Posted by: Bekah | September 25, 2009

Gifting with Robert Pattinson

Dear Rob,

People send us stuff. It’s great. I just got some New Moon chocolate & Bobby Long & Marcus Foster CDs in the mail from Vickyb this week. Jena sends Moon and I letters on Robert Pattinson stationary (I think she even sprays it with your “scent” because last letter smelled strangely musty, smoky and with a slight hint of B.O.) Natasha blew our minds by sending Moon & I custom-made “UC & Moon” Heineken bottles the other week all the way from Holland. Seriously. That’s pretty amazing.

(Oh- and she sent us Dutch gifts too!)

(Oh- and she sent us Dutch gifts too!)

But I feel like for the most part, people could use a little help when thinking of a gift for me. Since Christmas is coming up, I’ve started collecting ideas of what I might want Buttcrack Santa to bring me. You are obviously a huge part of my life, although you don’t know it. I know I’ve talked, in the past, about how I hide my obsession acute fondness of you from my “real life.” Well, I’m over that. Just like I’m over you never showing up in public anymore and never writing me back. Come on- I’ve been writing you daily for ten nine months now. What’s a girl gotta do?

Hopefully showing my devotion to you by being seen in public with the following items will finally get you to write a “Letter to UC” (and, if you’re willing to that, do you mind also meeting me out back by the dumpster for 6-7 minutes?)

Lay with me Rob (seriously, I dare you)

laywithmerobThis pillow would look so nice on my bed, next to my husband & faded, orange stuffed giraffe named “Giraffealufagus” Plus it completely beats Moon’s Edward Cullen pillow and everything is a competition with us, so I win.

A pouch for my pencils (or your pencil, whatever)

robpouchWith this pencil pouch, I’ll never have to worry about losing my pens & flinging a wandering tampon from the bottom of my purse in the face of the older man sitting next to me at church when he asks to borrow a pen to make out his tithing check.

A Remember Rob Necklace (not to be confused with the “Remember Me” necklace that I haven’t yet found on Etsy)

robcyrstal.jopgCurrently I wear a locket around my neck holding a picture of my aunt who passed away a few years ago. It’s a pretty special momento for me, but I think she’d understand if I ‘upgraded’ to a beautiful necklace with YOUR face on it. I knowww she would’ve liked Rob and I’m pretty sure he would’ve liked her. She was a cougar. Helloooo

There’s more after the jump!

Wet Rob Earrings

robearringsWhile we’re on jewelry, why doesn’t someone pick me up a pair of these bad boys? Nothing says “I love Robert Pattinson” like a pair of dangling “wet Rob” earrings that aren’t even made from a real picture of him, but from a photo-shopped one! No hiding my acute fondness with these hanging from my ears! I’m sure to get some bonus time by the dumpster for this move!

Some Rob art

robhuxtable I went to an art show this past weekend and picked up some new prints from one of my favorite artists, Kurt Halsey. I hung them on the wall, but it still felt like it was missing something. I think this print where Rob looks like a member of the Huxtable family is just what the wall needs.


robclaceCan you wear two necklaces at once? Because I need this necklace just as much as I need the vintagey-looking one above. I want two Robs around my  neck. They can talk to each other (Don’t think I won’t make that happen) Or kiss… Oh my.. did it just get hot in here?

Old Man Rob


No! NOW the wall is complete! Adding Huxtable Rob plus Old Man Rob to my wall of whimsical Kurt Halsey prints means my house is Rob-perfect!

Laptop Rob

laptoprobSometime when I’m sitting in the park with my lap top, I just feel soo guilty that people don’t know about my Robsession. I think by adding this decal, I can subtly say, “Yeah, I’m a fan. Not a crazy fan or anything- I wouldn’t do anything to deface a piece of expensive equipment per say, but yeah, I like Rob. I’d do him being a dumpster, in a thrift store or somewhere- anywhere. But I wouldn’t say I’m a crazy fan or anything.” Subtlety is what it’s all about.

A pouch I really desire

armpithairpouchI  know I picked out a pouch above, but that was before I found THIS POUCH! This is the one I need. This is the one that needs to hold my pencils. This is the one the guy at church needs to see when he asks to borrow a pen. I will forever cherish this “Armpit hair Rob pouch.”

