Posted by: themoonisdown | November 4, 2009

Breaking down Harper’s Bazaar! Leg Hair, Wayne Brady and TGIF

Dear Rob,

Guess what! Those Harper’s Bazaar folks must be jealous biotches who can’t share the spot light with your Vanity Fair hottness, because what came out a day after your Cape Cod photo shoot for US? Yup, these Harper’s Bazaar pics and after Twitter almost melted down from mass twi-hysteria today we’re here to break them down like we always do…

Breaking down the Harper’s Bazaar pictures Vanity Fair Style (hmmm sorry VF and HB!)

hairylegs

Who wears short shorts? Nair for short short!

The one where we subscribe

Moon: Ah yes and here we have the new cover of Mortuaries Monthly
UC: the new cover of “Guys you wanna do who wear leather” monthly
Moon: and girls who you covet their footwear monthly. biotch.
UC: effff me. i want her footwear
Moon: ugh sometimes life isnt fair and this is one of those times
UC: i think they are Loubs? Do they have a red bottom?  hard to tell- it looks it
Moon: its too bad she doesnt rock it this hard in real life
c
The one about electrolysis

Moon: i think they borrowed this skirt from the rings of nibelungs set- rob brought it with him
UC: you’re right. is she wearing slightly blue tights?  or it was just cold that day…?

leghair

She's got legs, she knows how to use them!

Moon: OMG zoom in dude she has NOT shaved in like 3 weeks AT LEAST. Those are not tights that is LEG HAIR! i knew pacific NW was cold but DAMN thats some lumberjack shit
UC: hahaha omg girl!! you KNEW we’d be coveting your shoes! was tht a lil “eff you” to everyone… “i might dress hot but i’m not gonna shave”
Moon: kstews keeping that shit REAL. Like real real
UC: looks like some major razor burn going on
Moon: the wardrobe dept gays were like GIIIIRRRLLL you best be setting up some laser removal appts even we don’t roll like that!
UC:
dude they’re on roses! I didnt notice!
Moon: yes they’re so “bed of roses” Christian Slater right now. That was the set up theme. Ok,  i need to zoom out her sasquatch leg is creeping me out
UC: did you zoom in over the package? i did
Moon: not much going on in the package area
UC: except some crumbs from lunch
Moon: those pants are squeezing him tighter than a sausage casing. That’s like grandma in her support hose or as Truvy said “I bet you money she’s paid $500 for that dress and doesn’t even bother to wear a girdle. It’s like two pigs fighting under a blanket” he’s probably begging for mercy

Follow the cut for more on hermaphrodites, sitcoms and hefty bags

c
The one about hermaphrodites

moto01

Leader of the pack! Vrrroooomm vrrrooommm!

Moon: rob’s totally about to pop a wheely on that motorcycle. He’s like HAHAHA kristens trying to be sexy and i’m going to throw her off this bike!!
UC: is that a green screen or are they moving? It looks so weird
Moon: no theyre like riding so it looks blurred. Riding like 5 mph since rob isn’t exactly Evil Knievel
UC: right
Moon: you can see her weave pieces. AGAIN
UC: again they did an awful job.  the thing looks great but come on hide the glue
Moon: dude they were leaving a lot for the photoshop folks: hair, weave glue, leg hair, fake packages
UC: if you think Rob was smushed in the LAST picture in his package area, now he’s RiDING in those pants legs up dangggg he didn’t need a condom next time he had the sex.
Moon: thats like the worst kind of reverse wedgie
UC: those swimmers weren’t going anywhere
Moon: his penis inverted. kstew will have to use HERS to ef HIM
UC: right he couldn’t do it for a few weeks and by then the hairy legs were outta control
Moon: strike me dead now robsten lovers/kstew shippers for that last comment
UC: you’re dead clearly

moto02

My sorority sisters are gonna LOVE this lighthouse!

The one about a Gay lighthouse

Moon: where do you think they’re going on the bike?
UC: Gay Head. Rob told her about it she thought it sounded nice
Moon: shes loves a gay old time- she texted Nikki Reed and told her to meet her there. Rob’s just the beard (like we knew all along)
UC: right. they wanted to lobby the town to change the name to a more specific type of gay: Lesbian Head
Moon: fake lesbian head was taken. that’s on every sorority row in every college town
c
The one with Wayne Brady

chokeastew

I'm RPattz, bitch!

Moon: how about we move on to my personal fave?
UC: wonder WHY it’s your personal fav
Moon: “Is wayne brady gonna have to choke a bitch?!” they’re so reenacting the Chapelle show skit. you KNOW all they watch is crap like south park and chapelle show when theyre high
UC: yes they totes do. Robsteners think they make love in front of a fire but they really eat cheetos and watch chappelle  after a quickie in the shower
Moon: that’s their magicness
UC: rob’s hand has the quickie & kstew is on a beer run. that is magic
Moon: that is TRUE love! they’re waiting just like bella and Edward till breaking dawn
UC: right they just tempt each other with cheeto crums crumbs and beer
Moon: no sex till the 4th movie is confirmed and she becomes a vampire. everyone talks bout them being “method” and its true-
hj’s in the shower instead
UC: Kristen read our post yesterday and is thinking of dumping corona on herself to see if Rob wants to lick it off
Moon: he will but that’s it
UC: doesn’t want to waste a drop of perfectly good Mexican beer
Moon: only 2nd base and a beer shower- It’s almost as good as the real thing then shes good for at least another week
UC: it gets her cleaner- actually kills the germs
c
The one where the Intern gets fired

heftycouture

But what about Andre?

