So I guess the Bafta’s are the British version of the Oscars even though there’s a category entirely voted on by the public and well here in the US at the Oscars we realize that a majority of the movie going public can’t handle that kind of responsibility or frankly, possess the cinematic “taste” that is required to bear such a burden so we leave it up to a bunch of snobby film watchers to make our decisions for us. It’s good to see the British folks trust their people. Sadly, they should not trust you with your hair anymore, pal. We saw the pictures and we’re ready to KEEP IT REAL and break them down…
UC talks to customer service and we find out what Water for Elephants is really about
UC: Rob looks like crap tonight
Moon: im gonna look at these Bafta pics for the first time… close up
UC: ohhh enjoy it brb on phone
Moon: wow his hair looks like a limp dick took a walk in the rain
UC: sorry.. phone
Moon: it looks all wet… Wanna break this down?
UC: uh in a bit i’m trying to get this trip booked on the phone with someone in india i think
Moon: ok are you on hold? did they give you a fake “american-ized” name?
UC: yes Ron
Moon: YES!! it’s Rob! He’s perfecting his English customer service accent for an upcoming movie
UC: okay he’s back, be back in a sec
Moon: isnt Water for Elephants about a guy named Ron working for Dell?
UC: yes he has a pet elephant
Moon: and working customer service call line at dell is how he feeds the elephant
UC: it should NOT be that difficult to book a vacay. We like nickel & dimed it to find the best deal, don’t worry- I got $50 off
prob not worth all the time it took
Moon: thats like half a dinner one night. good work!
Moon: but at least you helped out Ron, feeding the elephants and all
UC: no his price was too high plus he told me I could book online
Moon: OMG! the elephants gonna die now
Letters to Mickey dot com
Moon: hey guys guess who’s here looking awful!!!
UC: hip hip hurray
Moon: it’s a big feat when he has me looking BEHIND him wondering how much of a hot mess mickey rourke looks today and if that girl is legal to talk to mickey
UC: makes me wish we were writing a blog to the dude behind him letterstomickey.com
Moon: so what do we think happened here?? Why does he look like this?
UC: Forgot about the BAFTAs? shaved his head last night? had to grab a wig?
Moon: did he have poor time management and had to jump in the shower 5 minutes before the limo arrived. Maybe he ran out of Edwards super secret bouffant pomade
UC: OR- he washed in the sink w/ a rag & just grabbed some gel to ‘do his hair’ in the limo… and didn’t have a mirror so he just put crap in his hair assuming by now, hes the hottest thing- no one would notice he also has a rubberband around his left leg- that’s why the fabric is all billowed
UC: and he apparently has bangs that look like mine- and just won’t lay to the side. I know Rob, it sucks when they’re growing out
Moon: those boys love their bangs (mickey does not) he needs a little clip. I had a hello kitty one that worked wonders when my bangs were growing out
UC: yes- i have a pretty gold one i could let him borrow except I need it, bobby pins are always a nice second choice
Moon: or just drying your hair helps
Follow the cut for video, Doppelganger week and Creepy Uncle Rob
We want to do a lot of things… but NOT Rob
UC: member when the open mouth look would turn us on? what happened here… I am NOT turned on.
Moon: he either caught his own reflection in the window of the limo or he is gonna be sick from wolfing down a bag of flaming hot cheetos in the car on the way over
UC: I just wanna run a comb through those sideburns
Moon: i want to do a lot of things, none of which are sexual. I want to put a bag over his head and then brush the dandruff off his shoulders
UC: I wanna give him some chapstick
UC: omg you’re right, there’s dandruff dude.. i know all about the dry scalp I’ve been rocking the Head & Shoulders every other day to prevent it- the winter gets me dry
Moon: and the bangs are like oddly curling under like he borrowed one of lizzy and victorias old sponge curlers and slept with it in
UC: maybe they dont sell Head & Shoulders at the British version of Target? you’re right- up at the top
i mean… I get it- it’s for the part. but dude…
Moon: marks & spencer has gotta have some head & shoulders
Moon: of course we know its for the part but if that’s true he should just be hella committed and show up in his Mr Darcy costume too. Then we wouldnt even be having this convo i would have died
UC: and…..i wanna attack those brows… with my hello kitty tweezers
UC: i can’t get over the hair it seriously looks like a wig
Penny’s and a Bar Mitzvah!
Moon: its like his first time at a bar mitzvah
Moon: this is his “my first suit” from sears or PENNYS
UC: he is wearing that yarmulke he saw our photoshopped pic and was like “i wanna try that”
Moon: he wants to make Zees’s dreams come true
Moon: when the british chat/gossip shows on the red carpet asked him who he’s wearing he said PENNYS
UC: he thought it was high end- b/c they dont’ have that in Europe
UC: and WHAT is up with that grin? Where is sexy face Rob? do you think he got high in the limo on the way over?
Moon: well kstew IS back in town
UC: she brought the good stuf
Moon: she always does
UC: (cue kstew haters)
Moon: purple passion pineapple express or whatever. Maybe tammyo will come back
UC: Maybe he was nervous… first big deal on home turf….. afraid he was gonna pull an Oscars…. or a MTV movie awards… or a “i’m crapping my pants”.. so he had a little weed.. to calm down.. and he now has the dorkiest face ever
Rob finds out that they kept making phones after 1998
UC: he’s getting lessons
Moon: what is this new fangled device you’re having me hold! What tom foolery from the devil is this WITCH WITCH, I say!!!
UC: She’s showing him what a real cell phone looks like
Moon: this is NOTHING like my jitterbug! You know he ended up taking a picture of his tie and not them
UC: and then ran off
Moon: yea he ran off and reported her to the authorities as a witch
UC: poor girl dreams dashed
UC: i’m sorta impressed if he did get a pic. it’s SUPER hard to get a self portrait on the iphone you gotta get that finger on completely- not just the side. it’s NOT an easy task so… chances are…. it was DEF a pic of his tie
Moon: Apple obviously doesn’t care about our narcissistic generation. APPLE thanks for nothing
UC: seriously. how am I supposed to update my Myspace pic?
Moon: or my friendster? which rob most defs has
UC: what about classmates.com he just discovered ICQ last week
Moon: ICQ! his number is 129318239123 thats how he still cybers. And then goes into his fave UK singles seeking singles chat room on AOL
UC: His ICQ number is also his social security # do they have those in Europe? (Educational Moment UK/Europe readers, SHARE!) does rob have a social security #? what is the UK equivalent
Moon: haha and then we’ll get a credit card and a cell phone in his name
UC: maybe not a cell phone- they’ll know it’s a scam
Moon: truth! We could buy the Hyundai sonata/Vauxhall (or whatever our awesome UK readers figured out is the car his dad drives)
Moon: and get a vanity plate says: WATCH OUT!
Moon: drvs lke cullen
Moon: im edward
Moon: theyve got those long ass license plates so anything possible
Moon: tomstu #1fan
Moon: WHAT who is he thanking??!! a girl? NOT NAMED KRISTEN?? DUDE Janny?? is that her name?
UC: awkward if you ignore his wig…. his face looks great. the pot wore off- awkward smile is gone
sexy face is back
Moon: awkward giggle. So is that the make up artist from twilight since he was wearing more than i do on a normal day?
UC: let’s look it up! i’ll google
Moon: right if thats the makeup lady he thanked, you could have used a COMB to help him out! it’d be bearable!
UC: right.. he needs to start thanking hair dressers
Moon: and thanking the vintage store owner on melrose
UC: “Let me first say congratulations to ____ for fixing my hair from what could have been a disastrous situation”
Moon: and then steve/dean for keeping me safe from twimoms
UC: nope- makeup for Twi… molly crator. will look up NM
Moon: probs Goblet of Fire since theyre probs british. Maybe it’s bad mothers handbook! Someone had to get him daniel gale ready!
UC: hahha nope not GOF
We still don’t know who “Janny” is
Moon: ps molly should be tarred and feathered for not blending their pancake make up into their necks HELLO carlilse in the hospital!
UC: will look up on BAFTAs site. lets flog molly
Moon: dude this was rob’s way to make kstew jealous
Moon: flogging molly
UC: they got drunk & she did his make up OR. he went to a fair and met a clown named Janny…
Moon: and she offered to do the hair and he’s like NO NO i do my hair. or rather my hair does its own hair ive gotten this far using LA LOOKS gel im not changing now. Famous last words
UC: and i just looked up the winner for hair/makeup NOT jenny or janny
Moon: it’s a mystery! Who is this woman?
And the new Rogaine spokesman is…
Moon: this worries me because i feel like he might be thinning
UC: you’re right. he looks it in the back right? I called that months ago during some HOT airport pics
or NO his greasy/wet air vancouver pics when he was caught alone by the paps you can totes see a bald spot starting too much time leaning on the same spot in the La-z-boy
Moon: DUDE im worried like we need to see pics of clares dad to confirm
UC: oh gosh….. like that.. Weird chunk of hair… is covering up some missing hair… yikes
that hair… although i’m sure we can google vids to see shots of the audience
Moon: but who has time for that i have a pizza in the oven and i need to buy some Rogaine for my rob shrine you know to ward off the hair loss elves
Creepy Uncle Rob goes to the Bafta’s
UC: you know how Lainey always bitches about the pursed lip look he does? this is the first time i agree before i just thought it was him… being him
Moon: this is creepy uncle rob!
UC: but in a TON of these pics he’s totally sucking in
Moon: rob sent his doppelganger: creepy uncle rob to the show so he wouldnt have to go
UC: in fact, THAT makes creepy uncle join the ‘hot pic’ club. i tweeted that a rob impersonator was there earlier.
this is NOT Rob
Moon: it cant be
UC: i need a reminder of the real him and robsessed has one
Moon: OH THANK GOD whew the hair looks luscious and steve/dean is standing by and all is right with the world
UC: all is right: he’s on Rogaine, off the pot, Raybans are with him
Doppelganger week on Facebook!
Moon: awww dustin hoffman is so proud
UC: omg it looks like Dick!
Moon: DUDE!!! thats dicks doppelganger
UC: that’s rob’s and Dicks!
Moon: somewhere theyre both changing their facebook profile images
So Rob, we’re the kind of girls who keep it extra real and couldn’t let this moment pass us so by cause really if we just said you’re hot the whole time we’d all die from how unattainable and ridiculously perfect you are. And THANK GOD you’re not and this just proves it!
Off to ship you some Rogaine and a membership to Hair Club for Men,
What’d you think? Hot? Not? Needs some dry shampoo? Was it too much gel? Will he be in the remake of Rainman with Dustin Hoffman?
Thanks Robsessed for the images!