Can’t wait to see what gifts you get me! (please get me them all)



Discuss Rob’s armpit hair on The Forum
Get caught up on the week’s news on LTT

all this crap found on Etsy. Search for “Robert Pattinson” you’ll find all this plus much, much more!


  1. When you get all the gifts, please pose for a picture wearing/holding/hugging all of them (specifically all the jewelry, and the pouches could double as clutches) and make my day!

    • PS: I want that pillow too… and maybe that computer decal. Would Decal Edward keep my computer from crashing? Data, be safe!

      • I want Ed on my laptop too! LAMO.

      • I’d comission someone to make you an Eddie sparkle peen cake for the holidays… I’d put candles on it.. that way you can blow and eat it too.
        How’s that for a present!

    • Yeh please do.
      It would make my day also.

  2. Is that laptop decal real? I might need one. Since my laptop is black, no one would see it but I would know it’s there….

    Totally kidding.

    I’m not exactly “out and proud” with my fondness. My immediate family knows. I have a few friends that know, but they don’t know anything about some Twilight so they don’t care. I wear a Team Edward wrist thingie, but the words are always turned in towards my body.

    I like it this way.


    PS. My 64 year grandma came over to the house the other day and went to give me a hug before she left. She glanced at my laptop while I was working on it and goes “Oh, I know who that is. That’s that Robert Pattinson from Twilight.” I nearly fell over. Sadface Rob is my background. Evidently, Grandma is “down with the kids!!!”

    • Your grandma is freaking awesome!!

      We all know Rob’s fondness for old people, I bet he’d love your grandma too

    • your grandmother is awesome.

    • My mom is older than your grandma. Does that mean I’m too old to be drooling over the Pattz?

      I didn’t think so.

      • Nop, that’s normal :p

      • Oh crap. I didn’t realize that my mom is the same age as pink dolphin’s grandma until you made that comment! Well, my mom is WELL aware of the whole Rob situation, since I have a cardboard edward in my kitchen, so I guess my mom and PD’s grandma could hang out.

        • you have a cardboard Edward in your kitchen?

        • Does cardboard Edward make you eggs? hehe!

      • Never too old! Never too old, I say!! It’s part of what makes me know I’m alive! : ]

  3. I’m ‘out’ with my Rob love, but I feel ashamed that I do not yet own any ear rings with a photoshopped wet Rob on them. And I call myself a fan…

  4. Is it too greedy to just want Rob himself??
    And not things with his face on it??
    While they would be “nice” . . . nothing would beat the real thing.

  5. Umm I actually like the laptop decal… wonder how big it is? I have a 10″ laptop so I hope it fits (that’s what she said). It doesn’t exactly scream ROB. To those who don’t know much about him, it looks just like a creepy man’s silhouette.

    • It actually reminds me of those cowboy leaning up against a tree cutouts you get at a flea market. You usually put them in your yard and when you pull up late at night it looks like a random guy standing on the front lawn…enough to scare the holy shizz out of you.

      • A cowboy against a tree? That must be a Southern thang.

      • Hahah I know what u mean sassysmart!

    • If he’s too tall to stand up you could always lay him down.

      • mmm jodes, now you’re on to something!!!

  6. Some random thoughts:

    I couldn’t believe that I had never seen Nip-Slip Rob (the earrings), so thanks for clarifying that it was a photoshop.

    I thought for sure you had gotten a little Photoshop happy yourselves and made all this crap up…but its REAL??

    The laptop decal is completely genius. And since we are talking about grandmothers…my grandmother would always tell me that I should be safe online and not find any strange men because she read that that’s what the internet was for. (This was oh…1997 or so when she told me this…so she probably was right….oy). So I think a “Be Safe” Edward Laptop decal would be an honor to her memory.

    I completely out-crazied myself yesterday (KSWI) so I’m trying to keep it calm today.

    Another winner, UC.

    • That (lack of) thread was awesome yesterday!

      • Thanks. I hope KSWI Jordan appreciates his fans.

