Dear Rob-
Yo babe, get me a cheesesteak wit some wiz! Bada bing bada boom!
Since we’re rolling down the Rob shame spiral this week with all kinds of non sense concerning you, I thought I’d continue the trend. You’ve pretty much disappeared since arriving in Vancouver and it’s been a bit of a relief. I was talking with Ashley one of my LA twi co-horts in crime the other night, yea she is the gal who was with me when we saw you and La Stew get into the cab last Thursday, and we both talked about being glad you had left LA because we didn’t know if our hearts, wallets and nerves could take any more run-ins or chase-downs with you. And though we never got to “meet” you it still got me wondering what if I met you one day and it you did/said/had something that was a total buzzkill. What if you were one of my deal breakers? Some friends and I call things that would make us break up with someone/not date them called “Deal Breakers.” So I hit the Twitters and compiled some of the very best deal breakers out there…
- Moon: 1. Puka Shell Necklaces 2. listens to crappy music like Creed or Nickelback 3. Wears Ed Hardy
- UC: a real guido in real life. wife beaters with chest hair sticking out and a gold chain
- Pange: Gold bracelets on men
- VickyB: Crocs
- Pinkfluffgirl: sandals with socks. Crew socks with running shoes and shorts. Short Sleeve Dress Shirts
- Freya: Tight-ass Wranglers. I don’t need a topographical map to your junk. If I’m interested, I’ll find it.
Follow the cut for more Deal Breakers! And we find out what Jorts are!
Let's stay home and watch the race babe! Jeff Gordan FTW!
- TwilogWhitley: bad breath
- Veddersgirl: Whitesneakers and bad teeth
- Alison4828: Any guy who plays air guitar so thoroughly they get down on their knees on the dancefloor…true story..broke up with him
- TeabagmeRPattz: Guys who wear CAPRI PANTS!
- Lovebeingme76: Fan of the WWE
- TX_LiLi: Jorts, thumb rings, socks with sandals, man makeup.
- Calli: dudes who don’t know how to open a wine bottle… seriously? if you can’t get me drunk, you can’t get me at all.
- Jellybeanrainbow: Tony-Soprano-style jewelery, glittery hair gel, white dress shoes+ white pants
- BrookeLockart: Missing teeth. A strong accent of any sort that isn’t foreign, sorry Joey Bagofdonuts from south philly, “yo” yourself back on home
- SNS825: his Twilight tattoo can’t be larger than mine
- TewTiffany: jeans that are so tight that I can count the change in their pockets, telling me that they used to think they were gay
When I opened the discussion up to Deal Breakers Specific to YOU (besides the above) Rob, here’s what I got…
- Fakerpattypattz: If Rob ever owned a cat or a St. Bernard
- (Rob- make sure underage Taylor isn’t around for this next one) Itshowtime: If Rob had a Snail or Dragon Penis (SERIOUS SO NSFW!! Prepare for nightmares! No kids! Danger ahead! Don’t click if you have a fear of snail & dragon male genitalia)
- Tedracat: Rob dealbreaker? Hmm. He would have to call me ugly and stupid. Or invite Kristen to join in
Our perfect man! Rob Pattinson seen in Vancouver!
But the consensus seemed to be summed up best by PinkFluffgirl when she said…
- Pinkgluffgirl: his ass could be in jorts, wearing crocs, with guido rings, a short sleeved white dress shirt and I’d STILL do him
Isn’t it good to know that even with all these deep seeded deal breakers us gals have, you could show up looking like the crazy ran over you, grow out your chest hair, invest in a couple gold chains, let your teeth go and YOU COULD STILL GET LAID?! So my advice or more my plea to you is when you get tired of doing the Stew and you feel like going out in Vancouver in front of the paps PLEASE PLEASE wear some “Jorts,” a puka shell necklace and a NASCAR Tshirt. You would MAKE my day!
Love me, Love my jorts!
Themoonisdown
PS What’s YOUR Deal Break?
You wanna hear UC and me break down the new Tay/Kris videos from EW? Of course you do! Head over to Letters to Twilight!
Go chat more in the forum about Jorts, Guido Rings and oh how about Rob?!
Wanna be apart of this fun stuff?! Are you following us on Twitter?
Letters to Rob 
I agree with PinkFluffGirl, I would tap that in jorts, crocs and with bad breath.
Probably.
🙂
By: summergirl on August 14, 2009
at 8:10 am
BUT
I don’t like a man with a weak handshake and sometimes, he looks like he does not grab the hand properly.
Hmm, whatevs, I would still do him.
🙂
By: summergirl on August 14, 2009
at 8:16 am
My dealbreakers would have to:
1.) dirty, unkept hands/finger nails…ewww + ouch!!! (think about it)
2.) streak marks in underwear…even if it was my Rob, that would be the END!!!
By: Misty on August 14, 2009
at 2:14 pm
Clicked on the Snail and Dragon. Am blind now. My poor little lesbian eyes.
By: BB on August 14, 2009
at 8:13 am
aha.. should’ve added “or if you’re a lesbian” after the warning for Taylor!
By: unintendedchoice on August 14, 2009
at 9:49 am
🙂 I think I will survive.
By: BB on August 14, 2009
at 9:57 am
why? why the snail and dragon? i clicked, i hurled. it was possibly the most horrifying thing i have ever seen.EVER. and yes,that would eb a deal breaker. a run away screaming and crying kind of deal breaker. i don’t think i’ll ever be right again. go see why new moon is bad for you athttp://aquiredtaste.wordpress.com/
By: aquiredtaste on August 14, 2009
at 10:24 am
snail and dragon… never knew they existed until now.
that musta hurt. bad.
oi veh!
robbie would never treat little robbie that way.
By: Hermes on August 14, 2009
at 2:06 pm
Oh, GOD… I think I’m gonna hurl… especially over the snail peen. Really… why would someone do that to themselves? It’s just pathetic and WRONG!
By: Nora on August 15, 2009
at 4:05 am
Is it real? Is it?!?
My mind instantly went biomedical on it. What I want to know is – how do you USE it???
Can’t be real.
IS IT?!
By: 52 Faces on August 17, 2009
at 3:17 pm
My mind went medical, too. I hope to GOD they were knocked out for these little procedures.
The snail dude will have to sit like a girl cause there’s no way to aim that mangled peen. Ewwwww.