Moon: That’s why the wardrobe dept put her in THIS dress from the Hefty Bag couture line. No designer wanted their clothes actually touching her body. Body grease and bong water is hard to get out
UC: right, so an intern improvised and got a raise
Moon: i mean thats some project runway shiz right there. Tim Gunn gave the intern a hefty bag, some duck tape, a couple Xanax and said “MAKE IT WORK PEOPLE!”
UC: and make it work they did! and then leaked the pics to their sorority “fake lesbian head” partners and got fired

UC: do you think she’s standing on Taylor?
Moon: yea taylors definitely on all fours underneath her. they take him around for odd jobs like that and then after the shoot he used her dress and cleaned up the craft services tables and emptied all the ash trays
UC: I just asked a man his thoughts (aka Mr. Choice) I showed him the pic he stared. Then I said “Do you think she looks good?” he shrugged and then I asked if he thought HE looked good and he said “yes, I think he looks good”
Moon: men love the paddleston! ask him wtf rob is doing
UC: he said drinking her blood. but i think he’s blowing on her boo-boo i think taylor bit her
under the dress
Moon: he’s definitely got a choke hold on it. he likes to choke a lot of stuff
Moon: her, her arm, the chicken
UC: her neck her arm the chicken
Moon: JINX
UC: JINX
Moon: Tara Sue Me and the the Dom/sub FF folks will be happy to know this
UC: SOO happy


The one where we figure out where the real palatial pad is

smilingheftybag

This is how we dress in "OUR HOME"

UC: dude that mansion is amazeballs and his boots could kick some major ass. some major cowboy ass. some major gay cowboy ass
Moon: now THATS the “palatial pad
UC: YES that IS a palatial pad maybe they stayed there that night got their cheeto crumbs in one of the spacious rooms
Moon: in the all plaid drawing room
UC: and OK! peeked in the windows. Rob and Kristen aren’t allowed back
Moon: not after snubbing out their ciggies on the 100 yr old curtains
UC: in fact, the owners of the house were given access to these pictures… and they were so pissed about the puddle of corona still sitting on their drawing room floor that they leaked the pics
Moon: and got fired. from owning the house
UC: yep and now Rob owns it
Moon: and he’s getting a new patty as a guard dog. RIP
UC: RIP

The one with Stefan Urkel

tgifshow

Must see TV!

Moon: and now we saved the best for last! the cheesetastic headshots
UC: ah yes they set up an Olan Mills inside the drawing room
Moon: i mean this is like their promo shot for their new show on abc’s TGIF
Moon: right after full house of course
UC: what’s it called?  Family Doesn’t Matter- Beer Does
Moon: My Two Stoners
Bong by Bong

UC: mr. choice just said (peeking over my shoulder) “Gosh he looks so special there. look at how retarded he looks”
UC: he said it again “look at how retarded he looks” “Me and my retarded brother”
Moon: HAHAHA awwww i love how happy he looks
Moon: LIFE GOES ON!! rob is the new corky. kristen is obviously patti lupone

tgifmytwostoners

Folks were SO inspired by this photo here’s what they came up with…

(click to enlarge these)

callixmascard
via @Calliopeblabs

savethedate
via @Tiffanized

Oh Rob, another day another photoshoot! I don’t know how we’re gonna manage all this up till d day on November 20th but we’re lovin’ the smile and the Olin Mills engagement photos. Keep ‘em coming!

I’m Moon, Bitch!

What’d you think of the Haper’s Bazaar shoot? What were your favorites? Any tips for hiding weave glue?

Plan your TGIFridays at The Forum
November’s a crazy month TV wise, Jena has put together a handy dandy viewing guide over the at forum! Set your DVR’s now!
UC’s gotta lotta news to share on LTT

About these ads

Responses

  1. “Rob is the new Corky”

    I’m still wiping the tears from my eyes from laughing so hard.

    After seeing these photos I don’t like KStew anymore. Did you see the bitchy look she’s giving us on the back of that motorcycle?

    She’s got her hoo-ha pressed right up against him, her arms snaked around his waist and her fingers mere inches from the place every woman dreams of.

    She’s definitely mocking us!

    • YES! I felt exactly the same, it was like she was looking at me in every photo with a look of pure petulance!

      • Her facial muscles aren’t capable of looking any other way.

        • I think I’m in love with you! :)

        • bhhaaahahahahah

      • EWW..Stewie didnt shave the legs? are you serious? oh man.. that’s not keeping it real .. that’s just disgusting.. .

        RE: the black bag Stewie’s wearing..
        I’ve seen Nicole Kidman in the same thing on a cover of some glossy mag. The title was called ‘NINE’ It had 5 other actresses on it as well wearing different dresses. (it was some promo shot for a movie called “NINE” I’m guessing.. duh).

        Nicole was able to carry it off. I agree with you all and say Stewie looks like she’s wearing a hefty garbage bag.

