes when we post stuff you readers get inspired and 1 Picture 2(or 4) takes is NO different. Inspired by the new images coming out from Remember Me, JodieO created 4 different takes on Rob at the computer. And I died. DIED.

Follow the cut to see the rest of JodieO’s takes on Rob at the computer

My First Love

Dear Rob,

Time out. This might be hard to hear. Or maybe not since I’ve confessed things like this before. Back in 2004 I discovered the TV show “The OC.” I was a season behind, so the weekend of my discovery my college roommate and I, Lucifer the Devil (a nickname she adores), did not sleep. We did not eat. We did not drink because then we’d have to pee. We just watched The OC. And somehow didn’t get through the entire first season so for half of the following week, we went to class groggily, not prepared for quizzes and tests and papers because most nights we stayed up till 5 am. All because of Seth Cohen. Adorable, Adorkable, Amazing Seth Cohen. (And in something we might call “fate,” my first phone call to Moon EVER and probably the only real conversation we had since we met 2 years before was the time I called to get filled-in on what Lucifer & I missed in the first few episodes of season 2. The convo went something like this, “Moon- I’m in love with Seth Cohen! What do I do!?” Not to be confused with the one four years later that went something like this, “Moon- I’m so in love with Robert Pattison. What do I do!?” I should’ve known then our friendship, cemented in our love for fictional characters and the actors who play them, was for keeps!….!) My love affair with The OC, Seth Cohen and their world in Newport Beach was something I’ll have fond memories of forever. When I’m feeling down, bored or nostalgic, you might find me pulling out my worn copy of season 1, remembering the first time I heard about Christmakuh, the Thanksgiving episode with Seth, Summer and Anna and thinking fondly back on the time when I didn’t hate Mischa Barton. Sigh… the good ol’ days.

This past weekend has come very close to that time in college when Lucifer and I discovered Seth. Except this time I’ve discovered Nate Archibald, Blair Waldorf, Serena van der Woodsen, Dan Humphrey *le sigh* and, oh, did I mention Chuck Bass? Yes. I’ve been sucked into the world of Gossip Girl. I resisted for a lonnnngg time. I knew I’d love it. I knew I’d obsess. I didn’t have time to find a new obsession.  I mean, I have you- what else do I need? But, I gave in. And didn’t shower, get dressed or move all weekend long.

So all that to say, I haven’t thought about you at all much this weekend. No, this isn’t about to become a blog about Gossip Girl (I think I’m a few years behind to start one of those), but would you allow me a moment to just think of only one thing (besides you) for one weekend? Okay good.

So I did a little googling, to see what I could find to talk about today. I googled stuff like “Rob Pattinson and gossip girl,” “Rob Pattinson likes Gossip Girl,” “Rob Pattinson hooking up with actress on Gossip Girl” but all I came across was stuff about “Rob Pattinson and Chuck Bass.” And then I was like, “DUH!” All year long I’ve been hearing about and reading of comparisons between you and Ed Westwick (who plays Chuck Bass).  Now, I actually have some context to have an intelligent (ahem) conversation about it!

(I totally photoshopped some dude out of this picture. I'm pretty sure Rob & Ed have no idea who the other is...Unless they met once, at the Queen's house)

First I hit up my favorite site, Yahoo Answers, and found that someone had asked the following:

Does anyone think Chuck Bass looks like Edward Cullen?

Here are a few of my favorite responses:

of course i think so! chuck bass and edward cullen look exactly alike! i am actually ed westwick’s wife, in case you were wondering! actually, ed westwick and robert pattinson are BFF’s in real life! they have a “bromance”

Well….you could say so. On the outside though, not the inside. In my personal opinion, I think that chuck and edward look almost exactly alike but their inside genetic material and stuff is completely different. Maybe next time you ask a question, you can specify it. There chemical make-up is completely different; although, they do look alike on the outside.

NO! unlike edward cullen, chuck bass washes his hair

Ed, Rob AND that girl who slept with John Krasinski? It's like all my Hollywood Men in one place!