    • oh no… i WISH i had made these gems.. but sadly, they’re all real…

  7. i can sooooo make you those fake Rob earrings…running to craft store right now…

  8. Huxtable Rob = WIN!

  9. Uh oh.. Love the pencil pouches! I have this (weird) stationery fetish and I say matching pen and pencils to go with that is a must. And I mean business when it comes to stationery. You could throw in some matching tampons as well and get to be forever mentioned in the church guy’s prayers.

    What is this? I’m getting more and more jealous of you girls every day! Yesterday you tell me you get these awesome letters on a daily basis and now you tell me you might get a Rob pencil pouch! Damn..

    Rob, I want one too!

    • “stationery fetish” Hahaha. Honestly, it does sound a tiny bit familiar.

      • Really?! I’m not the only one? *relief* 🙂

  10. OhMyGod! You have outdone yourself this time, UC.

    Any day that begins with my kids running into my room screaming, “What? What? Do we need to call 911? Are you breathing? What’s so FUNNY???” To which I can only respond, “Nothing, kids. Go finish your Cheerios and get to the bus stop. Now please. Mommy is fine,” is a day worth my 20 minutes of blog reading time.

    I don’t think I have laughed that hard since…um, the last time you posted something that funny! Well done. 🙂

    • and that will have been yesterday, and the day before yesterday, and the day before yesterday yesterday yesterday 🙂

    • haha… since the last time we posted something funny.. hilar! you make ME laugh!

  11. “This pillow would look so nice on my bed, next to my husband & faded, orange stuffed giraffe named “Giraffealufagus”

    This sentence alone has made my day 🙂


    • I agree! That could have been me, except substitute big yellow stuffed bear named flatso for the giraffe.

      I did rest the opportunity to buy the edward pillowcase when I went to the Hot Topic DVD release “party” (that was a party if you consider standing in line in an otherwise closed mall with 200 teenagers and having the opportunity to shop in a cheesy store for 15 minutes a party). The pillowcase kind of creeped me out. I was afraid it would give me nightmares. And also, I think my husband would not have consented to sex with that thing looking at him.

      • crap – I can’t type. Not “rest” – I meant “resist”

      • i bought it for Moon for christmas.

        obviously as a joke.

        but last time I visited her, she made me sleep with it.

        I did not complain. Edward was soft

        (actually really hard & scratchy. It’s like a 10.5 thread count)

    • i’ll post a picture of him sometime. he’s so sweet. one of these days, i think, his head is gonna fall off. i won’t know what to do

      • Send it to Rob, as we all know he is a dab hand with the sewing kit 🙂

  12. You forgot to mention getting Robs face on a pair of panties. I think most of the people on here would like Robs face erm…. you know….down there!!!! Ha.


    You know you were all thinking it.

    • Um… I have these. The picture where he’s licking Anna Kendrick’s face. Only I removed her face.

      • Please make a pair for me.

      • Yeah, um, sign me up for those too. kthxbai

      • Was the face-lick girl Anna Kendrick?! I totally did not realise that! It’s a shame because I liked her, but now I see her I’ll just get the blind jealous rage…

        Also, I’ll take a pair of those…

      • Could you also start a bra collection? I want a black one please (pics of the licking portion carefully centered OK?)

      • I’m so envious!!!!!

  13. @notanaddiktbella

    “data be safe”

    epic win 🙂

  14. “Jena sends Moon and I letters on Robert Pattinson stationary (I think she even sprays it with your “scent” because last letter smelled strangely musty, smoky and with a slight hint of B.O.)”

    —–Yes, it’s Givestenchy Pour Hommeless PattiPew for men. Sephora now sells it. Isn’t it wonderful?!

    • love your face!!!!!

      • and I yours! XO

  15. I used to fear running into “bad guys” in dark alleys… but now I will fear running into the people who would wear this jewelry. Lord help us all.

  16. I won’t wear anything that screams LABEL (like coach, DB, DG, LV)…I sure as HELL would never have anything like this stuff.

    Unless it was a cool artsy version of the manip’ed Wet Rob earrings. That I could do…

    ps. I wanted to be one of the Huxtables when I was growing up…hell, I STILL want to be one.