Why? Or better yet- who would even think to do this? Twisted!
By: MrsCliveHandjob on August 17, 2009
at 5:19 pm
i clicked on one couldn’t even think of going back for more… Wow! it takes all kinds and I might be scarred for life now. Really.
By: Emmeloowhoo on August 14, 2009
at 10:51 am
Those had to hurt like a mutha!!!
And I am really scared by them.
By: sassysmart on August 14, 2009
at 11:05 am
seriously. eyes burning. OUCH!!! Fucking-a, dudes! O-U-C-H!!!!
By: JennB33 on August 14, 2009
at 11:10 am
seriously, the nastiest thing I have ever seen. How did Itshowtime know about these pictures? Has she been with a guy who dropped trow and whipped out the dragon???
I don’t care how hot someone is, if they are crazy enough to tattoo their junk, I’m outta there
By: milfy goodness on August 14, 2009
at 11:24 am
Wait….wha?… it’s real? you saw it too? It wasn’t just me? WTF!!! I thought that my Twilight binge had me seeing things. From the looks of this, in the future people may need to acquire a license to become sexually active. I have called many people this before, but I’ve never really actually seen a literal dumb d*ck before. Oh well.
OUCH!!! (delayed reaction)
By: Xylem44 on August 14, 2009
at 11:32 am
“From the looks of this, in the future people may need to acquire a license to become sexually active.”
O.M.G. I just almost peed my pants from laughing so fucking hard.
By: twimilf on December 30, 2009
at 11:08 pm
Aaaaaaaaaaaaargh. my eyes….it burnt
By: niahid on August 14, 2009
at 11:47 am
couldn’t envision anything before i realized the words were clickable—had to do the snail twice to believe it—will wonders never cease & what a fucked-up world we live in—:(
By: expat on August 14, 2009
at 12:37 pm
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was totes not expecting THAT! To me snail=teeny peeny… and dragon= “more than a mouthful…. but Holy Deformity!
I think you need more disclaimers on that shizz… FREAKIN EFFFED UP!
By: GiddyAgain on August 14, 2009
at 2:17 pm
I did the same..bad habit of opening all the link onthe page to se WTF the writer is talking about.. I’m not just blind, I think I have a trauma O.o-
i love letters to twilight&&to ROb :), but that was not good!
By: Interrupted_Innocence on August 14, 2009
at 2:55 pm
And the Traumatized Lesbian count goes to 2 – why, oh why did I click?
By: f_ingdelicious on August 14, 2009
at 7:14 pm
Budgie smugglers are clearly a deal breaker, as are mullets, or any of those weird hairdos do that you may see on Ricki Lake or that trailer-park trash show that I cannot remember the name of after drinking much scotch and el vino…
VickyB is a goddess for mentioning Crocs…only thing worse than crocs (apart from homemade Keds Eclipse shoes) is crocs with socks. So PunkFluff scores EPIC WIN.
Men who talk wank. Also deal breaker. I shall go now. Drunken bloggin is not good and clearly deal-breaker.
By: Natalie on August 14, 2009
at 8:15 am
Wish I was drunk………….hope u having fun
🙂
By: summergirl on August 14, 2009
at 8:17 am
Btw is that first pic Big Daddy Lautner with Robs face???
By: BB on August 14, 2009
at 8:15 am
hahahaha! mean!
By: unintendedchoice on August 14, 2009
at 9:49 am
The (way in the future) potential of that first picture actually scares me a little…remember how hot Marlon Brando was back in the day? I’m jus sayin.
By: Rosie on August 14, 2009
at 10:51 am
OMG. Marlon Brando was so hot he could make eyes catch on fire. WTH happened to him? I will die if Rob turns out that way, which is probably what will happen. Sadness.
By: mabeswife on August 14, 2009
at 3:00 pm
I know! I was watching ‘A Streetcar Named Desire’ a few weeks ago, and thought of Rob. I came to this same conclusion. *tear*
By: Holly on August 14, 2009
at 3:09 pm
Marlon’s dead.
Died stewing in his own lard.
uughh.
ps. moon/uc- great posts today!
😉
By: Hermes on August 14, 2009
at 5:59 pm
Well hey he doesn’t have to look like that. C’mon, look at Sean Connery and Robert Redford! I still think they look hot, especially Robert Redford.
By: southernbelle on August 14, 2009
at 5:35 pm
“A Streetcar Named Desire” – yessss! There’s definitely a little Stanley in Robward’s accent.
By: Rosie on August 15, 2009
at 10:08 am
Robert Redford is HAWT!!!
By: myriam on September 22, 2009
at 9:20 am
I snorted my coffee at that pic….
By: lapushbaby on August 14, 2009
at 11:18 am
i rushed quickly to what you people call a powder room—<3
By: expat on August 14, 2009
at 12:39 pm
Would also like to add men who think that orange is a skin colour. If wanted to date cartoon character would be a character on the simpsons. Men who are orange usually wear bling. Men who wear more bling than a woman are clearly dodgy. Unless they are Jewish orthodox, in which case they wouldn’t be orange, and then the bling has religious meaning, and this becomes pointless.
By: Natalie on August 14, 2009
at 8:24 am
I hate to get all serious, but I’m Jewish and Ortho, and I have no idea what bling you are referring to.
By: Sarah S on August 14, 2009
at 8:35 am
Yeah – where is Natalie meeting the blinged out Orthodox Jews? The ones around here are just all about the black clothing & occasional fur trimmed hat. (I’m jewish too – but not remotely orthodox)
By: milfy goodness on August 14, 2009
at 11:27 am
Eh…Ortho can mean so many diff things…I respect the group to whom you are referring, but I am not like them.
Sorry, sorry…uh…Rob is smokin’ hot!
By: Sarah S on August 14, 2009
at 12:21 pm
Sorry if I offended anyone with the Orthodox Jew thing. I am *so* embarrassed right now. Was seriously drunk when typed that and have absolutely no recollection of what I was talking about. I think the orange thing was reference to fake tans on men.
By: Natalie on August 14, 2009
at 5:59 pm
I guess she must be talking about the High Priest in the Temple way back when, before they burned Jerusalem, right? He had a sort of golden tablet around his neck and stuff. And he must have been what they call Orthodox, since it’s two thousand years ago?
