I’ll admit, I jumped on the bandwagon pretty late. I thought you were pretty cute in Harry Potter, but I didn’t get the special fuzzies in my belly like I do when I watch you now. But I jumped on board right before the movie came out. I started googling you secretly, and it seems like I saw your career grow right before my very eyes. And as I saw your celebrity grow, I started getting WAY 2nd-hand embarrassed for the way your fans acted. I understand when 12 yr olds who don’t know better ask you to bite them, but when grown, “normal” woman act the way they do sometimes, I want to grab you, run away and ask you to bite my neck keep you from all the crazy.
A few months ago, Moon & I started compiling a list of Do’s and Don’t for your fans. As the owners of the best blog in the world, we feel it is our responibility to share our knowledge of what you would or would not like when meeting your fans. Ready, set go:
Do’s and Don’t’s when meeting Rob:
- Don’t wear these pants. It’s not cool. And if you’re trying to be funny, it’s not. Just don’t do it.
- Don’t wear a Twilight T-shirt. I don’t care if it’s the only black shirt you own and you need a black shirt to look slimmer. Go buy another black shirt. You can get a plain T at wal-mart for like $4. If you don’t have $4, ask me- I’ll send you $4
- Don’t wear a slutty outfit, thinking you look “hot.” You don’t. You just look like a slut, and while Rob might stare at your almost-nipple-showing cleavage for like 3 seconds, he’s not going to sleep with you because he’s been trained to avoid the slutty fans and instead go home with messy hair, glasses wearing, sweatpants-loving gals like Nikki & Kristen
- Do: Be honest. Wear a shirt that, on the front, says “DO ME NOW, Rob.” On the back it could say, “Yes, here in the bar.”
In the bar
- Don’t sneak up behind him and touch his hair
- Don’t go up to the bar, casually bump into him and take a big sniff to see if the rumors are true
- DO smell him– but surreptitiously.
- Don’t keep looking at his crotch. (Yes, it’s obvious)
- Don’t ask for pictures or autographs. It’ll just piss him off. Plus we’ve heard enough interviews to know that he hates getting his picture taken. That’s no way to woo him- making him mad by having his pissed off face on your camera for all of eternity.
- Do: If you MUST do something, send him a drink and stay the hell away
The actual meeting Applies to the lucky gals who meet him in a NON-STALKERish way. Stalkers just need to stay the hell away
- Don’t have him sign copies of your books. WHO BRINGS A BOOK TO A BAR OR CLUB? Just… DON’T! The only time you should bring those books out in public is on a flight (when you’re sitting in coach- FAR away from First Class)
- Don’t tell him how much you like his music. He’ll know that’s just shit. And all you really wanna do is eff him. (Dumpster-dive him, if you will)
- Don’t ask him to meet you out by the dumpster. He doesn’t read our site so he won’t get it. He’ll probably just think you’re into trash and be turned off
- Do: talk to him casually if you get an opportunity. Tell a funny joke, and while he’s laughing, casually slip a GPS tracking device into his pocket. Thank him and say good bye (Yes, YOU initiate the end of the convo) Then, high-tail it to your car and follow him back to his hotel. Pull out your stashed maid costume and follow him to his room. You play “maid,” and he can play dude who’s getting laid.
We promise that if you follow these rules, Rob will fall madly in love with you and give you 5 children (or no children, if that’s your cup o’ tea). On the other hand, if you do ANY of these “don’ts” and then name drop LettersToRob in the same sentence, we will forever disown you!
UnintendedChoice & theMoonisDown
Moon & I would like to comission an artist to paint US in “the pants” riding on the back of a Unicorn with Rob. We’ll pay $4 and donate it to our newly created “fund for those who can’t afford a blank black t-shirt to meet Rob in”
(2nd pic source) *UC sober note: Clearly I was drunk when I wrote this. How can we PAY someone $4 then DONATE the money? Makes no sense…. And I thought I fooled you all and you’d never be able to tell I was drinking….boo
Have you chatted in today’s “Daily Chatter” yet on the Forum? No! Why not!? Do you have something better to do? Like WORK or something? Lamespice- get your butts there now!