Posted by: Bekah | September 10, 2009

What if Edward had long hair?

Dear Rob,

OMG! You went thrift store shopping with Kristen & purchased some old dirty clothes? Wow. Thank you so much. You have given me AMAZING content for a letter to you.

Not.

Remember when it was cool to say “NOT” when you were 12? Those were the days.  ALSO “the days” were when you used to show up more & do stuff other than look dirty in a nasty ‘cap,’ (I hate the word ‘cap’) frown at the camera and wear flannel. Throw me a bone here! (that’s what she said)

Thank goodness the girls hanging out in Rob’s Flat on The Forum come up with ideas to laugh at your expense.

It all started when JodieO read that article on MTV.com where, as she puts it, Cathy the Cougar can’t stop talking about Twilight because she is desperate for publicity. The article said,

“I thought it would be cool if Rob had long, romantic hair,” Hardwicke told the gathered attendees. “So we put extensions on Rob and he just hated it. He sat there in the chair for eight hours and was like, ‘No.'”

Impromtu letter to Cathy the Cougar:

Dear Cathy,

It would not be “cool” for Rob to have long hair. #1 because no one over the age of 11 has said “cool” since ’96. And #2 because long hair is not romantic. It’s sicknast. Does this look romantic to you? My guess is you dreamed up this idea at 4:30 am after you finally decided to put down the latest Harlequin romance novel and get some shut eye.

perfectionrobnascarrob

Or perhaps at 2 am during your late night TV watching alone in your flannel PJ bottoms (a gift from Rob & Kristen from their last thrift store shopping expedition) stuffing your face with Tuffuti vegan ice cream sammys, Fabio jumped on screen and reminded you that he can’t believe it’s not butter.

Robio

Robio

'No Cougar No cry...'

'No Cougar No cry...'

robio is my fabio

Or was it that you were feeling insecure because you once you were seen in public looking like Michael Oregano’s Rastafarian dealer? So you figured if you could get everyone’s dream man, Edward, looking romantic & handsome with long hair, people would forget your fashion faux-pas?

People didn’t forget.

Robstifarian

Robstafarian

Instead, they felt obligated to share this “what could have been” with the world:

Glad you lost that battle, Cathy. We’re still friends!

XO,
UC

Back to you, Rob, after the jump…. we’re not done with you quite yet…

The girls at The Forum were having way too much fun imaging you as a long-haired vamp. They tried you out as Louis from Interview with a Vampire:

louis

Louisward

It worked nicely. Maybe the crazy cougar did know what she was talking about. But we all feel it came together best with you as the vampire Lestat:

edstat

Edstat

Do you see what we do when you give us nothing to freak out over? We’ve resorted to imagining you as a long-haired Creole vampire, Fabio or on the cover of a romance novel. Don’t make me photoshop you as Frodo from Lord of the Rings. I’ll do it, I really will…….

Badly needing another hobby,
UnintendedChoice

Girls at Rob’s Flat on the Forum (specifically JodieO & Emmeloowhoo) you RULE! Big kisses to JodieO for photo-shopping almost all of the pics. And to Moon who didn’t question me when I sent her a link to Fabio & a link to Rob. She knew what to do. Good Moon. x

Go JOIN those girls on the Forum.
LTT is a fun place for a Thursday

Oh just a few more “Long-Haired Rob” for your pleasure:

Untitled-1

Does the curtain match the drapes?

What a nice nose you have, Rob...

What a nice nose you have, Rob...

Advertisements

Responses

  1. OMG these pictures are hilarious! can’t … breathe…

  2. Um. Gross guys. Long haired Edward would have made that movie even funnier than it (unintentionally) is.

    So, long hair is actually a deal breaker for me. Well, longer than mine (and mine is half way down my back). If a man takes longer to do his hair than I do, it’s a no go (sorry Jacob!).

    Louisward’s face = epic win.

    oink

    PS. Why did Rob sit for extensions for 8 hours? Couldn’t they have used one of their stellar wigs?

    • So true! Cathy manages to give Rob extensions for a little ’19th-century vampire look’ experiment, but Nikki and Kstew wear wigs for the real deal?

  3. You heard the woman, Rob! Give us something to talk about or I start googling random images again! I’ll do it! I swear I will!

    • Love your face!!!! Mwaaaaaaa fake lesbian kisses to you

      • Mwah! Back atcha! Also, I gotta say, I never would have thought to team Harlequin and Nascar. I would love to meet the person who came up with that.

        And I’m a little creeped out that redhead Rob (or would he be ginger since he’s English?) has the exact haircolor I’ve been trying to get for like 3 years.

