Posted by: Bekah | January 30, 2010

Robert Pattinson: Come on over to my place

Let’s see if you’re ever had this scenario from this fan letter go through YOUR mind before!

Be right there...

Dear Rob,

I’d like to invite you over for dinner at my house this Sunday. We eat around 1, but since my hubby doesn’t leave for work until at least 3, feel free to be late. Of course, my kids will be up until 8, so you may want to stop by for wine and dessert around 9. I know its a little odd to have a stranger invite you for dinner, but take a moment and ponder my reasons….

Although I’m a stranger to you, I feel like I know you already. I can’t go to the grocery and shop for cookie-dough ice cream, granola bars, or hamburger meat (note to self: meatloaf Thursday?) without your eyes following me around the store. You’re on the magazine racks, my favorite candy bars, and every school supply known to man. Everytime I relax in my comfy chair with my laptop, there you are – staring at me from my computer screen. Granted, that’s partially my fault for visiting all the awesome Twilight fansites on my favorties list at least twice a day – but I wouldn’t if I didn’t think you’d be there. I get in my little silver, um, minivan (my next car will be a Volvo) and there you are again, singing to me over my spiffy 8 speaker sound system. (By the way, what exactly are you saying?)

Do you mind if I look like this?

So although you don’t know me from Adam’s housecat, you can see that I spend almost all day, everyday with you in some way, shape or form. I figured you might want a chance to get to know me, too.
I don’t want you to think that I’m one of those crazy, chase-you-down-in-the-street, groping-screaming-yelling-camera-phone-wielding fangirls (I have a life and a husband and kids and live nowhere near LA or London, sigh). To put it simply, I’d love to just sit and watch you eat ice cream (from a cone) and share a bottle of wine (or 4) with you while we watch Chelsea Lately.

I want you to feel comfortable coming over for dinner, so here’s a little about me:

  1. I had no idea who you were before Twilight. Who am I kidding? I had no idea who you were even after I saw Twilight. I watched the movie with my hubby one night when all other options were terrible on Pay-Per-View. When you made your grand entrance in the cafeteria scene, I said “Look! It’s Bert!” (as in Bert and Ernie, from Sesame Street…it’s a children’s program…) Your unruly eyebrows distracted me during the scene in the woods (“Say it. Out loud. UNIBROW!”) But then, you snuck into that poor, unsuspecting girl’s room while she was chatting with her Mom in her underoos and just wanted to “try one thing.” My pulse raced, my stomach tied in knots. That was the hottest thing I’d ever seen. I was hooked.
  2. Will your husband be home?

    I went to WalMart (it’s a discount store where Moms like to shop in their sweats) at 11 that night and purchased Twilight. I read it in one day. The rest of the series was quickly purchased, and after 5 days I had read them all and had 4 gallons of milk in my fridge. (I needed an excuse to go to the store other than, “Honey, I’m headed to wally-world to pick up the next book in the teenage vampire love story I’m reading, you need anything?”) In my mind, as I read, Edward was you…I’ve never had another. And even though you didn’t say half of those wonderful things that Stepenie Meyer had written, I suddenly found myself watching E! news to catch a glimpse of your dirty little face.

  3. I’m not into skinny, scruffy guys. My hubby is buff, and Italian – but not in a scary New Jersey way. He has color to his skin, and keeps his hair cut short. I love it when he’s clean shaven. Unfortunately, you ruined that for me. He still wonders why I no longer bitch about his over-abundance of flannel and his high-school baseball cap. I think it’s pretty obvious.
  4. I don’t want you in my bed. Nope. Not even a little. However, after finding fan fiction and the magic of photo montages on youtube, I’ve found that my “housework” time with my hubby has become more…uh, enjoyable? Let’s leave it at that.

So, Mr. Pattison, please consider my invitation to have dinner, or at least a nightcap, at my humble abode sometime in the future. I’ll even watch BBC with you, if you’ll just promise to run your hands through your hair at least once every 15 minutes.

Sincerely,
One Bitten Momma

After the jump, enjoy a little Saturday surprise!