😉
By: MariaCecilia on August 15, 2009
at 4:57 am
I’m afraid I must agree with the general consensus. He could wear whatever he wants, don’t care- Bad breath? I’ll give him a stick of gum. Ugly shirt and jorts- I’d take them off.
Now is some how some way he was a on the “tiny” side- I would be very disappointed- but he still has those incredible fingers.
Now if he was mean and nasty to me, I would be mean and nasty back, bitch slap and have a throw down. Then I would duct tape his mouth and have my way iht his bod.
So see there are ways around any “deal breakers” .
🙂
By: jarielynn on August 14, 2009
at 8:28 am
I think even on Rob that hairdo would be a deal-breaker. I might be desperate and Robsessed, but I still have a smidgen of self-respect.
It’s bad enough that Rob flaunts a number of my deal-breakers and I’m forced to look the other way, but I just couldn’t begin to overlook a superMull.
By: JodieO on August 14, 2009
at 8:34 am
oh yeah, that photoshop of RobMull was hilarious! Had to laugh at that for full 2 minutes. Truth.
By: PG on August 14, 2009
at 8:37 am
oh oh megalols. although I’ll need a few minutes (hours, days, heck weeks) to get over the Snail and the Dragon.
To be perfectly honest, I have so many deal breakers that it’s a wonder I ever got laid.
But I’ll make an effort, as it’s Rob.
– White trainers with black socks.
– Face piercings esp tongue.
– Clammy hands (Rob has beautiful hands but I often wonder if they are of the ‘warm and dry’ variety or ‘cold and damp’?)
-and most importantly: Bad kisser. Obviously, Rob is a good kisser, and even if he isn’t we know he can act as if he is.
By: PG on August 14, 2009
at 8:36 am
First: the snail penis-Thanks for embedding that image in my brain. I don’t even want to think about why someone would have that done, let alone know that person. Makes the dragon penis boring in comparison.
Deal breaker w/ Rob-hmmm, it would take a lot, since he’s pretty much my ideal.But here goes.
1. The guido is look is def a turn-off. I’d add to that those baggy, brightly colored pants guidos wear-you know, they could be in a hot pink and black tiger stripe pattern, and worn with a wife beater, mullet and chains.They must have a name but I don’t know it.
2. Bad hair-It would make me cry to see Rob do any of the following: wear a mullet, shave his head
or get a perm.
I don’t know if any of these would actually make Rob undoable. Probably not. But please don’t do them, Rob.
By: dazzledtodeath on August 14, 2009
at 8:38 am
Rob DID have a mullet (see Ring of Nibelungs). The mullet is the worst thing ever, but I would STILL do him!
By: Holly on August 14, 2009
at 10:44 am
I know but it’s ..different. And it makes me cringe.
By: dazzledtodeath on August 14, 2009
at 6:24 pm
Uhm… Do we at all remember that before November of last year we thought that uneven-appendages, chain smoking, greasy unwashed hair, sweaty armpits on real life hobo hand-me-downs were deal breaker until he started sporting them. Now we think it’s HOT! Who are we kidding. We’ll take him with all of his flaws… except those weird penises, of course…. gotta draw the line somewhere.
On an unrelated topic… I am soooo glad there was no internet in 1984. I would hate to think that I could have dedicated this much time to my then Michael Jackson obsession. Yeah… I am THAT old. 🙂
By: Xylem44 on August 14, 2009
at 11:52 am
Hey I’m THAT old too! For me it was George Michael. I sure wish I’d known he was gay back then. I’ll never get back the hours I spent watching WHAM! music videos on repeat. I’m amazed I graduated highschool considering how much time I spent glued to MTV. But it’s nothing compared to the amount of time I now waste (waste – is that a sacreligous term?) trolling the Internet for Rob-related content. I’m with you sista! 🙂
By: Rosie on August 15, 2009
at 5:29 pm
I’m with you on this one. The dragon is kinda creative. But the snail,??who even thinks of shit like that? And then acts on the thought? On their penis? Forever?And shows people? And is obviously proud of their little deformed ditty?OMFG.
Oh, and Rob dealbreaker… lazy lovin makin me do all the work all the time!
By: InviteMeIn on August 15, 2009
at 1:45 am
Pinkgluffgirl has it right!
his ass could be in jorts, wearing crocs, with guido rings, a short sleeved white dress shirt and I’d STILL do him
Add a mullet and one of those beer holder hats at a sports event and I’d still be all over him like a hobo on a muffin!
By: SaritaPagita on August 14, 2009
at 8:39 am
Agreed…There is no deal breaker with Rob!
btw Love the Jeff Gordon pic…made me laugh out loud in my Rob Decor Cubical.
By: natkellogg21 on August 14, 2009
at 8:47 am
Seriously, what is the real estate value of plastering an ad of that sort on the world’s most wanted chest? Enquiring minds want to know.
By: Xylem44 on August 14, 2009
at 12:30 pm
“Guys who wear CAPRI PANTS!”
Umm, I have honestly never seen a guy wearing capri pants. But I’m from the Midwest. Is this a West Coast thing? I would LMAO if I saw that.
Also, thanks for the snail penis. I was eating breakfast when I opened that.
By: toooldforthis on August 14, 2009
at 8:48 am
It was definitely *cool* for men to wear capri’s in Europe for a while. In fact, think Cristiano Ronaldo, the footballer/soccer player, and anything he wears is definitely in the rule breaker category. I feel sick now.
By: Cazza on August 14, 2009
at 9:06 am
Yup, I’ve been to a few European countries in the summer and I’ve seen guys wearing them there! 🙂 This was a couple of yrs ago. I thought at first they were gay but then I realized they weren’t. Still didn’t care for it though.
By: southernbelle on August 14, 2009
at 9:52 am
Did they wear sneaker with them? What would a “man” pair capris with? Strappy sandles?!
I could totally picture Zack Efron wearing capris.
By: Katie S on August 14, 2009
at 10:20 am
I dated a guy who thought he was European but he was just country and he wore to my house once a pair of white capri pants, white wife beater and white K-swiss tennis shoes, no socks.
If he didn’t have an Amex Black card I would have never gone out with him again.
I was shallow, I know.
By: sassysmart on August 14, 2009
at 11:12 am
sassysmart- I love your comment. Black amex can overcome any number of faults! That explains many of the “nasty fat bald old man” plus “hot tall blond model sex goddess” combos that you see out in NYC.
