D-E-A-R B-Y-R-D-I-E

As we continue with “Spring Cleaning out the LTR inbox” I came across this letter submitted back in APRIL. Yes, when we write you and say we love a letter and are going to “hang on to it,” we really DO mean that! Funny how something written almost a year ago is still relevant to today!

Dear Luscious LTR Ladies:

A few weeks ago I “outed” myself at work and it has been great. Basically, these two women at work are now surprising me with all kinds of Twilight/Rob stuff on a regular basis and I’m loving every minute of it. Today was no exception:

When I walked into my office, one of my co-workers passed me a handwritten note she had received from one of our customers. When she read the note, she came running to me to share. I think you can tell why. What SHE thought was a letter from a customer was clearly a secret messaged, funneled through my workplace, for me from Rob.

Real letter from "Rob"

Yes, it is true – it has finally happened! I received my first direct letter from Rob today at work. We now have proof that he does actually read LTR and intends to answer each and every one of us individually. In order to protect the more private parts (snicker snicker) of the letter, I have cleverly changed my name to Rachel, disguised LTR with a psuedonym (Opticon USA – very non-discript, right?) and removed all references to “in bed”. I think you can insert this phrase at key points in the letter to get the true flavor of the letter, ie. I’m committed to meticulous detail (in bed), staying flexible (in bed), and providing excellent results (in bed) so that your role can be simple and enjoyable (in bed). You get the drift.

Now, run to your mailboxes because I know your letter from Rob is on its way!

Forever crazy in love,

Byrdie

PS: I think you can see how HHH makes his way into every single crevice of my daily life. When will the insanity stop? I hope never!

We hope never too, Byrdie!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter

Dear Rob,

If you’ll excuse us for the day us gals would like to take it easy and enjoy some Rob Porn. For the uninitiated Rob Porn is basically just our excuse to paste sayings that guys would never say or really just anything risque over pictures of you! Pretty much like those Porn for Women books or some of our favorite “Fuckyea” sites.

So site back and relax and let’s get to it!

Follow the cut to see some more Rob porn

I was searching around for something new to post today and I came across a letter submitted to us last May. Yes. I said May. And it’s a good one. Get ready:

This is just so upsetting...

Dear Rob

Hi, it’s me. Carrie. Remember me? I’m the crazy hot fan who unexpectedly found herself abstinent due to her insatiable desire to bed you, and only you. I’m just writing to let you know that I have been unfaithful. Well, I wouldn’t really classify it as being unfaithful, because the way I see it as that even though I did bang some other guy on the weekend, in actual fact I was ultimately banging you. Yeah, so I know you’re probably thinking I’m a little bit more crazy than normal, but there was good reasoning behind it and I’m going to break it down for you right here and now. So it goes like this:

I’m out with the girls on Saturday night, and let’s be honest, I’m a little bit frisky. I’d been watching Twilight earlier, the version with the directors commentary, replaying over and over the bits where you say stuff like “saucy” and “garden burger”. You know how it always gets me in the mood. So I’m out and about, and in my travels to and from the bar, I run into a lovely young gentleman, who, I soon discover by his accent, is from the United States. In my mildly intoxicated state I find this enthralling, because you my darling Rob, have spent a lot of time and lived (albeit only temporarily) and worked in the States.

The gentleman and I get along like a house on fire. He’s charming, interesting, and more importantly, super hot. Even though he totally wasn’t my normal type. Instead of having ‘untidy, bronze coloured hair’ or just plain messy out of control sandy brown locks, or ‘topaz coloured eyes’ or sex me up green eyes (as you know I usually prefer in my men), he instead had a buzz cut (hmm, kinda like Kellan actually), nice warm brown eyes, and was super built. So I was at first a little disconcerted that I found myself so attracted to this guy. I was soon to find out why.

In our discussions about his travels and what on earth he was doing wandering so far from home, he revealed that he was originally from Texas. Yeah, I know, not super significant. But it was just after he said this that he took his jacket off, and I happened to notice the colourful tattoo on his upper arm, oddly of the letters ASU intertwined around each other. After enquiry upon the significance of those letters, he proudly told me that it was in tribute to the University (or college, as the yanks call it) he’d attended. “ASU?” I inquire. “Yes,” he replies proudly, “Arizona State University.” Rob, I was absolutely floored.

