Posted by: themoonisdown | November 4, 2009

Breaking down Harper’s Bazaar! Leg Hair, Wayne Brady and TGIF

Dear Rob,

Guess what! Those Harper’s Bazaar folks must be jealous biotches who can’t share the spot light with your Vanity Fair hottness, because what came out a day after your Cape Cod photo shoot for US? Yup, these Harper’s Bazaar pics and after Twitter almost melted down from mass twi-hysteria today we’re here to break them down like we always do…

Breaking down the Harper’s Bazaar pictures Vanity Fair Style (hmmm sorry VF and HB!)

hairylegs

Who wears short shorts? Nair for short short!

The one where we subscribe

Moon: Ah yes and here we have the new cover of Mortuaries Monthly
UC: the new cover of “Guys you wanna do who wear leather” monthly
Moon: and girls who you covet their footwear monthly. biotch.
UC: effff me. i want her footwear
Moon: ugh sometimes life isnt fair and this is one of those times
UC: i think they are Loubs? Do they have a red bottom?  hard to tell- it looks it
Moon: its too bad she doesnt rock it this hard in real life
c
The one about electrolysis

Moon: i think they borrowed this skirt from the rings of nibelungs set- rob brought it with him
UC: you’re right. is she wearing slightly blue tights?  or it was just cold that day…?

leghair

She's got legs, she knows how to use them!

Moon: OMG zoom in dude she has NOT shaved in like 3 weeks AT LEAST. Those are not tights that is LEG HAIR! i knew pacific NW was cold but DAMN thats some lumberjack shit
UC: hahaha omg girl!! you KNEW we’d be coveting your shoes! was tht a lil “eff you” to everyone… “i might dress hot but i’m not gonna shave”
Moon: kstews keeping that shit REAL. Like real real
UC: looks like some major razor burn going on
Moon: the wardrobe dept gays were like GIIIIRRRLLL you best be setting up some laser removal appts even we don’t roll like that!
UC:
dude they’re on roses! I didnt notice!
Moon: yes they’re so “bed of roses” Christian Slater right now. That was the set up theme. Ok,  i need to zoom out her sasquatch leg is creeping me out
UC: did you zoom in over the package? i did
Moon: not much going on in the package area
UC: except some crumbs from lunch
Moon: those pants are squeezing him tighter than a sausage casing. That’s like grandma in her support hose or as Truvy said “I bet you money she’s paid $500 for that dress and doesn’t even bother to wear a girdle. It’s like two pigs fighting under a blanket” he’s probably begging for mercy

Follow the cut for more on hermaphrodites, sitcoms and hefty bags

c
The one about hermaphrodites

moto01

Leader of the pack! Vrrroooomm vrrrooommm!

Moon: rob’s totally about to pop a wheely on that motorcycle. He’s like HAHAHA kristens trying to be sexy and i’m going to throw her off this bike!!
UC: is that a green screen or are they moving? It looks so weird
Moon: no theyre like riding so it looks blurred. Riding like 5 mph since rob isn’t exactly Evil Knievel
UC: right
Moon: you can see her weave pieces. AGAIN
UC: again they did an awful job.  the thing looks great but come on hide the glue
Moon: dude they were leaving a lot for the photoshop folks: hair, weave glue, leg hair, fake packages
UC: if you think Rob was smushed in the LAST picture in his package area, now he’s RiDING in those pants legs up dangggg he didn’t need a condom next time he had the sex.
Moon: thats like the worst kind of reverse wedgie
UC: those swimmers weren’t going anywhere
Moon: his penis inverted. kstew will have to use HERS to ef HIM
UC: right he couldn’t do it for a few weeks and by then the hairy legs were outta control
Moon: strike me dead now robsten lovers/kstew shippers for that last comment
UC: you’re dead clearly

moto02

My sorority sisters are gonna LOVE this lighthouse!

The one about a Gay lighthouse

Moon: where do you think they’re going on the bike?
UC: Gay Head. Rob told her about it she thought it sounded nice
Moon: shes loves a gay old time- she texted Nikki Reed and told her to meet her there. Rob’s just the beard (like we knew all along)
UC: right. they wanted to lobby the town to change the name to a more specific type of gay: Lesbian Head
Moon: fake lesbian head was taken. that’s on every sorority row in every college town
c
The one with Wayne Brady

chokeastew

I'm RPattz, bitch!