By: milfy goodness on August 14, 2009
at 11:31 am
I seen a pic of him in a pair of skinny cut off jeans at the Coachella Valley Music Festival week of ap. 18th. he’s got well developed thighs.. but he had skinny legs.
By: Fay on August 14, 2009
at 9:25 pm
Footballers/soccer players and everyday guys in Europe are still wearing them, with crocs or some kind of sandals, sometimes paired with sleeveless tank. Not gay men,they have more style, of course. Manly men, and they think they look hot.
VOMIT!!!!
By: JellybeanRainbow on August 14, 2009
at 12:53 pm
Hmm.. I’m european, and my man wears capris. I think. If capris are the same for you as for me? Jeans cut under the knee? He wears sneakers with them (again, if sneakers are the same for you as for me..). And he wears t-shirts, just a little slim. And looks hot.
By: HeidiForReal on August 14, 2009
at 12:30 pm
Bwahahahahahaha! I now owe my employer a new keyboard. I opened up this post just as I took a swallow of Diet Coke. Cue reemergence of said soft drink.
Truly, I honestly don’t think I would be all over him if he was sporting a mullet. Almost anything else, I could handle. As much as I love my little Robbie, I couldn’t handle the mullet.
Well, I guess I could just close my eyes….
By: pange on August 14, 2009
at 8:49 am
Uhm… he has to sport one for his next movie with Jackman.
By: Xylem44 on August 14, 2009
at 11:41 am
Would like to say that this is sooo damn funny, and I am honored to have been included. And to be sure, I don’t ACTUALLY have a Twi-too.
TeabagmeRPattz you get a HUGE **WIN!** from me for having the most hilarious twitter handle EVER.
By: Sarah S on August 14, 2009
at 8:50 am
So…GuidoRob made me throw up in my mouth a little bit. Where’d you find that picture of Big Daddy Lautner?
Biggest deal breaker for…inability to have an intelligent conversation. Oh, and being unfunny. Funny is a must.
By: PinkDolphin on August 14, 2009
at 8:52 am
PinkDolphin get out of my brain! Brains and the ability to crack me up are the two must-haves for me too!
By: suziekew on August 14, 2009
at 10:43 am
Great minds think alike and all that…
By: PinkDolphin on August 14, 2009
at 11:29 am
Ummm, the pic of fat harry guido rob with the chain, wow, umm, yeah, that was way worse for me than mullet rob ugh ::shudders::
I’d probably have to agree, there is no deal breaker for me where Rob is concerned. But question… if Rob was never Edward would that still be true? Really, I think as long as he had the voice I’d be fine, I could just close my eyes and listen to him…
In real life my one deal breaker to end all is a smoker.
By: robsten4life on August 14, 2009
at 8:56 am
Well I like Rob as Rob and not as Edward so I think it’s a yes for me! I like his voice and personality. I think we’d get along.
By: southernbelle on August 14, 2009
at 9:55 am
JORTS pic = ALL WIN!! Carrie is pic finding megastar!
By: Janetrigs on August 14, 2009
at 8:56 am
what if he was boring?
I know – don’t talk, just shag all day 🙂
By: summergirl on August 14, 2009
at 9:00 am
This post was like one looooooong cold shower.
And once I recover from the penis creations I will still want to do him.
By: Katie S on August 14, 2009
at 9:13 am
Dealbreaker for me is a dude that wears Speary’s…you know those boat shoes.
They are fine on girls and little kids but for a grown man to wear them and not be on a boat is just all kinds of wrong.
I’m weird about guys footwear.
By: sassysmart on August 14, 2009
at 9:18 am
Oooh, I like those on a guy. Any hot Sperry wearing dudes come your way, send them over to me.
By: HowOldIsTooOld on August 14, 2009
at 9:42 am
My ex totally had a pair of those and well, he turned out to be a douche. Will stay on the look out!
By: brookelockart on August 14, 2009
at 9:47 am
Thanks. I also love those red Mt. Gay rum baseball caps that are all faded from the sun and salt water. All the Sperry wearing guys I used to know had one of those, too. Swooooooon.
By: HowOldIsTooOld on August 14, 2009
at 10:19 am
This:
‘BrookeLockart: Missing teeth. A strong accent of any sort that isn’t foreign, sorry Joey Bagofdonuts from south philly, “yo” yourself back on home’
Ah ha ha ha! I died. And WORD.
By: J-9 on August 14, 2009
at 1:13 pm
I stole Joey Bagofdonuts from my sister who referred to all men from south philly as such. She’d be so proud.
By: brookelockart on August 14, 2009
at 2:44 pm
To be honest the image of Rob doing “the tuck” was almost my deal breaker. I had to quickly close the window on my browser before all future fantasies were immediately erased. Phew! Still good 🙂
By: erin on August 14, 2009
at 9:20 am
Yeah, you know if Rob looked like the mullet jort-wearing croc sporting pic, you would sooo not want him. Pinkfluff, i’m calling you out!
What if Rob had a tiny tiny tiny peen, would you still try to give it a whirl?
@itshowtime… are those from a private collection? I think you owe me some brain bleach, pronto.
By: brookelockart on August 14, 2009
at 9:22 am
Def would try to still give it whirl. And hope his fingers are as good as they look and that he has super hero tongue.
By: PinkDolphin on August 14, 2009
at 9:33 am
I’m confident he does not have a tiny tiny tiny peen, from the freeballin’ pics we’ve seen. This keeps me afloat on the days when he sports a raggedyass plaid shirt or stands next to K-Mullet.
By: tiffanized on August 14, 2009
at 9:46 am
tiffanized – I’ve seen the freeballin’ pics, but don’t recall any that actually gave me a real sense of his, um size. Is there one in particular where it’s unmistakably obvious?
By: suziekew on August 14, 2009
at 10:55 am
There is a picture from the Oscars that is CLEAR he is freeballin and he certainly has something worthy of attention.
By: sassysmart on August 14, 2009
at 11:16 am
*gasp…goes on frenzied Robscar photo hunt*
thank you for pointing me in the right direction!!
muah!!
By: suziekew on August 14, 2009
at 11:34 am
This is my “go to” Freeballin picture . . . I think he’s actually in Cannes for this one (psst, he packs it to the right).
