By now I’m sure you know about the Pattinson Pants lady (Fake Manager Nick tells me so) up until last week she was nothing but a legend to me- A figment of my craziest Twilight/Rob dreams that I hope were true. And then Comic Con happened and I got to see Pattinson Pants Lady in person standing only a few feet away from me. Because I’m a good blogger in desperate need of content and knowing no one would ever forgive me if I didn’t try, I ran down a city block in San Diego in a quest to get a picture and hope to score some sort of on the spot interview with this lovely lady.
But alas fate was not on my side because I am behind in my marathon training (sorry mom and dad!) and because Pattinson Pants Lady can hoof it! We were, however, able to score some amazing pictures of the pants and shirt but the memory of what could have been will live on in my heart forever. I wanted to ask her the why’s and how’s and where did she get the inspiration to wear your face over her crotch and kneecap? It’s because of this I’ve decided to fake interview Pattinson Pants Lady here on LTR for you Rob and because I owe it to the gals here.
Don’t worry Rob, just lock the deadbolt and latch the hotel room door and hid in your closet with that can of PPL repellent I gave you and you’ll be alright. She can’t see you if you read this interview.
Hold on to your pants!
Note: For the uninitiated; PPL has become folklore and legend among our community here at LTR/LTT. This crafty gal has created pants with iron on transfers of Rob’s face along with a tshirt to match and originally wore with them a pair of hand crafted Eclipse Keds. Read more about her here
So since I didn’t get the exclusive THIS TIME, here’s how I think it might have gone…
Moon: Hi Pattinson Pants Lady, it’s so great that you could sit down with me today and discuss the infamous pants. Thanks for being
with us! Do you mind if I call you PattyP?
PattyPantsLady (PPL): *sits down looking cautiously around, wearing Pattinson pants, naturally* Um, I prefer Best Fan Ever. And you’re welcome, I don’t just sit down with anyone, especially if they’re not wearing some sort of Pattinson clothing item *looks me up and down*
Moon: Oh well uh… in that case *looks around* I’ve got MY OWN!! Shhhh don’t tell anyone but I’ve been dying to wear this Pattinson dress I made. It makes me feel like more of a fan. *puts on Pattinson dress with Beardward heads over each boob*
PPL: Hmmm… well I guess that will do, it’s not pants but nice job. I admire your placement of the heads. Maybe try one on each butt cheek next time
Moon: Will do! So since you’re very public in your love of Rob on a scale of 1 to 10 of uber Rob fans where would you rate yourself?
PPL: Scale? I invented the damn scale, so I’d say at least a 75. Duh.
Moon: Truth. So tell us a little bit about the origins of the pants, why did you make them and why do you wear them?
PPL: Well, like I said I am a 75 on the 1 to 10 scale of fandom so you have to EARN that kind of reputation, you don’t just get it for showing up to events in a Hot Topic shirt, or worse yet your normal every day clothing. You gotta think outta the pants box! So I thought what better way to show my Rob love than to plaster his face on my favorite pair of pants. Now everytime I go to the bathroom I can look down unzip my pants and know that Rob’s with me always. Kind of like Edward and Bella, only REAL.
Moon: Hmmm yes that is a good reason to make them. Now tell me a little about the creation of the pants, how did you make them, what are they made of? What McCalls pattern do you use? PPants01?
PPL: McCalls! HA! They wish they could create this kind of magic. They are a one-of-a-kind original made by yours truly our from a pair of faded acid wash, wide leg denim jeans from the Old Navy fall 1994 collection
Moon: Oh, I knew those looked familiar. More square yardage available for those Ring of Nibelungs pictures. Classic choice by the way! Comedy on pants making, who knew? So when I saw you in San Diego you were hoofing it in some No Boundaries athletic shoes and not the Eclipse Keds! I gotta say I was a little sad not to see those in person, so where were they?
PPL: Simple story: chasing after Rob for the better part of a year wears down the rubber. I had to resort to shoes with a little more staying power. Couldn’t bottom out on the 5th mile of chasing his limo.
Moon: Wow, you’ve really thought this out haven’t you?