Moon: how about we move on to my personal fave?
UC: wonder WHY it’s your personal fav
Moon: “Is wayne brady gonna have to choke a bitch?!” they’re so reenacting the Chapelle show skit. you KNOW all they watch is crap like south park and chapelle show when theyre high
UC: yes they totes do. Robsteners think they make love in front of a fire but they really eat cheetos and watch chappelle  after a quickie in the shower
Moon: that’s their magicness
UC: rob’s hand has the quickie & kstew is on a beer run. that is magic
Moon: that is TRUE love! they’re waiting just like bella and Edward till breaking dawn
UC: right they just tempt each other with cheeto crums crumbs and beer
Moon: no sex till the 4th movie is confirmed and she becomes a vampire. everyone talks bout them being “method” and its true-
hj’s in the shower instead
UC: Kristen read our post yesterday and is thinking of dumping corona on herself to see if Rob wants to lick it off
Moon: he will but that’s it
UC: doesn’t want to waste a drop of perfectly good Mexican beer
Moon: only 2nd base and a beer shower- It’s almost as good as the real thing then shes good for at least another week
UC: it gets her cleaner- actually kills the germs
c
The one where the Intern gets fired

heftycouture

But what about Andre?

Moon: That’s why the wardrobe dept put her in THIS dress from the Hefty Bag couture line. No designer wanted their clothes actually touching her body. Body grease and bong water is hard to get out
UC: right, so an intern improvised and got a raise
Moon: i mean thats some project runway shiz right there. Tim Gunn gave the intern a hefty bag, some duck tape, a couple Xanax and said “MAKE IT WORK PEOPLE!”
UC: and make it work they did! and then leaked the pics to their sorority “fake lesbian head” partners and got fired

UC: do you think she’s standing on Taylor?
Moon: yea taylors definitely on all fours underneath her. they take him around for odd jobs like that and then after the shoot he used her dress and cleaned up the craft services tables and emptied all the ash trays
UC: I just asked a man his thoughts (aka Mr. Choice) I showed him the pic he stared. Then I said “Do you think she looks good?” he shrugged and then I asked if he thought HE looked good and he said “yes, I think he looks good”
Moon: men love the paddleston! ask him wtf rob is doing
UC: he said drinking her blood. but i think he’s blowing on her boo-boo i think taylor bit her
under the dress
Moon: he’s definitely got a choke hold on it. he likes to choke a lot of stuff
Moon: her, her arm, the chicken
UC: her neck her arm the chicken
Moon: JINX
UC: JINX
Moon: Tara Sue Me and the the Dom/sub FF folks will be happy to know this
UC: SOO happy


The one where we figure out where the real palatial pad is

smilingheftybag

This is how we dress in "OUR HOME"

UC: dude that mansion is amazeballs and his boots could kick some major ass. some major cowboy ass. some major gay cowboy ass
Moon: now THATS the “palatial pad
UC: YES that IS a palatial pad maybe they stayed there that night got their cheeto crumbs in one of the spacious rooms
Moon: in the all plaid drawing room
UC: and OK! peeked in the windows. Rob and Kristen aren’t allowed back
Moon: not after snubbing out their ciggies on the 100 yr old curtains
UC: in fact, the owners of the house were given access to these pictures… and they were so pissed about the puddle of corona still sitting on their drawing room floor that they leaked the pics
Moon: and got fired. from owning the house
UC: yep and now Rob owns it
Moon: and he’s getting a new patty as a guard dog. RIP
UC: RIP

The one with Stefan Urkel

tgifshow

Must see TV!

Moon: and now we saved the best for last! the cheesetastic headshots
UC: ah yes they set up an Olan Mills inside the drawing room
Moon: i mean this is like their promo shot for their new show on abc’s TGIF
Moon: right after full house of course
UC: what’s it called?  Family Doesn’t Matter- Beer Does
Moon: My Two Stoners
Bong by Bong

UC: mr. choice just said (peeking over my shoulder) “Gosh he looks so special there. look at how retarded he looks”
UC: he said it again “look at how retarded he looks” “Me and my retarded brother”
Moon: HAHAHA awwww i love how happy he looks
Moon: LIFE GOES ON!! rob is the new corky. kristen is obviously patti lupone

tgifmytwostoners

Folks were SO inspired by this photo here’s what they came up with…

(click to enlarge these)

callixmascard
via @Calliopeblabs

savethedate
via @Tiffanized

Oh Rob, another day another photoshoot! I don’t know how we’re gonna manage all this up till d day on November 20th but we’re lovin’ the smile and the Olin Mills engagement photos. Keep ’em coming!