And that’s when I knew that I would be banging this guy tonight.

You see, he went to Arizona State, which as I am sure you have deduced, is in the state of Arizona. Which is where Stephenie Meyer was raised. Stephenie Meyer, who wrote Twilight. Which were then adapted into a movie. Which you starred in. Rob, it was six degrees of separation from you. So in a way, when we were going at it later on, I was really doing you, not him.

So I feel that I can truthfully say that I have been and will always remain to be faithful to you, Rob. Though I’m sure that you can understand, that until you come to realise that I exist and fall desperately, madly, passionately (unconditionally and irrevocably) in love with me, that a girl has needs, y’know? And as long as I can continue to find the six degrees of separation from you I can have guilt free sex with as many guys as I want. Which works out well for you, cos when we do finally do the nasty, Rob, I’m gonna have a whole wealth of experience and a real bag of tricks to surprise you with. But thanks to my kegel exercises, you’ll never know just how I learned them…

No longer abstinent but still yours in mind, body and soul,
Carrie

So how are YOU 6 degrees separated from Rob?

Psst: We’re always looking for fan letters to Rob! Even if it takes us almost a year to post them, we love to! E-mail us!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter

Pics from Robsessed

Inspired by our “Educational Moments” wherein our readers explain to us differences between the American culture we’re used to and the British culture Rob is used to, The Old One breaks down Rob and his cliched “Englishness”

God save the Rob!

Dear Rob:

I saw an article on binge drinking in British pubs, and it made me think of you, of course, as almost everything does.  I was thinking if you were an American, you wouldn’t be YOU, you would be just another utterly boring celebrity, and I would never have developed the acute fondness for you that has taken over my pitiful existence.  Since my childhood days back in the mists of time there has been a special place in my heart for the British.  I think it began when I spent part of my childhood as a resident of Canada, where we had to sing God Save the Queen at regular intervals in school, and name every member of the Royal Family on sight. I was around for the first British Invasion–no, not the redcoats, the Old One’s not quite that old–but the Beatles, Rolling Stones, et al.  You could say I imprinted on their cheeky humor and exuberance and have been a pushover for a sexy young Brit ever since.  And it’s not just me. There’s just something about the British that is so fascinating to a lot of Americans.  Is it the creaky charm, the frumpy taste in clothing, the inferiority complex they give us with their accent?  Well, whatever it is, Rob, you sure have “IT”.  So I thought I would try breaking down what IT is:

The Name:  Robert Thomas.  Those are two names that haven’t been popular in the U.S. since the Eisenhower era, but apparently are still OK to name a kid in England. At least you weren’t named “Cedric” or “Nigel”—names Americans have never ever called their kids.  And think about your sisters’ names–Elizabeth and Victoria.  Way to kiss ass with the aristocracy, Clare.

Tally ho baby Rob!

The Proper Upbringing: Is it required of every English parent to instill a love of plaid and dowdiness in their children from the cradle?  Take a look at those pantywaist shorts and suspenders!  And the leash!  This is quite controversial in the U.S.  We like our kids to learn independence and to be able to run freely into traffic.  What effect did this have on your toddler sense of self-esteem? Is this why you can’t run properly?

Has he been 'sorted' yet?

The Cheeky Schoolboy:  Your school days—a proper, private education and forced to wear snobbish uniforms that haven’t changed in a hundred years.  Apparently you didn’t quite toe the line, Rob, even then; never did your homework or cleaned up after yourself and were kicked out.  Even being expelled, you seem to have come away with a better education than most Americans.  How do the British do this?

Follow the cut for the rest of the stereotypes and some awesome pictures

See you at the Poll:

With award season in full force and Rob’s hair begging us to get the focus off him, we’re exploring a special category for Rob at the upcoming Oscar awards through a fan submitted letter:

I'm preeettty sure I know what award Rob is winning here...