But people other than 12 year olds who think Edward Cullen is real and idiots trying to sound smart talking about nonsense like your differing “chemical make-up” have made comparisons between you two, and I have to ask- WHY!? Ed plays a character completely different than Edward Cullen or any other character you’ve played. Ed is like 5 feet tall while you’re over 6 feet. You don’t actually look alike. Okay you’re both from England. Okay you’re both musicians. Okay you both hate to shave. Ed’s real first name is the first name of your most famous character and once he played a gay guy (like you did in Little Ashes) on Californication and was the writer of bad vampire erotica. Assuming all girls hate to shave, that’s like comparing me to Katy Perry because we live in the same country, both like to sing, once I kissed a girl too and we both have at one point in our life written some words on a blog. And we’re NOT the same. I wouldn’t touch Russell Brand with a 10 foot poll if someone paid me a million dollars PLUS told me I could have you, Chuck Bass AND Seth Cohen all at the same time. Yuck. (Yuck to Russell. The threesome with You, Chuck and Seth? Yum, yum, YUM)

So to recap: This weekend I barely thought of you. So much so that I just made up a reason to blog about Gossip Girl on my blog called “Letters to Rob.” And while I heart me some Chuck Bass (I’m actually just halfway through season 1 and currently my heart is a little fonder towards Dan Humphrey, but I hear Chuck will really seal the deal for my heart in Season 2), you and Ed Westwick are nothing alike. Sure you’re both British and both attractive and have that strong jaw and hairy chest, but you’re not the same, no matter what any 12 year old or person on google thinks. And I’m okay with liking both of you…. Don’t worry, I still like you more!

“There’s something in my stomach. Fluttering,”
UnintendedChoice

So what do you think? Anything in common with Rob Pattinson and Ed Westwick? Non-GG watchers (what’s wrong with you!? Watch it now) Thanks for bearing with me. But Ed isn’t the ONLY one Rob has been compared to. There’s been Jo Jonas (Barf), Zac Efron, the dude who plays Bill Compton from True Blood! What do you think? Anyone out there we can REALLY compare Rob to!? Or is he “one of a kind!?”

Our internet game is still ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter

*Time for another letter from a reader about how they fell in love with Rob… this one just may involve her sister’s MySpace and some good ol fashioned videos*

Edward WHOOOO???!!

Dear Rob,

Here is my story for the R/TA (Rob/Twilight Anonymous) because each fan girl has the story on how they fell in love with Twilight and maybe, you Rob.  The crazy things they have done, grown ass women acting like their NKOTB days, it all started somewhere and it all starts the same, you read the books like it was your job, watch the movie, googled, YouTube, message board, staked supported the actors (100 Monkeys Khyber in Philly anyone?) and let’s not forget Fan Fiction! It’s all the same.  We should write a Chicken Soup for the Twilighter, Roblovin Soul.

One day I was perusing MySpace (I know so 2008) and I hopped on my little sister’s page. I was instantly confused. Her profile was filled with I heart Edward Cullen, Edward Cullen is my life now, when I sleep my dreams are filled with Edward.  Who the fuzz is Edward I asked myself, I thought Lil Sis’ flavor of the month was blah blah blah (not Eddie).   So I Google, “Who the eff this Edward Cullen and why is he my 15 y/o sister’s life now?” A fictional vampire? I mean I am usually down with the kids, I read like all the time. Um ok, obsessive much sister? So sister is all like Awesomebigsister you must read Twilight it is the most brilliant thing like eva.  Edward is soo dreamy. Nah I think I’ll pass, vamps ain’t my bag Lil Sis.
c

Wait, why is everyone freaking out??

Ok so as you know by now I read that shit. In like 8 days. Right in the middle of Christmas.  I hardly slept; I hid from my kids in the bathroom, in the laundry room, hid the books under my desk and read at work.  Obsessive much?  After the books I went to the movie.  I was expecting this hot ass mo fo to stroll into Forks High cafeteria. What were my eyes attacked with…a lanky dude with poofy hair, and the eye brows wtf?  Eyebrows are a deal breaker for me. I know I’m weird, but they were waxed or plucked or I don’t know but they weren’t right.  Then Edward had the nerve to spit out spider monkey, Um no, not sexy vampdude.   I didn’t love “they guy who played Edward” at first.  Nor did I love “they guy who played Edward” for the next several weeks.  I remember wondering why the hell these chicks were losing their shit when he OMG CUT.HIS.HAIR.OFF. OMG OMG, what the hell is wrong with you crazy people *side eye*, he is not the real Edward yo!
c
Then it happened, it’s happened to all of us, an interview sucked me in.  Rob (yeah I learned his name while on my awesome Twilight message board HOLLA Nesties) but yeah after that interview Rob owned me.  The funny thing is I read the interview, then I ran to YouTube watched the interview, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=maKuO9v181I then watched 3475903785 more interviews, and I was owned again and again and again and……  Weeks later I stumbled upon an effing-awesome blog *gasp* Letters to Rob…squeee (yeah I’m one of those “crazy people” I just gave the side eye to above) This aweseomass site had me rolling, saying things that I thought,and introducing me to the likes of Pocket Edward (own one), The Dad Case (my H owns one), The Tuck, 2^nd hand Embarrassment, Dumpsters,TomStu, Rob’s “awesome” fashion.  I mean I can go on and on.  But the point of my story is that I have not been so obsess I mean so supportive of a famous person(s) since New Kids on the Block.  See what you do Rob, all because of an interview and the way you say under pants, org, or Sidewalk& Candy (in your American accent) and my most favorite word that comes out of your mouth is literally...LIT-TRA-Lee.  I could get all fan girl but I won’t, so just keep on being your hot hobo self, say literally more, and the lumberjack beard is hot, seriously it’s hot the things that I would……..  Ps. don’t hide more much longer I am starting to go in to full Robwithdraw.