I’m Moon, Bitch!

What’d you think of the Haper’s Bazaar shoot? What were your favorites? Any tips for hiding weave glue?

Plan your TGIFridays at The Forum
November’s a crazy month TV wise, Jena has put together a handy dandy viewing guide over the at forum! Set your DVR’s now!
UC’s gotta lotta news to share on LTT


Responses

  1. The milisecond that I saw the Hefty dress I thought of Tim Gunn.

    “I’m concerned, Random Intern, that is a lot of look. And haven’t we seen this silhouette before? It’s a little goth mermaidy, and I’m just worried the judges are going to to call you on wearablitity…”

    Yes, I’m a PRW addict.

    And LIFE GOES ON???? Come ON! That is one of my all time favorite shows! Kellie Martin in her hip red SJR glasses? omg, you killed it today.

    • this is A LOT OF LOOK!!! i saw that SOOO much. god PRW owns me

      • OWNS me!! I am going to divulge the huge amount of dork that I am…… I have been known to Netflix past seasons, just to watch them all again, since the Bravo Marathons have died out. No, really, I DO have a life!!!

    • LMAO! That was so spot on Tim Gunn!! I regret to say that I haven’t been watching the latest season of PRW b/c they had that long intermission when they switched networks! But that show rocks – my bf even will watch it sometimes with me.

      That “But what about Andre?” caption made me laugh SO LOUD – my cat even gave me an annoyed look. 😀

      • I was ‘concerned’ myself when they switched networks, but it is still my favorite show…. Tim and Heidi rule, though Kors and Nina are not as much regulars, they turn up now and then.

  2. Lovin’ it ladies! Amazeballs as always!

    Guess I wasn’t one of the lucky lottery winners for the premiere here in Knoxville. 13 more days! I don’t really wanna just go be a stalkerazzi, but hey, a photographer has needs!

  3. They so obviously took advantage of the Sweetest Day special at Glamour Shots.

  4. Looking at some of the headshots…

    didn’t notice too much her face expression
    but her tiny cute upper body so next to his yummy chest….so jealous again…
    upps…I said it already….

    • Awww, sis, do u need a hug? 😦

      FTR I’m jealous too. We are both crazy, huh?

  5. She looks horrid, the hair, the white legs, the non existent boobs. UGH! And he looks like a boy in them. VF ROCKED ! ( He was a MAN then) This is just two kids playing dress up. 😦

  6. So last night as I was writing my post for You’re really Important Twilight news my husband looked over my shoulder, saw what I was writing, and said this:

    “Your really important Twilight news: Breaking News: Rob to play Corky in re-make of Life Goes on”

    I died

    • HAHAHA! I ❤ Mr. Choice! Tell him he is "amazeballs" and that he deserves a "Mr. Choice Appreciation Day."

    • LMFAO! I loved that you ripped on that cheesy-ass photo!!! And we wonder why Rob & Kristen are always making bitch faces in photos….b/c when they actually smile and show teeth, they look mental.

  7. Family Doesn’t Matter- Beer Does. haha, yes! Win!

    Hysterically funny as always, Moon and UC.

  8. Thank God for all the new material on a daily basis! You two are perfect, maybe we can get you all a bit on 30 Rock! I’m laughing my arse off here! Or better yet, you could make Saturday Night Live funny again and then maybe Rob would come on the show! Love you guys!

    • So true!

    • HAHAHA omg dream gig! SNL! i would PEE my pants

      • No, you would NOT b/c you are REALLY funny, I have to say that out loud from germany over the ocean…can your hear the echo….:-)

  9. I chuckled in front of my students during lunch when I read, ” Tim Gunn gave the intern a hefty bag, some duck tape, a couple Xanax and said “MAKE IT WORK PEOPLE!” That is funny stuff, also the engagement photos are priceless. We’ll see those next week on OK magazine!

  10. “i mean thats some project runway shiz right there. Tim Gunn gave the intern a hefty bag, some duck tape, a couple Xanax and said “MAKE IT WORK PEOPLE!””

    hahaha that was my thoughts exactly! I was totally like “What would Tim Gunn say about this??”

