HAPPY 24th BIRTHDAY! We love you so much we even threw up a flashy .gif image to show our affection. Nothing shows how much we care like a really gay sparkly sign.
We thought about writing you a heart-to-heart letter today.. spilling our feelings, showing everyone how we’re the best Rob Pattinson fans in the world and no one’s love could compare to our love for you. We threw out the idea of writing poetry, making a sappy video of ourselves, sending you a care package including everything we know you’d love (plus a print out of the past year’s letters) or even writing you a song and posting it on You Tube so that we could score a record deal like Bieber people would know the depth of our love, but nothing felt right. It all felt…… forced and not like the Rob we “know.”
So we put our thinking caps on and thought, what do we know about Rob? Well, for starters, you’re a guy. What do guys like? Guys like porn. Turns out, we know a LOT about porn & a lot about YOU, so for your 24th birthday we’re going to make YOUR dreams come true and be those girls who do give you something really, really different & memorable… We give you:
Much more Porn for Rob after the jump!
Happy Birthday Rob! As proven by our public nudity and gifting of Porn for Rob, there is no one who loves you more than we do. And as it’s seems that after all this time we’ve reduced you to a dude who only eats cheap, processed food, drinks crappy imported beer, shops at stores for the poor and jokes about grandmas, we simply request you give us some new material during your 24th year.
Love (the most),
UnintendedChoice & theMoonisDown
Thanks to Lula & Brookie for your help & to The Font, one of the LTT guys on the LTT Podcast who had the following convo with me:
UC: wanna help me be perverted about food?
The Font: uh. i feel like there are a lot of ways for this to not end well
UC: it’s Rob’s birthday tomorrow…. so you know how we do RobPorn? like pics of rob vacuuming and stuff? well, we’re making PORN for ROB…. like pics of hot pockets with words “I want to be inside you” so i need help… be perverted about food
The Font: wait are they all hot pockets?
UC: haha no… i just have one
The Font: why would rob want to have sex with food and drink? wouldn’t he just want to have sex with women?
Guys JUST don’t get it!!!