It wouldn’t be Saturday without a little Saturday Morning Delight now would it!?

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTT, Twitter

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Responses

  1. Nice letter! I bought the Twilight book as a solo purchase, but the next day when I went to the bookstore, I bought the other three and just nodded at the clerk when she arched her eyebrow. Whatevs…it’s love.

    • “eyebrow” again…it seems to be the word of the week..lol

      • Aaaah, Rob’s brows, Bert & Ernie…I volunteer to be his eyebrow tamer. They can even have time off & hang out with me on their own.
        Does this make me weird?

        • NOoo, but he would look weird without…

    • Did you get it from Walmart?

      I made my husband buy the first book for me. Poor guy :-)…yes from Walmart!

      • I bought the first two from Walmart. Then, unfortunately when I was in Borders to get the last 2, they didn’t have any single copies of BreakingDawn. So I had to then invest *for my niece* in the 4 book box set. Since it was a gift, the sales lady was nice enough to give me 40% off.

        I then had to hide them under my lamp table on my side of the bed, becaused I didn’t want my husband to know I had now 6 books from a 4 book series.

        Oh what a tangled web we weave….

        And now he knows I read “books” on line, which of course is fanfic. *face palm*

        I am waiting for the day when he tells someone I have found a site where you can read books for free, and they want to know what the site is.

        So he ordered me a kindle so I can read books with that. How do you tell your husband that you cannot download the kind of, ahem, books that you were reading online for free to your Kindle?

        Should I just admit I enjoy the wacky, grammatical nightmare, lemon containing art that is fanfic?

        Oh, Rob, see what you have done to me?

        *disclaimer* I have read some fantastically written fanfic, for the record. And others that have a great story, but not so great writing. But isn’t that what we have said about SM all along.

        So it is all justified.

        And this comment is so off topic, but it’s done, so….

        Have a great (snowy here) weekend LTR gals!

        xoxo,

        loveme

        • Hey it’s snowy here too, I think we have at least 5 inches right now and more coming.

          Twilight was from Walmart but the rest was from Borders. There was only 1 copy left of Breaking Dawn, thank God I got it! The clerk said, “wow you just keep coming back for more”! I bought them all individually.

          Is Kindle like a small laptop for reading? I have a netbook, one day my husband just got me one out of the blue!

          • I hope that your snow isn’t too bad. I think that you’ve had more than we’ve had in the Northeast, so far this winter.

          • It’s the Amazon Kindle. It’s an E-reader. I really like it because it stores a couple thousand books (!) and the page looks like real paper, so you can take it outside with no glare, etc. You can purchase books alot cheaper from amazon, too, and they download in like 60 seconds. It’s on 3 G network. It’s the *green* way to read I guess. And green is what? GOOD!

            I just get so many books stacked up and I have no where to put them so this eliminates the clutter.

          • drsaka – well I’m here and not planning on going anywhere today, might just make a snowman with my toddler. Last yr we had a very bad snowstorm, no power and heat for a month(others had it worse), we had to live in this ratty smokey hotel(it was the only one w. vacancy left). My DD was only 1 yr old. It was actually a yr to the date of this storm we’re supposed to have today so I hope it’s not gonna be like last yr. I actually saw my neighborhood on CNN last yr, KY was in a state of emergency.

          • Yikes, I hope his snowfall is minor.

          • lovemesomecullens – Oh ok I think I’ve seen that before. Sounds cool!

    • Does it seem ironic to anyone that my Twilight book lit’rally came out of a dumpster?

      Not kidding.

      • hahahahahahahahahahahhahhahahhhha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • Haha!

      • *Gasp*
        Why on earth would ANYONE throw that away?

        tsk, tsk

        • Exactly!!!! It’s a treasure!

      • that. is. AWESOME.

    • Why does this sound so familiar?????

  2. If Rob comes to dinner at my house he’ll be eating it off me. No cutlery allowed.

    • dazzledtodeath – I read your letter yesterday but did not have a chance to comment. I loved it! The image of Rob coming into a scene from the Training or Clipped Wings was just brilliant. I LoLed.

