How does it make you feel that when asked to visit the homes of fans for the Oprah show, they sent you to the homes of teenage girls and crazy moms who blurted out the most embarrassing stuff TO YOUR FACE that I shall not repeat here, while they sent TAYLOR, under drinking age TAYLOR, to a sorority house?! Did you see that footage and wonder WHAT THE?! I got jipped! You could have been doing a keg stand with some Theta girls instead of playing the Twilight Monopoly game in a basement in Naperville.
I mean, you know Taylor doesn’t even know the first thing about what to do with a girl let about 20 sorority girls. Not that you do either, probably, but still you’re Rob at least give Steve/Dean a workout by trying to restrain the greek system’s finest! It’s not like tripping someone’s mom with a ficus tree in the rec room is hard.
Speaking of moms…
at 118, I almost peed my pants from laughter when the interviewer said, after being shown Jacob/Edward dipped strawberries: “Uh..That’s not weird at all!” OMG give that woman an Oscar for her delivery of that line! HAHAHAAHAHAHA Oh sweet heavens that was rich… now here’s the difference between us “normal” fans and folks like the Twi-Moms. We may THINK about having different dipped strawberries to represent Team Jacob and Team Edward and we may even MAKE said strawberries after a drunken night of pin-the-mustache on Charlie Swan but we would NEVER and I repeat NEVER in a gabillion years make them and show them on national television on the highest rated talk show, whilst wearing homemade tshirts next to an Eclipse count-down on a ceramic plate my mom pulls out when people from the church come over. YUP, that’s pretty much the difference.
Oh and probably the fact they actually own stuff like the jewelry box, blankets, lanyards and have a red carpet in their basement?! I thought that stuff was for 12 yr olds who actually shop at Hot Topic, not grown ass women! But hey, they’re on Oprah and I’m here writing a letter to you Robert Pattinson. Who’s the loser?
Yea, they are. I’m glad you agree.
NACHOS and will never be your sloppy seconds!
PS Please don’t EVER say you’re lonely on a Saturday night again!! That shiz breaks my heart and besides I’m like around the corner from you practically and I throw the best parties. Come dance your socks off and I swear I won’t make it weird or even blog about it. I may video our make out sesh in the broom closet, but that’s IT. I swear.
What’d you think? Did you want to crawl under your couch when they started drinking the apple-tini’s? Did you send an invite to Taylor/Rob for your regular SNL viewing party on Saturday nights?! I did!