Posted by: themoonisdown | May 19, 2010

Rob Pattinson on Ellen: Where Reality and Fantasy blur

Have you read Letters to Rob? Dude, me too. It's in my RSS. EVERY.DAY.

Dear Rob,

I was lucky enough to be in the audience of today’s taping of Ellen with YOU. I’m sure you knew cause I could tell you were sending out the vibes to me and well, the eye contact we had and when you mouthed “I love Moon” just can’t lie… at least that’s how it went down in my head…

After we were ushered into the studio I knew we were in for a surprise when I was sat down in the front row in the middle seat directly in front of where you and Ellen would be sitting momentarily and chatting about puppies and rainbows and long walks on the beach. Then the music started playing and it was “My Life Would Suck Without You” by Kelly Clarkson. Cause we belong together now, forever united here somehow. You’ve got a piece of me, and honestly, my life would suck without you. Obviously, I know the feelings mutual now.

The soundtrack to our love

Then you were announced and as you walked out you looked right at me, pointed and then blew a kiss my way which, of course I jumped up in the air, grabbed and smacked to my cheek. That’s MY kiss, bitches. The line starts back there.

Ellen got down to business and asked you all sorts of questions. You got especially misty when she asked you about the end of Twilight. What would you do after Breaking Dawn was filmed and over? You told her you loved Edward and Bella and the world of Forks SO much and didn’t want it to end you started writing your own sequels that will be made into movies that you will star in. “The Twilight Saga: This Never Ends” coming to theaters in July 2065!

After that you were tired of talking so you sang an entire albums worth of never-heard-before songs just to us in the audience. While singing the new song “Moons over my hammy is for lovers” a spotlight shown on only me and you. It’s like we weren’t even at the Ellen show anymore and that annoying old lady with the horse teeth, clip in ponytail and electric blue sweater with maribou trim wasn’t distracting me with her elegance a row away. You know that saying about it being as if the world stood still and it was just you and me? Yea, it was definitely like that.

We all got a Rob!

Following the concert and after you ran out of new material to sing for us you went back to talk to Ellen some more. You interrupted her question about your favorite thrift store to tell us you could no longer hide your true feelings and felt convicted about not being honest. You went on to tell us in fact you were NOT with Kristen but that you wanted to be with each one of US instead. But since you’re only one man they brought out a cloning machine and we all got our very own Robert Pattinson to take home with us. You donated your body to science! Talk about SWAG! I want to see THAT on Oprah’s “Favorite Things” episode.

Ok, ok… so I don’t have a Rob clone sitting next to me right now nor did Rob sing anything and Kelly Clarkson didn’t even play but here’s what really happened

Can you see me?!

We did in fact sit in the 2nd row dead center. Though this meant through part of the interview I saw HALF your head because when you sit dead center you’re sitting right behind the camera that is shooting you and Ellen! HA! So I became really well acquainted and in fact quite enamored with the buzzed back half of your head. So much so I want to touch it.

When you came out I was quite loving the hair, and the VERY Rob-ish outfit you had on. And then first thing out of your mouth in answering Ellen’s question about your hair was to respond that you had “nits.” And since I refuse to think of you and any sort of parasite/hair lice/grossness scenario I zoned out and thought about touching the buzzed part again.

Follow the cut to hear about the rest of what really happened! Including Steel Magnolias, The Fresh Prince and free jet skis!

You talked about how filming Water for Elephants starts on Thursday when I will begin stowing away in paparazzi/catering/prop trucks to make my daily pilgrimage to the set outside of LA.

Ellen did ask you about Eclipse but you’re kinda busy and probably don’t have the time to write fanfic versions of how the saga should be extended, unfortunately. When asked to explain what happens in Eclipse, you actually said you couldn’t keep up since there are so many movies now. Somewhere Edward is tsking you. Amateur.

The shirt was plaid with a butterfly collar!

She also asked you to tell us who’s given you the best advice. You said Will Smith who told you to not try and be funny. You can be funny after you’ve done it 6 times. He then taught you the dance from “Parents Just Don’t Understand.” While DJ Jazzy Jeff spun on the 1’s and 2’s behind you. Ok, sorry the lines of reality and what really happened blurred again there for a minute. I’m back!

They showed the clip of you and Taylor bro-ing up and bumping chests like gorilla’s about ready to fight over the last banana. Since I’ve watched this 1000 10000 times, I watched you instead. You watched the clip intently and smiled. No embarrassment or looking away. I think you may be growing up! And speaking of there was NO slouching or embarrassment of any kind. Mama Moon would be SO proud!