    • me too. I want to be their white daughter.

  17. that girl is reading twiporn on her laptop…trust

    • The office I think Beautiful Bastard LMAO

    • Edward is there to remind her that irl smexy guys aren’t always 108 year-old-virgins.

  18. There’s another item I’m sure you want to add to your list, UC-that laptop decal is available as a life sized wall decal. Yup, you can have Edward’s shadow lurking in a corner of your bedroom. If your husband doesn’t mind the Rob pillowcase I’m sure he won’t be intimidated by Edward in the corner.

    • Nobody puts Robbie in the corner.

      • Win.

  19. Does anybody thing that the old Rob drawing looks like Hugh Jackman? Which is kind of Rob plus 20 years.

    As I giggle reading this post, my husband is in the other room knowing that I am reading LTT and laughs at me. I may have to forward this post so he knows what to get me for Christmas…

  20. That boy should have better managers that made contracts so that this s*** couldn’t happen. Burger King Crowns anyone?
    I mean apart from the laugh {and believe me I’ve laughed} is it a wonder he’s throwing darts at himself? some of this rubbish is soooooo stomach curlingly embarassing, I wonder if he even knows how much stuff is out there?

    Still I love the post and I’m sure if we all wear a Rob necklace and earrings while we are queueing behind the dumpster he’ll at least know he’s in the right place!!!!!

    • it’s not just twi-stuff, I was at the grocery store and they had Harry Potter coloring books so I kinda browsed them and don’t ya know there was cartoon coloring book Rob as Cedric….I think I may have publicly embarassed myself giggling. I also had this bizarre compulsion to buy it, color Rob and put it on my fridge….
      but I didn’t

      • OME. I was in Michaels and they had that coloring book.

        There was a brief moment where I could buy the book, tear out the Cedric page, and then give the rest to my kids.

        I couldnt think of a place to hang it. sigh.

  21. Send me your address and I’ll make you a pair of pattinson pants that will have PPL sayin’ “Bring It” to the next Comic Con. Trust. I have mad iron-on/bedazzling skills and I may even throw in a purse or tee shirt to go with it.

    • i would SO wear those..

      to bed.. and for a photoshoot.. and possibly a video to post on LTR..

  22. I love them all! The pillow is real easy to make, just print the pic and iron on to the pillowcase, I know someone can easily make that for you. I’d make it for you but my printer is ghetto and old. My brother made one for my DD. I chose the same picture you chose for the pillow. But then my brother said something about it being scary and wth would I want that for a toddler (duh it’s for me too)so we picked another one that’s more appropriate I guess.

    I saw a decal like that but bigger and taller that you can put on your wall, kind of like Edward Cullen watching over you while you sleep. 🙂 I want that one too!

    • I think this calls for a new segment called “Craft-Time with Rob”… anyone, anyone?


      • Yeah the possibilities are endless! There’s so much we can make! Rob’s face can be anywhere! 🙂

  23. Be careful what you wish for!

    I’m 33 years old and my mum just bought me an Edward Cullen lunchbox (Edward Cullen thermos included), an Edward Cullen bandana, a New Moon 2010 Calendar, a book about Forks, 3 Twilight mags with posters, and to top it off: Edward Cullen Body Shimmer when she recently visited the States.

    What I asked for was the shirtless Jacob action figure (that’s normal).

    I’m still not sure whether or not it was a joke. FML.

    • I am so 2nd-hand embarassed for you. Rock ON.

    • I currently bring my lunch to work in a Dunder Mifflin insulated bag. I will trade you for your lunchbox…

    • “Be careful what you wish for!”

      Ditto this. You are SO going to regret this post.

    • LMAO! Do you have any kids that can use the lunchbox for you?

      Hey at least it’s not Dora the explorer or Elmo lunchbag :-). I will trade you!

    • I am now officially crying with laughter and trying not to let my boss hear me!

    • I wouldn’t mind Edward Cullen’s lunchbox…

    • I love that! I love your mom!!!

      I receive Edwardly gifts sometimes, too, but not from my mom. She is not an enabler.