        LOVE the “STONERS”… sounds like a TGIF episode of the week.
        At least his Robness is wearing the Cullen smile.. right girls? He hasnt brought that out in some time.

        x -Hermes (not the hermaphrodite)

    • My sentiments exactly…God I hate her. To top it off, I had another dream with Rob last night, only to be ruined by Mulsten taking Rob away from me….what a major B. lol

      • can I hear a shout out to Olin Mills:: Hollar!!!!

      • Sorry about your dream-that really sucks.If I had a dream like that I’d be bitchy(er) all day.

      • Mulsten = win!

      • I hear ya girl! :-(

    • The Corky comment caused coffee to shoot out of my nose. On behalf of my nostrils, Moon and UC, thanks for that.

    • Yeah I think Kstew is really shoving this in our faces!

    • I totally felt the same way. It’s normal.

      • shes looking right at us! hahahaha i love it and SOOO true. i’d do the same damn thing!

        • She looks like she’s about to channel sarah Silverman and break into a few verses of “I’m effing Robert Pattinson.”. Which, by the way, would be amazing and fantastic and six types of awesome sauce. Yeah. That’s right. Six.

          • hehehe I can imagine her singing with her best bitch faCE “I F** the retarded, on the chair on the palatial suite, on my car, on the bong table, on his dirty pile of clothes” (seriously, he has dirty laundry from JULY!!!that room must be smelly). Twitards panties explotions and tears over these pics around the world will cause an accelerated green house effect…

    • Rob really IS the new Corky!

      • Oh that’s ridiculous, my picture didn’t even post with that one. Let’s try this…
        [IMG]http://i471.photobucket.com/albums/rr75/hailqueenmommy/LifeGoesOn.jpg[/IMG]

        • FML. Photobucket FAIL. Damn it!

  2. Uhhh can we say Mortia Adams?!?! Just sayin’ LMAO :D

    • Why yes I can:
      “Morticia Addams”.
      Haha I totes see it.

    • That was one of my first thoughts too… totally channeling Morticia

    • I thought the EXACT thing. Shared minds. Lovely.

    • It must be my former goth self coming out but I think Morticia Addams as played by Anjelica Huston was GORGEOUS!

      Black hair on a pale girl is so freaking beautiful.

      Made me think of a song line:

      “How I started to cry. ‘Cause I wanted to be dressed just the same.”

      • Don’t dream it. Be it.

        • 20002348908231 up thumbs to Tiffanized.

          Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh. Erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever.

          (Gawd. Couldn’t this be the new catchline for this blog?)

          • KStew as Magenta, Rob as Rocky-in teeny gold briefs.

          • No. I want Rob as Dr. Frank. Taycob can be Rocky.

            We all know that painted on abs will not do Rocky justice.

            The question is: Who plays Riff-raff? Maybe Buttcrack Santa would be interested…

          • actually I’d love to see Rob in drag so ok. Dr. Frank it is.

          • I actually already blogged this. Jackson as Riff-Raff. Big Daddy Lautner as Eddie. Kellan as Rocky.

            http://tiffanized.wordpress.com/2009/07/23/next-up-for-rob/

          • @tiffanized

            I am in love with you. Seriously. You took my mind and put it into bloggy form.

          • Oh, holy hell, Tiffanized. Be my new lesbian crush?

      • Anjelica Houston is AMAZING!!!!

        And yes, I agree, I love super dark hair like that on pale girls…it actually fits KStew, just not the mullet cut. Or weave glue.

        • This shoot must be from right before the mullet, because her hair is dyed black, right? That or I have a screen malfuntion.

          • @notanaddiktbella

            It’s a wig

      • I totally agree! Goth done well is very pretty – the severity of the contrast is so dramatic and intriguing.

    • yeah – but Morticia Adams in a garbage bag!

  3. The pica are fuck hawt.
    I’m just surprised that they are BOTH SMILING!
    It’s an early Chrismukkah miracle.
    Okay not really I just like saying Chrismukkah.
    I actually really love the one on the roses.
    Fuck me they’re gorgeous!!
    But her dress in the palatial ones are totes Bin Bag chic. It’s the latest in avant garde.

    xox

    • Apologies for language.
      I swear when I’m excited/happy/mad.

      • Hahaha. I love it when people type their swears. I’m too self-conscious for it.

        Her dress? Totally a nod to the hot dumpster sex they just had.

      • that’s okay. apparently kstew “swears like a sailor”.

        • Cool then we have something in common haha
          I try not to swear and for a while it worked but lately I’ve been letting it drop. I’m very lady-like on my blog though, I don’t swear much there haha

    • its a chrismukkah miracle!!! we need seth cohen and sandy making a bagel and schmear to make it complete!

  4. Olan Mills is EXACTLY what I thought when I saw those shots! WTF Harpers Bazaar? “My Two Stoners” killed. Can’t wait for that show. It’s already programed on the DVR. Rob really does look like he’s been touched in a ‘special’ way on the Christmas card pic. And two ‘Steel Magnolias’ refs in the same week? I love you, girls.

    • i know im killing the steel magnoilias refs! im gonna have to find a new movie to quote every other post!