      In answer to your question – I don’t really picture Rob when I read those stories. I picture someone Edward-esque when I start each story, but then they morph into the unique character that each author created. The CWIA Edward, in my mind, looks particularly different from Rob. I imagine him really buff, hair on the short side, very clean (obviously). Though I do try really hard not to picture the hardware in CWIA’s sparklepeen. That just sounds awful.

      • and painful-yikes.

    • hilarious…no cutlery allowed..!!! Love that!

    • DTD- I missed the fanfic discussion yesterday. Dammit, real-life work getting in the way of the important and entertaining discussions on LTR! Thanks for the letter- hilarious!

      • sorry you missed-it was fun. I love discussing fanfic.

    • LOL, dazzle i love it!

  3. I loved your letter. But your restraint at promise number 4 was beyond me. I would only say that I don’t want him in my bed because I want him on my couch, in my shower, on my kitchen counter, etc.

    • haha…you’re little selfish…in the shower he’ll get a cold, he’ll feel stuffed up, complaining a lot plus having emotions =RESTing at your place for 1 month!!DAMN..you’re GOOD!

    • Seriously, rethink #4. Where are your priorities, woman??

      • I agree. Doesn’t mean that I don’t fantasize about him there, but I couldn’t go there. Too old and wayy to self conscious. But oh how I have an imagination, but nothing compared to the *masters of the universe* on you tube that was posted yesterday. HAWt!!!

    • I had to read that #4 again. I think I’m gonna have a hard time(thatswhatshesaid) controlling myself. But I agree with her. Just to watch him, listen to him would be more than enough for me. I will be in lala-land for the rest of my life.

      One bitten mama I applaud your apparent self-control!

      • That was then…back before I learned that it’s ok not to have self control. It would be much harder for me (ahem…) now.

        • Poochimama perhaps you should send a revised letter!

    • Kitchen counter….oh my. If we did that, cooking will suddenly becoming very erotic! Each time you see the kitchen counter….

    • Good point!

  4. “my hubby is buff and Italian – but not in a scary New Jersey way”

    Why did that make me laugh so hard.

    Great letter! I agree that his eyebrows in Twilight were epic. I can’t watch the part in the meadow scene where they lay down in the grass, without thinking it looks like two caterpillars crawled up and perched themselves right over his eyes!

    • The buff italian made me laugh, too! Why did my mind picture “The Situation”??

    • No, no…he’s not “The Situation” by any means. Thankyousweetbabyjesus. He doesn’t have enough hair to spike and I refuse to allow him to spray tan (although he HAS asked – twice).

  5. I love your letter! No agree to number 4!!!
    Let’s just say…my cooking skillz are way too bad….BUT I would invite him as well…
    and please……

    Rob….come as you are!!!
    Did I wrote that? Damn..too much Nirvana around me this morning, thanks lion!
    lol

    • PS- love Nirvana.

    • This is so like you! Straight to the opposite of number 4!!!!!

      No more preliminaries! I gotta have the preliminaries.

      • robgirl I mean to say you don’t need preliminaries, while I do. 🙂 KWIM?

      • Hello Rob, …..would that be enough?

        • Hello Rob, then you attack! 🙂

  6. Rob,

    If you ever come to my house ( ahem, actually it’s a flat in the middle of Paris with no green thing within a distance of kilometres, but a large selection of bars instead), I am sorry not to be able to talk Twilight with you. Because the only things I know about it is from the film and I’m not sure it would be polite to share my opinion on the subject with you.

    I am also sorry not to cook something for you. Trust me it’s for the better. You’ll thank me for that as everybody does, including myself. But have no fear, the “traiteurs” around my place are really good. They even pack things as if it were homemade, so when I have friends over I can tell them “Losers, I may cook once a year, but when I do it, it’s great”.

