Posted by: themoonisdown | June 9, 2009

If they mated – Robert Pattinson and Tom Sturridge

Impromptu Twitter pic caption contest winner Cyn_TR

Impromptu Twitter pic caption contest winner Cyn_TR (click to enlarge!)

Dear Rob and Tom Sturridge-

Recently some amazing pictures surfaced of you two strolling through the streets of New York on what could only be called: a man-date… The look in your sunglassed eyes as you gazed longingly at each other, the matching “we have no clue about fashion or colors palettes” outfits, and the obvious 4 day stink you undoubtedly shared could only mean ONE thing: You’re in love! And even though you can’t make it legal while you’re both in NY maybe you can take a long weekend and head up to Vermont to cement your love! Now that you’ve come out as Robstu (that Robsten thing was just a cover! Whew!) someday maybe you’ll decide to have a little one that has all your best features combined! And I couldn’t help but wonder what exactly a Robstu love child would look like… so in honor of my recent trip to see my true boyfriend, a one Mr. Conan Christopher O’Brien, I bring you…

If they mated! The Robert Pattinson and Tom Sturridge edition

Now if you’re not familiar with If They Mated from Conan’s late night chat show all you need to know is he takes two celebrities rumored to be together and throws them in the If They Mated machine (aka photoshop) and out comes what their child would look like. Trust me it’s great fun!

So for today’s expirament we have you two strapping young lads…

Follow the cut to see what happens after we throw you guys into the “If They Mated Machine”…

Robert Thomas Pattinson-Sturridge, Jr

Robert Thomas Pattinson-Sturridge, Jr

IT’S A BOY!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhh fellas, this is a big day for you all, did you know you would create such an uhhh… interesting kid together?! They should really get on top of this DNA thing so we can see this become a reality!

Looking forward to more of your man dates!

PS Who should be next in the if they mated machine?

Don’t miss the goodies UC has cooking over at LTT today!
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  1. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaah, I have to wash my brains with clorox to forget that picture! Please Rob…don’t ever mate with him unless with me ofcourse (wink wink)

    • The picture is kinda creepy, isn’t it? Rob, please don’t reproduce with Tom. We have enough freaks in this world already lol.

    • NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Sweet Jesus Shepherd Of Judea!!! Why? Why would you do such a thing? My Rob is not a gay man, though I lovez me a gay man, I refuse to believe that I could be upstaged by a guy( it’s hard out here for a pimp). I have a hard enough time competeing with the girls, Krissten you heffer.

    • I just want you all to know…Rob’s not gay.
      I mean, I would know.

      Rob, if you’re reading this…Saturday was amazing!!
      Call me!


      • May I have Tom’s contact ?

  2. They actually kind of have similar noses??!!!

    • Yea..they do.

  3. Okay, that’s some scary shit. Brouhahahaha!

  4. Now don’t kill me ladies, but if they are dating/mating, I wonder…

    Who’s the bottom?

    My vote goes to TS.

    • Oh my – I had that exact same thought. Here’s to being too pervy for my own good so early in the morning!

    • The Quad discussed that yesterday- but more in the form of WHO would be walking down the aisle & who would be up at the front of the alter…. we decided tom down the aisle- rob up front…. turn that into however you’d like to answer your question 🙂

    • Tom is sooooo a Bottom. 🙂

  5. a little Edward Scissorhandsish…which may or may not turn me on. I’m conflicted now with thoughts of a Johnny Depp / Rob pairing. What would that be called – a Job? mmmm…I would so die to be the O in that pairing ifyaknowwhatI’msayinandIthinkyoudo!

    • now that i look at this piece of ehrm… art again, i think their lovechild kinda looks like jacksper in the kitchen scene; it´s all there: the collar, the agony and the wacko hair!

  6. That was traumatic. Never get it on boys unless I’m there to….ahem…supervise. Well, no. Not even then.

    • Oh, and can I just mention casually amongst like-minded friends, that the photo of Rob above (pre-morph), is perhaps the most efficacious libido enhancer on the market today. Hands down. (thats what she said!)

      Can the world with all of it’s state of the art advances, not find a manner of channeling and marketing this superpower into a solution for, I dont know….world peace, lower gas prices, fertility issues? Does Rob realize he hold the key….why yes, I believe he does. Just look at the expression! ‘How you doin.’