        • Oh my. I missed the Nascar! You are my hero of the day for pointing that out. And for louisward. X

  4. HAHAHAHAAHAHA….I cried my eyelashes off reading this.
    Emme & JodieO you are THE best!

  5. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
    Ohhhh, that is effing HILAR!
    The one in CC’s rasta plaits is my fave.
    Smokin’.
    Reminds me of when Monicas got braids in Friends and she’d tried to sexy them up for Chan. LOL!

    xox

  6. Robstafarian & Louisward = EPIC WINS!! I had a major hard time not laughing out loud at the office!

  7. Instead of Fabio….would it be Robio??? LMAO Ewww long hair would’ve so made him look not cute!!! Happy they didn’t listen to the Crazy Cougar LOL 😀

  8. Can you even imagine the greasiness that Rob would be with long hair?

    *shivers.

    No male looks good with long hair except for Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow. That is the only exception.

    • I think I just had a moment right here at work thinking about Johnny Depp…dirty…pirate…savvy???

      • Mmm….pirate Johnny.

    • Oh my goodness. Greasy hair. Yeah imagine running your fingers thru that. Maybe he could get dreadlocks? LOL. JK I love Rob y’all.

    • I thought of one more exception…Brad Pitt in Legends of the Fall…on the horse…with the suit and tie… Yes, please.

      Otherwise, no long hair on guys. Ew.

      • Brad Pitt in legends of the fall is why I want to name by second born son Tristan. Three guesses on what the first born is! (and the first two don’t count)

  9. Hahahaha. those picture are just…no words! :p

    I feel so Robbed! You are making me remember Fabio and Harlequin novels when I come for my daily Robdose. I want my virtual money back! You better fix this, Rob. Just buy a falafel, kick a cat, hell get a manicure …just give us something!

    btw, did you google “dude with long hair” for that link? I’d love that!

  10. This post kind of freaked me out a little! LOL CH is such a hippy…in a sicknast kinda way.

  11. I like men with long hair*, but not Rob. No, I like my Rob with just enough hair to require him to push it out of his face every 42 seconds, à la the 2008 Twilight press junket. Grease and all–he loses some of his dirty boy points when he washes up.

    *I thought the guy in the link was hot. Not romantic, but still, do you have his number?

    • yes. that’s my husband

      • just kidding

      • I thought maybe that was the hubs yesterday in the sleeveless white button-down.

  12. I am so not a fan of long hair on a guy, so I love that Robward rocks the short, sex hair. I think that if the Coug had her way with the extensions, I likely would never have become a Twilight fan because I have seen the pics from that day and it’s not pretty.

    Though seeing the pic as Rob Lestat has me thinking that I would LOVE to see him in a period film (and have a part longer than 10 seconds). I am thinking a remake of Sense and Sensibility? He doesn’t need to have long hair for it but he’s got to talk in his sexy accent the whole movie – none of that exchange student from where again? accent.

    • You’ve seen pictures from the day that Rob had all the extensions?

      Where and why aren’t you sharing?

      • i couldn’t find them 😦 the twitterers failed me.. and that has NEVER happened!

        • I came up with this on Google-I’d seen this before, it didn’t look that long to me, but the article says it’s supposedly Rob w/ extensions.

          http://team-twilight.com/20090831/longhaired-rob-pattinson/

          • That looks about right. On the bonus material on the DVD, there is a shoot of an early baseball sequence, and that is exactly what Rob was wearing when they shot the sequence. I will have to bring out the DVD now to see if I can see live-action-long-haired-Rob.

          • Just clicked on your link and it’s the same pic.

      • FakerParis on Thinking of Rob had the pic, tho the commenters suggest this is his actual long hair (http://thinkingofrob.wordpress.com/2009/08/31/newold-picture-of-robert-pattinson-with-hair-extensions-for-twilight/).

        Either way it’s hobo-gusting, dumpster-ble, sick-nast all in one. This would be a deal breaker for me and Rob.

        • It says the file is not found…FakerParis is psyching us out!

          • I tried too..I want to see this picture!!

          • Ok, so let’s try this:

            http://twitpic.com/h6z9h

            From thinkingofrob.wordpress.com and sourced from robpattinson.blogspot.com.

  13. Um…I am now really worried about Rob’s next role in Unbound Captives.
    On the other hand.. Rob the savage? *excuse me*

  14. Louisward…Bwahahahahahah…hahaha…ha.

    Edstat…How YOU doin?

    Wow, just wow.

    I’d still do him, justsayin.