    And to make up for me being a bad fangirl, or just not being one at all, not to mention that I’m probably as lousy as you for cooking and cleaning, know that I always have a (huge) great selection of wines. And a lot of other qualities, ifyouknowwhatImean. Of course I was speaking about me being a cultivated interesting funny girl, what were you thinking of ?

    • I LOVE these places where I can buy “looking homemade” meals! That spares so much effort……<3
      sigh…

      • those places are my temple.

        • Just find out what is his fav hot pkt and tell him you will serve ice cold heines. But remember he does not like candy. He says it make him have convulsions.

          • What’s the no candy story?

          • look up the mtv interview with laure culpepper or smth. it’s just glorious! I’m sorry i don’t have time to look for it, really have to go.

          • Go it, its the interview where he says he’s trying to improve his spelling and he recently cut his toenails.

            MP-have a good day.

          • mtv interview, otherwise known as my all-time favorite interview. Laura Culpepper is my idol.

        • The happy trial is my temple. I worship there daily.

          • Me too ML, me too….

          • trail, not trial…duh

    • MP- see my comment below- no cooking necessary; just microwaving. And I’m not sure if he’s notice the state of cleanliness or not.

      • What you don’t know is that I am not exactely the best at microwaving either. No one taught me that you really have to pay attention to the temperature+quantity+time. You almost have to be a scientist to get it right 🙂

        • Ha! Maybe I can help you there! Really, for Rob it would just be Hot Pockets and carrots- easy enough to master!

          • I am an expert in the art of choosing the good traiteur and the good wine. I can’t be good at everything. Jeez, life is so difficult !
            What’s the story with the carrots?

          • Okay, no need to worry about cooking/microwaving skills! Your expertise in choosing a good traiteur and good wines will serve you well- I don’t really cook either, I just steam vegetables.

            I can’t remember the source for this, but there was an interview with Rob and the interviewer asked if he liked his apartment in LA or something like that. In true Rob fashion, he started talking about how this was the first place that he’d lived that had a microwave and he looked around for things to microwave and then he talked about microwaving carrots.

            There are three remarkable things about this story:
            1) that he was fascinated by the microwave
            2) that he searched for things to microwave
            3) that there was actual real food (carrots) in the place where he was living.

            It also implies that he MIGHT have gone food shopping- that would be very funny watch. And does anybody really microwave carrots??

            I can’t remember if he talked about Hot Pockets in the same interview or not. Anybody?

          • In true Rob fashion…hahaha
            How did I miss the epic interview? Thanks for the explanation.

          • GQ interview?

          • That interview is hilarious! I picture Rob putting a whole, unpeeled carrot in the microwave and watching it intently through the window, waiting for it to do..something.

            If he wants to have some fun with the microwave, I’d advise putting whole, uncut chestnuts in there for a minute or two-they explode with a loud BANG. Yes, this happened to me.

          • I forgot the fourth remarkable thing-

            4) that he talked about it in an interview! Hello, no brain to mouth filter and word vomit!

            RG- could be GQ, not sure.

          • DTD- I think that was the first interview where the ‘Rob interest’ really got me. Who was this young man and what was he talking about??? Why is he talking about carrots??? I had to know more.

            I also envisioned him experimenting with food items in the microwave. In HTB, when Art is in the kitchen with the therapist, and he’s trying to get memories or feelings off the counter tops and sink, I imagine that look on his face when I think about the microwave experiments.

          • @ draska
            “Why is he talking about carrots???”
            That was a metaphor. Def. not the most inspired one, sizewise.

          • Maybe it was a really big carrot!

        • I only warm up my coffee in the microwave…20sec!
          ..and MARSHMELLOWS…they look great after that treatment!!

          • OMG!!! You’re officially worst then everybody, Rob included. Who warms coffee in the microwave?

          • haha…not sure, but it feels like a compliment to be mentioned with him in “microwaving”

          • and…
            Dear Rob,
            what does happen when I’ll put carrots in the microwave?
            please explain
            me

          • If you put a carrot in a microwave you get rubber.