      • I agree. That photo of him ‘How you doin’.

      • Totally. I’ve been wondering for months why Obama doesn’t use Rob’s hotness to cure the economy of all it’s woes. He holds the key. Robert Pattinson for president! I’ll vote for whatever idiotic bill he wants me to.

        • seriously. rob pattinson should be president. why doesn’t Obama see the power of his hotness and use it? He’s read Twilight.. you know he’s seen the movie

          • He’s read Twilight? Really? Link me to that article!

            Um, he went to my high school (albeit like 15 years before me) – I’ll dial him up and urge him to channel Rob’s hotness into all branches of the government and to use satellites to display Twilight on all North Korean tv’s and monitors in order to encourage world peace. I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to accept my call.

      • MexiRob is the best!!! Dear God, that boy is gorgeous!

  7. As sooooon as I saw that pic yesterday I KNEW you ladies would be ALL OVER IT haha..couldn’t wait to see what you came up with. As always you never fail 🙂

  8. I almost spit out my tea…creepy.

  9. That’s just frightening………
    Did get me wondering though….as my all but 20 year old son is gay how do you do this photo-shop thing just so I can be prepared when he brings his boyfriend home? I’ve already scared 3 girls away from my other 2 sons with right when am I going to be a Grandmother?…..I love kids….

    Should help with the Robsten thing especially with the quote “I have to stay away from all women born after 1988…” over on Robsessed….
    ❤ you all ❤

  10. My eyes.

    • Mine too.

  11. Ew gross.

    And this lesbian (a real one) told me that she and her wife would be able to have children together. Something about embryos and being manipulated in a lab or something….so the child has both of their DNA.

    SOOOOOO, it is possible for Robstu to have this child.

    And as terrible as that ‘adult’ child would be, can you imagine a little boy with Robs eyes and Toms mouth, head full of hair. And the jaw.


    • If this were to happen, I SO have dibs on imprinting on this Robstu spawn!

  12. commenty thing does not work the way i want.
    sad. jello.
    -worst thing ever done to them with photoshop. no, actually that´s it:

    still lovin the bromance anyway.

    -me thinks they´d swap positions, but agree; tomstu´s more of a bottomer than rob

    -OMFG tomstu wears the most horrible shoes!

    • i love that manip
      and tomstu wears beat up reeboks. remember reeboks?

      • I do i do! I totally rocked my Reeboks…in like, 1989 LMAO I’m not entirely sure they were cool then….?

      • i do, but i can´t help to think that those shoes make him look like a real hobo. rob´s hobo-days are nothing compared to the stu-style.

  13. for some reason, ‘he” reminds me of Justin Timberlake.

    Maybe I just need more sleep. And a better optometrist….

  14. its like one of those faces that forensic psychologists put together to try and find a serial rapist.

    btw, for a second i thought robstu were holding hands. a girl can dream.

  15. I thought that was a manip of Robert Smith.
    Man, I love The Cure.

    “And the spider man is always hungry…”

    • hahah! that’s awesome – I totally see it now!!!

    • oooo, I love the Cure, too!

      (I just watched Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist, and she is saying, “They have such a stupid name, ‘The Cure’, more like they should be called ‘The Cause'” hahaha, that made me laugh.)

  16. ACK! My eyes! That was truly scary. He’s a little Edward Scissorhands. Actually, a LOT Edward Scissorhands.

  17. Yeah! Go Robstu!! But that mated picture is insanley scary though…

    Can we please run NReed and KStew through it?!? I know their “fake lesbian” relationship is on the rocks, but maybe their future offspring will inspire them to rekindle that relationship!

    • good idea. ON IT

    • I was going to suggest NReed and KStew too. That should be interesting…

  18. I definitely didn’t learn after Rob on the pole…. I was happily eating my apple tart when i almost choke on it after placing my morning eyes on this horror…. jajajaja.

    Please, I like you girls… Stop trying to kill me in the mornings… :p

  19. Ooo Ooo! Next week do Ashley and Jackson!!! I bet they’d make beautiful chirren!!!

  20. Ok, you DO realize that we need to see the fake lesbian’s love child now, right?

  21. Hey, Robstu,
    better make babies the old fashion way.
    I can be little Robbie’s mama

  22. Is it sad that I would rather imagine Rob with a man than with any other woman? (anyotherthanmeofcourse!) At any rate, I kinda agree with sassysmart, putting together Robs finest features and those of Toms would create some type of scary-gorgeus-hot super being. No woman on the planet would stand a chance….best not to go down that science fiction trail…..although the photoshop edition should be burned!!

  23. Moon- I died. this is amazing. Did you pshop this?
    we have requests for the fake lesbians. It’ll bring them back together- And I, too, would like to see what Ashley & Jackson’s child would look like. Of course, this child would be made within wedlock… Once you put on a true love waits ring (see LTT today) it’s impossible to have the intercourse until you’re married. impossible

    • Ash/Jackson only if she promises to NOT use the poodle hair from NM. Ashley is too fabulous to have a child with that kind of hair.

  24. Seriously, you girls are the funniest ever! I know we would be friends in RL if I lived near either of you.

    I have to agree that I would almost rather have Rob date a guy than any girl beside me! How crazy is that? I guess I’m just a jealous bitch. And I think Rob is the catcher.

    Still can’t wait to hear the details about the Sam Bradley concert – I’m gonna go when he comes to NYC in August – any other LTRers planning to go to Joe’s Pub?

  25. Wow, that was great. The hair is really nuts on anyone but him, isn’t it?

    Why do I await moderation now? Did I say something bad? Do I swear too much? I finally got my WordPress thingy going so I could have a picture, after my weird alien guy changed…

    • did you change your email address or something? you’re suddenly always in moderation… yesterday you were spammed… weird

      • I did use a different email on my wordpress account than the one I had here before. ‘Cause I made an email for my LPB name for Twitter, I decided to use it here, too, because then I can keep all the crazy, err, I mean normalcy, in one place to keep track of. ifyouknowwhatimean.

  26. ROTFLMAO! The hair….the shirt, LMAO!

    Oh how I’ve missed you gals! I’m back from Chicago, catching up on past posts.

    Happy belated birthday UC!!! *smooch*

    Moon, who did you see when you visited Conan’s show?

    This post reminds me of when Jim Carrey saw Rob in the audience at the MTV Awards and requested that Prop 8 be reversed, LOL! Everyone loves Rob! 🙂

  27. i just finally figured out what’s SOOO wrong with that manip (besides the obvious)… he’s completely out of balance. NO ONE with that unruly and radical of a mop of hair would ever button up all the way. That kid is definitely an oddball. and totally giving off the edward scissorhand vibe. i’m sort of frightened.

    • Edward Scissorhand DEFINITELY crossed my mind, too! How weird. And yes, frightened is TOTALLY normal. I know I am. HA.

  28. Wow …that’s freakin hilarious!! You girls are priceless.

    I am so glad to see Robstu jr. has Rob’s hair …man I was nervous about that. Definitely interested in seeing how adorble Jackson and Ashley’s children WILL be 😉 lol

  29. Sooo I’m definitely a *comment* virgin here…But this picture MADE ME. Holy crap, what an ugly picture. I think I might have to take a look at my shirtless rob pictures to (MAYBE) get rid of that from my brain…

    Okay, so on to another point. Rob, Gay?! Not sure what to make of that. . . BUT if he was, he would definitely be a TOP kind of guy, I’m convinced. 😉

    • yay! first time commenter. welcome

      • Awww thanks 🙂 I definitely read this stuff all the time. HA. I just haven’t been able to comment.

    • The only way that I can think of Rob as a “TOP” kind of a guy (or a pitcher) is if he’s on TOP of me….uh, yeah. I can’t think any other way than that.

      That is all.


      PS – Welcome to the RobberDOME!!! (That’s the best I could think of.) LOL

      • HAHAHA That made me laugh.

        And yes, I would MUCH rather him be a “top” kind of guy with me…BUT someone up there brought up whether he would be a top or bottom kind of guy and I figured top if I had to choose. 🙂

  30. You know what I thought when I saw that picture of them? Tom saying: “Don’t worry Rob, as long as we have each other…”

    It really looks like their about to hold hands…

    Anyway, Oohhhhh… the result of that… My Eyes!!! jajajaja It is very Edward Scissorshands…

    Thanks form making me laugh like every single morning!

    Good day Roblovers…

  31. my vote for the machine…. dakota and stewie. dakota counts in the twi-series now right? besides, they’ll be spending a lot of time together. look how well they are already getting along! kristen’s saying “nikki who?!?!”

    • I just looked at that photo, and maybe it is the angle, but I hope those girls are going out for a meatball sub.

    • And Dakota would be probably walking down the aisle in this relationship, right?

  32. Wow, this was a rough way to start my day.

    You love Conan too?? Geez, you just got hotter.

    p.s.- My Grandpa went to high school with Conan’s uncle (his family grew up in my hometown). Which, of course, means Conan and I are like cousins and best friends. So, I can’t be Conan’s girlfriend, but I can put in a good word for you.

    Normal, right?

  33. OMG….I have no words for that!!! Bwahahaha!!!! You guys totally kill me every day!


  34. ACK!!!! OMG, that was truly frightening.

    But I do love me some RobStu!!!

  35. Thank God! I was so pissed when I missed this.
    Just saw over at that this weekend’s Entertainment Tonight (June 13, check local listings) will re-air the New Moon set interviews they aired back in April (think 95.8% of us all missed it because it was never advertised) and that they are going to air more footage as well.

  36. Jesus H Christ! That’s all

  37. My god.

    Is it strange that I’m mildly turned on by Robstu’s child.

    But my one question is what the flying fruit cake is up with the facial hair.

    It looks like someone cut their pubes and pasted it to their chin…

  38. That man child is the most retched thing I have ever seen on the internets. And therefore…I love it.

    Whoever made that…I love you. Was it you, UC? Or Moon? That’s ok…I love you both, LONG time.

  39. Great. Now none of Rob’s friends are going to want to hang out for fear of Photoshop revenge. He can’t date and now he can’t just kick it with a buddy. I’m no psych major, but I’m gearing up for Rob to have a Susan Boyle moment. UK people aren’t as snarky as US people. Remember that for future reference…

    • I’m from the UK and i can assure you i am plenty snarky lol

  40. Now, now Girleens. That picture was totally not what I expected to see. Cause if those two could mate (in a test-tube of course) the result would be one seriously gorgeous pouty little baby.

    Your article, as usual, was fall about funny. I am glad Rob got a few days with his buddy Tom away from all of us; shame that someone spotted them after only a short break. They’re both adorable and talented and no doubt London will lose them to LA which is very sad but that’s where the movie work is, I suppose.


  42. omg. I heart you so hard right now. Coco Christopher is my favorite celebrity of all time. Yes I just said that. What taping did you go to? You should have had an arm coming out of his forehead like angelina jolie and her brothers child played by rachel dratch on SNL.
    I must admit I way rather him be gay than date kstew. Also if he were gay I would stop trying to convince myself that I have a chance with him and I could let him be free with his true love tom stu.
    Meh who am I kidding I propbably would convince myself that I am the one who can turn him straight.

    • whoa *probably. I swear I know how to spell.
      Also why does tom always look like the smelly kid in class with his reeboks and ill fitting pants? I swear tom is the kid who picks his nose, wipes it on his desk and always smells rank who was in my 7 th grade honors english class I dig the eddie money shirt though… Rob can “take me home tonight” anynight. But leave the ugly pastel flannel at home. You’re not in the PNW (pacific northwest) anymore babe.

  43. K, the eyebrows are what’s bothering me the most. That’s one major unibrow! Hahahahahaha!

    Thanks, I needed that laugh/cringe after yesterdays fuckery at work.

    RTPS looks like Orlando Bloom, don’t you think?

  45. wow, been so long I feel out of the loop..but that pic,gotta say, pretty uhm , Tom really that feminine looking ?

    • all I’m sayin is if they are doin it “Broke Back Style”? I wanna watch..cause that shit turns me on…

  46. Moon, you’ve been having a bit too much fun on photoshop lately…

    Loving the American Express reference…but it’s really a HAVE MERCY moment…

  47. Yikes. And yes, the eyebrows are reminding me of a reddish/blondish Bert from Sesame Street – unibrowish and odd.

  48. i’d rather have rob be with tomstu than some slut like the mediawhore, erika who was in life&style. is that too far?

  49. PS i love BROMANCESSSSSS<3

  50. I’m glad some of you can see Edward Scissorhands as well…

    there is definitly a Johnny Depp vibe about that pic… fabulous!

    and Rob’s hair just by itself seems so unreal.

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