Posted by: themoonisdown | September 11, 2009

Robercizze your work out with Robert Pattinson and Chaske Spencer

rowoffDear Rob,

So the interwebs have been all abuzz with the news of Chaske Spencer talking about working out, lifting weights and you actually beating him in a rowing machine battle. And about how the werewolves had their own special workout which was illustrated by pictures of Taylor on set coming to the High School to “challenge Edward.” And well, his mus-kles are a sight to behold I must say. Then I tried to form an image of you working out and training to kick this beefy kid’s butt  and quite honestly I can’t even imagine it myself, not to be mean or whatever but look at you, you don’t exactly exude the qualities of  a gym-head who could crush some healthy native American boys with his pasty white girly hands. You’re more the “run away while calling 911 on his phone” type in my head.

Buuuttt I guess this Chaske fellow wouldn’t lie because, well he is Sam, the alpha werewolf and his name is Chaske and Chaske’s don’t lie. Know this. So let’s break this down shall we? How could you beat Chaske in any sort of physical activity your workout regime’s are so different

Work out gear:

Who's ready to work out?!

Who's ready to work out?!

Chaske: Under Armour shirt, sweat resistant work out shorts, sweatbands, nikes (double knotted)

Rob: Flannel over dirty undershirt, pants “Edward” wore the day before, Doc Martens (no socks), and a sweatband that came free with the gym membership

Workout:
Chaske: Circuit training with entire wolfpack, warm up, intense cardio blasting sessions, weight training, pilates to strengthen the core and group cool down in the suana

Rob: roll out of bed (for abdonimals), walk to gym (cardio), light up cigarette and lift to lips in the smokers patio (weight lifting), buy a sugary smoothie from the gym smoothie bar (carb loading), take cab back to hotel

Before the row-off:
Chaske: Carb loading the night before with the wolfpack at an early 6PM group dinner, listen to life affirming tapes while drifting off to sleep, wake up early for a hearty protein heavy breakfast, use all muscles, endurance and stamina built through months of hardwork in the gym to try to win the row-off.

How's my form on these crunches?

How's my form on these crunches?

Rob: Forget about Row-off, stay out late getting trashed at local bar with the visiting Brit Pack, black out in alley way behind bar, stumble to gym after waking up to the trash men asking you to move cause you’re in the way of the dumpster and they need to be emptied. Bottom line: 15 minutes before a Rowing Machine contest drink a 5 hour energy and row the hell out of that machine and win to the shock and dismay of everyone!

So it’s all clear now… get some Doc Martens, an sweatband and a 5hr energy and your shiz is golden!

Sweatin’ to the Oldies,
Themoonisdown

Follow the cut to see how the Row-off went down!

robrowsThank you to UC for being my sounding board, to the twitter gals discussing it this morning: @Janetrigs @MPWastingMorn @MsJBell @CalliopeBlabs

You all rock!

The Volvo was CHARCOAL?! WTF?! Get it in check over at LTT today!

Tell us about your workout in the forum!

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Responses

  1. Hahaha, I was shocked too that Rob could have beaten Chaske at any sort of physical activity… this shakes the world as I see it to the core… I mean… maybe we need to revise our belief that his Italy-abs were spray-painted… maybe they were… REAL?!

    *moment of contemplative silence*

    Naaaah.

  2. Hey, you can row pretty fast when they take your cigarettes away and will. not. give. them. back. until you are done.

    Rob can’t live on booze and caffeine alone.

    • This is true Jodie…when they took the ciggies away…it was like dangling a snickers in front of me…I will.do.anything.for.chocolate!! LMAO 😀 This post was BRILL!!!

      • P.S.
        I wonder if he hacked up a lung afterwards???

        • That’s when the above photo was taken.

    • If you add in the nicotine he can.

      • the black lung pic was from after the rowing contest!! back story!

  3. I’d rather snuggle up with something soft than a cement wall anyway! As long as Rob’s got stamina, well, that’s all that really matters.

    oink

    PS. Rob got his new Stoli shirt. Yay!

    • As long as Rob’s got stamina = WIN!!!!!

