Posted by: Bekah | April 1, 2010

What if Rob joined match.com?

Moon & I are taking a mini “Spring Break” to work on our new site design (yep- we’ve been doing that for a year) so today TIFFANIZED takes over LTR

Click & Zoom- DO IT NOW!

Dear Rob,

Since I was featured as your February Match of the Month, I thoroughly expected your call by now.  We’re obviously perfect for each other, except for the age difference, cultural barriers, physical distance and fact that we have social and professional circles that will never, ever coincide.  I have a rule about not waiting for guys to call—if I haven’t heard from a man within three days, I write him off.  I extended my waiting period for you, but it’s been a month, and you’ve missed your window.  Sorry, Rob, but this ship has sailed.  Good luck finding another out-of-shape thirtysomething, mother of two who will have you.

I do take pity on you though, showing up to premieres and awards ceremonies alone.  Or worse, with your mom.  Honestly, Rob, that’s like taking your cousin to the prom, only you can’t lie and say that she’s your cougar girlfriend from out of town because we’ve all seen Clare before and know perfectly well who she is.

Have you considered Match.com?  I know it’s like 35 bucks a month, which seriously cuts into your flannel budget, but it would be worth it to finally squelch all those rumors about you dating your co-stars.  Can you imagine the OK! Magazine cover shipping you and Colm Meaney after Bel Ami comes out?  You don’t need that anecdote on your permanent Wikipedia page.

Before you create your profile, let Mama Tiff help you out with some DOs and DON’Ts of online dating:

DO:
Have a stylist on hand when you take your profile picture.  I’ve seen some of your paparazzi shots, and let’s just say you don’t always fare well when you dress yourself.

DON’T:
Wear that white waiter jacket from the Details shoot unless you’re listing your profile under “Man looking for men”.  I would also steer clear of the tweed dadpants unless you want to encourage winks from Twi-moms and cougars.

DO:
Choose a suitable screen name.   This is important, Rob.  In their inbox, all potential dates see is a screen name, so this is their first impression of you.  LTR-ApprovedTM usernames for you include:  robwardcullinson, sparkleboy86, and plaidlover4u.

DON’T:
Use the screen name spunkransom.  Just, don’t.

DO:
Post a headline that captures your essence and what you are looking for.  “Shy Brit seeks non-stutterer for quiet weekends spent reading obscure Scandinavian literature” sounds lovely.

DON’T:
Write something like “Show me your Hot Pocket and I’ll show you what my Heineken does”.  It’s in poor taste.

DO:
Have TomStu give your profile a read to make sure there are no misspellings, grammatical errors or mentions of “things coming out of your pants”.

DON’T:
Post a picture of TomStu wearing one of your leftover Daniel Gale sweaters.

DO:
Mention your taste in music, which is impeccable.

DON’T:
Mention your allergy to girl parts, which is creepy.

You’re a catch, Rob, and I know that someday I will regret cutting you loose.  Until then, good luck, and fire up your Jitterbug if you need any pointers on what to do once you get a date; I promise not to sell your phone number on eBay.

Love,
Tiffanized

What else might Rob’s MATCH.COM profile say!?

We heard from LTR reader Krystal about an Water for Elephants reading group starting THIS SATURDAY: Check it out

Don’t forget about The Biggest Loser in the Forum: Start losing April 5th!!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter

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Responses

  1. Body type: Airbrushed, the creepy uncle Rob picture. That profile is so full of win!

    that Robstare and ‘active within 24 hours’ does things to me…

  2. “Good luck finding another out-of-shape thirtysomething, mother of two who will have you”

    LMAO yeah that’ll be a real problem – I’m available

    • I thought that was funny too Tiff!

    • Are we starting a list for that…I’m in!

      • Joining the list!

        Wow, how many outta shape thirty something mommy of twos we GOT round these parts?!

        This is SO NORMAL.

      • Count me in! I am a mother of 4, can I still be on the list!?

      • count me in too! I speak mumblish and drunk rob… and I have nice boobs.

    • Me too!
      Out of shape- check.
      Thirty-something- check.
      Mother of 2- check.
      Loves Rob- check, check, and CHECK.

      Oh, and 3hbh? I think you get put on the list TWICE for all those kids 🙂

      • Me too!