          • Robgirl, Imma go microwave myself some marshmallows, just ’cause you said that…

          • tupelohoney….so follow this
            1) better the ones with chocolate…more spectacular!
            2) look at the window…it’s a matter of seconds
            3) they grow and grow……hahaha
            4) after that…throw them away…way TOO sweet
            marshmellows make you become fat!…so NO eating!!!
            BUT FUNNY SHOW in the microwave!!!lol

          • They grow and grow…. makes me think of something else that might grow and grow… lol.

            Throw them away… marshmellows make you become fat!
            Can’t have that happening can we?

        • drsaka-I know, right? Why is it so endearing when Rob does dopey things? If my husband did that I’d call him a moron.or a dolt. But when Rob does it I say”so cute..”

          • exactly!!!

    • MP, how about we plan something. You take care of entertainment, I take care of the cooking? 🙂 We can discuss on how to share HHH later on.

      • Sb, Rob or not Rob, please move over at my place.

        • LOL!

  7. Once Bitten Mamma-

    What a nice invitation, though you’ll have to plan the dinner menu a bit more. You know, the usuals and the best part- you just have to microwave!!.

    Here’s to hoping that he accepts your invite!

    The eyebrows! A friend said ‘Joan Crawford as portraited in Mommy Dearest, called and wants her eyebrows back. Yes, Rob, you do have very ‘strong’ eyebrows, but did they have to dye them so black in Twilight????

    • *sigh* I have learned so much since I wrote this. I was but a young, budding fan at the time. If I had to rewrite it, I think it would just say…
      Dear Rob,
      HotPockets, Beer, Stoli, and cigarettes at my place!
      Flannel Sheets!
      Only 2.4 miles from the Goodwill!
      See you soon,
      Poochi

      • So that was your letter? Sweet! Naive, maybe, but sweet.

      • That was great, Poochimamma.

        Favorite part: I had no idea who you were before Twilight. Who am I kidding? I had no idea who you were even after I saw Twilight.

        Thanks!
        lion

  8. And people tell me that “Twilight fans have no sense of humour”?!

    You are all ridiculous and I love you and thank you!

    • WHO said that?

      • Not any of us!

    • Yes we are all ridiculous and I like that.

  9. How fun! I’ve learned NOT to drink coffee until after reading the latest “letter” and this is no exception. The [by the way, what were you saying] and the unibrow comments were classic! Thanks, O.B.M. for a great morning chuckle. And remember, if he does stop over…TAKE LOTS OF PICTURES!

    • And send us the picture files!

  10. I don’t know what happens to me but each time I watch Rob in an interview or a video, I slip into a dreamlike state, like a haze. Then after it’s done I have to literally shake myself off it! Ah Rob!!!! Stop dazzling me!

    • Yeah that happens to me too!

  11. I love this letter!!!! It’s so me! Love #2, 3 and 4. I can totally relate.

    The Walmart explanation is hilarious! Rob, don’t go there, it gets a little scary sometimes!

    My Dh is also scruffy and bulky, no way in heck he’s gonna fit in those skinny pants that Rob wears :-(, believe me, I tried. Rob totally ruined it for me too. I’ve never been into lanky, skinny and pale guys before Rob came along.

    Amen on the husband “housework.” Is that what it is then? A chore? LOL.

    • haha…is that true?
      YOU tried to put in your hubby into skinny jeans?..kidding<3

      • LOL, yes I sure did! He tried many(while complaining)! Sadly, nothing fit him. 😦 Oh well, at least he can do plaid. You saw his picture, he’s not skinny, he’s really buff and muscular. They don’t make skinny man pants for his body type!

        • SB, I bought my husband a bunch of plaid flannel shirts recently. I told him they make him look sexy (they actually do) and that they totally turn me on! He wears them almost daily now!

          • Ain’t that right? It makes mine look hot too. He now has an overabundance of plaid everything.

          • Overabundance of plaid… yeah, my DH has plaid boxers now too..

          • Tupelo, take note of all the shirts he’s got on in the pics above. We should buy those for our husbands. :-). I really like the henley. The jacket is great too, I already got hubby one like it.