    • What’s the deal with the Stoli shirt? Did you guys send him one and PFach tweeted that he got it?? Looking forward to the day he’s papped in it and you know you’ve made a direct impact on his life!!

      • I found the Stoli backstory! http://www.myrobertpattinson.com/news/091109.html I wait with bated breath to see him in The Shirt.

        • re: Stoli Shirt;
          I had heard that he had freaked out that someone had actually tracked down where he was staying and sent him clothes.
          I think the best bet would have been to go through his agent.
          He seems to be very delicate minded in that respect (stalkers).

    • I don’t know…..Went to the NJ Convention and got to hug Chaske (even got a kiss on the cheek), he’s not a wall at all. Great hugger…..

    • #truth pink dolphin!

  4. If Rob ever did don some real workout gear, he would look as out of place as Danny Zucko on the hs track.
    I think he prob also totally threw up right after the rowing contest was done and then challenged Taylor to a hot dog eating contest.

    • Danny Zucko on the track – WIN.

    • I LOVE YOU!

    • HAHAHAHAAH danny zucko on the track! amazing!! then he punched someone.

  5. You know, I thought I heard wheezing.

  6. That’s funny because when I’m on the rowing machine I always imagine that I’m rowing *towards* Rob… True stroy.

    • i need to use this technique in my workouts, i’d probably run right to the ocean though

  7. The rowing manip… brilliant.

    Danny Zucko!

  8. “Rob: roll out of bed (for abdonimals), walk to gym (cardio), light up cigarette and lift to lips in the smokers patio (weight lifting), buy a sugary smoothie from the gym smoothie bar (carb loading), take cab back to hotel”

    I love the roll out of bed comment…and just remember that opening and closing microwave doors probably counts as several reps in his mind – work that door, ooppsss, I mean core.

    x

  9. Maybe he doubled up on the Hot Pockets for the “win”….

  10. “Doc Martens (no socks)”

    That phrase is enough to make me want to puke.

    Men like Rob have no business being anywhere near a gym.

    He just needs to smoke his ciggies and eat hot pockets.

    • “He just needs to smoke his ciggies and eat hot pockets.”

      And do me.

  11. I was surprised to read that Rob could beat someone who looks so much ..healthier. I love your pic of him rowing, cigarette in mouth-haha. I just can’t picture him in workout clothes, let alone actually working out. Maybe Rob tampered with the machine to f*ck with Chaske’s head. Imagine Rob giggling at Chaske’s exasperation and disbelief that this pasty, chain-smoking, brew loving Brit beat him!

    I’m fine with Rob not working out. I don’t care if his abs are sprayed on or not. I’d take Rob with a beer belly over any member of the wolfpack, any day.

    • “I’m fine with Rob not working out. I don’t care if his abs are sprayed on or not. I’d take Rob with a beer belly over any member of the wolfpack, any day. ”

      Amen to that! We are truly in love ya know? We shall overlook anything as long it’s Robert Pattinson! Hahaha!

      • And who really wants to go out with a man that spends ALL of his time in the gym? Just give me the man that spends all of his time opening the fridge, the microwave and rolling out of, oopps, I mean into bed…..

        x

    • dude i wanted to photoshop some of robs clothes on that rowing guy but it just didnt work. sexpenders on a rowing machine no go

  12. You know what probably happened is they (Vamp group) rigged the rowing machine up so that with every pull that Rob made it brought some of his favorite things closer. Heinies, carton of cigs, case of hot pockets…of course he would win.

    He’s wirey.

    • quilute for the one who loses a row-off to an out of shape brit

  13. PS. I love the name Chaske…anyone know what it means?

    • sex

      • HAHA!! Yes, yes it does.

      • I thought it was Quiluete for “One Who Rows Best”.

        • LMAO at all of you!

      • sometimes you guys just kill me!!

  14. Awwww! Give the man some slack. I saw that bod in the clips from New Moon and it was HAWT! He’s been doing something and it’s mighty fine with me. Rob working out just makes me melt….

    • His abs are airbrushed on!

      • LIES! Actually, I think the term to be used is that they were “enhanced” with some airbrushing… Wonder if that would work for me in the real world.

        • It works for cleavage!

          • GENIUS and OH SO TRUE! lmao!