      I’ve mostly received the weird candies. There were those sweethearts that were supremely nasty tasting (but nice box) and some kind of chocolate. Usually, the stuff is from a friend who is also buying crap for her 11 year old daughter (*drops head in embarrassment*)

      • For my birthday last year my bestest girlfriend gave me:

        A Twilight shirt from Hot Topic
        Twilight Movie – the movie released the weekend of My Bday.
        A pin ” I like boys that Sparkle”
        A Door Poster of Edward Cullen – Still trying to find a place to hang it
        The Sweetart nasty candies

        I am debating the purchase of the Edward action figure. LOL

  24. Good God, that is all

  25. Dear UC:

    If I have to choose a gift for you, I think it would be 1 of the handmade Robward blankets.

    Why? because there is nothing better in this world to keep you warm/hot/awake at night that a huge blanket with a huge Rob in it (ahem)… is the best way to prove how good he is tu tuck you in bed, or you can take him to a pic nic and lay on top of him, or you can use it to cover you watching a horror movie, or to cover your… something!

    Is the perfect complement to the pillow and Mrs. Giraffealufagus…


    • you know… the blue blanket i currently snuggle with every night is getting a little old & falls apart every time i wash it.

      I’m gonna take you up on this Huge Rob blanket


      • checking the shipping & handling right now!

  26. Forget that locket with my children’s baby pictures, I want that RobLocket!! WANT!!!

  27. Now I feel like a very lame fan of yours, UC & Moon. At various times I’ve offered to be your RL friend, your fake lesbian girlfriend and to marry you in a same sex commitment ceremony, but it never occurred to me that I should be sending little weird edward/rob trinkets as well.


    • hahaha…. we don’t accept new friendships without a gift. and we just got CUSTOM MADE HEINEKEN BOTTLES.. so it’s getting harder and harder to join our club of coolness

      jk… kinda

      • hahahahahaahahahahahahahaahahahah giggles blushing giggles

  28. Dear UC,
    can’t think about your Robmas present yet since i first have to get the Twilight crowd through the witches coven on All Hallows Eve (aka Halloween)—will look into the situation at the beginning of November & hope we can find sth appropriate—send my love–
    As ever,
    Buttcrack Santa

  29. I did this post really quickly before running to see REGINA SPEKTOR (ps she rocked my world) last night.. and didn’t get a chance to post the pic of the Heineken bottles- but they’re there now! so amazing! Thanks again Natasha!

    • We Americans are crap. All we can come up with as a souvenir is a pressed penny with HERSHEY PARK embossed on it.

      Long live the customized Heinken bottle!

      • what is hershey park? LMAO hahahahaha

        • It’s a park made of chocolate in Hershey, PA…kinda like in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

          It’s a bitch to keep cool in the summer.

    • you are welcome!

    • I love her!

  30. You should go with the Bling.

  31. When are they coming out with the Rob blow up doll? Or a halloween mask my hubby could wear?? Cause that’s on my list. ( and divorce would soon be on my hubbys)

    • My six year old nephew told me he’s getting me the Edward sparkle doll and lunch box for my birthday in Nov. I made the mistake of muttering under my breath that I only wanted the doll if it was life size and blow up. The little bugger heard me and the next day I got a call from my sister revoking my nephew privileges. Evidently he was shopping with his Grandmother(my brother in-laws mother). She asked him what he needed to get and he preceeded to tell her “a life size, Rob blow up doll”.
      Yeah, that’s my life.

      • *slaps knee*
        Kids say the darndest things!

        😛 hahah!

      • haha.When my daughter is trying to butter me up she’ll say Mom, I’ll get you an Edward -poster, doll, book,etc. if you let me watch another show, give me candy,etc.

        Unfortunately she has no money to buy these things so I can’t take her up on it.

      • Hahaha! Yeah be careful what you say around kids. My DD goes around telling people that Robert is hot.

  32. This it totally unrelated to today’s post and probably anything else for that matter, but I’m having a bad case of ‘missing Rob’ today…not sure why. You’d think he’d been hanging out with my husband and my 4-year-old son and me (OH like he HASN’T!) then suddenly vanished, *poof* into thin air without so much as a goodbye, goodnight, or “thanks for the Scrabble Letter Cheez-its and wine from Thomas the Train sippy cup. Syrah is my favorite by the way…”

    YOWZA….I’ve clearly gotten too attached to my imaginary friend if I can MISS him–eeeeek!

