Rob: remember how you wore a lot of TWEED in New Moon? Well, we’re gonna take a time out from you for a second (cuz let’s be honest- there’s nothing to say) to discuss your Edward attire with a fab fan letter!
Dear New Moon Costume Designer,
Sit down, have a heine and let’s chat.
Edward Cullen does not wear Khakis! I repeat, Edward Cullen DOES NOT WEAR KHAKIS! Our husbands, dads, bosses, dudes working at Target and English lit professors wear khakis. Edward Cullen does NOT receive the JCrew catalog.
When we picture Edward’s pants on our bedroom floor, they are not khakis. Why? Because khakis are a reality. In fact, many of us probably do have wadded up khakis on our bedroom floor. It just reminds us that our husband was too drunk tired to find the hamper.
We were sad in Alice’s vision of Edward and vamp-y Bella running through the forest, garments flowing in the breeze. But (ugh) they were beige and… bad. I know it is cliche, but can you please put a g*d-damned vampire in black pants? Black pants are universally hot. Black is the new black.
With aforementioned khakis, there is also a beige vest in said vision. Ummm, no. Firstly, beige is not a good color for a pallorous complexion. Seriously, I have experience with pale, look at my screen name for goodness sake. Secondly, it’s a vest,… a vest.. for Edward. Ew.
Overly Emo? Retro Gilbert Blythe? What was your inspiration here? It could *gasp* work if the white shirt was unbuttoned, a vintage “Clash” tee peeking through, triangle scarf, fidora, and dark jeans… and only if he were auditioning for American Idol, season 7. No! No vest! Vests are not for frolicking in the woods with your immortal beloved. Vests do not frolic. Vests mean business.
This beige vision is a sad contrast to the Phoebe Cates-in-the-red-bikini- slo-mo dream sequence in “Fast Times.” This could have been an “Ohhhhhhhhhh Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” moment for Edward, but it wasn’t. This slo- mo, well, was ho-mo. Down with khaki on any Cullen (except maybe Carlisle, somehow it suits Carlisle. Mmmmmm, suit… Carlisle.. anyway).
Let’s look back at Twilight Edward’s wardrobe. Pea coat.. yummy, clingy grey, tee… delish. But the Volterra wingtip shoes? A hot, rich, 17 year old immortal is NOT going to be sportin’ the Florsheims.
And what is with Edward’s tweed coat with the back velvet collar? Too metropire. Only Lestat can pull off velvet.
[Also, in this beige vision of bad clothes why a Dorthy-of-OZ dress for Bella? How about a Betsy Johnson or Vivienne Westwood dress? Bella could do better. There is a fabulous Nordstroms in Seattle. I’m sure Alice would take her. Go Bella, go!]
Call me costumer on this one.. I have some sketches and fabric samples.
Please get off this downward spiral before Breaking Dawn. Unborn Resemee is frightened that she will be swaddled in hot pink Lederhosen. Ask Clinton Kelly, he’ll back me on this one!!
Snow White Driftted
(No street cred aside from being a costume design major (that’s a major?? Yes it is. From a real University?? Yes, Fight On!) so of course I am an expert even though I have never worked one day in the industry outside of college.)
Vests remind Snow White Drifted of Business Time, Treat yourself and see what reminds me (UC) of business time after the jump!
Yeah, you thought this was gonna be some hot manip of Rob acting out scenes from The Office fan fic, right? Nope. It’s better:
“It’s time for business that’s why they call ’em business socks- ooh!”
Seriously we spent a lot of time discussing the tweed (Tweed is serious) BEFORE New Moon released, but why haven’t we complained about Robward’s outfits since!? Let’s talk it out!