Xoxo

Awesomebigsister

Thank you Awesomebigsister!! What was it for you? WHat made you fall in love with Rob? Why don’t you write us an emailRob and tell us how you fell for Rob!

Let’s see if you’re ever had this scenario from this fan letter go through YOUR mind before!

Be right there...

Dear Rob,

I’d like to invite you over for dinner at my house this Sunday. We eat around 1, but since my hubby doesn’t leave for work until at least 3, feel free to be late. Of course, my kids will be up until 8, so you may want to stop by for wine and dessert around 9. I know its a little odd to have a stranger invite you for dinner, but take a moment and ponder my reasons….

Although I’m a stranger to you, I feel like I know you already. I can’t go to the grocery and shop for cookie-dough ice cream, granola bars, or hamburger meat (note to self: meatloaf Thursday?) without your eyes following me around the store. You’re on the magazine racks, my favorite candy bars, and every school supply known to man. Everytime I relax in my comfy chair with my laptop, there you are – staring at me from my computer screen. Granted, that’s partially my fault for visiting all the awesome Twilight fansites on my favorties list at least twice a day – but I wouldn’t if I didn’t think you’d be there. I get in my little silver, um, minivan (my next car will be a Volvo) and there you are again, singing to me over my spiffy 8 speaker sound system. (By the way, what exactly are you saying?)

Do you mind if I look like this?

So although you don’t know me from Adam’s housecat, you can see that I spend almost all day, everyday with you in some way, shape or form. I figured you might want a chance to get to know me, too.
I don’t want you to think that I’m one of those crazy, chase-you-down-in-the-street, groping-screaming-yelling-camera-phone-wielding fangirls (I have a life and a husband and kids and live nowhere near LA or London, sigh). To put it simply, I’d love to just sit and watch you eat ice cream (from a cone) and share a bottle of wine (or 4) with you while we watch Chelsea Lately.

I want you to feel comfortable coming over for dinner, so here’s a little about me:

1. I had no idea who you were before Twilight. Who am I kidding? I had no idea who you were even after I saw Twilight. I watched the movie with my hubby one night when all other options were terrible on Pay-Per-View. When you made your grand entrance in the cafeteria scene, I said “Look! It’s Bert!” (as in Bert and Ernie, from Sesame Street…it’s a children’s program…) Your unruly eyebrows distracted me during the scene in the woods (“Say it. Out loud. UNIBROW!”) But then, you snuck into that poor, unsuspecting girl’s room while she was chatting with her Mom in her underoos and just wanted to “try one thing.” My pulse raced, my stomach tied in knots. That was the hottest thing I’d ever seen. I was hooked.
2. 

   Will your husband be home?

   I went to WalMart (it’s a discount store where Moms like to shop in their sweats) at 11 that night and purchased Twilight. I read it in one day. The rest of the series was quickly purchased, and after 5 days I had read them all and had 4 gallons of milk in my fridge. (I needed an excuse to go to the store other than, “Honey, I’m headed to wally-world to pick up the next book in the teenage vampire love story I’m reading, you need anything?”) In my mind, as I read, Edward was you…I’ve never had another. And even though you didn’t say half of those wonderful things that Stepenie Meyer had written, I suddenly found myself watching E! news to catch a glimpse of your dirty little face.

3. I’m not into skinny, scruffy guys. My hubby is buff, and Italian – but not in a scary New Jersey way. He has color to his skin, and keeps his hair cut short. I love it when he’s clean shaven. Unfortunately, you ruined that for me. He still wonders why I no longer bitch about his over-abundance of flannel and his high-school baseball cap. I think it’s pretty obvious.
4. I don’t want you in my bed. Nope. Not even a little. However, after finding fan fiction and the magic of photo montages on youtube, I’ve found that my “housework” time with my hubby has become more…uh, enjoyable? Let’s leave it at that.

So, Mr. Pattison, please consider my invitation to have dinner, or at least a nightcap, at my humble abode sometime in the future. I’ll even watch BBC with you, if you’ll just promise to run your hands through your hair at least once every 15 minutes.

Sincerely,
One Bitten Momma

After the jump, enjoy a little Saturday surprise!