Breaking It Down: Water for Elephants and little people and horses and George Clooney

Dear Rob,

I think Calli said it best yesterday so I’ll let her open this letter…

@CalliopeBlabs its thursday May 20, 2010 at 8:48pm EST. i’ve just solidified my belief that God is a Woman & RPattz is her gift to us

Preach sister. PREACH.

I’m not sure what else I can say that explains why you in in some old timey depression era pants, your new short do, some dirt, a train and with a little nugget side kick makes you looks so hot, but I’m not asking questions anymore. There really can be no other explanation than God loves us. And of course we wanted to share that love so UC and I broke it down!

Paging Dr. Ross... Dr. Ross come in!

Moon: alrighty… oh hey rob
UC: whatttt!? no! that’s goerge effing clooney
Moon: HHAHAA what?!
UC: HE LOOKS LIKE GEORGE CLOONEY
Moon: funny calli called the little guy mini george clooney… or maybe she meant rob
UC: haha really? no.. i’m serious.. I would have NEVER thought that was Rob.. except for the crooked nose Look how crooked it looks. I cant’ beleive this picture I’m so confused
Moon: it defs shows in that pic. i wonder if the pic is flipped. his schnozzle looks jacked.
UC: why does he look like he’s in his 50s?
Moon: cause its so vintage looking like a hired hand… a hired hand i want to do bad things to
UC: He looks like Dick Is that the midget?
Moon: rob?
UC: hhaa no the guy below him or is Rob on a stool
Moon: no thats a camera guy on something robs on a train

c

Tell me more about making the chocolate and the Roloff family farm...

Moon:this KILLED ME!!!!

UC: CuTE

Moon: i mean the smile, the little guy and his little stripey sockies

UC: He looks adorable.. and omg… like my bff’s younger brother holy crap. HE LOOKS LIKE my bff’s younger brother! that’s weird I feel weird and dirty

Moon: hahaha oh i feel dirty but not for that reason

UC: and suddenly attracted to a boy who used to flick boogers at me I spy a pair of gray pants we’ll be seeing later in the summer- after Rob steals them

Moon: and puts 5 holes in. and patches up badly

UC: yep I like the midget

Moon: god i wish we could hear this convo

UC: he’s cute and TEENY Is he teaching him how to sing opera? showing him what it’s like to feel up a woman?

Little Matt, Big Rob

Moon: do you like rob asked him if he watched little people big world, or my personal fave little chocoletiers? he’s like man do you know those roloffs? id like to get a pumpkin at their farm about the size of you, man.
UC: Yes, Rob has watched a LOT of TLC holed up in his house/hotel
Moon: you KNOW he has
UC: I feel like the little guy is enamored with Rob. Probably bc he knows he’s gonan get asssss from his lady at home after he tells all the stories of Rob on set
Moon: maybe he’s confusing the little guy with matt roloff and he’s like do you ever get together with the casts of the other tlc shows? do you know the duggars?
UC: Rob DEF asked to borrow his socks I know that 100%  Rob loves himself a colorful sock
Moon: oh for sure he loves a whacky colorful sock as witnessed by his new outfits
UC: i’m also positive those socks are from that time period

Follow the cut as we round up the rest of the new WFE photos as Rob practices yoga, meets the Duggars and models for my Harlequin romance novel cover

c

Feel the burn...

Moon: the hair makes me want to do things i love the mid yawn/back stretch

UC: yes the hair is…. so different… I’m not positive yet… but I do LOVE the dirt on the shirt like.. dang… did they just ask him to sleep in it and not shower for a few days?

Moon: like this is handyward or farmward or something

UC: Maybe that was a requirement.. something HE asked to be written in the contract. FARMWARD!

Moon: he took a roll in a mud puddle before he got out there  or maybe just a roll in kstews hair

UC: I also like that shoe… I dont think it’s really HIS shoe, but I want to pretend it is, b/c that means he’s sitting Indian Style.. and that’s an image I like to envision: Rob Pattinson, sitting next to a midget, in a dirty shirt, with military hair, slightly resembling George Clooney, sitting like an Indian.  love it

Moon: he gets zen on set. thats lotus position

Moon: maybe he’s been practicing yoga. between tlc shows in the hotel room

UC: He saw a special about the health benefits on the Discovery Channel. It was after Shark Week

Moon: he flips between the fitness channel and “say yes to the dress” he flips to Yogabootyballet cause he cant stand when randy steps in on an appt. i mean Keasha knows what shes doing, she doesnt need the store gay to step in
c

NAMASTE!!!!!!!