By: tiffanized on August 14, 2009
at 11:53 am
No to mention his feet…. Have you SEEN those things. The laws of physiological development state that if feet, fingers, tongue (one) leg are long… then the phallus must have some correlation in size. Like the golden mean… At least I am willing it to be.
By: Xylem44 on August 14, 2009
at 12:37 pm
Seriously, that is the best use of the golden mean EVER. WIN!
By: Freya on August 14, 2009
at 12:54 pm
You girls all have dirty minds, and there is nothing in his pocket. And he is NOT pleased to see you!
By: MariaCecilia on August 14, 2009
at 2:05 pm
FOUND IT!!
By: sassysmart on August 14, 2009
at 2:47 pm
Holy Lord! the look on his face! thud.
By: Holly on August 14, 2009
at 3:18 pm
ok—concede the point—he is that crude—wah!
By: expat on August 15, 2009
at 2:12 am
ok, i’m naive—have studied every foto of Rob i could get my fingers on & paid special attention to the fly area—can’t remember any where i could have said with any certainty he was freeballing—the one here looks as if he’s spaced out, not fully in command of any of his legs & is half erect—besides the only guys i’ve ever known who were freeballing in a tux were gay—can’t believe that even our hobo-Rob would be so crude—<3
By: expat on August 14, 2009
at 1:03 pm
Yes I certainly would! :-). I’m sure we can figure something out.
By: southernbelle on August 14, 2009
at 9:49 am
OOH! adding this on for my Joey BagfoDonut comment:
By: brookelockart on August 14, 2009
at 10:43 am
Whenever I think of Joey Bagodonuts I think of Moe’s.
Welcome to Moe’s!!!!!!
By: sassysmart on August 14, 2009
at 11:19 am
LOVE MOE’s…i always went with the Art Vandalay
I love the line in the video that says…
“If you are what you eat, i’ll be you by morning” bwahahaha
By: brookelockart on August 14, 2009
at 2:49 pm
First of all: Yes, if nothing else, you know those hands alone are worth it.
Second: certain photographs are pretty flattering, pretty sure it’s not an issue.
By: pixiechick on August 14, 2009
at 10:47 am
So f**king funny!!! I’m at work so I’m scared to click on the Snail and Dragon penis and don’t know if my naive little eyes could take it LOL. I have to say that the mullet and Guido look would definitely be a deal breaker for me even with Rob…I still have a few standards left. Actually I have really high standards (sometimes too high) and that’s why I’m still single after divorce fourteen years ago.
I’m from the Southeast so, although I don’t like NASCAR, I could most certainly “do” Rob with a Jeff Gordon shirt on…no problem!
By: Barb on August 14, 2009
at 9:37 am
Don’t open the snail and dragon…EVER! I wish I could bleach my brain to get that snail image out!
By: Holly on August 14, 2009
at 10:47 am
I know it’s so disgusting! It’s stuck in my brain now! The snail is worse? I mean is that real? How the heck did that guy do that?
By: southernbelle on August 14, 2009
at 11:00 am
… but not the dragon?…. INTERESTING….
By: Xylem44 on August 14, 2009
at 12:39 pm
Xylem44- LOL..I meant the snail and dragon! LOL.
By: southernbelle on August 14, 2009
at 2:08 pm
My deal breaker is “guns and a wink”. You know, guys who come in shooting with their fingers and then lay a fat wink on you. Turn off!
If Rob was a guns and wink guy (and *shudder* I think he might be) I would have to have a strict talk with him, forbid him to ever do it again, and then jump his corny bones.
By: HowOldIsTooOld on August 14, 2009
at 9:38 am
I most def have seen him do this.
By: tiffany on August 14, 2009
at 11:54 am
But dont you see it’s only because he is so awkward and off when he’s with other people and with, well, members of the opposite sex! And that is part of his charm, right? So, just shake your head, pretend that didn’t happen, and get him quietly drunk in a corner. It will be so worth it!
(I was in love with a guy once, and he turned out to have a Past as a, well, sort of hick or red-neck, but he was reformed and almost an intellectual now, and sooo handsome, so I got over it. Real quick. Love can make you do that. Go cross-eyed.)
By: MariaCecilia on August 14, 2009
at 2:03 pm
I cannot get over the snail and dragon! So glad you told me to send the kids out of the room, even though they still want to know what made me scream!
And my deal breaker has always been smoking. I think Rob is sexy as hell when he’s smoking, so I’d just have to get some breath freshener for him whenever I wanted to get close.
By: Janet on August 14, 2009
at 9:40 am
Heyy…..I’m Janet too! Sorry, got excited seeing my name.
By: Janetrigs on August 14, 2009
at 10:21 am
I haven’t read the replies yet but I thought I’d bite.
Dealbreakers would be:
1. Mullet, shaved head, or really long sideburns!
2. Sandals with socks(eww)
3. Really bad breath
4. Bad manners like picking your teeth, etc.
5. Big Ol pot belly (I love sick pack abs)
6.Tobacco chewing!
7.shorts that ride all the way in the middle of the belly! Kind of like my grandpa!
8. Bad listener
9. Oh and those penis thingys that you mentioned!!! EWWWWWWWWWWWW.
** I don’t mind the racing thing since I’m southern and my DH is really into NASCAR. I don’t really care for it but I tolerate it for his sake, I don’t go to races with him though LOL!
Haha, I’ll prolly think of some more.
By: southernbelle on August 14, 2009
at 9:45 am
Rudeness would be a dealbreaker. The closest I’ve come to breaking up with Rob was when the bad tipper story came out, because I think short tipping is bad manners.
I have mild trauma from those Photoshopped pictures, though I didn’t realize he was wearing a Jeff Gordon shirt in the second one until I saw it mentioned in the comments. I’m from Virginia, where we’ve been desensitized to all things NASCAR. It’s hard to have sex around here if watching racing is a dealbreaker.
By: tiffanized on August 14, 2009
at 9:51 am
Tiffanized, LOL. I agree! I’m from Kentucky and NASCAR is real big here! 🙂 Even my own husband wears a NASCAR jacket and he’s got tons of NASCAR shirts, NASCAR toys, beerholders, gosh even NASCAR Crocs!!! As long as he doesn’t wear it to church or to function I’m fine w/ that! 🙂
By: southernbelle on August 14, 2009
at 9:58 am
No ill will towards your hubs, but I think that I’d like to add NASCAR crocs to the dealbreaker list. On Rob–you’re husband might be f*ckhawt in them, I don’t know.