        Mother of two – Check
        Out of shape (but working on it) – Check
        Thiry-something – Check
        Loves Rob – Check
        A fan of Rob’s but nothing like those girls around his wax figure – CHECK
        Loving husband considers daily having me committed – Check

        Yep I am so joining this list. Nice to know I’m not the only 30 something hanging out here.

        Tiffanized – this was a great letter! I got a good laugh out of it.

        • May I start a small subset for out of shape 40 somethings, with a stonking rack & no kids (just the dogchildren)…

        • I’m Joining the April 5th challenge ladies..

          **Membership for the gym- check.
          **Have Robbies, Bobby’s and KOL music downloaded on my MP3 player to work out to – Check
          **Purchased a new summer dress (two sizes too small) -check
          ** Threw out the rest of the hotpockets and heine’s in the frige-check

          I’m ready for the challenge!!
          Are you all?
          Of course!

    • I’m OUT!! I’m still only 29 and no kidlets are allowed on my premises. lol!!

      PICK ME ROB!!! ;]

      M

    • LMAO!

      I’m almost 30 and I’m a mom, can I be on that list? Not really out of shape but that can be arranged easily!

  3. Oh Tiffanized, thank you for starting out my morning with a laugh!

    I love the fact that his Creepy Uncle photo was included in his match.com profile. If your going to consider dating Rob, I think it’s important to know what you’re getting into.

  4. Pet Peeves: “stuttering, blinking, self-indulgent, immature wanna-bes”

    • @Tiff::
      P.S. The match.com profile page is BRILLZZZZZZZ! You never sease to make me laugh!
      +1000

  5. I love the profile. Amazing.
    Great letter, Tiffanized!

  6. You did not call Tiffanized, Rob? Boo!

  7. creative awesomeness!

  8. Rob needs a profile??? Girls…the name alone is enough!
    Nothing more nothing less…just ROBERT PATTINSON!

  9. ‘Excersise habits: lol’

    Hahaha! That Match profile is all kinds of win Tiffanized!

    I only take offense to the fact that Rob won’t date a gal who’s taller than 5 ft 9.

    What’s that about ? Was Nina a traumatizing experience for him?

    Boo Rob!

    P.S. Rob’s ‘secret’ favorite pet is ofcourse an elephant…

    • Hi Cath…it’s me MEDUSA…honey you made me laugh so hard! Medusa…really…with snakes coming out of my head??? have I lost it soooo much??? But really…have you seen him with the weddingring??? Gorgeoussssss…and so f…ing hot with that ring…ahhhh I’m so jealous!!!

      And please don’t look at me like that…you make me dizzy!

      (Sorry for that outofcontextcomment!)

      • Your ring comment may be out of context (but then again….he’s posting on Match.com so he must be looking for marriage!), but I saw that photo and the ring on his finger did something to me too!! Whew! Sure is nice that Rob has such an acceptable range of ages in women, by the way. Thanks, Rob!

      • My dear Medusa, glad that you took no offend. Because I love Maria and that part. Rock on my Robloving Greek sister.:-)

    • I think the height thing was left over. I used an actual profile from Match and just edited some parts of the HTML . . . I must have missed the height one.

      • Very funny, tiffanized. About the height issue- its probably true, you know he doesn’t like to stand up straight and he did say once that he wanted to be shorter. (No Rob, we like your height!).

        • What, when did he say that?

          Dear Rob,
          Whoever told you you were tall was lying, you are just normal tall for a guy. Was that shortie KStew? Was it her who shipped shortie Emilie for RM? You know, like shortie mutual support. It has to be her or Summit, everything is always their fault, ask the fandom if you don’t believe me. 🙂
          XO
          Me

          And tiffanized, the waiter jacket, the “show me yours I’ll show you mine”, bwhahaha.

          • RG might know- I’m terrible at remembering when/where he said things. I think he was asked ‘what would you change about yourself?’ And he said he’d like to be shorter (a facetious answer). I think KS was there when he was asked..

          • yes i remember that draska. KS was there and called him idiot for his answer

          • Che, thanks- some times I wonder if I’m making stuff up!

      • Haha, don’t worry Tiffanized, it’s not that my height is the only thing that’s keeping The Rob and this tall gall apart anyway. I’ll live. 😉

      • Well the height thing works for me! I’m short! ;-P

        I do love the fact that I have to look up at him, sigh.

    • Good elephant mention, Cath!

      • You’re welcome drsaka! And that not standing up straight thing is interesting, did he break up with Nina because of that??? He just wanted to go back to his usual self…Hmmm, food for thought…

        • I think it has something to do with being too conspicuous. As if we wouldn’t notice him!!!