          • Already done.. DH was wearing a henley similar to that when he left for work this morning…

            He’s in RobStyle and doesn’t even know it! lol.

          • Is it normal that I bought him a henley like that in 3 different colors? Remember how he also wore one(white or cream colored) in Twilight? Check out the fight scene. 🙂

    • Yeah SB after 13 years the husband “housework” had fallen into the chore category until I discovered Robporn! My hubby doesn’t know what’s gotten into me but he’s not complaining!! lol.

      • Tupelohoney – My Dh asked me too! He said “what got into you?” LOL. Then one day I accidentally said sparklepeen in front of him(for no reason). He stopped on his tracks and looked at me weird. He said, “is that a Rob thing?”

        I was so busted.

    • SB, are you sure we weren’t separated at birth??
      At our house, we call it “housework” so that we can talk about it in front of anyone. For example, when we’re out to dinner with my in-laws:
      Me: *yawn* Gee, I’m so sleepy! That’s too bad, I still have some housework to catch up on when we get home.
      Hubby: Really? Housework?
      Me: Yes. House. Work.
      Hubby: Thanks for dinner, guys. We’ve gotta go.

      And yes, it used to be a chore, until I found fanfic and HHH.

      • Poochimama –

        That’s so funny! I’m gonna have to use that word from now on. All we do is give each other the “look”, it might be fun to actually say “housework.” LOL

        Gah, I’ve only been married for 6 yrs! I srsly need Rob to keep me going with the “housework.”

  12. Holy Crap!
    Um, yeah, that’s me y’all. I wrote this letter back when I was lurking on the comment boards…so I’m actually going to take back number 4. Yeah….oops.

    Dear Rob,
    Hi! It’s me, Poochi. The invite still stands, but I’m going to leave number four up to you. I mean, I don’t want to totally deny you if you can’t resist.
    Love,
    Me
    PS – I have flannel sheets.

    • Noe you’ve got him- flannel sheets!!! A sure attraction for Rob!

      • sorry that should be ‘now’

    • “I have flannel sheets.” LMAF!! Love that…

    • Poochi, glad to hear you’re taking back #4. I think I’d want him in my bed, on the diningroom table, on the bathroom floor, up against a wall, on my front porch swing, in my truck, just about anywhere….

    • I love your letter Poochimama!

    • LOL. You had him at flannel sheets! 😉

  13. We aren’t so much twifans as we are Robfans…I mean most of us really enjoy Twilight but we’re here to be “ridicolous” about Rob….that being said…rob here is my invite.
    Location: my house
    Time: by Twilight, before New Moon, during the Eclips, until Breaking Dawn
    Menu: stoli, hotpockets and me
    RSVP: not ness. I know you’ll be here based on my menu
    What to bring: yourself, mullsten is NOT invitied, you can bring your guitar too: yeeee-haw!

    • Sorry about the spelling, iPod is not user friendly for typing…my message was supposed to be a reply to dinogirl…thanks ladies have a great weekend!

  14. the second pic……is that supposed to be a “boxing-position”? Hot!..mhmm…sort of…lol

    • That picture of him is so very hot!!!!

      • boxing rob = win, rob picking his wedge would be a win too though, I can’t ked myself! lol

  15. Great letter One Bitten Momma. I’m giving you a standing O. What a novel idea: having Rob to dinner, (and not attacking him and ripping all his clothes off!). Good on ya 😀

    PS. Hawt pics of Rob set to Depeche Mode – I think I just had a sitting O of my own!

  16. dear rob –

    i can’t cook. AT ALL! but i do have lots and lots of bottles of tequila cuz i live 8 minutes from the border.
    so come on over.
    we’ll sit in the backyard, listen to some blues, look at the city lights, and drink shots. i promise to share some of my tequila with you if i can lick voldka off of your………

    lita

    • from the border of what?…lol..sounds funny!

      • i live in west texas – eight minutes from mexico. basically tequila, not beer, is on tap
        🙂

        • maybe i shouldn’t drink this early i swear i know how to spell VODKA

        • Are you near Big Bend NP?