  15. Ok, no, the curtains do not, as a matter or fact, match the drapes. Is that a chick’s hair? Because I have never seen a man’s hair dyed that color in my life, unless it was a pirate at SeaWorld in Orlando. Yeah, extreme, I know. And back to the beginning of the letter, I say “cool” a lot, but I’m behind in the times. I didn’t start listening to pop music until I was 14, and the first band I liked was Hanson. Yeah, make fun of me, I will take it.
    Love you ladies! Keep up the awesome work!

    • someone gave you a thumbs down!

      • LOL I will accept it. I knew it was gonna be a hit.

    • You get like 40 thumbs ups from me because you are now the second person (at least that I am aware of) to comment on LTR about your Hanson love (me being the first). I told Moon and UC that while I may love Rob more than I love them, my love level for them is at approximately my love for Taylor Hanson in 1997.

      I also say cool a lot. I call you out on that, UC.

      Otherwise, loving this post.

      • I still blast MMMBop in my Blazer as I cruise the town.

        The night I went to a Hanson concert was one of the defining moments of my life.

        Holla!

        • Glorious! Same here….*sigh*

    • P.S. Hanson had/have long hair. Didn’t/Doesn’t work for them, sure as hell doesnt work for Robward.

      That is all.

      • So am I the only one here who is old enough to be a New Kids On The Block fan?

        PleaseSayNo,
        PleaseSayNo,
        PleaseSayNo!

        “You got the right stuff, baby,….”

        • Totally fangirled so hard when they released that new CD!!! All their old stuff is on my iPod.

          • I knew you were NORMAL!
            Did you have a fave?
            Joe all the way. LOL
            I know people everywhere are 2nd hand embarassed for me…

          • I was saying I was going to marry Jordan Knight @ 5 years old.

            True story.

    • I have went to only two concerts (due to my hatred of loud) in my now 22 years. Both of which were Hanson.

      Love me some Taylor. Even now.

      • LOVE IT! (and totally same here)

        I thought I had closed that chapter of my life after I met them and it was perfect…when I was in college…but they just keep sneaking back.

        P.S. Here’s what’s really weird. We all cringe at Zygote Rob…but that’s pretty much what Hanson is all about. These things make my head hurt.

        • But I have never seen Hanson pose in boxers and a tie.

          That is truly a disturbing thought.

        • WAIT!

          You met them?

          Just totally realized that. Where?

          I live about 100 miles from their hometown.

          • This MUST be discussed in further detail, but I don’t want to offend any of the folks over here for taking it off the *very very very hot* topic of Rob…though it might be acceptable on Rob With Long Hair Day.

            Do you troll the magical land of twitter? My handle there is the same as up in here.

  16. WHAT!? Long hair Edward? Did Catherine even pick up the book? Even the Cliff Notes? Did she not know that Robs perfect hair is the EXACT perfect hair Edward has in the book? Seriously.

    Imagine if she had her way with New Moon. She would have made the Volturi look like Count Chocula and the werewolves look like the Big Bad Wolf ala Little Red Riding Hood or the Three Pigs.

    • LMAO! Count Chocula! Oh you know it!

    • You know the big bad wolf in Little Red Riding Hood is symbolic of a girl losing her virginity?

      I think that actually kinda fits.

      lol

      • What does the eating grandma and the woodsman that chops the wolf open to get grandma out mean in losing virginity?

        I’m totally fascinated!!

        • No idea on those parts.

          Weird to think about really.

          But according to my Children’s Lit teacher, “meeting the wolf” is a phrase used in France (I think, ?) to mean that a woman has lost her virginity.

          The red cloak and the basket all tie into that.

          Pretty sure that the wolf is kinda like the “scary” first time and the woodsman is kinda like when your love is put into it.

          • OK, this is really deep, I had no idea that Little Red Riding Hood was such a tramp! And, am I the only thinking this could make for some steamy FanFic? Bella as little red riding hood, and edward with his big wood…. Yum!

  17. The only long hair I like is the Bradley Cooper style long hair…where it has that little flip in the back. Yep…that’s as far as it should go.

    Unless it’s Johnny Depp as I stated earlier…yum.

    Ok, back on task…Rob. He better bring it at the VMA’s or I am done with him. DONE I SAY!!

    • He definetly better bring it a the VMA’s.

      I just had my satellite reinstalled for that glorious event.

      No talk of crapping his pants either. If I want to hear that kinda crap I can go hang out with my brothers.

      Ew.

  18. Ok, we get it-Rob should NEVER have long hair.Now please stop the photoshop madness. That picture of him with Cougar Cathy’s braids and bangs..eeeww.

    Shame on her for wanting to give Rob long hair. Although, in her defense, when he auditioned he still had Dali hair,right? So she might not have realized that she was tampering with the hottest hair on the planet.