          • Yeah, as if, haha. But I also don’t want to get one inch of those long legs to get lost. Rob will have to learn to deal with his gorgeous lanky self!

          • his gorgeous lanky (wonky) self!

          • We can’t forget the wonky!

          • Dear Rob- Hanging out with the new Steve bodyguard that’s like 6’5″ is ruining your conspicuousness. Dead giveaway you’re there EVERY time.

    • Elephants!! Is it weird that I’m actually looking forward to seeing footage of Rob being awkward with an elephant??

      • we love elephants

      • Why is there no leaked footage of Rob being gummed by the pocket-mint-looking elephant??? from the Details article

        • It’s very possible he made up most of that, as I’m suspicious he does with a lot of his comments.

  10. “running on treadmills in lingerie” OH DYING LOLing here!

    And I love that he’s ok with hispanic women…SCORE!

    • Stop using your MexiCard.

      M

  11. Tiffanized, that was a spectacular way to start the day!

    The ultimate April Fools joke: clicking on “get his number” doesn’t work! LOL 🙂

    • I clicked too! :p

    • Because I have the HTML file, my link DOES work but it takes you to some other guy’s information, which is even worse than a dead link.

    • haha did you guys REALLY click!? that’a amazing

      • I kinda couldn’t help it. I didn’t click the number but I did click the free wink before I even thought about what I was doing!

        Awesome letter BTW Tiffanized!

  12. luved your post tiff
    u make me laugh again again and again
    and moon&uc waiting for your new design

    • Che you avi. Words.fail.me.

      Tiffanized YOU KNOW that was an instant KO! Bravo.x.

    • Che- I second the avi. You are brillz!

    • OMG Che, I love your avatar!!!!! SQUEEEEEEEEEEE!

    • Dear Che,

      is your avi what I think it is?
      And please send it to me… You know my mail right?
      thecoldshower@yahoo.com

      • girls i’ve changed my avi but i can’t see yet .is it the lips or his bare back?

        • Still the back!
          And I want that back picture by tomorrows. Its the shizz!!

  13. Oh, Tiffanized… You are diabolical! I was THIS CLOSE to running to match.com. I’d create a profile specifically suited to ALL of his plaid needs.

    • If I thought it would help me bed Rob, I’d get a full body plaid tattoo.

  14. Great post, Tiffanized!

  15. Tiffanized, you’re da bomb.
    Brilliant Rob profile, thanks for the laugh 🙂

  16. Dear Rob
    Dear Uc…dear Moon…dear Tiffanized
    Dear LTR sisters

    I don’t know if I will have the chance to talk to you again untill Monday (hope to find a bit of time though) and because of some problems with greekjealousman (yes sadly he’s very jealous and it will really break my heart if I can’t talk to you anymore), so just in case, I wanted/needed to wish you all…

    A HAPPY EASTER…lot of love…lot of happyness…lot of Rob…and hopefully a bit of rest!

    Take care…love you…miss you (already)
    Mel

    • LTR sisters… nice touch

    • For all of you

    • Aw Mel, take care! So it’s really true that Greek men are very jealous in general. A girl I knew used to date one, he was too.

      Don’t let him drag you away from the Roblove. There’s enough Rob for everyone!

      Happy Easter to you! 🙂

    • huggggsss Happy Easter!

    • I’m gonna be busy too but I’ll sneak some LTR time(hopefully). Lots of visitors this weekend and activities too.

      PS my husband is not Greek but he’s jealous all the time too, does that make you feel better? He’s jealous of a 23 yr old hot Brit who doesn’t even know I exist. LOL

      Happy Easter to you!

      • Must be just a guy thing not a Greek thing because (though he’ll never say in so many words) my husband is uber jealous of Rob.

      • Must be just a guy thing not a Greek thing because (though he’ll never say in so many words) my husband is uber jealous of Rob.

      • Stupid phone! I wasn’t done… And I think it posted the last comment wrong and twice. Bah.

        Anyway.
        Southernbelle, loved the line: “He’s jealous of a 23 yr old hot Brit who doesn’t even know I exist.” win 🙂

  17. “Seeking women 18-67”

    I just spit on my laptop. I love that Rob is equal opportunity with age.

    Great letter, Tiffanized!

    • But Betty White is over 67. “The more age the better.”