By: tiffanized on August 14, 2009
at 10:30 am
LOL..I hate the NASCAR crocs! I should take a pic and post it here. They are horrible! His mother bought them for him. He wears it outside when he’s grilling and when he’s mowing the lawn and doing errands. I won’t be caught w/ him wearing it!
Oh and Kentucky is known for growing tobacco (saw some of the comments). We were driving around in some town and there’s this restaurant where only smokers are allowed. Needless to say, we weren’t welcome there!
By: southernbelle on August 14, 2009
at 11:05 am
Please please please do that. I’ll give you a cookie.
I’m in TN and we’ve got race week next week at Bristol. I’m scared!
By: PinkDolphin on August 14, 2009
at 11:34 am
How do I post a pic here? I have no clue! LOL
By: southernbelle on August 14, 2009
at 12:23 pm
” when he’s grilling and when he’s mowing the lawn and doing errands ”
that’s acceptable
By: JellybeanRainbow on August 14, 2009
at 1:01 pm
hahahah ‘hard to have sex around here if watching racing is a dealbreaker”
By: unintendedchoice on August 14, 2009
at 10:30 am
I live in VA too though and it’s my dealbreaker. However, it is a big state! You need to come up this way for better Non-Nascar SEX!
By: Janetrigs on August 14, 2009
at 10:33 am
I agree..tiffanized. I live in NC…1/2 hour from Richard Petty Museum and 1 hour from Richard Childress Museum and Charlotte Speedway….very desensitized to NASCAR. I also live in the heart of “Tobacco” land…RJ Reynolds is right here in town (Winston-Salem) so I’m pretty desensitized to smoking also!
By: Barb on August 14, 2009
at 10:44 am
I’ve worked in NASCAR for the last 4 years. I’d say I am desensitized to it as well. I have to admit that I don’t have a driver and I don’t watch it but it is a HELL of a rush to get in a car and do 190 around a track.
It’s an even bigger rush to give a ridealong to a Falcons player and have his arm stretched across in front of you screaming like a little girl and you are only going 50 around the track. Funny cause I was 8 months pregnant and wearing stilettos when I did that.
I’m kinda a bad ass in a car.
By: sassysmart on August 14, 2009
at 11:25 am
Racing definitely has its sexy aspects. I’d do Casey Kahne behind a dumpster if Rob were not available.
By: tiffanized on August 14, 2009
at 11:44 am
Yes to Casey Kahne! 🙂
By: southernbelle on August 14, 2009
at 12:24 pm
I nicknamed him Baby Duck…now everyone I work with call him that. His eyes are awesome and he is the sweetest thing you could ever meet. VERY shy.
My co-worker once YELLED at him not realizing who he was. It was really funny.
By: sassysmart on August 14, 2009
at 12:55 pm
OK sassysmart I told my DH about you working for NASCAR and now he is so interested and got a million questions!
By: southernbelle on August 14, 2009
at 5:39 pm
OK, sassysmart – I now officially think you’re a hottie. Love the image of you, very preggers in high heels, owning that track while the big boy whimpers.
By: f_ingdelicious on August 14, 2009
at 7:37 pm
So I just read through your NASCAR thread right here and I was wondering a couple things what the hell is NASCAR crocs? Like those gardening shoes with NASCAR logos on them? I live in seattle men typically wear pointy shoes that click louder than my high heals (dealbreaker) too muxh style is a little scary to me on the account of my ex telling me he used to thibk he way gay. Also is it weird that I just read through this entire thread (in my head) with a southern accent? I think anytime NASCAR is mentioned the persons who commented turns my reading voice southern.
By: tiffany on August 14, 2009
at 1:42 pm
It’s ok…I am southern and whenever I read anything from someone from England I do it in an English accent.
I sound like Eliza Doolittle before she gets schooled by ‘enry ‘iggins.
By: sassysmart on August 14, 2009
at 3:21 pm
It’s just regular Crocs with the Nascar logo. In his case, since he likes Jeff Gordon, it’s Jeff Gordon’s number and colors :-).
No it’s not weird you thought of Nascar in a southern accent, that’s cute! LOL.
By: southernbelle on August 14, 2009
at 5:05 pm
i hate to say it but if the “doesn’t ever bathe, really smells” stories are true that might be a for real dealbreaker…i guess i could not bathe as well to make it an even playing field…
and rudeness… yeah rudeness is bad…and bad breath….i have definitely broken up with someone for that…but i would have tictacs for Rob….
and “I don’t need a topographical map to your junk” – best ever
By: adrienne on August 14, 2009
at 10:11 am
“@Freya: Tight-ass Wranglers. I don’t need a topographical map to your junk. If I’m interested, I’ll find it.” WORD sister!!!
Also, I wouldn’t want cowboy boots either, but he could wear a cowboy hat if he wanted.
No tobacco! No chewing, spitting, smoking, injecting, whatever – just none of that shiz!
Love you guys – seriously funny post!
By: Melissa on August 14, 2009
at 10:14 am
I forgot to add, doing illicit drugs of any kind is a dealbreaker! I also don’t like smoking but I’m being stupid when it comes to him and I’m letting that fly!
By: southernbelle on August 14, 2009
at 10:18 am
Moon, I think you just described Jon Gosselin! (Must be the real reason why Kate dumped his ass!)
By: TheColdWoman on August 14, 2009
at 10:22 am
The guido revulsion made me think of this guy – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JMOh-cul6M
Dealbreaker! But I would still be “just friends” with him for comic relief.
By: Katie S on August 14, 2009
at 10:24 am
Ewww DoucheCentral. No way would I be friends with the Douche. No no. He needs to be bitch slapped until his collar falls down and his product chips off. I’d consider it a public service.
By: PG on August 14, 2009
at 10:38 am
The last picture reminds me of Dog-The Bounty Hunter. BIG turn-off there, haha.
As far as deal breakers go, it is very simple…Stupidity.
Clothes, hair, bad breath, etc etc…I could fix all that. I just don’t have enough time or energy to fix stupid.
By: Katie on August 14, 2009
at 10:38 am
Moon, I heart you for saying ED Hardy! Thank God, I’m not the only one! Piercings for me, I don’t want to make out with someone’s tongue ring
By: ACullenMD on August 14, 2009
at 10:53 am
I hate Ed Hardy clothes & stuff!