Since you didn’t sing an album’s worth of songs to us (loser) you answered more questions. Do you dance a lot? Did you want to dance with us? Are you sure you don’t dance. Then you got squirmy and looked around asking if Ellen had a video of you dancing because you didn’t know how she had one. In your flusterment (I made that word up while you talked about nits) you blurted out that you took ballet lessons till you were 10 and then you realized you were a boy and stopped. It was a good thing Lilcrazycow sat next to me cause otherwise I would have rushed the stage to hug you for being funny. And then punch you for giving me the mental image of you in a leotard and jeans. I mean JEANS? Who wears jeans to do ballet?

Drink your juice Shelby! (This was my 10 yr old selfs dream wedding look!)

Quickly Ellen swooped in and asked why you didn’t win People’s 50 Most Beautiful People (it was rigged!) and you said you didn’t know why cause you thought you were holding on and didn’t know what Julia Roberts had done to deserve it. Obviously, you know that Julia Roberts played Shelby Eatonten Latcherie in Steel Magnolias and based on that performance alone not only deserves to be the most beautiful person ever but that they should just shut down the Oscars and give every award past, present and future to the cast and crew of Steel Magnolia’s every year. Lifetime Achievement in awesome.

Thankfully it was time to cut to a commercial before the game Ellen told us Rob was going to play. During the commercial you tapped your feet to the music and then picked up a people mag (sadly NOT the Kristen’s Pregnant OK mag) and flipped through it and then I SWEAR either took out your gum and folded it in the corner of a page or you dogeared a page to read later, ya know like when you’d be hanging on the set by yourself.

After coming back from commercial Ellen explained that Rob and a lucky audience member would be playing a game to see how well they knew you. As you can imagine I sunk REALLY low in my chair. Being a blogger, talking about you and seeing your movies is one thing, being ushered on stage to participate in a FAN contest in front of you on national television is QUITE ANOTHER. THANKFULLY, some blond Aussie flight attendant was chosen and then blindfolded. She was told she could only use her hands to figure out between three guys which one was Rob. At this point I thought they’d bring out 3 hairy crew guys and fake her out but wouldn’t you know it Rob and a couple youngish PA’s come out in silky robes (what is this, a harlequin romance novel?) and stand in front of her. She begins her very sterile almost TSA-like pat down of the guys. In my “balls to the wall” version of myself, if that would have been me I might have slipped while patting him down and went right for the goods. ULTIMATE FAN AWARD and permanent bragging rights.

Obviously a pissed off boyfriend of a Rob fan was running this little camera

And of course, the girl chose the wrong dude. I thought based on your giggling alone she would have figured out it was you. Amateur hour.

Then you gave a wave and you were off. And we were forced to sit through Adam Lambert singing, talking and wearing pleather pants. Some crazy Chop Shop soundtrack commenter would have been happy. After hearing from some flood victims from Nashville and seeing them get 25k, a lifetime supply of dog food, a jet ski and two cars it was time to leave.

Parting is such sweet sorrow! Especially when I lose you after your car service runs a red light to escape us because we’re tweeting all the gory details while chasing your car paparazzi style. SIKE. I took Oprah’s “No Phone Zone” Pledge so that couldn’t have been me. SIKE again. I totes text and drive, try to catch me Oprah! I’m a rebel!

Until next time… aka TONIGHT,
Themoonisdown

PS The old lady with the horse teeth and electric blue boa sweater was reality in BOTH scenarios. I’m crossing my fingers she make’s it in a crowd shot.

Whew, that was long. Hope you stuck it out. And I hope you watch today to see which version was reality! What’d you think of Rob’s new hair do?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter

DON’T FORGET: The contest to celebrate the grand opening of the LTR/LTT store! Make sure you participate cause you could win BIG! Your entries are due this Thursday! Get to it!

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Responses

  1. I’m jealous, but you already knew that.

    Rob is quite the trooper. He agrees to visit strangers’ houses on Oprah and on Ellen he agrees to have a stranger feel him up.

    And, I’m sorry, but if I was blindfolded and feeling Rob up, I’d use the opportunity to “accidently” go for the goods. You’ll never get a better opportunity or have a better excuse.

    “Oops! Sorry, Rob. You’re so tall and I’m blindfolded. I didn’t realize I was touching you there.”

    Psssh! And that girl calls herself a fan? Amateur!

    • WHY and WHY didn’t she take HIS hands? I mean, switch these fingers in all directions and you’ll KNOW if that is ROB!!! Dude!

      • That is so what i thought! I’d just feel up the fingers and BINGO you’d be bound to pick him out – EASY!
        Total fail from fellow countrywoman. 😦

        (oh but i reality like moon i’d so be slinking donw in my chair!)

        • OMG I would have certainly died the moment they were looking for smb in the audience.

      • and she made him LAUGH, and didn’t recognize him…

      • you know how I feel about this RG.

        fanfail1: FINGERS
        fanfail2: GIGGLE
        fanfail3: didnt cop a feel

        sigh. 2nd hand embarassed.

        • fanfail4: hotness

          he must have felt more hot then the others….right???

          She should have gone for his hands….major fanfail….huge!!!

        • The tell-tale signs of which one of those guys Rob was were blatantly there and she had herself such an epic fail moment, it def required a bag over the head or better yet, the dog cone of shame from UP.

          All you need is to feel for his mole as you slowly trail your fingers along the back of his neck and murmur softly about wanting to try just one thing.

          • haha cone of shame!!!

          • OMG….the mole is my obsession….sexy..

      • at 1st when they explained it i thought the game was just figuring out by their hands!!! all i could think about was HAND PORN!! hahaha

        • Moon, I truly cannot believe that she didn’t take his hands…..sigh*

    • Accidentally…hahah yes me too! I would totally act like I didn’t know. Nice excuse to be blindfolded and kneeling in front of him!

      • Blindfolded and kneeling in front of him???

        Oh SB, stop it…I’m spontaneous combusting here…

        So, so, so, jealous!!!

      • Oh SB, I like the direction you are headed in….

        xoxoxoxo
        me

        • Down under…..yeah baby!!!
          Falling on my knees……

          Hi lion!!!

          • Hi Mel!!!
            You are falling on your knees, too?

            Unfortunately I won’t be doing any praying there.

          • Muah!!!

          • XOXO……….Lion….
            oh no praying…..omg……..no praying!!!

          • @lion @Mel
            no praying, strictly worshiping!

        • Me too ML, I didn’t realize what I typed earlier. 🙂

      • did you notice the way he grinned when she was kneeling down in front of him? I think Rob’s mind was in the gutter

        I know mine was

        • Owlie, I think Rob loved being groped. I mean what man is immune to that? hahaha oh boy.

        • He was definitely smiling when she went for the nipples.

      • Oh gah you girls, I slipped up…hahah well for your benefit.

        Well the girl is definitely kneeling in front of him! I was being SO literal! But I know we have a lot of kinky ideas don’t we? hahaha

        Ah I need another cold shower again…

        XOXO

        • She wasn’t a REAL fan, she didn’t go for the hands (I would’ve) and she didn’t grope in the right places…….a real amateur……She had her chanse and failed……..we would have known exactly where to begin!

    • Maybey he wanted to be touched by (what he’s been told to be) a kneeling Aussie flight attendant.

    • LOVE LOVE LOVE the new Robcut. I think he looked amazing with the white tshirt and effed up shirt as usual. But … I am underwhelmed by this Rob-on-Ellen. So short? And not very exciting questions?

    • Exactly! The hands would have been a dead giveaway. Nobody else has hands like “Flipper” – particularly the both-directions bendiness of the fingers. And it would be so great to caress those hands….

      Sorry, got lost for a second there.

      I also would have checked the neck (long), and the feet (huge). And just to make sure I would have felt the butt (high and tight). I swear this is all very scientific.

      Of course, if goods groping wasn’t completely out of the bounds of common decency/personal space, I would have made a few passes over that area so that we could confirm some theories we’ve had for a while around here.

  2. Now that I have seen Rob’s new ‘do sans cap, I am happy.
    It looks hawt! Even more rugged. Less “pretty”. Phwoar.
    Moon I love that you go to see Rob again! (*cough*BITCH*cough*)
    And thanls for sharing the story. Can’t wait to watch it!! Since I sadly will be out tomorrow when I *think* it will air here, I’m gonna have to YouTube it. Can’t wait!

    xJ

    • I think he looks gorgeous and I’m happy as well, can’t wait to watch the show!<3

      • yes at first I wasnt sure but I think I love the new hair too!

        • I LOVE that you love it!! 🙂

      • The hair is thick and so grab-able looking on top and the shorter sides just make you wanna run your hands through it….I just actually felt that just now.

        *tot*

        • D.E.A.D………!!!
          YOUR DESCRIPTION just died me!!!

        • I love *tot*….lol ❤

  3. I want Rob to style that hair 50’s rockabilly and come find me in a stained white tank whilst smoking a cigarette and generally be rude to me all night before catching me up as I storm off and mumble some sort of apology/declaration of love.

    Moon – well done for seeing our boy AGAIN. I’m not jealous that you’ve seen him more than Clare has in the last year.

    At least I’ve seen him reeeeal close up once.

    • THIS is a bunch of lucky girls here!!!! Moon has seen him more than Clare……hahhahahhaha…..probably so true!

    • Love your fantasy scenario, Shleeeigh.

    • yes Yes YES!!!
      “I want Rob to style that hair 50′s rockabilly and come find me in a stained white tank whilst smoking a cigarette and generally be rude to me all night before catching me up as I storm off and mumble some sort of apology/declaration of love”

      SocialDistortion-Rob would make me go to a pool of jelly.

      • haha! social D rob! might have to put on some “Ball and Chain” and think about that some…

        • Am dying over here…. add a couple of days of stubble and I am an oil slick for SD-Rob. Can he wear combat boots or Docs, too?

    • OMG rockabiliy/james dean/50 rob would drive me wild. especially in a classic muscle car. YES PLEASE

  4. JacobEdwardsWife are you SO happy SM chose the names Jacob and Edward because you are married to someone called Jacob and/or Edward which means screaming either of these names mid coitus is totally acceptable??

    • BAHAHAH! COMMENT FAIL – I meant to post this on LTT!! I posted it over there now.

      *FACEPALM*

    • YOur comment still works here, Shleeeigh!

      Thanks for the “visual.”

      xox
      lion

  5. WOW Moon, thank you so much for this long post, I love it!

    my thoughts
    1) I NEED this clon you’re talking about
    2) a clip in a ponytail is a NO-GO, only to wear with an eletric blue headband!
    3) calling her an “amateur” is really nice, I’d call her Rob-ignorant, give me your seat , you have NO clue!
    4) Rob doing ballet like Billy Elliot = WIN
    5) HE so READS gossip!
    ….
    and most important

    Rob is going away from being a Summit-boy, he is growing, he looks like an actor now (I love the hair!) and he’s MORE himself than ever!!!!
    I love Ellen for showing us this Rob!

    Dear Rob,
    short reply to you
    I wanna be your nit today
    that must be an awesome life on your head!
    love
    C.

    • I’d gladly be his nit-picker

      • only if that goes along with being his eye-brow-comb-girl !

        • And modesty patch measurer

          • and I’d use my comb on every hairy part he has 🙂

          • especially his…armpits?

          • especially all…pits!

          • forget measurer, I’d BE the modesty patch!

          • WOW….it’s hot today!!!

            @applepie…..thumbs up girl!!!

          • Comb not necessary for what I’ll be doing…

          • What lion??? Spill it!!! 😀

      • Nit Nurse used to be an actual job in the UK.

        • Jorts, get OUT! Really?
          WOW!
          Someone needs to write a Nit Nurse crackfic.

        • Sounds like a name for a punk band.

        • The Nit Nurse was known as ‘Nitty Nora the Hair Explorer’ and they still do have them!

          • I should just mention that the ‘Nit Nurse’ was in fact the ‘District Nurse’ they go round visiting schools and doing general health checks i.e. eyes, hearing that kind of stuff and a quick check of the hair.

    • “I love Ellen for showing us this Rob.”

      Well said, Robgirl.

      Truth….

      xoxox
      lion

    • “Life on your HEAD!!!!

      Robgirl- There goes my productivity for the day! Thanks!

  6. I was all so teenage excited yesterday because I was kinda vicariously living through your being there and I’m back on squealing mode after reading this.
    That girl had nothing to loose (dignity revoked the moment she was chosen in the public) so might as well go to the point!
    But how long do they pause for the commercial break? And instead of speaking (to Ellen or smb, TO YOU!!!) he was reading like at the salon???

    • …reading like at the salon…….hahahhha
      NOW we KNOW what he’s doing when he’s in his trailer and they fix him for his roles…

    • Well, I think he’s reading Elephant’s Weekly right now. He has to keep up with what happens in Rosie’s world… 😉

      • CATH!!! We’re never on at the same time anymore.
        Yeah, I’m shipping Robsie.

        • Haha Jules, conflicting schedules. And yeah, I love Robsie with all my heart. We’re Robsies!

        • OMG, Jules… that’s it. Robsie. That’s my new visual. Oddly it is so much easier to imagine. Yep, smiling already. Robsie at the Ritz having a drink late at night, smoking and nuzzling her trunk around his neck. TOTES PERF.

  7. I can’t wait 2 watch this later with my friends & say what’s gonna happen b4 it does lol….as for Robs hair, its alright.

  8. My life would suck without Rob. My life would also suck with Rob. Yeah I went there…

    On these like these, I dislike living in Europe…

    • That’s exactely what I was thinking re the place where we live. Who cares about Europe when you can stalk Rob in LA?

      • MP, RG, Alice

        Let’s trade places….I’m so there!!!!

        xoxoxox
        lion

    • I know what you mean, but still prefer him HERE…and THIS sucks, actually to HAVE these strange feelings!

      • everybody prefers him “here” drunk in a pub telling you that ‘he wet himself’ #truefax or underweare shopping with all the RobStu glory. The problem being the choices/odds are quite limited, hence the relocation idea. I’ll take what I get, sloppy seconds included (I’m not sure I understood all the meaning of that, but I just loved the word vomit).

        • you sound very in love, just sayin honi…<3 🙂

          • Fu(k you! Just saying. 🙂
            xoxo

        • “Sloppy seconds” just meant that she kissed all those others in the audition before kissing HIM. Being last to kiss was just “sloppy seconds.”

          Does that make sense, MP?

          I like Robtalkingaboutwettingself, in UK, too. That’s my fav.

          hugs,
          me

          • thanx thanx
            and me thinks you like Robtalkingaboutwettinghimself everywhere, dunno why.

          • minuit …WIN!!!!!!

    • And Australia.
      They NEVER come here!
      Kellan and someone (Charlie?? *dead*) were inM Melbourne last year.
      Only people we’ve had in Bris are Tinsel Korey, Alex What’s-His-Name (fangirl fail? Or not) and some other wolf.
      Um, NO!
      I want Rob. And Charlie. And PFach. And Jacksper (looking nice and NOT dirty).

      • AND GREECE….
        my hometown…….I want just Rob 😀

        • …..and Sweden!

  9. Moon, the next time you go to a tv show where Rob makes an appearance, make sure you cover your face with sunglasses and a scarf. That way, even if they ask audience members to participate in games where they could get to feel him up, you’ll get to touch HHH without disclosing your identity as a twilight fan on tv. Win win!

    Even though I’m totes jealous you got to see him and the back of his buzz cut, I’m glad that you went to the show and shared the experience with us 😉

  10. The hair is hot, but with that beautiful face what did we expect? I would def love to run my hands through the buzzed part,mmm.

    Why did they make Rob wear a cheesy silk robe?? That woman had a once in a lifetime chance to feel up Rob, and all she cold feel was that crappy robe.
    HOW was she not able to tell which was Rob?? I’d go for the hair, or tickle him a little to make him giggle. Or go for the fingers, no one has fingers like that but Rob. Oh well, at least she got to touch him, which is more than I’ll probably ever do.

    • To me he looked like a (beautifuller) young version of Joaquin Phoenix, but perhaps it’s just me! JP is one of my fav.actors and he made that beautiful film about J.Cash with Reese W. ❤

  11. I’m a little slow today…

    SIKE is PSYCH!?

    Repeat the word in your head. Doesn’t it sound funny now that we aren’t in the late 80s? Do we have a replacement word? I mean, Psych! eventually became NOT…and now we don’t use either. Maybe this is why no one gets sarcasm anymore. We don’t give them the obviously clue of sarcasm.

    Moon, I don’t hate you as much today. Hated on you yesterday, but today we’re on better terms.

    • I had no idea we changed the spelling. I still use the word and spell it as “Psych.”

      In other news….I’m old.

    • I used the fabulous 90’s term “macking” today. I felt the lameness ooze out of my pores as I hit send.

      • Total win. I’d like to bring back “sweatin” too. He was sooo sweatin’ her.

  12. I’m slowly dying, the Twilight Saga that never ends, released in July 2065…….OMG I’ll be in my 90’s, wearing depends and dribbling from both ends. That is a reality check right there 😦

    X

    • At least you’ll be in your 90’s (that’s a real possibility). Some of us will be…uh…gone by then. Talk about reality check.

  13. There is so much win in today’s blog that I don’t even know where to begin…. I’m not even going to cut and paste me favorite parts because I’d just end up recopying the whole thing.

    And if it’s all right, I would like to write a letter to the Aussie blonde who had the opportunity (and failed) to check out my second husbands junk:

    Dear Lucky B*tch,
    Whenever you are in a situation were you have the opportunity to check out Rob’s “Big Ben”, you seize the day. And then you also finger the jaw line. Dead give away.
    Just consider it helpful tips from your friend Sharpie.

    • If I remember correctly, there was to be no touching of the face/hair. It would have only take one second of fingering the jawline to KNOW it was Rob. Oh yeah…

      • lol- i haven’t seen it yet…but i think i would sneak a grazing of the jaw and hair by “accident”, just like i would “accidentally” grab his package 😉 what about the hands? was she allowed to touch his hands?

  14. Merci beaucoup pour vos lettres toujours si amusantes et audacieuses. J’éprouve presqu’autant de plaisir à les lire qu’à écouter Rob.

    • what?

    • Bienvenue, fdrinconnue!

    • salut!

    • buon jour!

    • Alors! Moi aussi. But even better is Rob himself speaking French. **has high hopes for Bel Ami**

    • She says, thank you for your always so amusing and audacious letters. I almost get as much pleasure from reading them as listening to Rob.

      • NERD! lol………..No….ILY…jkjk

        • TOO is an ex Parisian and ex classy schools student. Somebody told me.

          • Wink, wink.

        • That’s OK, I know I’m a complete nerd and accept it.

          • I LOVE NERDS honi, they rule…!!!I admire that!

            “Wissen ist Macht” (Francis Bacon)
            “(for)..knowledge (itself) is power”

          • OK, RG, you’re officially a nerd, now too.

  15. That Aussie flight attendant fails at life! Not only did she miss the opportunity of getting up close & personal with the Sparklepeen, but she also missed out on getting carried out of that studio by Steve/Dean when she did.

    • This Aussie (me) would have SO known who was Rob.
      She has just completely embarrassed our country.
      We should shun her.

      • oh…noooo…..lol…you’re so funny, I love Australia!!!

    • Now that’s a WIN WIN scenario…

    • AND, AND, AAAAANNNDDD…

      After the big reveal, she stayed next to the PA dude and introduced herself to him like she just won him on the “Dating Game.” She completely ignored Rob and didn’t even make eye-contact until he came over to her to shake her hand.

      WTF is that?? I would have run over to him straight away and started feeling him up again! (among other things)

      Some fans. sheeesh.

      • she officially got her fan card revoked on national television and should wear a bag over her head from now on, especially when she goes to the premiere.

        • Why did she get premiere tickets? She didn’t really earn it. NO. AT. ALL.
          Although, being called out on (inter)national TV is cringe worthy.

          • They really should have kept going with another audience member until someone guessed correctly. I mean, so you don’t get the tickets… but 2nd prize being that you got to feel up Rob?

            Not too shabbs. I’d take it.

        • THAT is the fandom….screaming without KNOWING any shit about him!!!

          • Why the HALE didn’t the audience help her? I always live vicariously. Left a bit, down a bit, unziiiiip… Clearly the woman was a plant, I can imagine only too graphically what would have happened had a true fan got her mitts on HHH. (tickle + giggle = ROB!)

  16. *Drink your Juice Shelby* that is some funny sh#t Moon! Go ahead M’Lynn take a wack at Whezzer!!! I mean the stewardess that totally failed to know greatness when she felt it. Little Rob in tights! Just too cute for words. Awww. Man Rob in tights!!! I’m a hot mess just visualizing that.

  17. Oh Moon, I’m so jealous! Isn’t this the 6th time you’ve seen him, you’re so lucky to be always in close proximity. He probably remembers you by now. I’m also jealous of the woman who got to grope Rob(and failed)! She should have gone for the jawporn, that jaw is so angular and perfect!

    So the hair, wow, I don’t care today, I just want my Rob. I love the idea of a Rob for each one of us, clones! He can be in so many places at the same time, that would be awesome! So if there’s a place to get him, I’d be the 1st in line to sign up. I would cash my 401K, my savings, my checking, Roth IRA, heck everything, I want me a Rob! 🙂

  18. Lmao’ing alone in a carpark, oh Lordy look at the freak I’ve become!?!
    Todays blurry reality post is awesome, I am still laughing so much – and soooo inappropriately at – Drink your juice Shelby!!!

    Also is using a mobile whilst driving in the Usa still legal?? Howcomes?! It’s banned here in the uk- hence odd looking woman in carpark in state of hysteria.

    • GGGP,
      We are not suppose to use a cell phones while driving, but nobody listens…

      • Hey ML… I s’pose it takes Oprah to get shizz done right?!

  19. Hey Europeans, I’m watching the show right now here http://robpattinson.blogspot.com/2010/05/rob-on-ellen-show.html

    and I’m looking for Moon and LilCrazycow in the audience
    BBL

  20. I just watched the clip of the girl feeling Rob up.. looks like she went for a nipple feel..hahaha.. I am soooo jealous of her.. he’s such a good sport

    I actually really love the hair.. he looks great.. as always.

    on a side note.. the sight of Rob in a silk robe.. I may need a cigarette after that ::thud::

    • Did you notice the hand on his hip thing he did?
      Like he was doing a sexy-lady pose or something?
      So adorkable.

    • Won’t that be nice if all he was wearing was just the silk robe? Rawrrrr.

      • Hahaha T, you’ve been corrupted by a certain FF… 😉

        And OMG, stop with that imagery…

        *hides away in frustration*

        • OMG, well you’re darn right. I have to thank Puma for that….and Lion and a bunch of others!

          And you darling…hahah oh gosh. Stop with the imagery! I had totally imagined that torture room with stuff hanging on the ceiling!

          I need a splash of cold water on my face.

          • @ SB ~ are you at the RRoP part in MoTU already? 😉

          • Puma I have no clue what you said but I’m on chap 17. I read til 3 am. 🙂

          • MOTU ooooowns me.. I am caught up.. and waiting for updates on Wallbanger, Just wait, Darkness, and EP too. Need to stop starting unfinished FF

            I check all the FF every morning for updates which may be a HUGE sign that I, in fact, do not have a life

        • Oh yes Owl, know what you mean, I only start the finished ones now, um, at least I try to…haha! 😉

  21. OH Rob, you gave me so much material….sigh*

      • Love the gifs!!!!!!

    • soooooo adorable… le sigh

  22. I would love to see Moon feeling up Rob . So much. Then I can live vicariously through her experience. Oh Moonie, why oh why must you sunk low in your chair.

  23. Moon – I. HATE. YOU. But my life would suck without you, so I’m gonna give you a pass. But watch your back, you’re on thin ice bitch.

  24. How are you that lucky, how are you at everything? I was proud of myself for remembering to record it!! But you got to go… unreal

  25. Glorific! I’ve missed this made up story, crazed funnier reality of what should have happen, Moon writing.

    However, I am soooooo telling Oprah on you and your text driving. Bad bad Moonie pie.

    Oh and I hate you.

    • MUSIC STUPID >>>>

      I need to confess and question whether is it awful that I do like that Kelly Clarkson song, even though I hate American Idol? When I hear it, I think of the Glee version, but I do secretly have a Kelly Clarkson love becasue of BFF’s 5 year-old’s acute fondness of Ms. Clarkson. But despite all that….when I think of that song I think of all you bitches and know it’s the truth. “My Life would Suck without you” Bitches. So, this self admitted music idiot wants to know is liking that song bad? Should I deny deny deny? I NEED GUIDANCE DAMMIT

      • Guidance? You called? Tell me everything.

      • Nope, NOT BAD. I will freely admit to rocking out to Kelly Clarkson every so now and again.

        IMO there’s no such thing as being a music idiot. People like what they like, and it’s all goo!! It’s just fun sometimes to listen to some girlie pop/rock (or whatever the hell genre it is). I embrace my inner cheeseball, and it aint easy being cheesy.

  26. That Aussie did NOT represent.

    Now Rob thinks we don’t pay attention to his physique.When we do nothing else…
    Amateur Hour for real.
    Even just feeling the hands would have give him away. Or his Samba’s, hahaha.

    Dear Rob,

    Me and everyone else here would have given you the felt-up of your life. Sorry you didn’t get the chance to experience that…

    Love,

    Me

    • One at the time or all together Cath???
      Just asking….
      Oh I am so sorry he didn’t get the chance to experience our felt-up!!!
      😀

      • One at a time I think Mel, otherwise he might not live to tell the tale!
        I am so sorry for him too…;-)

    • I wish we can feel him up in RL, not just in our dreams!!!!!

    • cath -Where are you? Show’s gonna be on in 30mins and I need someone to squeee with! Go to gchat.

      • I’m about to watch it… even though I have basically already seen all the Rob bits (twss)

        I sort of squeeeeee’d outloud… my daughter kinda deadpanned “calm down mom” LOL

        • My DD was asleep otherwise I probably would have screamed!

          Your DD sounds like a cutie! What our children put up with! LOL

  27. Dear, Rob thanks for the ballet info. I could just picture you in a film portraying the famous Russian ballet star Mikhail Baryshnikov who defected from Russia in 1974. He was a total hotty and major playboy in his day. You kindy have similar features so I think it would be a great part for you. I’ve been picturing you running across the stage in tights with the man bulge and it’s doin crazy things to my brain. The song men in tights from the Robinhood movie is all I hear in my head.
    Somebody just take me out back and shoot me please!!! DeD

  28. I love that he totally admitted to the word vomit!

    And that PA can now tell girls he’s chatting up in bars that a blonde Aussie flight attendant once mistook him for Rob Pattinson.

    • Upon further reflection: the fan fail likely occurred because the Guy she picked had his hands clasped protectively over his meat & veg. Rob was very very brave to submit to this but I still stand by my earlier statement that she was a plant.

  29. Loved Moon’s fantasy vs reality.
    I am so sorry to hear there weren’t any cloned Robs, “Multiplicity” style.

    The 50 Beautiful People thing. Julia “Roberts”. “Robert” Pattinson. Just a filing mix up with the names.

    • SWD – I dig your logic.

    • I just looked at the “Cloned Rob Collage” and there’s a picture of Zygote Rob right in the middle. Oh no, who got the Zygote?! Unlucky girl!

  30. Bwahahhahaa
    I LOVE YOU ALL! That is all.

  31. OK after staring at Rob’s face and hair(in that pic up there), I came into conclusion that he is still totally “doable!”

  32. “You got especially misty …”

    ummm….I.am.Died.

    • Oh Misty that’s a sign for you right there!!!!

  33. P.S. Rob, I’d really like to see you in you ballet outif dancing to the Batman tune!!! And I kind of fell in love with your new hair! Good for the jawporn!

  34. Moon, first of all I am so incredibly jealous that you got to see Rob in person, though the level of screaming that probably made your (and Rob’s) ears bleed might have been a steep price to pay for 10 minutes of heaven.
    Then again…nevermind.
    Secondly, I sense a great fanfic coming on…involving you, an audience of strangely dressed middle-aged women, Rob in a silk robe, and a surprising confession from our favorite Brit.
    So – when are you starting said fic? We’re all anxiously waiting to read more!
    Love you!
    Lumedog

  35. Ballet dancing to batman!!! Hilarious shiz!!!

  36. Brilliant!

    Thank you for sharing – the facts and the funny!

    I would LOVE to be in the audience, but he does no press here. *sadpanda*

    What does this mean Moon?

    “Until next time… aka TONIGHT”

    Have you got tickets for another show?

    Hope so 🙂

    xo

  37. If you look at the pic of the so-called fan, her head is at peen level and if she just leaned in a little closer …
    Sorry I don’t know how to post the link here.

  38. OK I JUST WATCHED THE SHOW!!!

    First, I fell in love with him all over again for two reasons:

    1. his hair cut is HWAT!!!!!!

    2. his collar on his blazer and dress shirt on his left side was entirely tucked in…what a cutie…which tells me that he didn’t even look at himself in the mirror before he came out on stage..he’s sooo modest. swooooon

    here’s the link!!
    http://www.nowpublic.com/culture/robert-pattinson-haircut-appears-ellen-short-hair-photo-2618999.html

    p.s. RG can you make the gif of him when the girl went “down” on him and when he told Ellen he has problems thinking? xoxo

    • problems of thinking …lol….I posted it before, and the other you find on robsessed, they made very cute ones….kisses

  39. I’d leg hitch each one of them and see which one had the most experience..

    • That’s what I’m talking about!! Let him do his hand porn on your leg!! Hitch it babay.

  40. He looked great and I’m loving the hair.

    He’s got all grown up though and hardly any blushing. He’s certainly more confident but that makes me miss the old Rob.

    Oh well he can’t stay the same forever!

    • yeh was thinkin that he’s so much more self aware. hate that!
      it’s almost like he’s bored with it (but of course not arrogant or anything)
      still hair is win
      that aussie let the side down big style!

  41. Sounds like Ms. Moon had a blast at Ellens.
    .. good for her!
    Robbie sounds like he was in fine form.
    But missing the diahrrhea of the mouth.. too bad. That was one of his best attributes.

    Blind folded I could have figured out which one was robbie.. I’d sniff him.. (for cigs and stale coffee)

  42. Dont know if anyone mentiond this but maybe he dog-eard the page w/KStew is…nice pic

  43. Hilarious! “Drink your juice Shelby!”
    They totally cut the part out about his discussion w/ Will at the Oscars. Nobody cuts out a Rob moment! That’s my new “nobody puts Baby in a corner!”

  44. Rob,
    Your interview on Ellen was great. You sat up straight and didn’t act like you were embarrassed to be there with all those ladies screaming. I know you were looking for Moon in the audience but with the TV camera in front of her, she was hard to find. If you need her phone number, just call me.
    Mama Moon

  45. Of this whole post (and I loved the first part that you sort of “created!”) I think I like your word “flusterment” the best. What a great word. I’m going to adopt it. I kind of got here by accident, looking for YA fantasy and urban fantasy and paranormal romance — doing some digging for my own girls who love this and are looking for some new titles. There’s lots out there, as you well know! Have come across the Ganzfield series, by Kate Kaynak. The first book, “Minder” comes out in less than a month — no vampires or werewolves, but psychic espionage, and mind control, plus, of course, paranormal romance, in the grand tradition of “Shiver” and “Twilight.”

  46. BTW, I’m emailing the link to this site to my daughters. They’re going to love it!


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