Dumpster Diving with Robert Pattinson

Dear Rob,

EastFriend from The Quad had this little gem in her box of tricks.  It’s rare that there’s a picture out there of you that I haven’t seen before, since I spend all day every day scouring the earth for your beautiful face. I believe she took this that night a few years back when she “taught you the ways of a woman” (since she’s a few years older than you and much more experienced) I thank her every day for teaching you that thing that you do. Yes, you know the one! (And I suppose EastFriend does too.. uh.. this is getting weird…)

Anyway, this pic IS out there, but somehow I missed it. I think someone swiped it off Facebook or something. Do you understand the magnificance of this picture? There is so much to talk about! There is SO much going on here… What? You think I should ‘break it down Vanity Fair style” with The Quad? Great idea, Robbie! I will do that…

Love,
UnintendedChoice

EastFriend: Okay back to the picture (which we weren’t discussing. So it’s hard to go “back” to…)
UC: do you have it EastFriend?
EastFriend: where is WestFriend?
WestFriend: I am here! give me that pic.
UC: yes pic now
EastFriend: sorry. had to put on water to boil. will send pic
WestFriend: who puts water on to boil? did you just throw a Rob in there?
EastFriend: I put water on to boil. for pasta salad. I sent the pic via email
WestFriend: well, if it was for pasta salad, then you are forgiven

UC: okay discuss PICTURE
WestFriend: homeless, freakin man. but i would still bone him. even if he tried to pick-pocket me. which I would encourage even if his other bum friends wondered where he got the money
EastFriend: when I first saw it I said, “well, I’d blow him behind the dumpster.” cause you know one’s there–amidst all that trash.
UC: and that’s where the dumpster idea came from. brilliant
EastFriend: and let’s discuss his pockets being STUFFED full.
UC: I need to grab the picture. I thought you meant you sent a pic of the pasta salad. Um, he looks SO hot
EastFriend: where is Moon:?
UC: and he is clearly a hobo in that dad jacket
WestFriend: I bet he even has pasta salad in them pockets
UC: I think he’s also standing next to one of those things in London where you tie up your horse?
WestFriend: They have those in disneyland!
EastFriend: I love that he’s multi-tasking…talking on the phone: “Tom, I need a lift home–and bring me a cheeseburger while you’re at it.”
UC: he looks blonde and I like it…
WestFriend: I bet he is there…
UC: (just like I like kissing a girl.)  He has his journal in his pocket as well as a plastic bag
EastFriend: he wrote songs in that journal.  guaranteed.
UC: do you think he brought a horse and is cleaning up poo?
EastFriend: no–it has a book in it. Love sonnets of William Shakespeare.
WestFriend: he brought a bag to throw his used condom in.
UC: haha EW
WestFriend: I am not even kidding.
UC: and how thoughtful. He doesn’t want to hurt the earth. and/or have a crazy fan pick it up and touch it and then….
WestFriend: or offend anyone.
UC: … well, you know.. stick it up “there” and make a pattinson baby
EastFriend: I love his mutton chops-in training…
UC: I feel sad that Moon is missing this
EastFriend: that’s a pitiful attempt at a goatee.
UC: I want to lick it though
EastFriend: his mid-section is peen proud.  just sayin’.
UC: I would like to lick that too. it’s those black pants. they’re tight.  prob still from high school. I love that shitastic outfit:  t-shirt, black pants, trench coat, beanie
EastFriend: it’s his dad’s coat.
UC: clearly. He left his at kristen’s
Moon: sorry guys I got a crazy person on the phone. give me a few
UC: we can pause. let’s pause. and reflect
EastFriend: wonder if that’s his gray shirt? from the movie. which he says he wore. “That’s my shirt.”  Brilliant, Rob. You get a cookie for that observation.
UC: I bet
EastFriend: (paused again.)
WestFriend: that is sooo his shirt
UC: pause for reflection until moon is back
WestFriend: I hate reflecting.
UC: meditate then?
WestFriend: but I shall in the name of Moon