  5. GOOD MORNING EVERYBODY!!! God i’ve missed you guys but RL has been a bitch lately!!! Its cool though cuz I’m baaaack!! Did you guys miss me?!?! UC & Moon I was having serious withdrawls ya’ll!! BTW am I the only one that was really unimpressed with these photos?!?! Maybe its becuz a certain ‘femullet’ was in them…with her UNBEWEAVEABLE hair! You can see the tracks btw so you know a sista didn’t do them for her cuz they wouldn’t let that shiz fly…just sayin’! LMAO :D Ahhhh its good to be back!! ;)

    • Kristen ruins everything.

      What? I didn’t say anything you guys weren’t already thinking.
      *cough*

      • I fucking HATE her–we should have an internet stoning on those HB pics. Her and her weave need to just leave (Rob)!!!

    • You did NOT just say ‘unbeweavable.’ I just wet my pants a little.

    • unbeweavable!!! so good to see you back!

  6. First off, “Legs” by ZZ Top totally came on the radio just as I got to that caption.

    Also, Robsten4Life and I totally had the Project Runway D’Agastino’s challenge/Where’s Andre discusson last night.

    Clearly, Moon, you are spying on me. Eek!

    *runs off to shave her legs*

    • Hahaha I loved this
      “But what about Andre?”
      too!

    • Said in my best Santino voice:

      “Aaannnddrree… What happened to Andre??”

    • I think I have been shamed into shaving my legs, too!

    • omg my roomies and i do our tim gunn/what about andre voices ALL the time!!

  7. Plaid Christmas hat is MASSIVE WIN.

    • Is it just me, or does Kristen look better in red than black…? Like, not as washed-out?

      I begrudgingly admit she looks good in the Sears portrait studio shot with Rob. *rolls eyes*

      • She looks good…ok. I will admit,
        HOWEVER (and you knew there was one) where do they get off trying to make her look all hot? Call a spade a spade!! She is only even around so Rob (Edward) has something to do. And by do I mean pine over and get blue balls.

        I know the Robstens are going to come down on me, but Rob is grunge, Kristen is a skank!

        IDK, I just can’t get on the Robsten train.

        Bring the thumbs down… I can take it

  8. These photos portray the tabloid version of both of them and the only one that the shippers want.
    That’s what sells. It’s too staged and doesn’t fit their characters.
    But certain fans will prefer this to VF because of Rob’s comment in that one.

    • Completly agree with you!

  9. The Olin Mills engagement poses kill me.

    Okay so this month I have to purchase Vanity Fair AND Harpers Bazaar for my….. um, collection.

    Thats Normal

  10. Yeah, Stewie definitely looks all kinds of smug in this shoot.

    “I bet you money she’s paid $500 for that dress and doesn’t even bother to wear a girdle. It’s like two pigs fighting under a blanket”

    Can you guys work a Steel Magnolias quote into every post? PLEASE!

    There was so much win in this breakdown that I’m speechless.

    • hahaha in definitely making it a habit apparently. i may need to find a new movie!

  11. Umm.

    I <3 Dave Chapelle. You brought him to my favorite (READ: only) Robby blog. Therefore, I <3 you.

    KStew pisses me off. She looks so freaking gorgeous in these… I would kill to have that gorgeous hair.

    I know it's a wig but SHEESH! She almost looks like Evan Rachel Wood. I am jealous.

    • don’t be jealous -go buy a wig and a Hefty bag-I’m sure you’d give her a run for her money.

    • I agree, she looks Liv Taylor/Eva Green stunning! I wasn’t even paying attention to Rob.

      • I’ve literally just realise this whole time I’ve barely glanced at Rob. KStew owns this shoot! You are so on the money with the Eva Green comparison!

    • I know, right?

      ‘Robsteners think they make love in front of a fire but they really eat cheetos and watch chappelle after a quickie in the shower’

      Psh. I think we all know that I’m full-on Robsten, and I gotta say these both sound sexy to me!

      I’m Rick James, bitch!

      • I think, I am in love with you although I hardly understand the half of your comment…hahaha… you are partial right?

        • I think I love you back and love has no language so ignore what you don’t understand and just nod real slow while blinking back a tear and taking a really deep breath.

    • I’m still trying to process the fact that she didnt shave the legs.. I did a close up (at 400%) and its true.. she’s got some long black leg hair in there..

      We’ll I have heard that europeans do like it hairy.. leg hair.. and hair elsewhere in the unmentionable areas.
      Has anyone ever considered… that ….maybe Robb …???? ;)

      xH
      ps. read the most funniest thing about an encounter between Stewie, Rob and a couple of Fan girls while at Dinner.
      Stewie went ballistic when they asked Rob for an autograph, Rob was so embarrassed he hightailed it to the mens room to hide.

      poor robbie.

  12. I think I like the high school yearbook photos best. Rob was voted most likely to single handedly raise sales in the lingerie industry. Kristen was voted most likely to wear a pot bikini and still think she looks cute.

    Actually, I like the motorcycle pictures. Now if she would just “fall” off the back so I can get a better look at the asscandy in the nut huggers, I’d be a happier girl.

    • HAHAHA “fall” yea please fall off!

  13. the bouffant is back!!