    This post was fantastic.

  11. Just another (silly) thought in my confused grown-up brain:

    1. you are both hot famous rich actors and not newbies anymore..

    2. you deny any love-relationship because you hate it or whatever..(and again, I’m fine with that, it’s ok, I will believe you until it’s not my issue…)

    3.you have to make your job promoting your work with photoshoots ….

    4. and b/c of 1)you have for sure a huge say in how the fotos have to be make, what kind of story they have to tell …etc.

    than Rob and Kristen, you have to explain to me this …please:

    5) why do you AGREE to headshots (a little strange, unperfect and a bit cheesy like the ones who everybody could make at a store-magazine)

    ..that seemed so PRIVATE and PERSONAL ?

    SHOUT out LOUD:

    Kristen, you are a really beautiful girl!

    Rob, you are the hottest guy ever, you should have made the shoot alone, you AND your tight pants!

    • how about Rob in leggings? Is that gonna be tight enough for you darlin? 🙂

      • I would LOVE that! You got me!!!What about him WITHOUT pants? teeeheee!

        Just go to bed now with sweet Rob-dreams (please, return to London, so you will be closer, such a cool city! sorry americans…) ,

        I almost spent 4 hours on the internet, that’s such a shame while I am preaching EVERY day to my students, that the internet isn’t good for them….that’s my job, I get money for THAT…

        I am not really a good example….
        Hon, I will write you tomorrow..<3

        • Happy Rob dreams!!!! May he show up in your dreams without pants, as you wished!

          And yes, London is a cool city, I’ve been there. If I could pick, I’d rather live there than here!

  12. I laughed so hard at the intern with a hefty bag, duct tape and a few zanex making it work! The kids in my classroom looked at me funny. Rob as the new corky! That’s priceless, and yeah I ‘d still do em too. Those “engagement” photos will be in ok magazine next week.

  13. Luv this humorous take on the this photoshoot!

    It is so much more fun to laugh at this Hollywood media created “illusion” that is being sold to us!

    The serious arguing going about the Pros and Cons of the “robsten” is just futile – as Truvy says “Smile – it increases your face value”.

  14. The fact that you referenced Chappelle puts this in my top five favorite posts of all time. OF ALL TIME!

    I will be photoshopping my face and fierce cleavage into these pics y’all. That’s Normal.

  15. Social comments and analytics for this post…

    This post was mentioned on Twitter by letter2twilight: Breaking News: Rob Pattinson to play Corky in a remake of “Life Goes On” http://wp.me/pogY8-1EJ

  16. This post has so much goodness!! Once again UC & Moon for the SCORE!!!! So now that you ladies have broken down the pics, how bout that article???

    Am I the only one that thinks the only thing coming out was KStew from the closet???
    and I quote “her dream outfit is a custom Brooks Brothers suit.” That screams that she speaks lesbian (to me at least). Anyone else?? LOL

    • Yes me!
      Today is my day of profound thoughts like…
      KStew for months is the closest person to HHH…and you deny any sexual attraction ???

      That’s definetely NOT NORMAL !

      • Oh good. Im not alone *scoots over to make room on the KStew licks-alot-a-puss bench and hands robgirl86 chocolate*

        Lets just do a quick check list shall we-

        says dating RPatz indicates mental illness aka “retarded” – check
        has hairy legs – check
        dream clothing is a mens suit – check
        has a mullet (signature lesbo hair style) – check (yeah yeah i know it was for a movie but since said movie is over she has done nothing to fix it. Hello?!?! a Bob would look amazing!!!)
        Rob described her as “unique” – check (we all know unique is code for gay)
        hangs out with Ashley Greene – check (i would switch teams for her)

        there it is in a nut shell. KStew has come out!!!

        PS My comment should be taken with a grain of salt, and my gaydar may or may not be broken…

        • Here comes the salt:

          today I have hairy legs too (shame on me)…

          but I will hold your flag high………
          1) “unique” is a french word, definetely not a compliment, it could be used like “weird”….

          2) What’s about: “The most lovely on earth is drooling to you…and you are looking at the camera man?”

          • upps…I forgot “man”….man….man….man…oh Rob, poor me again…

          • ohhhh i got another one…
            plays softball – check oh wait it was baseball and Bella was the one playing it

            im sure we could find more stuff… Moon, UC whatcha ladies got?? LOL

    • I was wondering the same thing!