Dear Rob,

I saw the list of actors nominated for Academy Awards and your name was oddly missing from the list. Look, if Sandra Bullock can be nominated, why weren’t you? Isn’t one of the ideas behind receiving an award such as this, that the audience feel something deeply from the performance? I’m shocked that you were overlooked. You delivered, man. You took a difficult vamp role, with practically zero experience and made your character one of the most beloved and sexiest in current cinema.

Did the Academy not see the way you cracked that cell phone while you were in a dingy hotel in Brazil? Is it weird that that scene turned me on. What about the parking lot strut? My breathing hitched during this one. Did they miss the way you recited Romeo and Juliet for your English class in Forks? Yes, I admit it was understated, but I felt “something.” What about the look in your eyes when your skull cracks on the floor during the Volturi fight? Is it wrong that I practically bit through my lip during this scene? Rob, I’m sorry but I love seeing you get your *ss kicked.

What!? I won an Oscargasm!?

Every time I see these scenes, strange things happen to me, and surely this is the mark of great acting. I feel things when I see you on screen that I’ve never felt from any acting performance. Perhaps there should be a special Academy Award called, “Oscargasm,” just for you, Rob.

I felt that “special” feeling during Little Ashes as well and have very high hopes for Remember Me. If Bel Ami delivers on the sex, you will be nominated again and maybe the name of the special Oscargasm will simply be named the Robert Pattinsongasm award, but no will be able to do it the way you do. That’s what she said.

Thanks for doing it for me everytime, Rob,
mountainlion

It’s been awhile since we’ve run one of our famous “See you at the Poll” polls. Today, let’s explore which of the following awards Rob deserves MOST:

What do you think!? What did I miss? Got any better award ideas for Rob?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter

Hey guys, whats the Baftas? Slang for bad hair day?

Dear Rob,

So I guess the Bafta’s are the British version of the Oscars even though there’s a category entirely voted on by the public and well here in the US at the Oscars we realize that a majority of the movie going public can’t handle that kind of responsibility or frankly, possess the cinematic “taste” that is required to bear such a burden so we leave it up to a bunch of snobby film watchers to make our decisions for us. It’s good to see the British folks trust their people. Sadly, they should not trust you with your hair anymore, pal. We saw the pictures and we’re ready to KEEP IT REAL and break them down…

UC talks to customer service and we find out what Water for Elephants is really about
UC: Rob looks like crap tonight
Moon: im gonna look at these Bafta pics for the first time… close up
UC: ohhh enjoy it brb on phone
Moon: wow his hair looks like a limp dick took a walk in the rain
UC: sorry.. phone
Moon: it looks all wet… Wanna break this down?
UC: uh in a bit i’m trying to get this trip booked on the phone with someone in india i think
Moon: ok are you on hold? did they give you a fake “american-ized” name?
UC: yes Ron
Moon: YES!! it’s Rob! He’s perfecting his English customer service accent for an upcoming movie
UC: okay he’s back, be back in  a sec
Moon: isnt Water for Elephants about a guy named Ron working for Dell?
UC: yes he has a pet elephant
Moon: and working customer service call line at dell is how he feeds the elephant
UC: it should NOT be that difficult to book a vacay. We like nickel & dimed it to find the best deal, don’t worry- I got $50 off
prob not worth all the time it took
Moon: thats like half a dinner one night. good work!
UC: thanks!
Moon: but at least you helped out Ron, feeding the elephants and all
UC: no his price was too high plus he told me I could book online
Moon: OMG! the elephants gonna die now