  14. I was thinking Sear’s Portrait Studio engagement shots, but ya gotta love a shout out to Olin Mills! How much do you think they paid for the wedding package?

    WTF is with those particular shots, did the photog have an stroke and throw all the good ideas out the window?

    Don’t even get me started on the trash bag dress/gown/monstrosity….

    I might be a little jealous of the engagement shots with Rob, just because he looks relaxed and happy, but not of that hideous weave.

  15. Quote from HB:

    ‘Spiky skirt? They were bullets, mofo!’

    I <3 KStew. For today, at least. :D

    • They alsosay in HB they both google themselves – I wonder if Rob has ever been on here before??

      • not gonna lie, I thought the same thing!

    • Damn. I get down thumbs when I hate on KStew. I get down thumbs when I love her.

      Can’t make all the people happy all the time, I guess.

      • I gave you a thumbs-up… You know, to balance it out. :)

      • *is everyone experiencing technical difficulties on LTR? ‘Cause I am :(

        Also, I gave you a thumbs-up… You know, to even things out. :)

      • Doll …..all you EVER have to do here is be youself!!!
        We {I at least and TooOldForThis and Sassy and a lot of good ones} are all here as ourselves having a laugh {with sarcasm} at our Robsession and all it entails, which is perfectly That’s Normal!!!

  16. Again… My jealousy of Kristen overpowers any other feeling. She gets Rob and Edward?! Life simply is not fair.

    On another note, the man looks as gorgey as ever. He can defs pull the “pale” look off. She? Not so much (see?! There goes the jealousy again… *embarrassed*).

  17. Bitchface on a bike.
    Can’t you hear K-Stew singing??

    I want a coooooool rider,
    A cool, cool, cool, cool rider.
    No ordinary boy is gonna do.
    I want a rider that’s cool.

    I want a C-O-O-L R-I-D-E-R.

    • You so win with a Grease 2 reference!

    • Yay!!! More people who know Grease 2!! I definitely bought the two disc set with both movies in it. And I may or may not walk around screaming “It’s MICHAEL!” on occasion. And when I see hot boys, who’s that guy runs through my head.

    • Kristen is definitely like Stephanie Zinone.

      So hardcore but still gets the hot British boy.

  18. Hold up, look at the one where Rob is doing the choker to Kstew. Zoom in on her hand near Rob’s groin. Is that a photoshopped hand I see, superimposed rather shoddily?!
    Now my imagination is running wild (wilder than those prom photos). Was Kstew doing a reciprocal grope?

  19. I cried my eyelashes off laughing about this post. What is Olin Mills btw?

    • Sort of a department store photo studio without the department store. I had my senior portraits done there.

    • Thanks! I always count on other people for asking stuff.

  20. Love, love, love the breakdown as always sooo many gay references see all subliminal…….
    Have to say Kirsten looks hot is most of these and is truely beautiful when on full glamour mode, and her smile in ‘Olan Mills’ picture is endearing……wish she’d look like this more often even in plaid!!!!

    • ruby tuesday!! hello there.

      and we love a good ghey refrence!

      • Mine didn’t go down well yesterday!!!!
        But I think a lot of people forgot their sarcastic sense of humour and this old Cougar can take a few thumbs down for the funny she gave herself……..either that or I secretly had them worried I could be right!!!!!
        Funny thing was I was only making a joke cause of the Gay Head name anyhooo….<3 to all

        • O, I hope you aren’t talking about my “Shut your face, lalalala” (thought I can see how that could be taken as for realz).

          One of my repressed Robsten fears is that there is no Robsten, only . . . Sturrinson? Pattridge?

          However, the cold harsh estrogen-defficient light of that reality really won’t affect me too much. Teh dream will live on in my head. Cue music:

          “If he e-ver hurts you
          Mulsten won’t desert you
          Robward, KStew loves you
          Though we both have gone our separate ways”

          Eleventy thumbs up to RubyTuesday!

    • these portraits were brought to you courtesy of SEARS, where plaid is still cool!

  21. We’re so spoiled with all these photoshoots and you girls breaking them down for us! It feels like christmas, but without mellow music and getting fat.

    “do you think she’s standing on Taylor?”
    Hahaha, she could actually be hiding the entire wolfpack under that hefty bag monster. Me thinks someone is about to get fired…and that could be me if I don’t get back to work now. XoXo

    P.S. You can still see the hand from the person pushing that motorbike with training wheels in the first shot.
    P.S.2 Kristen looks gorgeous!

    • I freaked out when I first saw the ones without the hands and wondered what crazy kiss up would put him on bike with Kristen and expect them to live? But then I saw all the pics with the hands pushing and then I couldn’t stop laughing. They went from looking bad ass to playing hot wheels.

  22. A million thumbs up for the “Rob is the new Corky.”

    All kinds of funny today girls.

  23. WTF? Was David Slade supposed to be in that photo shoot? ‘Cause it looks like Rob is wearing some of the clothes reserved for him.
    Rob will be PERMANENTLY shooting blanks after those pants.

  24. A second Steel Magnolias quote AND a Patty Lupone name drop? Gawd I lurve you guys! We are soulmates. Can’t wait to meet you at SummerSalt or the next Broadway workshop!