Moon: this is the tree position  it’s really getting him now. BREATHE IN AND OUT rob, breathe through the set dude
UC: hahahahhaah It’s a painful stretch (that really IS his leg, i think!) .. he’s feeling the burn
Moon: he’s like NAMASTE damnit, NAMASTE!
c

I thought this was water for ELEPHANTS, not CAMELS

Moon: ok ive got a serious question about this picture to the left
Moon:  does rob have a wool covered vagina??
UC: omg camel toe! he has a huge camel toe.  that’s so gross!
Moon: like thats pretty intense down there. we’re talking uti or yeast infection or something. YUCK
UC: those old man pants are NOT flattering. Poor gals back in the 20s…. everywhere they looked it looked like dudes had big V’s. nasty.
UC: Also.. did Robby get a little sunburn? his cheeks are a bit red… maybe went to the beach yesterday? celebrated the last day of freedom? did a AM yoga session in Malibu
Moon: he’s been doing yoga all day in the sun with matt roloff, of course he’s burned
UC: They went by Cher’s place had a healthy bfast, stepped onto the sand… for a morning downward dog
Moon: then finished with a sun salutation and got on the train

Come now ease on down, ease on down the road!

Moon: matt roloff’s on a little box. i want rob and matt to always hang out
UC: hahaha… showing off the ankles
Moon: we’re getting the full view of the wool camel toe here
Moon: matt is honorary britt pack now
UC: i hope we get some walking shots maybe Rob will hoist him on his shoulders AWWW! i’d die
UC: or hold his hand to help him off the train… maybe it’s just the picture, but it looks like a far jump
Moon: OMG they could skip down the lane him on robs shoulders as they sing “ease on down the road“
UC: I spy something else Rob’s gonna steal from the set something I’m pretty sure is a needed asset in his wardrobe: The orange vest
Moon: that dudes hat?
UC: but it wouldnt’ be completely without…..the cowboy hat
Moon: the leather cowboy hat for realz
UC: I can see it now…. Wool camel toe pants, Orange vest, flannel underneath
Moon: and orange jacket for paps can see him and matt roloff better
UC: Perfect outfit for a night on the town with Matt Roloff & the Duggers
Moon: dude the duggars will commend him on his frugality
UC: HE’ll direct traffic as the 19 dugger children cross the street
Moon: and then theyre trade secrets on their fave thrift stores WITH matt on his shoulders
UC: YES TomStu will be sooo pissed
Moon: SOOOO pissed i mean tomstu probably weighs about the same as matt roloff but still he’s never skipped down the road on rob’s shoulders… only on his back
UC: never
Moon: and he’ll be pissed rob found that vest for free
c

But I'm serious about the Duggars, I wanna meet them...

Moon: SMILES from the new bffs!
UC: HAHAHHAHAHA that is tooo cute! dude behind them is like… damn.. let me in on the joke
Moon: right, he just wants some rob/matt castoffs you know theyd get MADDDD tail at the fillmore saloon. or just the catering tent
c
c
c

Come on now Patty the 2nd...

Moon: why do i get the feeling this horse is gonna be the new patty?? when he’s not hanging out with matt roloff, rob’s in the stable with this horse “emotionally connecting”

UC: ohhh this is so funny huge ass pants, dirty shirt, sunburn, horse this really IS farmward

Moon: its like a harlequin romance he’s the hired hand guy he breaks the unbreakable horse. then they do it in the barn on a hay bale

UC: did you read the book?

FARMWARD!

Moon: maybe…its called PLOW MY FIELD i got it in the ralphs check out line. i couldnt read all the dirty parts fast enough (i was in the express lane) so i had to buy it

UC: good- it’s tough when you get hot & bothered at Ralphs. I did that in the book section at Wal-mart last week It was kinda embarrassin

Moon: had to excuse yourself to the craft section? no one’s ever there (except me)

UC: Yes… and then to the fishing sectinon… wanted to look at the rods, ya know.. visual

Moon: HAHAHAHA really LONG rods. watch out for the hooks

Moon: alright… final verdict on farmward? two plows way up?

UC: Yes. Farmward is growing on me…. I wouldn’t mind seeing what his plow can do… I hope to see more of his plow in the days to come

Moon: i may cut out his head and paste it over fabio on the cover of PLOW MY FIELD

I can only remind myself that this is the FIRST day! If Water for Elephants keeps this up, it’s gonna be a rough summer… Lord, help us!

PLEASE Plow My Field,
Themoonisdown

Seriously, are you alive after looking at those? DAYUM. Farmward is killing us. Or rather Jacobward or Circusward… whatever who cares, loook at the pictures again!

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