By: JellybeanRainbow on August 14, 2009
at 1:04 pm
WHY?! Why did you put that snail pic up?! The warning made my sick ass want to look even more – what is wrong with me? I may never be right in the head after seeing that. I have actually seen the dragon before – don’t ask, ahem.
I agree with what tiffanized said above about rudeness: rudeness is always a dealbreaker. Rob always seems to be polite and that’s one of the sexiest things about him.
Smoking used to be the biggest deal breaker in the world before Rob, and now I think it’s sexy as hell (but only when Rob does it). Again…what is wrong with me?
By: Holly on August 14, 2009
at 10:57 am
I know – I would have put smoking as my #1 deal breaker, but courtesy of Rob, now I think it is totally hot and sexy. So wrong.
By: milfy goodness on August 14, 2009
at 11:37 am
So upset that I missed the tweet to send in your deal breakers! lol!! I loved all of these. I love my Twitches!!
M
By: myria101 on August 14, 2009
at 11:14 am
OMG, I have tears I’ve been laughing so hard. Looks like we all have many similar deal-breakers.
For me, I’m going to say that any kind of piercing on a guy is a deal-breaker. ( I know, I’m old, some people dig that) Especially eyebrow and lip. Earrings I can handle, but not the kind that is a giant ring used to stretch out the earlobe. I live in the land of Hipster Doofuses, and I’m just so over it.
For Rob, MAYBE a shaved head, but really, can’t think of one…..in terms of appearance. If he started talking and was hugely racist, a neo-nazi, homophobe, or general a$$hole, that just might be a turnoff. I have no tolerance for intolerance….
By: lapushbaby on August 14, 2009
at 11:28 am
Dude you’re in Seattle too right? How about the guys on the eastside who shop more than their wives and wear skinny jeans and pointy shoes that click when they walk pretty much any guy who goes to City Church in kirkland/ any of their other 6000 campus ‘ around Seattle. Lord thank god for the mountain men in the PNW or else I would have to move to get any action.
By: tiffany on August 14, 2009
at 1:56 pm
Oh I know!! I am in the city, so whenever I get a cup of coffee, I could play a game counting whether the piercings outnumber the tattoos, or vice versa. I don’t spend a lot of time on the eastside, sounds like a good thing. I have had to go to microsoft campus a few times, mostly nerds and hipsters there, if I were single, I might troll around there….:-)
By: lapushbaby on August 15, 2009
at 2:16 am
Amen, sister. Those are my dealbreakers too – racism, sexism, homophobia, etc.
*Looks around for a place to hide before making next comment, because “behind the dumpster” seems to be occupied*
I know you may let me have it for getting too serious or being too PC, but Rob’s already on my “watch list” because of the “let’s be simple” comment in the Twilight commentary (delivered in stereotypical “gay” lisp) and the “pussy” comment at ComicCon (since when does pussy = wimpy?? Pussy = power, baby!).
It made me sad to hear both of those from our boy, quite honestly.
By: f_ingdelicious on August 14, 2009
at 7:49 pm
what ‘lets be simple comment’? What do you mean?
As for pussy comment, it is well known that Rob doesn’t like cats. Which is another reason why I’m so over him.
By: PG on August 14, 2009
at 8:00 pm
I think he was just being silly.
By: lapushbaby on August 15, 2009
at 2:17 am
Rob in a kilt. *shudder*
By: K on August 14, 2009
at 11:34 am
See…you shudder and I think “Easy Access”
By: sassysmart on August 14, 2009
at 12:57 pm
@sassysmart—& there he really would be freeballing—:)
By: expat on August 14, 2009
at 1:16 pm
EXACTLY!!!
By: sassysmart on August 14, 2009
at 3:27 pm
great minds think alike.
By: Holly on August 14, 2009
at 3:28 pm
Ha! Oh my god… I was feeling so crummy today, but then I come to LTR/LTT and read the blog and the comments and laugh, laugh, laugh. I adore you girls hard.
When I typed that comment I started singing “Bridge Over Troubled Waters” in my head… No lie.
By: Katie S on August 14, 2009
at 11:35 am
I don’t think I have ever simultaneously thrown up and laughed hysterically before. The picture of the snail is what did me in. I mean, did the creature who did that think that someone is going to sneak a peak at that thing and think, “I really want me some snail”??!?! Bllleeeeecccchhhhhhh….
But back on track to Robreakers…hmmm…honestly clothes and shoes can be removed, mullets can be tied back, and if he has a small *ahem* member, things can be compensated (though it would be a let down-but I seriously doubt that’s the case). I think the ONLY thing that would burst my Robble is if he acted like a complete and utter d-bag. I cannot stand arrogance. At all. Having a bad attitude and personality sort of shatters the whole thing for me. Definite deal breaker.
By: Sharpie on August 14, 2009
at 11:36 am
This has got me thinking. You know how Rob said in interviews that he is a dick and ‘don’t date me I’ll ruin you life’ – or something like that.
What did he mean?
By: PG on August 14, 2009
at 11:41 am
It probably means that he’s a dick and that dating him will ruin your life. He’s pretty transparent, Rob is.
By: tiffanized on August 14, 2009
at 11:57 am
Pretty straightforward, I’ll say.
One of my favorite Rob lines ever was on Ellen where she asked if he wanted to be in a relationship, and he said, (paraphrase) “I do, but no one wants one with me. Most girls seem to just like to yell at me. *pause* Actually, they like to yell at me in relationships too.”
I thought that was so cute, funny and self-deprecating….but oh no! what if it’s true! What if he is really is an asshole deserving of yelling?
New Plan: who needs a relationship….we can just be f**k buddies!
By: Sarah S on August 14, 2009
at 12:25 pm
I prepared for the fact that he may be dick by assuming he is. Come on! He can’t possible live up the the Robward expectations we’ve built him up for. Here are some other clues I’ve noticed:
1. He dismissively catalogs girls on his phone and pokes fun of them by NAME interviews (see Shawn Robinson interview). It was the most adorable diss anyone named Victoria has ever received.
