Rob & UC back together (in the US) again…

Dear Rob

I’m BACCCCKKKKKKK and by the looks of it, so are you!!! We came back to the country within a DAY of each other. I have no idea the significance of that or what that means for US but I do have to say that the hubby & I met a couple from Vancouver who stayed at the same resort in Mexico that we did. She was in her early 50s, smoking hot (proven by the fact that my husband removed Penelope Cruise from his “list” and added Barbie to it- YES her name was Barbie). She was from VANCOUVER- where you just were. You probably passed her walking through the airport- did any cougars catch your eye? So add our new Vancouver hot older friends plus the fact that we returned to the US within 24 hours of each other, well….. I’m just gonna go with the feeling that this means big things for us.

But seriously, I come back from vacation and it’s like you’re an all new person!

Who ARE you? Is this a NEW shirt!? Are those NEW pants? Are those FLAT-FRONTED jeans? I’m so confused. I didn’t know they made that wash-color denim anymore. Were they on clearance at Marks & Spencers? Did you steal them from a terrified TwiMom who wore them to a meet & greet & believed you were serious when you asked her to “strip naked” to show her devotion?

And have we seen that jacket before? It’s been so long… I was only gone for 7 days. And WHAT is ON your jacket. I just did a quick browse of LTR over the past week and realize Moon was wondering the same thing (Bird shit on a picnic with Sam for the mother-effing WIN)

And Rob- are you carrying a DIAPER bag? What? Are you helping out the woman who sat next to you on the plane because during the awful, boring 2nd hour she whipped out the boob to feed her baby and you caught a peek? And you felt you owed her (because let’s be honest, you’re not getting much boob action in the bedroom these days) so to show your gratitude you helped carry her baby crap?

Well, this picture proves some things I know you are NOT doing with your money (besides spending more than $7 on new clothing) buying a new guitar case. That thing is BEATTTTTT. Seriously.. you must be rolling in money these days…. I hope you have a good financial advisor. Got a Roth IRA set up? Let’s back it up and start even more simply- have you heard of a savings account? Don’t tell me you roll up hundred dollar bills (or the £ equivalent) and hide them in your LB hat or beanies….. Or is it money that you actually have in that beat up guitar case?

And I’m not entirely sure, but …. are you holding an Eclipse “Bella” poster? Are you going to ask Kristen to sign it for you? Wanna auction it off to maybe raise some cash to get your jacket dry-cleaned? Or did she already sign it & you’re hand delivering it to the poor TwiMom who is walking around pants-less through Vancouver? If so, how rude that you’re wearing your TwiMomJeans for the drop off! That’s just mean! (Let’s pretend that that annoying dude in the sparkly white Nikes isn’t the one actually trying to get Rob to sign the poster. My idea is WAY better…)

Those two dudes behind you are either gay and trying to work up the nerve to ask you out, discussing the fact that their ladies just yelled out your name in a heat of passion the night before OR you’ve developed Edward’s mind reading ability and are laughing along at the dirty joke they just told. Oh wait- did I just call it “mind” reading? *Throw back to 2008 alert* I meant “ming” reading….

Dang…. I was all ready to do a big exposé of my thoughts on all the news/photos/gossip I’ve caught up on that I missed while I was gone.. and well, it seemed kinda quiet on the Rob-front. Sure, I heard the rumor about you and Slade fighting (seriously hope that one is true b/c that’s just good programming right there), I know Oprah is coming up this week and Ellen is in a few weeks. Don’t get me wrong, it was nice to see some airport shots of you, rocking that Long Beach hat once again, but I just expected there to be more. Well, now that you’re back in the US, let’s get this party started! Are the “guys” playing out in LA anytime soon? If so, let Moon know which show you plan on going to- I know you’ve missed seeing her in the audience! And save some In-N-Out for me! I’ll be out there in a few months and that’s #1 on my list!

Glad to back, both of us,

UnintendedChoice

I MISSED YOU ALL!!!!! I had a long chat with Moon Saturday to catch me up with the non-drama-drama that occurred while I was gone (oh nothing to do with the sites, just crazy stuff that happens in the life of running a blog- people emailing us shizz that may or may not be true- figuring out he said she saids, etc. etc. all MAJOR eye-rolls (and also SO MUCH DAMN FUN- otherwise we’d be outta here 🙂 ) ) So it sounds like I missed a little, but not a ton. You missed an AMAZING time on a beautiful Mexican beach. I ate too much, drank too much- don’t remember TWO of the evenings I spent in paradise (remind me that straight gin martinis shouldn’t be my thing) and I’ll admit…. I thought of you all.. and of Twilight… and of Rob… around every corner (I even kept a list- look for that on LTT sometime this week!) Glad to be back (kinda), I don’t think my body could have taken one more day of vacation eating/drinking/relaxing schedule! Now on to salads, water, blogging & a week of hell at work! WELCOME BACK, UC! xoxoxo

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter

Thanks to, who else, Robsessed, for the pics & keeping me up to date! (where ELSE would I go!?)

HOLD UP

I completely forgot about the most important picture of all…

It’s Big-Mother-Effing DADDY! He heard I was back in the states and decided to make a cameo! Thanks to the many of you who sent this picture to us! I love that seeing Big Daddy makes you squee just as much as it does us!