    Imagine Edward demanding “Say it..out loud” with his long,lustrous hair blowing in the breeze…’nuf said.

    • “Say it…out loud.”

      ROTFL. Gosh Bella would be so mesmerized.

      • You mean dazzled.

        • yes!

  19. TOTALLY glad he didn’t go with extensions. That would have been soooo wrong imo. I am not attracted to long hair on guys, just…..I don’t know, don’t like it.

    I understand about the word “cap”….it’s just like saying “slacks”. LOL!

    Louisward, LMAO!

    • SLACKS! EEewwwwoo!

  20. I don’t like long hair on a man, period. LOL! Those pictures are hilarious! My favorite one is him with the red hair! Look at the abs on that! Just get past the hair and look at the washboard abs!

    So glad Rob stood his ground and didn’t do long hair! That wouldn’t have worked for me at all. 🙂

    • That body with red hair is really nice!
      And Kurt Cobain’s dirty-nineties-blond-surfer-sunbleached-chic hair was great. Then. Now I prefer Robward’s hair.

      The photos of Rob with extensions really exist? I have to see them!

      • Yeah, I liked Kurt Cobain too!

  21. “No Cougar, No Cry”

    You are so terribly wrong for this and that is why I am here every morning without fail, LOL.

  22. Oh Cougarwicke… what are we going to do with you? Thank god for Rob taking a stand. But I must say I’m thankful for her sharing her “idea” with us, because these pics are made of all kinds of win. I couldn’t stop laughing.

  23. I would pay a lot to see the screen test pics of Rob in hair extensions.

    Shall we take up a collection?

    We could then blackmail him with the pics … hmmmmm.

  24. Dear GAWD those are funny. Horrible, horrible, horrible! So not into long-haired dudes. I think Fabio ruined it for me. I can’t imagine what Rob’s extensions must have looked like – aaaaagggggghhhh! No thank you!

  25. Wow,…I dont even know how to respond…Ick, I’m glad Rob said No!

  26. I think I just threw up in my mouth

  27. “Does the curtain match the drapes?”

    The saying is:

    Does the CARPET match the drapes…

    LMFAO…. You are soo cute!!

    • I caught that too! LOL. Curtains and drapes are the same! Just like the slacks and blouse and all those other SM words. Nothing fancy around here. Just call em like you see em!

  28. Oh my lambs! The pic of Rob as Cathy the Cougar!!! I DIED.

    please please PLEASE photoshop him as Frodo!!! Can it be my Christmas present this year???

  29. OMG! HAHA! I believe you meant to say “does the CARPET match the drapes”, rather than “does the CURTAIN match the drapes”!! LOL! (I laugh b/c I was asked the latter version at a bar by a really drunk guy, right before he fell off his stool and then said “oh man! I broke my drink!” Never. Laughed. Harder.)

    • so did you go home with him? 😉

    • OMG. That is the funniest bar story ever. Still trying not to snicker at my desk.

      • I’ve given up fighting it. I’ve accepted that my collegues must think I’m insane, and just snicker away!

  30. Omg, Robstafarian! No Cougar, no cry?!!

    AMAZING. Really. It’s almost too much.

    Love you.

  31. Edward with long hair? That’s all kinds of wrong. Cougar Cathy made some mistakes w/ Twilight. Putting Rob in snag-nasty dreds would have been super-nova major.
    Rob’s hair was one of the best featurs of the movie. It was exactly how I pictured it.

  32. I just spit my coffee at Robstafarin.

    She REALLY should have re-thought those braids at that awards show. Or at least the roots….

  33. But, in How to be his hair was longer and for me It didn’t look bad at all.

  34. “No Cougar No Cry”

    Diet Coke…..meet my monitor.

  35. Robpunzel, Robpunzel, let down your long hair . . .

    so I can mount your tower.

  36. I would have LOVED to be a fly on the wall when they tried the 8 hour extensions….brillz. I can just hear the conversation.

    Cougar Cathy – Trust me it will look so cool.
    Rob – No
    Cougar Cathy – Don’t freak out yet, they are only half way done….I can see it in my head….Edward will look really cool with the long hair.
    Rob – still No
    Cougar Cathy – See look how luxurious and cool (flipping Robbie’s hair Kat Williams style)
    Rob – I told you old lady….this shit ain’t happinin’
    Cougar Cathy – fine (storms out of trailer)
    Rob – sits in the makeup chair with a shit eating grin as they rip that nasty hair off his beautiful head!

    priceless! 🙂

  37. Michael Oregano’s Rastafarian dealer! LOL! Seriously whatever the Coug is on, I want some. It must be A grade shit if she thought Edward would look good with long hair.

