I’m writing this letter on behalf of Rob, who’s calling in his birthday wishes to you, he would write it himself on his “Robert Pattinson, Sexist Man at Large” monogrammed, letter pressed stationary I gave him for his birthday, spritzed with a scent of Rob Musk (his own personal brand of cologne made from virgin tears and old Nike shoe leather) but he’s cornered by some TwiMom stalkers behind a hot dog cart in New York City. Poor kid.
But never fret cause I, Moon, your trusty bloggy partner is here to help Rob relieve relay his wishes to you…
Wish 1 – While you’re in NYC this weekend you will be able to lose your dear Hubster and rendezvous at that predetermined dumpster behind Pastis for a little birthday lunch fun times
Wish 2 – Please stop speculation Thursdays and Wednesdays because the speculation is OVER, he loves you and only you and not some girl who dumped her italian spice named boyfriend. Like she could EVER compare to your beauty, wit, charm, creativity and penchant for all things “that’s what she said.” Team Robchoice (or maybe Robtended?)
Wish 3 – After he saw that horrific GIF of himself “pole dancing” he asked to borrow the pole from my house to show you his REAL moves. Cue his Warrant / Poison “Pole Megamix”
Wish 4 – Hold very still! He wants to try one thing… don’t move…
Wish 5 – Please use your arts and crafts abilities to make Pattinson Pants for every LTR reader, along with matching Eclipse Keds and Canvas tote bags with his face on them. That way he’ll know we’re all TRUE fans. Ok, ok, maybe I fibbed a little on that one, he actually said find every piece ever made and rip them apart and burns the pieces at a celebratory bon fire, while singing “Celebration” by Kool and the Gang in his honor.
Why only 5 wishes? He wanted to SHOW you the other 21 himself. His words, not mine.
Well when he puts it that way, how can you resist??
Join with us after the cut as Rob throws UC a very special CONCERT for her birthday
Rob wanted to have a special concert in honor of your birthday
First to the stage… why ROB himself!!
Robert Pattinson – Stray Dog
Ignore those bitches talking through your birthday concert… I’m going to kick their arses
Robert Pattinson – I Was Broken
Rob treats you to a cover of the great Van’s “I’ll Be Your Lover Too.” Don’t cry.
Then since Rob wanted to treat you EXTRA special on this day he invited these lovely gals to come serenade you! How’d he KNOW?!!
Hayley from Paramore
Paramore -When it Rains – live
Katy Perry – Thinking of You
It’s awesome how he knew THIS was the best version of this song… such a smart boy.
Then he KNEW the quad would want to wish you an extra special day AND also invite their favorites to play at your birthday concert. No worries this is all on Rob’s credit card, so we spared NO expense!
Rob’ll serenade UC with The Beatles tune, “I Will,” acoustic-style. In a dimly lit, super smokey bar…a bottle of Jack on the stool next to him.
East Friend’s Birthday Greetings:
50 Cent – In the Club
All silliness aside, you are one of the dearest friends, and I love you! Happy bday girl!
And after that club banger, how could the night get any better? So you see dearest your birthday is pretty awesome and we love you lots and lots in special hugs kinds of ways!
XO and the biggest HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVER!
Themoonisdown and Rob
PS I tried to get that guy from Santa Monica Pier to sing “Hallelujah” on video just for you but he yelled and me and chased after the pigeons. Sorry! NEXT YEAR!