2. He put on the full court press on Kristen… in front of her boyfriend!
3. He hooked up with Nikki, but talked to her about Kristen the whole time…
4. (This is the most incriminating) After stalking him for weeks by standing outside his place, a fan finally got a chance to have dinner with him and afterwords she never came back. Now could that have been me? Sure I would have gone away… but only after I had gotten some.
5. In short… he is no Edward. But we want him anyways. Feeling a hymnal coming on….. Come as you are, Come as you are…..
By: Xylem44 on August 14, 2009
at 12:56 pm
Aha! aBreakdown. So basically, Rob is a big girl. And that means doing rob is fake lesbianism. With added dick.
This is good. I am down with this.
By: PG on August 14, 2009
at 2:21 pm
Yeah but what did he mean by that? He could think not washing his hair is being a dick but I wouldn’t yell at him for that. (I might wrinkle my nose a bit) What does he think he does that makes him Dickward?
By: PG on August 14, 2009
at 12:29 pm
Heheh, that’s ok. I like dicks! He can ruin my life!
By: southernbelle on August 14, 2009
at 12:30 pm
I want him to ruin my life.
By: Xylem44 on August 14, 2009
at 12:41 pm
That was instense!
There’s a new pickup line for Rob to use on the ladies:
Hi, my name is Rob. I will f-ing ruin you.
I’d probably salivate and then pass out.
By: Katie S on August 14, 2009
at 4:00 pm
I know its late, but I couldn’t get to my computer in time.
Dear Rob,
Please make note of Katie S’s new pickup line for you. That is a 100% panty-dropper.
By: Anon on August 15, 2009
at 10:16 pm
You must file the “snail” and “dragon” with “the tuck” for future cool down letters!
Seriously, how do you find this stuff?
Snail and Dragon are defs deal breakers, but we know his sparkles, so no worries!
By: Jaybird on August 14, 2009
at 12:10 pm
BTW I can’t wait for manchild to come home so I can traumatise him with Snail&Dragon pics. I’ve been saving up revenge for various slights for some while, this will totally even us up.
By: PG on August 14, 2009
at 12:19 pm
update: manchild successfully traumatised. when presented with DaSnail he said:
“What Is That?!” AND I had to explain what he was looking at…
By: PG on August 14, 2009
at 2:58 pm
LOL. My hubby is now traumatized too! I showed him but I gave him lots of warning. Now he’s pissed at me!
By: southernbelle on August 14, 2009
at 5:07 pm
I may have barfed in my mouth a bit at your manips. LOL
Crocs & NASCAR! That would do it for me GAH!
By: Just a Girl on August 14, 2009
at 12:52 pm
I am sure Rob has floppy wrists, a lopsided face, bad teeth, bad body odour, and I know for a fact he can have horrible hair days, no taste in clothes or food or friends or body guards or whatever..but r-e-a-d m-y l-i-p-s: It Does Not Matter One Bit.
He is the man of dreams and nightmares in equal measure, and that is what makes him so much more interesting than, say, Tom Cruise or Zac Efron. He is real. So when you all abandon ship, I’ll still be flagging him in..
Now I have opened a nice bottle of wine and am cooking Italian pasta sauce with clams, tomatoes and a tiny bit of zest of lemon. Come on over UC and Moon – oh, and don’t forget to bring your boyfriend…the one with the sloppy hairdo.
By: MariaCecilia on August 14, 2009
at 12:55 pm
THANK YOU for posting this…
I was starting to be too attracted to him—like you said—it’s hard for us running around and thinking he’s perfect all the time!
This was a quick remedy for putting out the Rpatz fire which burns inside of most of us.
This should be bottled and sold as a cure……….
Oh…wait…so beautiful….*crocs crocs crocs*
haha.
❤
By: Ashley Fragomeni on August 14, 2009
at 1:04 pm
I was surrounded by jorts at a restaurant last night. It was horrifying. I think there may have been some socks with sandals, too.
Moon, your photoshop skills are STELLAR. If the mullet matched his hair, it would be a little too convincing.
I haven’t yet looked at the snail or the dragon, and I’m scared, but I’m about to go back and click. Wish me luck!
By: Freya on August 14, 2009
at 1:07 pm
I refuse to look at those pics. Everyone is tramatized by them I have to go to work soon and use my brain. I fear I will have to call in sick if I looked aT those then schedule an appointment with my theropist.
By: tiffany on August 14, 2009
at 1:27 pm
Yeah…stay away. I was traumatized by the snail. But the dragon kind of made me laugh. Which in and of itself is wrong.
By: Freya on August 14, 2009
at 1:48 pm
You are right. Stay sane and healthy. Never look at a d**k. They weren’t meant for that, that’s why God made trousers. It’s allright to close your eyes and just, well, feel them.
By: MariaCecilia on August 14, 2009
at 2:11 pm
haha never look at one ever? Not even a normal non dragon/ snail like one. Actually god made the penis women made trousers.
By: tiffany on August 14, 2009
at 2:54 pm
(darkly) That is what people would have you think.
And don’t even get me started on why God made skirts…
By: MariaCecilia on August 14, 2009
at 3:03 pm
<<< *is really confused over that snail picture*
By: Sass on August 14, 2009
at 1:21 pm
dang I forgot about guyliner! That’s usually a dealbreaker for me too. The jorts pic is remarkable. I often wonder how far ron can push me before I’m officially over the edge. I’m positive if he looked like picture #1 or #3 I would have no problem walking away from him. The NASCAR shirt could be torn off/ apart right before he takes me roughly. Problem solved.
By: tiffany on August 14, 2009
at 1:22 pm
I love a man in eyeliner (see: Frank Iero, Zacky Vengeance) but I think I’m definitely in the minority. I’m not sure I’d like that flavor of Rob, unless he played Frank in a remake of RHPS.
By: tiffanized on August 14, 2009
at 1:54 pm
I’m a makeup artist I see way too much guyliner everyday to find it attractive.
By: tiffany on August 14, 2009
at 2:01 pm
Don’t forget though… A mullet is just one haircut away from the guy we know and love. 🙂
By: erin on August 14, 2009
at 1:57 pm
idk if this will work but here’s a try. I’m from KY, too, and I had to take this pic. I put in on Facebook and told my friends, this is how I know when I’m home. When you see this stuff advertised @ the gas stations:
/Users/tanyabrown/Desktop/my pics/Photo032.jpg
By: babiesbrown on August 14, 2009
at 1:23 pm