  17. every time i see the picture of them laying on the roses, i bust out some bon jovi. i mean, it HAS to happen. “bed of roses” was totally my favorite song when i was 12. and no one else knew who bon jovi was because it was the year 2000.

  18. You girls have me look at this WAY CLOSE UP of Kristen’s legs..

    I don’t see hair….

    • I can see something like hair, cut 2 days before…but I mean who cares? I love normal people….so it’s ok….. but Kristen,
      if I ever will met HHH, be sure, there will be NO hair on my legs……-)

      • LMAO! You better not have any hair on your legs!!! Although you might wanna ask him though, maybe he likes au naturel?

        • Def. he likes au naturel, but a “hidden au naturel” !!!

          DoyouknowwhatImean…like ALL regular guys….gah,
          “naturel” if only they would know how much work costs this natural thing…puuuuhhh

          • Haha, not gonna go there! 🙂

    • Not sure I see hair…just what looks like a scab from blistery shoes on the back of her ankle.

      Now I know why I don’t usually click on the super high res. A little mystery is good. 😛

    • I see NO hair either! All I see are perfect, mile long perfect legs! I kept looking til my head bumped on the screen.

      • Hahaha…bums…I could really hear the sound!
        That’s normal…I guess you already have a little squirrel, now that’s your turn to explain to Mr. southernbelle!

        • Hahah, actually we call my daughter “Tasmanian Devil” because she is so active and a drama queen! She loves to climb and jump off furniture! She wrecks havoc wherever she goes. LOL. My house is a disaster zone.

          You should sleep, it’s late over there!!!! Dream of Rob!

  19. Love, love. love the breakdown! My 3 year old had eye surgery today and I was a bit stressed, so this breakdown made some stress go away! Thank you!

    • eye surgery on a 3 year old is def. not funny, so I am with you… hugs

    • Aww, hope all went well. ♥

    • Hugs! I’m glad it went well. ❤

  20. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by missie, Heather Masen, Strawberry , Suz, TSOT and others. TSOT said: RT Breaking News: Rob Pattinson to play Corky in a remake of "Life Goes On" http://wp.me/pogY8-1EJ (via @letter2twilight) […]

  21. Thank God you mentioned the leg hair! When I zoomed in on the HQ I couldn’t believe it!! It’s great! I mean, it’s one thing when I adopt the cave-girl look … no one sees my legs but a man who would lose half his stuff if I left so he’s not saying a word about it anyway … but KStew? LOL! I kinda love that she went to a major photo shoot with the hottest guy on the planet with legs like Cha-ka from Land of the Lost.

    • “Cha-ka from Land of the Lost”

      DYING!!

  22. daaaaah I’m trying to think of something witty and I can’t.

    You are just….gold! Both of you.

    “I’m Wayne Brady, bitch.”

    I saw him live. It was every bit of awesome that you think it would be, and then more so. He’s so hot when he’s being rude!

    I want more photoshop funnies, because some of the looks on their faces are priceless. And I hope when I do a glamourous and expensive shoot for Harpers Bazaar, they hire someone other than the apprentice from the local Just Cuts to do my wig. Not that I’ll need one because my hair rules and KStew’s drools.

  23. Masen?!?

    (I’m sorry DurtyNelly, I know Jensen Ackles [can’t believe he manages to stay sexy with that name] is supposed to be Masen, but I still like thinking of Rob…)

  24. […] they already let the entire crew go and Rob has already taken a new job (a leading role on a “Life Goes On” TV remake) so they decide to do a Renesmee/Jacob spin-off which at first glance seems like a […]

  25. […] just spent a week with my two Grandmas (not to be confused with My Two Stoners, the smash hit TGIFriday tv show) and though they’re not quite 90 they definitely […]

  26. […] between UC and Moon. Between the Cape Cod-esque deliciousness of the Vanity Fair spread and the Hefty bag couture of the Harper’s shoot there was weeks and weeks worth of blog fodder to work with. Not only did we slather ourselves in […]

  27. […] -you’re photographed on a motorcycle, in front of a palace-like building, and acting like the lover in a Harlequin romance novel with some girl for Harper’s Bazaar. […]

  28. […] they already let the entire crew go and Rob has already taken a new job (a leading role on a “Life Goes On” TV remake) so they decide to do a Renesmee/Jacob spin-off which at first glance seems like a […]


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