    • I meant Patti Lupone. Don’t let her know I spelled it wrong. That’s one diva I don’t want to anger.

  25. It’s like that Hefty bag dress was inspired by them. Hobo couture. OMG! They’re channeling Zoolander and derelicte! The possibilities are endless.

  26. Moon, I applaud your boldness in stating this fact (’cause y’all know that it is, indeed, a fact).
    It’s the equivalent of Courage Under Fire.

    “his penis inverted. kstew will have to use HERS to ef HIM”

  27. “Tim Gunn gave the intern a hefty bag, some duck tape, a couple Xanax and said “MAKE IT WORK PEOPLE!””

    I <3 you, Moon!

  28. i love this shoot, leg hair, wig glue and all. i mean, they’re leaks – they’re not ready yet! it’s like pulling a meatloaf out of the oven early – they’re still a little pink in the middle (that’s what she said).
    but that Alexander McQueen trashbag kills me. makes me think the stylist has been reading LTT/LTR and was thinking “you know what’s hot? dumpsters.”
    but they both look gorgeous – kstew, if you’re reading this; this is why we’re mean to you when you go out in yesterday’s clothes and last week’s mullet – because you are capable of looking like this, and it’s your duty to those of us who aren’t to WORK THAT SHIT A LITTLE. (this is also the reason you should be effing rob if you aren’t already.)

    • loved your “you know what’s hot? dumpsters” line. LMFAO!!!

    • Allow me to breakdown your win:

      1. ‘they’re still a little pink in the middle’ – disgusting. hilarious.
      2. ‘“you know what’s hot? dumpsters.”’ – mind meld! that’s exactly what I thought, too – that’s a dumpster diving uniform!
      3. ‘ WORK THAT SHIT A LITTLE’ – Preach!
      4. ‘you should be effing rob if you aren’t already’ – she is. trust. twice on sundays.

      • Break down squared!

  29. “I bet you money she’s paid $500 for that dress and doesn’t even bother to wear a girdle. It’s like two pigs fighting under a blanket” BEST movie quote hands down!! <3 u for this!!
    These pictures are……..no words come to mind! That's just how HAWT they are! I totes joined twitter yesterday b/c of these pictures….That's Normal? I hope!!
    Awesome break down!! :)

  30. Oh my god! you did it, you really did it! And now I am going to have to be really, really late to work because I can not wait to read this. Ok, back to reading…

  31. This post is just chock full of hilarity! In the tizzy over the VF pics I forgot about Harper’s Bazaar. Unfortunately Kstew being in them is a real bummer but Thank god for Photoshop-she can be replaced with a tree or TomStu or whatever.

    Project Runway should do a Hefty Bag challenge-with KStew as the celeb guest of course. I love Tim Gunn even though he called Rob sloppy.

    That last pic-did they really publish that?? Rob is definitely looking special. But I’d still do him; I don’t mind special.

    • It’s another Gristedes Supermarket challenge.

      However, I believe Stella “Leatha” already perfected the Hefty bag dress on that one!

    • In Tim Gunn’s defense, Rob IS sloppy.

      • Of course he is-I wouldn’t have it any other way. But he cleans up well.
        I think Tim was actually very diplomatic, calling him sloppy-Tim has class.
        I love the imperious looks he gives when he’s checking the contestants’ progress on PR.

        • Wait – didn’t we reassure ourselves about this yesterday? That “dirty” is the new “straight?”

          Besides, you know what’s good for dirty? A shower. And you know what happens in showers? Dirty things.

    • “But I’d still do him; I don’t mind special.”

      That’s what she said.

      ROFL.

  32. Kristen looks so so gorgeous. I know she’s too cool to care, but i wish she would throw some make-up on every once in a while and work it! She is so beatiful. Rob in this set of pics nearly caused me to have a brain aneurism yesterday. What am I, 14??? He’s too hot!

  33. Fashion shots were great. The engagement shots not so much. I don’t care if her dress is a plastic bag, that girl looks hot. And if I looked that good, I’d wear a garbage bag everyday.

    And the only thing that I bothered enlarging and focusing on was Rob’s hands. Those long skinny fingers…so thanks UC and Moon for being such dedicated bloggers-totally missed the hair glue first time around.

  34. OMFG. my male roomate last night just said how he thought rob looked retarded in those pictures. he clarified later with “i think hes probably a little slow.” jeez i almost fell out of my chair laughing about corky.

    re: the shoes. i had to find out what they were because i loff them too. “Pumps, $580, Cesare Paciotti. 212-452-1222″ not louboutin but still costs the same as two months rent. jellis.

  35. I can’t stop giggling at your ‘chokeastew’ label on the Rpatz bitch photo. It’s the little things you do, that make me love you :-)

    • HAHAHA! I didn’t even notice that the first time around! Hilar!

  36. i don’t get these pictures,this is sooo not right,kstew looks like a wannabe something (i can’t figure it out) and rob just looks like ??? it’s too early on the westcoast for this stuff,i’m going back to bed to dream about cape cod….