  15. Wow I can’t believe he beat Chaske? Haha!

    Maybe he is working out and we just don’t know it. 🙂 He runs a lot, running from the paps. That’s a cardio workout! Hahaha!

    Btw your pilates comment made me laugh! I have been doing pilates for yrs but I have yet to convince my hubby to do it too, he thinks it’s for sissies. Whatever right?

  16. Oh I’ll give Rob a workout, all right. He won’t need a rowing machine then.

    Heyoooooo.

    Bad joke.

  17. I think this Chaske is just a really nice guy. To say such a nice thing about Rob, when we all know better. I think he deserved a special letter for that.

    Dear Sam,

    dear Chaske sounds way too odd. I would like to thank you for being so supportive of Robward in declaring such a ridiculous thing. It’s so obvious that you are new to this fan base, otherwise you would know that we are very much aware of Rob’s workout regime. No need to color things pretty when we know the truth and so lovingly embrace it.
    This says a lot about you, though. You are a good sport. It’s refreshing that you kept all the jokes at Rob’s expense with the boys to yourself, unlike Kellan, so that we can have our own laugh. I love you for that.

    Gizmo

  18. I laugh my ass out , that pic is all kinds of win.

    Thanks so much XOXO

    Hard to imagine Rob win over Chaske at Row. Then again we don’t know the real Rob.

  19. Mastering a rowing machine is all about getting into a rhythm. Hmmm, what could our dearest be doing on a daily basis that requires a repeated rhythm? Maybe something done with a partner?
    “Stroke, stroke, stroke…”
    Oh, Yeah. I totally believe that Rob would be the supreme winner at that kind of a contest!!!

    • died.

  20. Ha!!! I’ve been having the worst day/week ever and you totally made me forget about it for a minute and laugh at… er… with Rob.

    And Rob beating Chaske at a row off makes me think Rob may be more “athletic” than he lets on… hmmmm…

  21. You know Rob wears the spandex, shut up. Glorious spandex to accent the package. Me likey.

    PS HOTAlex would wear spandex, however, I haven’t a picture or blog to prove it, or any blog for today for that matter cause my blog contributor is slacking. GAHHH!
    Going to hang out some more in the shower with HotAlex. http://h2bsexiestmaninworld.wordpress.com/2009/08/31/lesson-2-being-clean/

    • omg i almost threw up thinking about rob in bike shorts. YUCK!

    • Love it that you are workin’ the Eric hotness angle. There is no reason to be monogamous with your vamp obsessions. I too have a big love for Eric. But – he’s no Rob. I didn’t even know his real name is Alex!

      On the other hand, holy shower scene Batman on that link you provided!

  22. When I read this article yesterday, my first thought was, “That trainer is messin’ with Chaske’s head.” I still believe that.

    Think about it, Chaske never saw Rob work out. Rob always came in before or (most likely) after Chaske. You know that trainer is in there laughing his ass off. Telling Chaske a whole pack of lies about how much weight Rob lifted, just to see the look on his face!
    Rob and the trainer were smoking cigs and drinking beer for the whole alotted “work out” time.

  23. “Rob: roll out of bed (for abdonimals), walk to gym (cardio), light up cigarette and lift to lips in the smokers patio (weight lifting), buy a sugary smoothie from the gym smoothie bar (carb loading), take cab back to hotel”

    BEST EXERCISE! I would follow that with lying on the couch, drinking diet Coke and eating cheesburgaaaaaahs.

  24. Newest fanfic: handsome uni-boy Edward, the star of the Oxford rowing team will be competing against Cambridge stud Jacob in the annual regatta, not only for the titel, but also for the heart of freshman Bella Swan.

    • Ha ha ha

    • This would be an awesome fanfic ala The Skulls.

      • Yes! And Roward will have the dirtiest Brittish accent, and we’ll put Jacob in Lacoste, Suckah!

    • I gave you all thumbs down, YOU KNOW WHY! Then gave myself a thumbs down for feeling guilty.

      • Naahh, no worries. You’re just doing your job, miss fanfic police. 😉

        I’ll make sure you’ll get a part as the evil soul sabotaging the Oxford boats :p.

