The one where I don’t really talk about Rob Pattinson

My First Love

Dear Rob,

Time out. This might be hard to hear. Or maybe not since I’ve confessed things like this before. Back in 2004 I discovered the TV show “The OC.” I was a season behind, so the weekend of my discovery my college roommate and I, Lucifer the Devil (a nickname she adores), did not sleep. We did not eat. We did not drink because then we’d have to pee. We just watched The OC. And somehow didn’t get through the entire first season so for half of the following week, we went to class groggily, not prepared for quizzes and tests and papers because most nights we stayed up till 5 am. All because of Seth Cohen. Adorable, Adorkable, Amazing Seth Cohen. (And in something we might call “fate,” my first phone call to Moon EVER and probably the only real conversation we had since we met 2 years before was the time I called to get filled-in on what Lucifer & I missed in the first few episodes of season 2. The convo went something like this, “Moon- I’m in love with Seth Cohen! What do I do!?” Not to be confused with the one four years later that went something like this, “Moon- I’m so in love with Robert Pattison. What do I do!?” I should’ve known then our friendship, cemented in our love for fictional characters and the actors who play them, was for keeps!….!) My love affair with The OC, Seth Cohen and their world in Newport Beach was something I’ll have fond memories of forever. When I’m feeling down, bored or nostalgic, you might find me pulling out my worn copy of season 1, remembering the first time I heard about Christmakuh, the Thanksgiving episode with Seth, Summer and Anna and thinking fondly back on the time when I didn’t hate Mischa Barton. Sigh… the good ol’ days.

This past weekend has come very close to that time in college when Lucifer and I discovered Seth. Except this time I’ve discovered Nate Archibald, Blair Waldorf, Serena van der Woodsen, Dan Humphrey *le sigh* and, oh, did I mention Chuck Bass? Yes. I’ve been sucked into the world of Gossip Girl. I resisted for a lonnnngg time. I knew I’d love it. I knew I’d obsess. I didn’t have time to find a new obsession.  I mean, I have you- what else do I need? But, I gave in. And didn’t shower, get dressed or move all weekend long.

So all that to say, I haven’t thought about you at all much this weekend. No, this isn’t about to become a blog about Gossip Girl (I think I’m a few years behind to start one of those), but would you allow me a moment to just think of only one thing (besides you) for one weekend? Okay good.

So I did a little googling, to see what I could find to talk about today. I googled stuff like “Rob Pattinson and gossip girl,” “Rob Pattinson likes Gossip Girl,” “Rob Pattinson hooking up with actress on Gossip Girl” but all I came across was stuff about “Rob Pattinson and Chuck Bass.” And then I was like, “DUH!” All year long I’ve been hearing about and reading of comparisons between you and Ed Westwick (who plays Chuck Bass).  Now, I actually have some context to have an intelligent (ahem) conversation about it!

(I totally photoshopped some dude out of this picture. I'm pretty sure Rob & Ed have no idea who the other is...Unless they met once, at the Queen's house)

First I hit up my favorite site, Yahoo Answers, and found that someone had asked the following:

Does anyone think Chuck Bass looks like Edward Cullen?

Here are a few of my favorite responses:

of course i think so! chuck bass and edward cullen look exactly alike! i am actually ed westwick’s wife, in case you were wondering! actually, ed westwick and robert pattinson are BFF’s in real life! they have a “bromance”

Well….you could say so. On the outside though, not the inside. In my personal opinion, I think that chuck and edward look almost exactly alike but their inside genetic material and stuff is completely different. Maybe next time you ask a question, you can specify it. There chemical make-up is completely different; although, they do look alike on the outside.

NO! unlike edward cullen, chuck bass washes his hair

Ed, Rob AND that girl who slept with John Krasinski? It's like all my Hollywood Men in one place!

But people other than 12 year olds who think Edward Cullen is real and idiots trying to sound smart talking about nonsense like your differing “chemical make-up” have made comparisons between you two, and I have to ask- WHY!? Ed plays a character completely different than Edward Cullen or any other character you’ve played. Ed is like 5 feet tall while you’re over 6 feet. You don’t actually look alike. Okay you’re both from England. Okay you’re both musicians. Okay you both hate to shave. Ed’s real first name is the first name of your most famous character and once he played a gay guy (like you did in Little Ashes) on Californication and was the writer of bad vampire erotica. Assuming all girls hate to shave, that’s like comparing me to Katy Perry because we live in the same country, both like to sing, once I kissed a girl too and we both have at one point in our life written some words on a blog. And we’re NOT the same. I wouldn’t touch Russell Brand with a 10 foot poll if someone paid me a million dollars PLUS told me I could have you, Chuck Bass AND Seth Cohen all at the same time. Yuck. (Yuck to Russell. The threesome with You, Chuck and Seth? Yum, yum, YUM)

So to recap: This weekend I barely thought of you. So much so that I just made up a reason to blog about Gossip Girl on my blog called “Letters to Rob.” And while I heart me some Chuck Bass (I’m actually just halfway through season 1 and currently my heart is a little fonder towards Dan Humphrey, but I hear Chuck will really seal the deal for my heart in Season 2), you and Ed Westwick are nothing alike. Sure you’re both British and both attractive and have that strong jaw and hairy chest, but you’re not the same, no matter what any 12 year old or person on google thinks. And I’m okay with liking both of you…. Don’t worry, I still like you more!

“There’s something in my stomach. Fluttering,”
UnintendedChoice

So what do you think? Anything in common with Rob Pattinson and Ed Westwick? Non-GG watchers (what’s wrong with you!? Watch it now) Thanks for bearing with me. But Ed isn’t the ONLY one Rob has been compared to. There’s been Jo Jonas (Barf), Zac Efron, the dude who plays Bill Compton from True Blood! What do you think? Anyone out there we can REALLY compare Rob to!? Or is he “one of a kind!?”

Our internet game is still ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter