I was searching around for something new to post today and I came across a letter submitted to us last May. Yes. I said May. And it’s a good one. Get ready:
Hi, it’s me. Carrie. Remember me? I’m the crazy hot fan who unexpectedly found herself abstinent due to her insatiable desire to bed you, and only you. I’m just writing to let you know that I have been unfaithful. Well, I wouldn’t really classify it as being unfaithful, because the way I see it as that even though I did bang some other guy on the weekend, in actual fact I was ultimately banging you. Yeah, so I know you’re probably thinking I’m a little bit more crazy than normal, but there was good reasoning behind it and I’m going to break it down for you right here and now. So it goes like this:
I’m out with the girls on Saturday night, and let’s be honest, I’m a little bit frisky. I’d been watching Twilight earlier, the version with the directors commentary, replaying over and over the bits where you say stuff like “saucy” and “garden burger”. You know how it always gets me in the mood. So I’m out and about, and in my travels to and from the bar, I run into a lovely young gentleman, who, I soon discover by his accent, is from the United States. In my mildly intoxicated state I find this enthralling, because you my darling Rob, have spent a lot of time and lived (albeit only temporarily) and worked in the States.
The gentleman and I get along like a house on fire. He’s charming, interesting, and more importantly, super hot. Even though he totally wasn’t my normal type. Instead of having ‘untidy, bronze coloured hair’ or just plain messy out of control sandy brown locks, or ‘topaz coloured eyes’ or sex me up green eyes (as you know I usually prefer in my men), he instead had a buzz cut (hmm, kinda like Kellan actually), nice warm brown eyes, and was super built. So I was at first a little disconcerted that I found myself so attracted to this guy. I was soon to find out why.
In our discussions about his travels and what on earth he was doing wandering so far from home, he revealed that he was originally from Texas. Yeah, I know, not super significant. But it was just after he said this that he took his jacket off, and I happened to notice the colourful tattoo on his upper arm, oddly of the letters ASU intertwined around each other. After enquiry upon the significance of those letters, he proudly told me that it was in tribute to the University (or college, as the yanks call it) he’d attended. “ASU?” I inquire. “Yes,” he replies proudly, “Arizona State University.” Rob, I was absolutely floored.
And that’s when I knew that I would be banging this guy tonight.
You see, he went to Arizona State, which as I am sure you have deduced, is in the state of Arizona. Which is where Stephenie Meyer was raised. Stephenie Meyer, who wrote Twilight. Which were then adapted into a movie. Which you starred in. Rob, it was six degrees of separation from you. So in a way, when we were going at it later on, I was really doing you, not him.
So I feel that I can truthfully say that I have been and will always remain to be faithful to you, Rob. Though I’m sure that you can understand, that until you come to realise that I exist and fall desperately, madly, passionately (unconditionally and irrevocably) in love with me, that a girl has needs, y’know? And as long as I can continue to find the six degrees of separation from you I can have guilt free sex with as many guys as I want. Which works out well for you, cos when we do finally do the nasty, Rob, I’m gonna have a whole wealth of experience and a real bag of tricks to surprise you with. But thanks to my kegel exercises, you’ll never know just how I learned them…
No longer abstinent but still yours in mind, body and soul,
So how are YOU 6 degrees separated from Rob?
Psst: We’re always looking for fan letters to Rob! Even if it takes us almost a year to post them, we love to! E-mail us!