        • WRITE IT!!! hahahaa janet is so the boat tamperer that they catch but then fall in love with! just to show her! HAHAHA

  25. You SO described exactly what went through my head yesterday when I read that Chachi interview. I seriously can’t imagine Rob competing in anything but a beer chugging contest. And I love him for that.

    • Chachi?

      Was that on purpose or an Iphone auto-correct?

      Either way, I think we have a new nickname!

    • on purpose. I can’t not call him Chachi. Ever time I see his name I wonder where’s Joanie and if she still loves him.

      • That would be “every” time….

  26. “Workout:
    Chaske: Circuit training with entire wolfpack, warm up, intense cardio blasting sessions, weight training, pilates to strengthen the core AND GROUP COOL DOWN IN THE SUANA”

    Thanks moon, now I need a cold shower…

    <3<3<3 this article!!!

  27. Poor, poor Chaske. This battle was lost to him before it had begun. Even the femmiest of Brits kick tail at rowing. That and polo and cricket. It’s just how the world works. 😉

    ps- LOVE the Row Off pic where Rob looks like a sickly tiny Tim that’s about to keel over next to a hot and muscley Chaske. hee hee!

  28. Clearly the competition was rigged.

    • I figure the conversation went something like this:

      Trainer: “What should I tell Chaske tomorrow?”
      Rob: “Tell him I lifted an additional 30 lbs.”

      (Sounds of laughter and 2 more beers being cracked open.)

    • Clearly.

      Obviously they needed a story to assuade Rob’s fans’ fear about the “painted abs” rumour…!! hahaha! “Don’t worry guys! Rob IS athletic! He can kick Chaske’s ass in rowing!”

      Who do they think they’re fooling? We all know Rob isn’t athletic. YOU CAN’T FOOL US!!

      Still, it’s a nice mental picture… mmmmmmmmmm… Row, Rob! ROW!

  29. I’d be happy to “workout” with Rob right before he passes out in front of the dumpster! That is all the exercise that he really needs!

  30. Sometimes… okay most of the time, I imagine that I am working out next to Rob.

    But this takes it to a whole new level. The stair climber I always use at the gym is in the row behind the rowing machines.

    Can’t freaking wait to go to the gym tonight!!!

    • Me too.

      That’s Normal.

    • Rob and I jog together all the time. He comments on the song selection on my ipod. I apologize for the really lame songs, but he laughs it off. And he can do 3.5 hilly miles in 38 minutes, just like me!

      • holy god, I did the rowing machine at the gym tonight. I just couldn’t help myself.

        My arms are dead.

  31. Sadly (and hilariously) this seems so dead on.

    Best part: “you don’t exactly exude the qualities of a gym-head who could crush some healthy native American boys with his pasty white girly hands”

    • he’s a girly man! hahaha

  32. Once again, laughing out loud. That’s some funny shite. I admire that your (our collective?) love for RP doesn’t extend to thinking he has golden poo but involves at least a modest level of reality about the things that make Rob well, Rob. : ]

    • He doesn’t have golden poo? Damn!! 🙂

  33. “Rob: Forget about Row-off, stay out late getting trashed at local bar with the visiting Brit Pack, black out in alley way behind bar, stumble to gym after waking up to the trash men asking you to move cause you’re in the way of the dumpster and they need to be emptied.”

    Um, yes, Rob and I had a great time behind the dumpster. I love me some DrunkRob!! Sorry Janet, I will call you next time!!

    Thanks for the laughs ladies!

  34. I love the pic of Rowrob. That is exactly what I pictured when I read that article yesterday. Ciggarette in mouth with RayBans on. Oh Rowrob, how I love thee.

  35. It might be near impossible to imagine Rob working out, but it’s still H.O.T.!

    Picture this: Rob squatting, sweat glistening on his forehead… Complete concentration etched on his face… His hair dishevelled… His arms bare… His long legs…

    Oh dear. I better stop. I’m at work, after all….

  36. Keeping things factual – asked a female friend, who seems to have heard of Rob Pattinson, if she thought he would be any good at rowing.

    She pondered the issue for a moment and then declared – ‘Half a chance and I’d row his ass across the Pacific.’

    Not sure if that really answers the question…

  37. I think Rob at gym would be a sight to behold, hopefully he has some time to be in the sauna after. It would keep his pores nice and help is lungs recoup. Him in a little towel in the steam….now my day just got better.

  38. My Hubs is a total fitness/work-out/2% body fat freak and “struggles” to see any appeal in Rob. This post was extra, extra hilarious to me. Loved the picture caption and his workout regiment.

  39. I would have to say that I think the competition was rigged. Rob probably got Nick to start rowing half way through so he could go have a cigarette and drink a 5th of whiskey. Just a feeling 🙂

    • he jumped on when there was about 30 seconds left in the row off WITH the ciggie still in mouth

  40. Rowbert FTW!

    The minute I saw that interview, I knew I’d enjoy your post about it.

    That’s right, I think in terms of LTR posts.

    That’s normal.

  41. Dear Rob,

    It’s okay if you don’t like the gym. Honestly. There are more more ways than one to get your cardio activity (ahem).

  42. I wonder if Chaske heard Rob when they actually said Ron.

  43. hilarious post, Moon, with some dead-on takes of what fans think of the beautiful hobo—

    just a tiny slice of my reality by way of contrast: 1) so-called ‘hunks’ whose shoulders start to slope down at their bulging necks turn me off bigtime—2) the hours these gym bunnies spend ‘bulking up’ is time lost for a gin tonic on the terrace or a bottle of wine & some music after dinner—3) picture-perfect abs are not required for any of the roles we expect men to play in our lives & in our beds—4) olympic rowers do not look like the wolf pack—5) Rob is tall & lanky, beautiful just the way he is—6) you can see him actually rowing a boat in little ashes—

    signed: your loving anti-fitness freak

    P.S. after having tried punting on the Cam i can only praise a tribe able to move those flat-bottomed monstrosities in a straight line—with or without abs—<3

    • dude i dont like the gym heads either. give me funny, nerdy, cute, lanky any day of the week.

  44. Maybe he was able to find a “new shirt” behind that dumpster dive! Love you guys, you always make me feel better about my RP obsessions!

  45. “Forget about Row-off, stay out late getting trashed at local bar with the visiting Brit Pack, black out in alley way behind bar, stumble to gym after waking up to the trash men asking you to move cause you’re in the way of the dumpster and they need to be emptied.” LOL!

    “You’re more the “run away while calling 911 on his phone” type in my head.”

    So that’s what a row machine is….yeah, I had no idea and was trying to picture that with like paddles and shit in my head. True story.
    I know, I’m an idiot but I’m an idiot who admits I’m an idiot.

  46. Talk about parody! 🙂

    We know that the only excerise the boy does is lift something to his mouth, mainly a cig and or that cheap dutch swill that passes as beer.

    Dumster diving could be counted as a sport Robbie excels in. No one could beat him at it.

    -h
    ps. maybe its just me, but that second pic of Robbie walking, he looks thinner.., if he can get any thinner, he’d blow away in a strong wind.
    what do u all think?

    • I totally agree. Rob, eat a damn sandwich already!!!!

  47. Hello Expat, nice to hear there are more of us in Cambridge! Have you noticed that Giulio (clothes store) has filled its windows with guitars and hobo clothes? I bet as soon as the term starts, pavements will be crowded by Rob-clones.

    I’d like to second Expat in that Olympic level rowers look nothing like the wolf pack! Having done row-offs against males myself I can honestly say it’s the technique that counts, not the six-pack…

    Btw, killer topics each and every day! I found this site just a week ago and am browsing through the archives now. I haven’t laughed this much for ages!

  48. Hmmm… Rob in a rowing unitard.

  49. OK, so just 2 days ago when you mistakenly marked your 10th anniv., (I jumped on board), I said my fave post was the Rob daily routine vs. the Taylor daily routine. This post is giving that one a run for its money!!! I just laughed and laughed!! I even told my husband about it. (yeah, he told me to stop ASAP). So fabulous!!!! You guys rock.

  50. Okay…this may be your funniest post yet! I love the pic of Rob with his smoke & the comment about ‘how’s his form on the ab crunches’….LMAO…you are awesome! Thx! 🙂


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