I have to warn you. This letter will be difficult to read. It’s about some really awful fans- some imposters. These two girls have been pretending to be your #1 fans, but in actuality are the worst fans that have ever lived. Here’s what we found out:
- They haven’t seen The Haunted Airman, and they don’t think they ever will. They heard about the naked rub down with you, but were a little creeped out by the rumors of the disturbing ending. Their excuse was something like they’d rather just keep their minds on pure thoughts of you.. Ha- as if THAT’S possible…
- How to Be has been On Demand for an entire 24+ hours, and they haven’t cared enough to watch it yet.
- In fact, the only movies they’ve seen you in are Harry Potter & Twilight.
- They don’t have all your interviews cataloged on their computers (actually, I don’t think they even have ONE saved between the both of them)
- I personally counted- they have less than 100 photos of you TOTAL on their hard drives, and most of them are the “bad” pictures of you- ya know, like the ones we used for “Hose ’em down“
- They’re not even sure if they’ve heard all of your music. They didn’t pre-order the How to Be soundtrack, and they haven’t even bought it yet!
- They’ve sworn to never set-stalk you and are trying to convince people that if they saw you in real life, they probably wouldn’t even approach you! Yeah RIGHT!
- I asked them to name some “Rob Facts” and this was their response:
“Uh, isn’t his birthday soon?” (and they could only name ONE of your sisters)
The worst part is that they ACT like the best fans. They’re clearly not- you see our proof above. Tell them, Robbie… fire them as fans- tell them you only want fans who have seen every possible video clip of you on planet earth: whether movie, TV appearance, interview or home video stolen from your creeper uncle from your “Ninja-Themed” 8th birthday party. Tell them your real fans should know all your lyrics by heart (or at least know the melody well enough to mumble along) and have an entire external hard drive or two FULL of photos, videos, interviews, movies and hacked text message conversations between you and Kristen. THAT is the sign of a true fan!
Oh, and a quick thought before we go….
UC & Moon
PS: I know- It’s shocking. With all our wit, humor and privied knowledge, you probably thought we were the best fans out there. While we may not have seen every movie you’ve been in and can’t name the street you grew up on, we do write a pretty fun blog and we think that’s more than enough. Plus you’re so damn pretty, and we don’t need to see a house maid rubbing you down to be convinced of that…. xoxo
Leave us some comment love, and then discuss how Moon & I should be fired as fans of Rob in Rob’s Flat in forum!