My hair is looser than Mickey Rourke's face before his weekly face lift

Letters to Mickey dot com
Moon:  hey guys guess who’s here looking awful!!!
UC: hip hip hurray
Moon: it’s a big feat when he has me looking BEHIND him wondering how much of a hot mess mickey rourke looks today and if that girl is legal to talk to mickey
UC: makes me wish we were writing a blog to the dude behind him letterstomickey.com
Moon: so what do we think happened here?? Why does he look like this?
UC: Forgot about the BAFTAs? shaved his head last night? had to grab a wig?
Moon: did he have poor time management and had to jump in the shower 5 minutes before the limo arrived. Maybe he ran out of Edwards super secret bouffant pomade
UC: OR- he washed in the sink w/ a rag & just grabbed some gel to ‘do his hair’ in the limo… and didn’t have a mirror so he just put crap in his hair assuming by now, hes the hottest thing- no one would notice he also has a rubberband around his left leg- that’s why the fabric is all billowed
UC: and he apparently has bangs that look like mine- and just won’t lay to the side. I know Rob, it sucks when they’re growing out
Moon: those boys love their bangs (mickey does not) he needs a little clip. I had a hello kitty one that worked wonders when my bangs were growing out
UC: yes- i have a pretty gold one i could let him borrow except I need it, bobby pins are always a nice second choice
Moon: or just drying your hair helps

Follow the cut for video, Doppelganger week and Creepy Uncle Rob

Continuing with our “How I fell for Rob” series, we’re featuring a letter from Jena- one of our forum mods who has become a friend! And because Jena mentions her favorite early interviews of Rob in her letter, I’ve linked to them all to give you something to re-watch this Sunday afternoon. You’re welcome!

What do you mean I look dead?

Dear Rob,

Once upon a time there was a 29 year old, oh, that’s me, who was sitting in her bedroom going through magazines that were piled on the floor…..And the story begins.

I subscribe to like 11 magazines. True story. I get so many and never read them right away so they usually just get thrown for when I have time. So I’m going through magazines that have piled up and I find the Entertainment Weekly magazine with you and Kristen Stewart on the cover. The first one of them that came out where your shirt is all open, you look kinda dead, and she’s got an apple in her hand. First I go “oh….that’s Kristen Stewart.” I knew her from “The Messengers” and “Panic Room”. I liked her as an actress. Then I see the apple and I’m like “wtf is that in her hand for?” Then I see you….and I’m like “who’s this guy?” But it was a “who’s this guy?” meaning I was not really into you. Then I saw the heading and thought “Twilight, what’s Twilight?” Yes, it’s true, I had not heard about this. And then I saw the word “vampire” and it grabbed my attention because I LOOOOVE vampire stories and movies. So I then ran to one of my online yahoogroups that I belong to and mentioned this to which my friend Janey said “yes, that is the book that I was telling everyone about a while back”….I had spaced this. You see, I don’t read. I read magazines and that’s about it. If I start a book it takes me a year to finish it. Ok, so back to you….That cover of EW is not a flattering shot of you at all imo. Doesn’t even look like you. I feel bad saying this but as a fan I believe honesty is good so there you go. You have permission to diss me on something.*** I thought you weren’t that good looking….dun dun dun….insert horrific cries and shocks and dropping jaws now. And I even said “why did they get this guy? Why didn’t they go with someone more popular?” I didn’t know who you were. (Keep in mind that I never want to discuss the fact that I thought that ever again because it makes me want to cry that I thought that). I was not one of those fans who did the online petition to stop you from being hired and I did not speak badly of you, I just didn’t see the appeal. Also keep in mind that I’m only basing that feeling from that EW shot. I’m not judgmental but really that photo did not attract me. Now, however, I feel awful about that. Really awful about that and I now think sun rays follow you wherever you walk and I’m convinced that love dust sprinkles out of your shoes and if you listen really closely I’m sure that a choir of angels live in your hair.*** Just sayin’.

That first swoon....

So then I bought Twilight in late summer, read it, started falling in love with it, falling in love with Edward, could not put the book down, saw the film in November and am incredibly passionate about the series. But it’s the little things you did that brought Edward to life. The cafeteria smirk made me moan out loud, and the up close eyes shot in Biology made me gasp and the way you say the “what exactly was that?” line had me at hello. It took me about 1.799 seconds to fall in love with you and I decided to research you….

I you-tubed the heck out of you. I think the first interview I saw was the Dose.ca one, then the Variety interview from the couch and the fun interview you did in Canada with Rachelle…..(moment of silence for her please)……where you play the picture game. And then the Elvis Duran interview. And I LOVE the interview you do with Haley from Paramore. I love listening to your conversation because you talk about everything and anything and there was never a conversation lull, which tells me that you would be a good one for a conversation.