          • move it to the west – i live in el paso

          • Got it!

    • solitagirl, can you just pass the bottle please?

  17. Rob Haiku:

    I drank Stoli

    from the center

    of your sweet spot

    • very good! New website : Love poems to Rob.

    • Thats kinda hot. You could definitely get drunk off of him.

      • even without the alcohol.

    • Hmmm, so where exactly is the “sweet spot?” Can you please point it to me? LOL

      • YOu’ll need to find it on your own…with your tongue…what is wrong with me today..

        Again, I’m kidding. This is not who I am.

        • But I do think it’s who I am….

          jk, jk

        • ML, come on, don’t deny yourself! LOL

    • lion ..that’s not a haiku…4,4,4, a haiku is 3,7,5…lol…..no….me kidding…I love your poem..any poem is free of rules!!

      • rogbirl. It’s not traditional Haiku, it’s Robku so anything goes…no exact structure.

    • I was thinking we need a Rob-ku or Twi-ku every day on the whatever subject the post of the day was about. You know, to meditate on in a Zen-like fashion whilst going about our daily chores . . . or housework . . . whatever. I like your submission today!

      • T.O.O.

        I love the idea of daily Rob-ku or Twi-ku…something to mediate on while doing “housework.

        The fanfic is working…for me.

        I ❤ you.
        lion

        • Yay!

  18. Love the letter, but I cannot relate in any way shape or form.

    I do not want Rob to visit me and my family. I don’t want him to eat ice cream or Hot Pockets in the presence of my children or husband.

    I want Fantasy Rob. You know, the one who will look like he stepped outa Vanity Fair (Peggy’s or Bruce’s, whichever) and wants to get it on. We can discuss literature and music (if we must).

    • I can totally relate to your not relating 😉

    • I was actually thinking about this the other day. If the real-life Robert Pattinson were in my house? Too scary! But I would consider giving him a tour of the city and having a Heine in a pub.

  19. I want dirty Rob on an empty train, but the visions change daily.

    jk

    • Oohh, that’s a new one. Love that idea. My vision today has been nekkid with Rob in the back of my big ol’ truck…..
      Must be a southern thang!

      • How about on top of a washing machine….while it’s running a load? 😉

        You make me laugh everytime you mention your big ol’ truck. I can just imagine you driving a Ford F-150, barreling down the road!

        • SB, can’t believe you said that! lol. A Ford F-150? No way!
          I got a Dodge Ram 4×4! I had to have a special bar installed so I could climb up into it. It’s black with purple pinstripes down the side. You’d love it!

          • Hmmm I like the sound of it already, black with purple stripes! Purple’s my favorite color!

          • Cuz purple’s cool.

    • yes train
      all alone
      bad things
      can happen

  20. Dear Rob-

    Let’s keep it simple. You. Me. On any hard surface – vertical or horizontal. What say you?

    lita

    • “what say you?” Rob will bang that.

  21. I just want Rob. Just like that,

    No ifs, ands, or buts.

    Dear Rob,

    When and where?

    Lust,
    Me

  22. Great letter OBM. My poor fiance bought me the first 3 books this past Christmas after I’d already seen T and NM the movies. Ever since then he has been so effed for my undivided attention. I am guilty of turning down a night out because I wasn’t done BD. I come to this site everyday looking for more Twi-porn/Rob-porn and I listen to parts of the soundtracks everyday. That’s Normal right?

    Oh and Rob makes me want to be a really bad bad girl. Damn RP fanfic!

  23. Great letter, I really loved it! I like the part about the improved “housework” with your hubby – same over here! He has no idea why although he reaps all the benefits. He actually told me too I looked and acted younger.. so thank you Rob!

  24. Dear Rob,

    I’m snowed in. So how about you come and visit me? I’ll make you sweet potato pie, macaroons, tater tots and some homemade sweet tea to wash it down? You’ll just love all my southern treats. Then we can just hang out or cuddle, it can snow to oblivion but I don’t care if you’re here! There’s plenty of things you and can do inside.