PPL: Honey, after attending 39484952 Twi events, chasing after countless cars and getting arrestd 7 times you know a thing or two about handmade fan clothing and what works and doesn’t. TRUST!
Moon: Patty… uh, I mean BEST FAN EVER do you have a job? What do you do for a living?
PPL: Uh, being Pattinson Pants Lady IS my full time job. It’s pretty time consuming going from screening to screening, Twi Con to Twi Con and watching Rob’s movies on loop in between that. You’d be surprised.
Moon: Yea, I guess so. Where do I get that job? Moving on… Is this the only outfit you own? Is it Rpattz pants ONLY or do you have Keanu Pants or Hanson Pants or what about Vanilla Ice pants from back in the day?
PPL: Moon though Rob is my one and only I have to share that I once wore Milli Vanilli pants!! I KNOW I Know until the scandal that is and then I burned them along with lyrics to “Blame it on the Rain.” I was heart broken that day and vowed never to make pants again. But God works miracles and I saw Goblet of Fire and Ring of Nibelungs and I knew I had to get the iron and the transfers back out. Pattinson Pants were calling me.
Moon: Wow, that was moving Patty *wipes tear* Do you every make custom pants for other people? I would love to commission my very own pair of Pattinson pants from you. But they would be Beardward pants! Made from the two beard pictures of Rob I love.
PPL: Honey, Pattinson Pants can’t be commissioned. They have to be made. With love. From the heart. And I can’t do that for you. Only YOU can make Pattinson Pants for yourself. Look deep in your heart and you will find the strength and know-how.
Moon: I understand Patty, so that means we won’t be able to find your line of Pattinson Pants at fine retailers such as Hot Topic or say, KMart, someday? That’s a big blow for the Twi-merch world Patty. I hope you’ll reconsider. But until then I’ll just pray. Speaking of multiple pairs of pants, do you have back up pairs? What happens at these events do you send them out for dry cleaning at night or just sweat it out in one pair?
PPL: There is only ONE pair of Pattinson Pants. You see, it’s like the pair in the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, only one pair was magical enough for all the girls to fit into and it’s the same with my Pattinson Pants. Once size fits all, one size to rule a fandom, one size to fly my freak flag.
Moon: Well, Patty this has certainly been eye opening to say the least but I’d like to open it up now for some questions from your loyal fans at LTR/LTT. We asked them on Twitter to submit their questions to you and we took a sampling of some of the best so if you’re game, let’s read some of these!
@Alison4828: If you had to save 1 thing in a fire would it be your Pattison pants or your cat (I know you have one or maybe 20)?
PPL: I have 30! Ef the cats! They can walk, the pants cannot! No, actually the cats live inside the pants when I’m not wearing them at home and I opt for my Pattinson thong, so it would be easy to save both the cats and the pants and run outside to greet the fireman. In my thong.
@Freya: Would you be willing to bedazzle them so Edward could really sparkle?
PPL: I looked into bedazzling them but Swarovsky doesn’t make a sparkly enough crystal to match the brilliance that is Edward’s skin. Believe me, I checked.
@Jordan (one of our resident Unicorns): What if you could make out with Rob, but only under the precondition that you make a 30-minute Youtube video describing in exacting detail, just how insane and absurd your Pattinson Pants are and how you’re ashamed of yourself. Would you?
PPL: Wait, you think these are absurd?! Who the crap do you think you are? You just wish someone made some Jordan pants with your face all over them. NEXT QUESTION!
@ReneeChantelle: dear ppants lady are you wearing those cause you know that’s the only way he’s ever coming close to touching your ass?
PPL: Dear Renee, he HAS touched my ass. He just doesn’t know it! Thanks Holiday Inn maid’s key I stole!! MOOHAHAHAHAAH!
Moon: OK! I think that’s the end of our interview time I think I see the police coming for you PPL after that last answer. Thanks for answering our questions and for sitting down with me. Hopefully we’ll be able to meet someday! Good luck in all your pants endevors! MWAH!
Special Thanks to all the folks who submitted questions and the ones who got picked this time! They rocked!
*Clearly this was a completely faux interview. I only SAW PPL, sadly, I did not get to interview her*