  37. hahaha …the post is hilarious as always. UC and Moon, u rock Girls!!
    gotta to admit im not a fan of rob in bike photo mmm it makes him, less masculine?? as K-Stew, the first time i saw the photos in other blog i thought WOW, but the second one, she looks like a teenager vampire. i like VF outtakes better…

  38. OMG! That first picture: the shoes! the skirt! The man on the right! *THUD*

  39. I lost it at the Corky reference…

    Honestly, I’m not crazy about these pictures. Her hair looks so fake to me. Probably because it is… but whatever. What is with the Twi crew and bad wig situations?

    Also, the dress Derelicte to me. Apparently fashion directors are taking their cues from Mugatu these days?

    • ah, typos… you’re so fun. That should say “the dress screams Derelicte to me.”

      Please forgive me, I’m out of it. I’ve been so confused since yesterday — every time someone mentions “HB” I think they’re talking about me. I’m a moron.

    • your name has been userped by an old timey magazine.

      ps mugato is SOOOO loving kstew as his new muse for derelicts.
      pps i couldnt find thast clip ANYWHERE on the net

  40. Ok, what am I missing?

    KStew looks like her normal goth pissed off self (even though I love the color of her hair with her skin and eyes)…I forgot Rob was even in the pictures cause all I could think was “Please don’t let my subscription be full of this crap!”

    They look like Coug Cathy took them.

    Not the level of artistic beauty I expect from either HB or Rob/KStew.

    • VF photos any day! when I saw these in another blog, you can’t believe it but i prayed for a breakdown UC and Moon style and they did not disappoint. its like you dug into my head. The best line ” his penis inverted. kstew will have to use HERS to ef HIM”

  41. That whole first paragraph = <3 <3 <3

    Seeing Kristen's weave piece glue made me ill. Don't get me wrong – I love the weave itself, but to not photoshp the glue?! What?!?!

    And you two really pulled out all the stops with the "head shots". I died. My coworkers think I've finally lost it. And by "think", I mean "have confirmed".

    • Am I missing something? I can’t see the glue? I can’t see the leg hair either?

      Where is it? I think it might make me feel better if I know she’s not perfect.

      • I can see glue but not leg hair, and as I type that out I realize that, guess what? I’m totally fine with that.

        And I love that she’s not perfect. F’hot vampy pics do not a mullet erase. I don’t want him to be perfect, either. The level of rabid interest around here is frenzied enough even with their steady stream of “dressed myself today” nightmares.

        My Robsten reflex shouts: They’re perfect for EACH OTHER!

        And the angry townspeople yell: Shut it, you idiot! We already decided she’s TOXIC! *waving pitchforks menacingly*

        • Yes, you said it…you cares about glue, fake hair, hair on legs…I mean, all that LA-perfectness is so BORING, I do like her, I have already stamped the photo with the sticky finger…
          I LOVE that, it’s my kind of taking life…..I guess I will take the risk of thumbs down…free spirit is a good thing…EVER!

  42. Dear Harpers Bazzar,
    I’ll admit that I’m a total fail and have actually never purchased your magazine. However, after seeing these pics, I will become a subscriber.
    Who needs Cosmo’s “Tips for a Flat Belly” when I can just laugh at your photography?
    Question: Did the photographer look like a Rastfarian Cougar? Will you be featuring the Jort-pack in next month’s issue? Why is KStew wearing Taylor’s wig from the movie?

    • WIN!

      The wig is shiteous. But the shoes… those shoes are lovely.

      • I love the shoes too and that’s a lot coming from me because I hate wearing heels.

        • This one hurts b/c of the price…:-)

    • I already get a flat belly of reading your post today…you ARE my COSMO-girl!

  43. Never did I ever think there would be a reference comparing Chris Burke (corky) and Rob, but I see Mr. Choice’s point. I love all the early 90s ABC references, but come on, KStew could be Kelli Martin from Life Goes On.

  44. Oh man…you guys are the best. The leg hair I was in complete disbelief of when I first saw it…I was like..”no way…they couldn’t have let that happen”…too bad we couldn’t see her pits.

    And the cheese-tastic ones are hilarious too..

    • really? you saw the leg hair?? I don’t see it:(.

      • I think you need the high-def versions, which I believe are on Robsessed.

        You gotta zooooom to see those suckahs!

  45. “UC: if you think Rob was smushed in the LAST picture in his package area, now he’s RiDING in those pants legs up dangggg he didn’t need a condom next time he had the sex.”

    LMAO!

    I want her shoes! I would never be able to walk in them but I want them!

    I actually liked the headshots, LOL!
    Because they look so natural and comfortable with each other. And the one coming down the stairs holding hands.

    But my fave is the laying down in the awesome getup and staring at each other.

    I’m a total Robstener (don’t hate!) so these photos had me squeeing long time!

    • Robsteners unite!

      P.S. Make sure you stick around. I’ll be waving our flag a bit today and am unsure how the current of KStew jealousy will turn. We might need all members for a Care Bear stare.

      • Care Bear stare, LMAO!

  46. OMG…..Ladies, this one was Epic!!! Rob is the new Corky!!! And can I just say that I think Mr. Choice’s input was genius and just sent it over the edge!!! I think he should chime in more often….so funny!

    I <3 Special Rob!

  47. Oh my! I slept in late and look at all these comments already! ;-)

    These are hilarious!!! I love your breakdown, always makes me laugh.

