We’ve had one hot summer, and I don’t mean the weather. I mean that you have been hot this summer- too hot, perhaps. It’s been the summer of “RememberROB,” the summer of Shirtless ROBWard and the summer of ROBic-Con where we’ve coined new phrases like “The ROBttack” of the fan girls, heard too much ROBumors about ROBsten and had 24/7 access to you thanks to the ROBerattzi. It’s had me wishing for more dinnertime appearances with TomStu because he knocks your 110 degree Fahrenheit hottness level down to a more manageable 104 degrees.
I also have to take a second to address those rumors I’ve heard in recent weeks: First, the one about you being a bad tipper, even though it’s obvious you just got confused doing percentages in dollars instead of pounds (tip for next time- it’s not any different) and then the rumor from the crew member on the Remember Me set who says you’re rude to the crew, demand constant lemonade & won’t allow fan girls to blow you behind your trailer. I know what’s going on. You read that paragraph above about the hot summer of Rob and thought, “Yep, I am hot.” It’s gotten to your head and you’re getting a little cocky
You know what that means- for the sake of us LTR gals & to sizzle your cocky “I’m Rob Pattinson I’m Hot” attitude, it’s time we cool this hot RobSummer down with another “Hose ‘Em Down.” (see the first one here)
Get out that hose & spray me down,
First up: Rob gives “Eddie in a Van” a run for his money with his “Come over to my El Camino I wanna show you my new puppy” look
Secondly: Beanie to cover up nasty, greasy hair? Check. Sweaty pits? Check. This should definitely cool us down:
Third: No words neccesary, just look:
Fourth: El Camino Robby is wondering why you haven’t come over to see him yet. And tiffanized adds that El Camino Rob looks like he would like to get to know Zygote Rob. It’s called: ROBcest
Fifth: We have to include Creepy Uncle Rob- he’s our “Hose ’em down” mascot
Lastly: A video, dedicated to Janetrigs, featuring a plethera of pictures to cool us off and/or make us want to get really drunk with Rob:
After the jump, read the tale of a LTRer stuck between wanting to be hosed off and lovin’ the imperfections:
Prostelyte: At this point, I’m in so deep…I’m searching for ways to sabotage his appeal. But dang! It’s not working! I mean let’s look at the facts:
- He wears old, dirty, possibly smelly, stained clothing….repeatedly.
- May or may not bathe.
- Picks his nose.
- Runs like Forrest Gump.
- Dadcase, Dadcoat, etc.
- Drinks nasty beer, drinks possibly too often.
- Admittedly a slob.
- Over exposure.
- The Tuck!!!!
And this is just the short list of what HE HIMSELF is doing to further my cause!!!! This doesn’t even factor in what I’m considering just to purge my life of him! For example….
- What if he is impolite?
- What if he really DOES smell?
- What if he secretly listens to only Top 40?
- What if he carries those books around, but doesn’t actually read them?
- What if he is mean to old people?
- What if he *GASP* sucks in the sack?
I mean I’m sure we could ALL add to both lists here…but does it matter? I cannot get through one stinkin’ day without mentally devouring this person…and it is kinda driving me nuts.
Usually the imperfection destroys the crush, the fantasy, the motivation…this time it fuels it?????!
NOT FAIR ROB! NOT FAIR!
It’s times like these that I take out my laminated copy of Creepy Uncle Rob and look at it for 10 minutes straight. I think I might add El Camino Rob into the mix because Creepy Uncle Rob is losing it’s touch- half the time I just end up trying to figure out what Creepy Uncle Rob would like and how I could be that person…..(even if it means wishing to be a 12 year old pubescent boy)