Find out what happens when Moon comes back after the jump (Here’s a hint.. we may have discovered the secret to Rob’s conception)

Moon: alrighty. I totally missed everything, and I LOVE this picture
UC: go back and read! then tell us when to stop our reflection time
EastFriend: I am not talking.
UC: me neither
WestFriend: I’m holding in my pee…so i am not talking…but I am doing my pee dance

The Return of Moon:

Moon: alrighty that coat is most defs his dads, and that plastic bag IS the condom duh!  hobo style
WestFriend: do you think it is the coat that his dad wore the night he was conceived?
UC: yes
WestFriend: and it is special to him?
UC: I bet Papa P & Clare did it near a dumpster, and that’s why Rob is so fond of them. They were coming back from Church.. and just couldn’t wait to get home
WestFriend: so he is hanging out by it to pay homage to his conceiving ground
UC: so they went behind Buckingham palace (cuz there’s nothing else in London that i can think of) oh! the BBC headquarters…
WestFriend: and got “buck” naked, except for the jacket…and black socks
Moon: cause those European cars are SO small. Couldn’t get it on in there
UC: way too small to get freaky there. That’s why Rob didn’t like it when we did it in the car last time
Moon: OHHH this alley way is where he found all items for his ONE OUTFIT- the sweater the ripped jans
WestFriend: that’s where he got the nikes!
Moon: I’m sure he found that ONE leather jacket in there, and just out of sight next to the dumpster is the DADCASE, cause seriously everyone threw those out like 10 yrs ago
WestFriend: just dust it off a bit…with his one tshirt…and it’s as good as new.
EastFriend: wait, what did I miss? busy reading a Bobby Long interview. Screw Rob. I’m all about some Bobby.
WestFriend: You missed that.. Rob looks hot…in the face. and I did screw Rob.
UC: omg EastFriend said screw rob. I mean duh, but let’s fire her and invite Sam Bradley into the quad

To Recap:

EastFriend: so Rob is standing amidst trash.
UC: got his new outfit
EastFriend: there’s a dumpster nearby.
UC: obviously. He brought a horse
EastFriend: and he’s on the phone. with me.
UC: and tied the horse up there
EastFriend: while smoking. And that plastic bag is for me, too–he bought me a book. Virgil–Doomed Love.
WestFriend: that grey shirt isn’t tight enough to be his shirt he wore during the Napoleon Dynamite scene. (you know..where he stalks off looking awkward.)
EastFriend: he wasn’t working out when this picture was taken. So it fit tighter in the movie. In London he had a beer belly from all those heineys and cheeseburgers.
WestFriend: love him long time.
UC: I want to lick the beer belly. Where did Moon go again? She’s lettin’ down The Quad. I’m gonna fire her as a bloggy partner and hire Sam Bradley. And PS- Rob looked hot in that awkward scene. So shut up your face
WestFriend: “it’s gettin’ hot in here…”
UC: Nelly’s at it!
WestFriend: “even though Rob looks like a Bum”
UC: hahaha
WestFriend: “I am getting hot…”
EastFriend: “cause i am getting so hot, I’m gonna take my clothes off…”
WestFriend: “I want to take Rob’s bum clothes off!”
WestFriend: “Good gracious Rob’s bulge is bodacious!”
UC: I feel like this is the East Coast/EWest Coast friend show
Moon: OMG I GOT CONAN TICKETS!!

UC: WHOO HOO!  Didn’t he retire?
WestFriend: that’s amazing!
EastFriend: Who is Conan? the barbarian?

UC: I wanna stalk Rob this summer in NYC while he’s shooting his new movie. And by stalk I mean follow the “do’s and don’ts” from the other day’s post. And flash him. I mean, not show him my size B’s. Cuz that’s depressing. I’ll just bring a pic of yours, East Friend….
WestFriend: after being with Kristen…a B is a step up from them training bras.

I Love The Quad. Discuss The Quad today in our Thursday Chatter section in the forum.  Another great section in the forum is FanFic– and so far TWO authors have shown up to answer questions and give some sneak peeks!  Whoo hoo!