  38. Those pictures are awful. They could be work as a poison control remedy. If you accidentally ingest something dangerous, immediately administer the 9-10-09 LTR post.

    But really, I am just terribly distracted by the fact that the layout flipped. At least on my screen. The names are on the right and the comments on the left. Is this a 9 month thing?

    • Thank you for mentioning it, the layout was freaking me out, too, and I thought it was just because I am kind of a computer doofus, so I thought it was something that I did to myself and didn’t know how to change it back!

      Runon sentence much?

      • OK, maybe not ‘freaking me out’ but ‘confusing me greatly’.

  39. What is up with the “dude with long hair” and his beard. That thing is sicknast!!

    Thanks for the laughs today!

    Forget Frodo, lets go with Gandolf!

    • Forget Gandolf and go with Dumbledore!

  40. am wildly enthusiastic that this LTRshit is still happening—Robstafarian a perfect 10—do the curtains match the drapes 9.5—since no beverages are permitted at the computer the screen is never in danger, but the same is not true of panties when the laughing sets in—missed you all & am glad to be back—xo<3ox

  41. Long hair is a deal-breaker for me, period. Although Depp (as Sparrow) and Pitt (as Tristan) didn’t repulse me, I just don’t like it.

    I’m glad that I didn’t have to suffer through 2 hours of film looking at Edward with long hair.

    For all the Dutch girls on here: it actually makes me think about Jan Vayne. I tried to picture Rob with his hair. I experimented some (shame on me). And this is what Janbert looks like:

    Janbert

    • OMG Tristan!! It definitely worked for him.. and I’m not even a Pitt fan..
      That movie broke my heart.. I cried a river.. Literally..
      Um.. Maybe I should’ve saved that for PostSecret.

      • Awww, Legends of the Fall! Your secret is safe with us! Pitt is my only other celeb crush (Rob is #1 Obviously) and sadly is more age appropriate for me! Is it sad the I had a VHS tape of Legends of the Fall. Am I really this old?
        Sorry the b-day is coming and I am starting to feel it!

        • I still have my VHS tape! Don’t feel bad, here’s a story for you (happy birthday!): the owner of the video store decided to just give me the tape one day when he checked his computer and saw how many times I have rented it.. Now THAT is sad.
          Wow.. If my previous post wasn’t PostSecret worthy, this should be. Promise not to tell?

          • Pinky swears!!

            Your video guy is awesome!!

            Totally NORMAL! You are my people!

            PS. Thanks for the happy b-day, I am trying to not be depressed

      • When my best friends and I had sleep-overs, we would always watch that movie, followed by “Interview with the Vampire”… It was a win every night!

  42. I honestly can’t decide which is worse…the Robstefarian photoshop or the fact that Cougar Cathy actually thought it was acceptable to do that to her hair.

  43. a it weird that a little attracted to the very last picture ?
    I can’t believe cathrine hardwick would go to an awards show with her hair looking like that. Dude. The bangs!!!! The braids!!! She be lookin’ tore up from the floor up. (remember when people use to stay that all the time? No? Yeah me neither…)

  44. Why is the second to last picture so confusing?

    I thought Ashlee Simpson was a woman…how may things did you photoshop onto this damn picture??!!

  45. I won’t lie, I had trouble reading and reviewing this post. But I tell you, those Robblerum girls are some bad ass photo shoppers.

    New Hobbies for UC- running, knitting, marathon training, packing, assisting fellow bloggy friends, reading of books, gaming, baking, photography, hmmmmmm…..to be continued.

  46. oh god. thoase are great but i think this will be a first for me to say, but (*gasp*) he looks bad like this.
    Oh and for the record, i still say “cool.” whatever!

  47. Total, hilarious WIN. I laughed til I cried!

    Robstat, methinks Alice sees an orthodontist in your future…

  48. Edstat is the BEST!

    Gotta love a man with snaggle vamp teeth and a lacey collar 😉

  49. On another note, I hope that my grandmother (who will be 90 years old in less than a month) never sees the photoshopped Harlequin covers.

    She will demand that I find those books immediately.

    I shiver at the thought of my grandmother loving Rob.

    It would make me run away from here hysterically.

  50. OMG i almost threw up at that red hair one and i bet the curtains match the drapes. NO DOUBT.

    also NASCAR harlequins?! are they serious?!

    • They match? Really? So THE TUCK was a fake? hmm..

    • Oh it’s totally hot. It’s like Redd Kross circa 1989. Can you imagine braiding and brushing that for fun? It’s like having your best girlfriend over for makeovers.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: