Blurbs from the Quad

Dear Rob,

I'm confused as to where my favorite girls have been

Have you noticed that The Quad hasn’t broken anything down Vanity-Fair style in awhile? Have you wondered why? Have you feared that EastFriend took the millions we’ve made from the blog and fled to Vancouver to try to find you, Crazy-Stalker style? Did you think that WestFriend grew so insanely jealous of our popularity that she admitted defeat in the quest for your heart and settled for Tyler Crowley and is working on her very own ‘letterstotyler.com”? Don’t worry- it’s nothing like that.

Actually it’s worse. Someone’s work no longer lets her on any chat functions, so we’ve had to resort to e-mail conversations, which are dificult to break down things on- plus Moon doesn’t check e-mail until like 8pm ET and by then the 3 of us have had so many convos she doesn’t even know how to catch up. I will protect the identity of The Quad member who is causing all the trouble so that you don’t love her less, but it’s WestFriend the married one who lives on the west coast not important.

The one thing that has emerged from our email convos throughout the day (and texts, and calls and pictures texts and videos) is little random snippets of hilarity. We have affectionately named these “Blurbs from The Quad” and have begun quite the collection to share with you.

So, sit back, relax and enjoy the following Blurbs from the Quad while we figure out a way to hack into WestFriend’s work’s network & server system to fix the atrocity that is no gmail-chat at work.

Love,
UnintendedChoice

1. Sam Bradley’s Mom

MILF alert

UC: uh.. Sam Bradley’s mom is a cougar. You KNOW she’s reading FanFic about Rob
EastFriend: Um…hi, Lee Lindsey…how you doin’? I’ve just now turned lesbian for you. She is hot. Not even kidding. When do we start taking bets on which of Sam’s friends have boned her? She’s a total MILF.
UC: if Sam didn’t read our blog on a daily basis, I would TOTALLY say we have to discuss that. Wait, I just considered it, and I’m all for this Sam Bradley’s mom idea.

Dear Rob,

Sam’s mom is a milf. You wanna tap that?

Love,
Me

WestFriend: Rob has ALREADY tapped that. Whilst wearing the hobo/dad jacket of conceivement…for good luck.
UC: what if Rob and Mama Bradley made a baby… a brother for Sam? Do you think he’d like that?
EastFriend: WestFriend said “conceivement.” WestFriend WINS!!!!!! And, as I always say, Moon’s gonna come into work and see all 87 of our morning e-mails and be like, “Bitches, please! I have a job here!” Yes, we know…and that job is all of this stimulating Rob/Sam/MILF/Pot talk. Amen.
UC: So true.. Screw the Job, Moon. Join the fun! I’m thinking that this Sam Bradley’s “Your mom is a milf” talk would be a great way to introduce ‘blurbs from the quad’

2. The reaction to the Wolfpack

WestFriend after seeing new moon promo pic for the first time w/ wolves

Umm…for real? That’s hot. And I am not even trying to impersonate Paris.

3. We don’t care that we weren’t invited to the set by Summit. Nope. Not at all.

WestFriend’s reasoning for being grateful that we weren’t invited by Summit to visit the set:

(1) We don’t want Rob to know we have fansites

(2) If we were there, they would know we spend a lot of our time reading Twilight crap…and stuff on Rob.

(3) We don’t want to be in close proximity to a Twilight Mom.

(4) The end.

a

He only likes me cuz I bring him free pot

 

4. The Strip Club

Moon: So uh have we talked about the rumor where Rob went to a strip club? It is: true? false? Are we: jealous?
UC: You must’ve missed out on that convo. I believe the following was mentioned:

1) he likes the curvy ladies- WIN
2) it was on the front of star mag which prob means it’s false
3) but if he’s going to a strip club to get some bootylicious time, I wouldn’t mind, cuz at least he isn’t pounding spam

WestFriend:Umm…I’m curvy. Which is why he tapped that last night. Just sayin’…
Moon: Have we talked about whether he’s a boobs or ass man?? Anyone?
WestFriend: If he is anything like my man…he is all up in the butt-business.
UC: Mr. Choice too. Actually he might only be about the butt cuz I have no boobs. He has no other option!
WestFriend: UC! Me too! Our husbands are twins! And so are we. How cute. Which brings me to my next point…KStew doesn’t have boobs. If they are banging, only her butt (which isn’t much) is the only thing to entice him. OR she is bribing him with free pot. Which could be possible…You know Rob is too cheap to buy his own…he has to bang girls or be “free with his favors” behind dumpsters to get it.

5. That’s what she said

I wrote a pretty spectacular comment on the LA Times blog about Rob’s birthday. I decided to share it’s brilliancy with The Quad:

UC: I wrote this, “Now I read somewhere that Rob & gang ate “roasted vegetables” for his birthday. Do you know if that is true or not? I’m VERY concerned about his intake of vegetables….”
WestFriend: That is BEAUTIFUL. You truly are the queen of networking. You KNOW you will get huge numbers on the blog today. I don’t think “that’s what she said” works right here…but I did say HUGE, so you never know. Insert if you feel so inclined.  {that’s what she said} Yes! it worked there.

6. I may not like Rob poundin’ spam, but I don’t mind receiving spam

“Karl Fields” sent me an spam message delightful piece of e-mail correspondence. And it was just too brilliant not to share with The Quad:

Karl Fields, spammer extraordinaire: If you have a problem getting or keeping an erection, you are not alone. In fact, more than half of all men over forty have difficulties getting or maintaining an erection. This condition, called erectile dysfunction (ED), occurs with younger and older men as well, but there’s a safe, effective and easy method of treatment: Viagra. When the time is right, you’ll always be ready
UC: How did Karl know?
EastFriend: Oh my stars! UC, how the heck did you hack into Rob’s e-mail account?
UC: (first of all, let’s pause for a moment for the fact that EastFriend did, indeed, say ‘oh my stars’) Karl just needs to tell Rob:

“Rob– there’s no medical cure for what you have… you just need to step away from Kristen Stewart.. Your erection will come back eventually…hopefully.”

After the jump, enjoy a little bonus “Admin” blurb

Our little family has grown at LTT/LTR and now includes our 2 forum mods, 2 topic mods & the geeky cousin (our brilliant tech guy who could care less about Twilight or Rob but can fix that ‘black screen of death’ our computers love to get):

7. Admin Blurbs

There’s a geeky section hidden from the public on The Forum that’s for mods only. It’s here that we discuss geeky things.  On this particular day we were discussing the spammers on our forum and how and when to ban them:

GeekyCousin: Pay special attention to the ip address of the user when it’s coming from: china, korea, russia, anywhere in africa. Go ahead and delete & ban them immediately. Gosh, I just realized- I hope you don’t think I’m racist. The reason I single out those countries is that with those all combined, that accounts for something like 90% of all the spam you get, and all the attempted board hijackings, etc. so I’m playing the game of probability here.
Calliope: Dear Geeky Cousin,

I’m hurt. I know my avatar is of a lobster, but surely someone as intelligent as you could have deduced from my whitty posts that I was a native Korean whose momma shacked up with a Chinese man one wild night then was forced to immigrate to Russia where we spent much of my youth until we ran off to Africa to hunt for Blood Diamonds in Sierra Leone. Eventually we hit it big and ended up on jewelers row in Philly selling the goods on 8th and walnut. We did so well we eventually opened up a Chinese/Korean/African fusion restaurant in Rittenhouse House Square that all the Russians love. I know, ballers. So yes, I do take offense at you singling out my home peeps.
Sincerely,
Calli

I have the funniest friends! Go to the forum and see if they crack you up today!

Update: 100Monkey’s show meet-up in Philly is back on! Join me (UC) and all the other local LTT/LTR gals (unicorns welcome too) for a special time with special hugs! Buy your tickets here (5/23 9pm show). And email me (letterstotwilight@gmail.com) so I know to look for you!