    XO
    Southernbelle

    *now I have to go and hide under the bed*

    • honi….he won’t do it..after that meal he will fell ….asleep!!!…lol…and you know it!!!

      • Oh shuddupinyerface! LOL. I’ll wake him up and once he sees the abundance of booze in the basement, he won’t sleep! We have a huge stock, this house better not catch fire because that basement of alcoholic drinks.

        • The classic shuddupinyerface- nice!

    • Shoot! I can’t believe I forgot to put “I” in my post! Rob I meant there’s plenty of things you and I can do inside!

  25. I would really like to know what was going on in the first picture.
    And the second, for that matter. He looks like he’s about to do some serious martial arts, Taylor-style.

    Love.

  26. I never really wanted to invite Rob over for dinner, but this only shows that ‘One Bitten Momma’ is different from others of her kind. Bless you!

    • hahahahaa Different from others of my kind. I don’t know that made me laugh so hard. Probably because it’s so true that we are a “kind!”
      Although, now that I’ve seen Chubward, I know the boy can eat! (ahem…twss)

      • “I know the boy can eat.”

        Lol!

  27. OBM has so much self control ” I don’t want you in my bed ” Ar you kidding ?? If RPatz was in my house , I would tie him up and he would be reported as missing:) We would be having 20 hour sex sessions ( just like Brad and Angelina) LOL he would never be found … And I would never feel sorry for all of you pattinh00rs 🙂 I’m definately not sharing:) LOL
    OMG .. I’m losing it .. my mind is just unraveling with crazy thoughts… so many possibilities:) I guess that’s why I I make a daily stop at RAoR, it never fails:) thank you ladies (H00rs)
    BTW, I got all my twilight books in Ebay…

  28. Getting your books on Ebay is very brave (crazy) of you. Knowing the reactions it starts, i dunno if I would like to touch it. Did you find some sticky pages? I haven’t read it but I guess I’m not far from reality here.

    • and that was supposed to be a reply to AllCullen but I guess the wine is not helping.

  29. I think that second video just reaffirmed my faith in The Rob. My patience has been waning (this is my first Rob Drought) lately. Where can I renew my vows to HHH?

  30. OMG! I love the letter….For months, I wondered what all this Twlight was about. Saw it everywhere. Husband and I rented it and I too was hooked. I bought the books, read them in 6 days through christmas…Did I mention I have a newborn at home too? Can’t stop finding new videos on youtube or checking for him on twitter.

    I’m glad I’m not the only one Rob helps get her housework done.

  31. Ahhh! We were separated from birth! Same here! Well almost. lol I saw Twilight posters and what not before reading the books or the movie. Untillll… One day(Feb.1.09)I had to go to Borders to get a book for my English class. I went after the super bowl game of course. lol After getting the book I needed for class, I said, “Hmm…all my friends at school are reading these books. I should just buy it to see what all this fuss is about.” I bought Twilight and started reading it as soon as I got home. I pictured Edward as Rob too cause I’ve seen his face EVERYWHERE, so yeah. Read all the books and waited for Twilight to come out in DVD in March. I was internally kicking my own ass for not going to see it in theaters when I was invited multiple times. So finally, I saw the movie. I loved it! I wasn’t Robsessed at that time yet. I don’t know what came over me but I wanted to know about this Rob Patterson(sorry, thought that was his name). Then-just like you-I watched E! News to see if he might come up. I had NEVER really watched E! News before but I did that day. The first story they covered was about his new movie ‘Little Ashes’ and how he said that the Spanish men were giggling at him when he was acting out the gay scenes! Ha-ha. Then when he had to take a shot of Valium for the audition. So I watch E! News every now and then but I go to my Ted C. everyday on A.T…although lately he’s been bashing my poor Rob WHO DID GREAT IN R.M-mind you, Ted. lol And needless to say, I ended up Robsessing and ended up here. P.S: I also LOVE watching Chelsea Lately and I love Chuy. So cute! lol


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