    I love Kristen’s dress in the first photo…uhmmm but I too had to zoom on “the package!” Can’t help it. Those pants are so tight! Is this the male version of ultra-skinny pants?

    About her hair, I love Kris’ real hair. This isn’t real and it’s a different color. She looks stunning though. I love the smoky racoon eye look, I really should try that sometime, haha.

    • Hi hon, I’m with you again, after a long work day…
      I like this photoshoot a lot, they look both gorgeous, even with the glue, I give a sh*t on it…..
      but the real thing that make me feel liked SHOCKED….is their fricking intimacy, I CAN see in almost every pic, specially in the headshots….I am so jealous…..<3

      • Word.

        I mean, I get it – I know they’re actors.

        But c’mon! These pics alone could inspire several dozen Lisa Frank, three-ring, shoved-under-the-bed-but-not-too-far binders!

        • Hey, just wanna to ask, is that Billy Idol on your avatar ?, b/c I loved him so much with his fricking arrogance……if not..I will still love him…lol

          • Haha, Robgirl that’s Kiefer Sutherland!!!! You and I will talk later :-)

          • OK, but it’s Kiefer Sutherland in an Billy Idol Pose! So I was 10% right……sorry StotheP !

          • It’s KEIFER playing a VAMPIRE with a MULLET! A TRIFECTA!

            Almost as hot as sex hair, brooding eyes, and a sweater. But not quite.

            With a rebel yell, she cried more (Robporn), more (Robporn), more (Robporn) . . .

          • I’ve been wondering about your avatar for quite some time. Glad the mystery’s solved. You really thought this through, haven’t you? Pure genius. Plus I know a unicorn that claims Kiefer has the sexiest voice ever!

        • I love YOU! So intelligent, oh my…

    • Oh forgot the comment of the eyes, dear try it and I will fall deeply in love with you….hahaha …I guess that wouldn’t be your intention?

      • Hey sis, what happened to the Rocky Road and Heineken?

        Hahah, well someone’s gonna have to show me because I really, really suck at putting make up! I barely wear makeup as is, I’m just plane Jane. I think my hubby will like the sultry look though! Haha.

        • So hon, Heineken, fur and sweater are in Japan b/c Rob made a call to me and…as much as I love you….I had to make a choice..:-)

          I usualy have to wear some make up, it’s like restoration…:-)
          and…you know, I never will get older than 23!

          • “I usually have to wear make up, it’s like restoration.”

            Hahaha, you’re hilarious!!!! Restoration!!!!!

  48. I loved these pictures – but they do look kind of like a RL couple, which is painful for me, since I’m a nonsten. So I comforted myself by repeating the VF article mantra “they’re just good friends, they’re just good friends, they’re just good friends”

    You guys are hilarious as always! The special Corky line might have been my fave, but it’s so hard to pic.

    Unrelated, tried to get a pic with Sam Bradley last night to share with LTR, but had to quit the line when I realized that the girl behind me was wearing a shirt with Sam’s face on it and a Twilight hoodie. My second hand embarrassment was too great. Of course, the chica at the front of the line with 3 miles of exposed cleavage wasn’t exactly bringing the “cool” factor up much either – but I didn’t notice what she was wearing because her cleavage was a super massive black hole for me.

    Oh yeah. Speaking of boobs, did anyone else notice that in the super leg slit black dress picture that KStew is showing some very visible headlights? Did they not have those little daisy petals at the shoot?

    • Wow. Thank you for representing the closeted multitudes. I’m so proud of you for your self-respect.

      [immediately scrolls back up to look for headlights. the irony of her last sentence is not lost on her]

    • hahaI did the same thing when I saw Sam. Just could not go through with it-although there were womem who looked like they had more than a few years on me holding t-shirts and waiting in line.

    • I’m with you Milfy Goodness (I love your name btw and have been wanting to say so 4eva) They’re just good friends, just good friends.

      Also re the hairy legs, stubble = looks good on The Jaw; does not look good on skinny white legs.

    • I’m proud of you too …
      and I will never ever get the fascination of Twilight-Edward-etc-shirts to wear in public….I would be ashamed even to share the same place with this person…

      I mean if I will buy someone someday ( I think this day will never come) I would only wear it while clearing up my wardrobe…or my shoeshelf…or bringing out the dumpster….that could be make a certain sense….

    • ugh 2nd hand embarassment runs rammpant at brit pack shows. UGH!

  49. Kstew couldn’t bring a full smile to the olan mills shot? Come on, Rob is giving it all he’s got and she offers alittle half smile.
    If I had that man as close to me as he is to her, you’d better believe all the pearly whites would be showing!! Plus my mom would yell at me for ruining the family photo.

    You don’t think that there will be permanent damage to the sparklepeen? I have big plans for those little guys.

    • Maybe the camera would explode if both smiles with joy.. :P
      On the other hand.. it’s all about balance ;)

  50. My Two Stoners
    Bong by Bong

    BEST.EVER.
    <3 <3

    hahhaaha stomach is now hurting from silently laughing as hard as i could w/o drawing attn to myself here in college library..
    AMAZEBALLS

    • I will watch My Two Stoners in a heartbeat, if we can mixed with Barney from HIMYM this could be LEGENDARY…


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