    Thoughts? Feelings? Medication recommendations?

    • Fanfiction. It cures all ills.

      • I agree! FF: The Office, The Screamers, Emancipation Proclamation, Clipped Wings and Ink Armour. Just for the start. Then you will find your way to your favorite stories and the cure to all what’s bad in the world. At least to the Rob absence.

  33. I need that pillow! Also, I say we start a petition so that Rob’s next photoshoot involves him rolling around on the beach (or in the hay, or in a bed…). Those earrings are *swoon*

    • p.s. I know that those earrings were photoshopped, by the way… Hence why I say we get on this petition ASAP!!
      p.s.2 AMAZING post (as is usual… haha!)

  34. I want the shower curtain, the one with the bad drawing of Edward’s staring face!
    Or maybe not.

  35. So the whole mention of “I’ve been writing you daily for nine months now” totally reminded me of The Notebook. lol! I bet you Rob isn’t getting these letters because Clare IS HIDING THEM! *dunt dunt dunt* She wants more for her Robby….a love that involves more than dumpsters. But we all know how that book/movie goes… rain kissing….UC will get her Rob in the end!

    • It wasn’t over for me! It still isn’t over! I love that movie 🙂

  36. I want Rob tattooed on my waxed crouch for when things get too heated
    And Oh! on our front door to show my devotion.

  37. Ok, can we talk about the armpit hair shown on pouch #2? Is it just me, or does the bushiness of the armpit hair make you wonder what the landscaping looks like down below? Does he groom or wax that area? Or is it totally and completely out of control? That could be a deal breaker……

    • see the search bar on the bottom right of the screen? search for “The Tuck” you’ll find your answer….


      • one word…..interesting.

  38. Dear Santa:
    I’m a really good student (first year of medicine), good person and stuff so this is my christmas list:

    -Robert Pattison
    -Robert Pattison
    -clothes and shoes
    -Robert Pattison
    -New cel
    ahh!! and Robert Pattison 🙂

    You own me this… last christmas you been missed!

  39. I just about spit out my coffee when I saw the picture of the pillow case!!! One of my fellow robsessed friends bought me one for Christmas this year… she gave it to me the other day because she couldn’t wait to see my face! It even has my name on it! Gah!!! Wish it was really his hawt face staring at me while I am sleeping… I’m sure my hubbie wouldn’t mind. Right?

  40. You could nap using the Pattinson Pillow while you were wearing the PPs! And who doesn’t want Rob jewelry? I like to have jewelry that can look me in the eye. Kinda hard to make that happen with the earrings, though. Etsy can be a scary place…just say no to EtsyRob.

  41. I wonder how we can all collectively miss someone we never met in real life.. (le sigh).

    its the power of Rob.

  42. Ok, so, I’m mostly a lurker on these websites, MOSTLY because I’m totally embarrassed that I’m a 30 year old mom obsessed with this crap. Maybe it’s my third Amaretto/Diet Coke talking, but seriously, YOU GIRL ARE F**ING HILARIOUS! Love you ladies, PLEASE keep up the good work! Thank you for making me not feel like such a freak. I found your website today and haven’t done anything but read all damn day. Guess those spreadsheets at work are going to have to be in by Tuesday HAHAHA!

    • keep drinking those amaretto/diet cokes! we get funnier!! HUGS and thanks for the comment!

    • Some of us are over 30 and are way past embarrassment. This site will bring you a daily dose of laughter, a lot of joy and some good friendships. Glad you’re on board.

  43. […] Gifting with Robert Pattinson Dear Rob, People send us stuff. It’s great. I just got some New Moon chocolate & Bobby Long & Marcus Foster CDs […] […]

  44. i love u Rob I Loved Twilight And I Went To See New Moon 2nite It Was Deadly The Way U Took Off Ur Shirt I Love You So So So Much Please Let Me See U In Person If U Stop By Ireland Anytime Let Me Know Please Thanks,

    Sophie Smith

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