I have a serious issue to discuss with you, so serious that this conversation needs to take place in the forest and make sure you wear your tweed (because tweed=serious).
So today marks a year that I have been living the single life and I’ve decided its time to put on some big girl panties (of course I couldn’t go a whole letter without discussing my panties with you) and get back into the dating world.
No Rob this does not mean I’m breaking up with you. I wanted to have this serious conversation about how I should break it to the new guy that he will never be my #1 because let’s face it Rob it will always be you. Since the new guy (let us call him Jacob, just because it seems fitting) can’t make me choose, he will just have to learn to accept my love for you. But Rob how do I let him in on our relationship without scaring him away? Do I do it all at once and unleash the full force of our passionate love? Should I show him the giant poster of you I keep next to my bed, the saga AKA bibles that are worn and tear-stained, and the fanfiction (AKA smutfest fantasies of you and me)?
Or do I hide you while the relationship with Jacob is still new and change the “jaw porn” folder on my computer to “boring tax return info” to hide my pictures of you? Do I lie and tell Jacob that I am attending my grandparents golden wedding anniversary that he would be bored to tears at when I’m really flying to Boston for a Twilight convention?
Then there are the awards nights and the midnight premieres when my fangirling becomes a questionable medical condition….how do I explain that Rob? I do not think Jacob will be convinced that the Eclipse countdown is for an actual ‘eclipse’ displaying my new found love of astronomy. And I can assure you Rob, Jacob will know I am not checking the DVR 872894 3 times to make sure the MTV movie awards are taping so I don’t miss watching more blue Avatar people.
You see Rob, I have lived in the Twi-closet for over a year now and I need your help on the “Jacob situation.” Do not forget Rob, I promise to love you every moment of forever but there has to be room in this heart of mine for Jacob.
Has anyone has a Rocky-like situation. You found your man after falling head first into a Rob obsession and now you’re wondering wtf you’re gonna tell “Jacob?” What’d you do? Did he understand? Did you break up with him a month later cause he just wasn’t Rob?