Read Jena’s list of everything she loves about Rob & agree with her after the jump!

Dear LTR-ers,

It’s been a wild week with a controversial and HOT HOT HOT photoshoot in details so what better way to wind down the week than with some Saturday morning delights? As if we had ANY doubt that video maker superstar Biel wouldn’t come through with a video featuring the super sexy Details pictures. Have no fear cause it’s already here! And she uses a song by The XX! WIN!

It’s almost like being there with UC all over again…

I love when he’s tapping his feet sitting on the couch

And of course the behind the scenes of the Details shoot video

Will this ever get old?
Moon

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter

Dear Rob,

I’ve been inspired- inspired by a certain Twilight blog that likes to spotlight one of their members once a month- to do the same on LTR. We’re calling it: Rob’s M.O.M. (Match of the Month). Let’s not waste any time. This month, our match for you is….. TIFFANIZED

Tiffanized was the perfect first match choice for you because she’s gorgeous, witty and looks SMOKIN’ a pair of jorts:

Tiffanized- all dressed up for a hot date night

Tiffanized won our “Perfect New Moon premiere outfit” contest back in the fall and got to pick out her very own Twilight-themed cafe press shirt as a prize. The woman running the contest asked me to have our winner submit a picture in the Tshirt. The picture above is what Tiffany submitted. Notice the attention to details: The jorts, the fanny pack, the Bella Wig, the T-shirt tucked in with a belt. Brilliant.

After the jump, get to know Tiffanized, our February Rob’s M.O.M!

Giving up shirts for Lent...

Dear Rob,

You know how we’ve explained holidays like Rosh Hoshana and Thanksgiving and July 4th and Hanukkah to you? Well, you probably know a little something about Lent seeing as you said you were Catholic at one point in time but I thought it would be fun to give a little explanation and then show you the list of things I came up with for you and us to give up for lent.

The Father, the Son and the Holy Rob

SOOOO in a nutshell Lent is the season or 40 days between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday. The Tuesday before Ash Wednesday is called Fat Tuesday or Mardi Gras which has been made popular by New Orleans and is pretty much the last day to get shit faced and act crazy before 40 days of remembrance. Then on Ash Wednesday most people trek to church to participate in some sort of service and be “crossed” with ashes on their forehead. We then trek back into the real world to scare the crap out of everyone with our freaky ashy black crosses on our foreheads.  And here’s a little fun fact those ashes usually come from the previous years palm branches used in Palm Sunday! If you’re hosting a personal Ash Wednesday service and don’t have palm branches you might think about sacrificing one of your ugly old sweaters for the cause. WHOOHOO, isn’t this fun?

Ok, so on Ash Wednesday people usually vow to abstain from something, fast or add something to their routine for 40 days. Usually most people give up stuff like caffeine, red meat, chocolate/sweets, you know everyone else’s version of hot pockets. So I was thinking of stuff you could give up or start doing for 40 days until Easter…

01. 40 days without reading really brainy, weird literature like Independent People… do you think you could do it? I’ll even give you a stack of US Weeklys and the Twilight Saga to get you through. And you never know you may come out a Joan Collins fan after all this. HOLLA!

Getting a head start, I see!

02. Instead of giving up something how about you add buying a NEW shirt for your wardrobe every week! Crazy, I know but think about it… everytime you buy a new shirt you’ll be celebrating the Lenten season!

03. Write and record a song EVERY DAY of Lent and then release them all to the interwebs!

04. Abstain from reading Rob/Edward fan fiction in your off time. Devote this time instead to WRITING your own fan fiction called “It’s been a Rob day’s night”

05. Give up touching your hair! Is this even possible?

While you’re busing writing and recording music I’ve vowed to get up earlier for the next 40 days. Can we do it? We shall see…

Happy Lent!
Themoonisdown

So what else should Rob give up, or add to his life for next 40 days? More Tom Stu? Less mullet?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter