Since you’re filming Water for Elephants about an hour away from me (I’m tied to my chair right now by my roommates who said I couldn’t drive there) and there hasn’t been any new info since you debuted Farmward/Jacobward/Circusward last week. Well, I’ve recovered and like a good junkie I’m out trolling for my next fix and here what I found…
You’ve up for the Popsugar 100 (whatever that is) for the second year in a row. They say you debuted on it last year at number one and you’re currently in the final two with SANDRA BULLOCK. I’m not going to even give out the link to vote because it’s SANDRA BULLOCK. You’re up against the women who found out her husband cheated on her the week after she won her Oscar. You’re up against the woman who adopted a child from Katrina ravaged New Orleans. You’re up against the women who’s husband cheater on her with a girl who’s a crazy tattooed, nazi lover. You’re up against SANDRA BULLOCK. You’re not going to win. All you’ve done this year is make Ray Bans a best seller, wore some dirty clothes and got drunk a couple times. Now send Sandy a muffin basket to congratulate her.
You won something called a National Movie Award yesterday, which I have ZERO clue what that is (Educational Moment! Someone tell us) and all I can think about is how the clip montage used EMF’s Unbelievable! Welcome back to 1990. Good job National Movie Award people for staying on top of the musical charts there, truly amazing. PS does Jacob Janksowski has some sort of weird stutter, stop speech? “It… means so… much to… me that… you…” or was the chick just not moving the cue cards fast enough?
If we received this once, we received this a eleventygabillion times today. So it’s not that fact that you drew a peen in a balloon as part of a children’s charity auction that’s alarming, it’s the fact you created this with YOUR MOM!!! You drew a penis with your MOM! And not just any ol JR High boy drawing, this peen has pizazz! Look at it go. Man, you are sooo effed up.
By now we all know your not-so-secret love for the Stamos. We can’t blame you for crashing Bob Saget’s party with your agent in an attempt to steal some of his leftover Uncle Jesse clothes for the upcoming MTV Movie Awards. And because Twifans are crazy and if nothing else, persistent: John responded to the question about you. But what I think is most important about this tweet is not that he was gracious and lied about how cool you were, what we really care about is that hot sweaty, squinty Uncle Jesse picture he’s using as his Twitter profile background. Please go to more John Stamos/Bob Saget/Full House cast members parties. Thanks.
So that’s it for news that needed to be talked about but didn’t render an entire letter. Oh and Rob, I also promise to learn how to spell Jacob Jankowski before you stop filming Water for Elephants.
Srsly, it’s Sandra Bullock!
What did you learn new about Rob this week? How bad is Rob going to lose to Sandra Bullock. Will you print out a copy of Rob’s “art work” for your “private collection?”