  18. Oh my gosh, I started cracking up when I read the “mumblish” I had to cover my mouth because I did not want to have anyone visit my office and ask what’s to funny. This was great! A wonderful, humorous way to start April.

    and the 18-67 age range… priceless

  19. “shy Brit seeks non-stutterer” My God….Brilliant! Of course, I just spit Starbucks Fresh-brewed all over the patio, but it was sasoo waworth it!

  20. tiffanized- I feel compelled to supply answers to the questions on the links to the right.

    DO YOU MATCH? yes

    SEE MORE LIKE HIM? I don’t think that’s possible, but if there are, where are they???

    ADD HIM TO FAVORITES? Absolutely.

    FORWARD HIM TO A FRIEND? Only LTR friends.

    BLOCK HIM FROM CONTACT? Noooooooooo.

    BLOCK FROM SEARCH? He can search me any time.

    REPORT A CONCERN. My only concern is he won’t contact me!!!

    BTW, great photo choices and thanks for mentioning lobster and corn on the cob.

    • SEE MORE LIKE HIM? I don’t think that’s possible, but if there are, where are they???

      Yes…Where are they indeed??? Inquiring minds want to know. You know genetical wise there has to be a twin of him out there…

      But that ‘twin’ will probably be a total jock, non-smoking/drinking, impeccably dressed, humorless 23 year old…

      • Yes, unfortunately, that would probably be his ‘twin’s’ phenotype. Just our luck-

        • Thanks for saying “phenotype.”

          xoxox
          me

          • you’re welcome

      • There is a twin, darker haired, smaller, slimmer and he’s TomStu. Then there’s Bobby Long. That’s two doppelgangers and I’m afraid that’s it.

        I also like to imagine there’s a clean cut and slightly boring version of Rob out there, Chace Crawford.
        Don’t hate me.

        • not sure about the twin part, just wanted to add Johnny Flynn to your list, I think you’ll appreciate it.

          • Johnny Flynn is right up there in the dirty hot boy category. ::high fives::

            M

          • MP:
            You know how I love JF. Thanks again for turning me on to his greatness.
            xoxox
            me

          • Mountain, ‘turning me on’? TWSS. Muah!
            Myria, can I join your 20smth with no kids and no mariage intention category?

        • No offence Jellybean, but on Chace being Rob’s twin…

          (Blasphemy!) 😉

        • yeah no chace doesnt compare. I think chace is good to look at too but you don’t see me ruining my RL for him…

        • TOM STU YES…!!!

          But Bobby Long too?…hmmm.. your probably right.
          oye veh!

        • I like Chace, too…

          • …but not like Rob.

            I can handle on one obsession of this magnitude.

      • Well, you already know my answer to this one.

        Wish Rob had clones!

  21. My bff is on Match…i hope she runs across this profile and thinks it’s real cause that would COMPLETELY make my day.

    • I feel compelled to make a profile just to match his fake profile for a day. Normal.

    • I didn’t actually put it on Match, though that would be worth the money to see what kind of responses I would get. I just stole the source code from some other poor sap’s profile and tweaked it to look like Rob’s profile.

      • i will PAY you with really nice text messages if you really post it

      • Yeah, do it for April Fool’s Day!

        • Holy shizz..

          that would be too funny if you did post a live Match.com with Rob’s profile.. (w/out the pic of course).. give the general profile.. and see if anyone would apply…

          Me: british, smoker, heavy drinker, don’t bath, wear plaid and beanie, play guitar and piano.
          My idea of a good time is: hanging out with my BFF’s who are also the same: British, smoke, heavy drinker, don’t bath, wear plaid and beanie.. musically inclined.

          • That was the original feeling behind this post. I’m on a dating site and I dismiss a lot of the guys just based on their username and poor quality of their emails. I often wonder if I’m rejecting a Rob equivalent. I doubt it. I have to doubt it.

  22. Um, there’s also us 24 yr old out of shape mothers of one.

    Rob did say he likes the older women though…..

  23. Win win win!!! Absolutely hilarious…I’m substitute teaching today and my kids probably think I’m bonkers right now because I’m giggling to myself! Thanks Tiffanized!

  24. This is hilarious. Match.com would blow up if Rob actually had a profile there.

    I love the suave profile pic-white dinner jacket, leaning against the rail, water in the background. It looks like Rob is a lounge singer on a cruise ship.

  25. I just saw a headline “Justin Beiber and Robert Pattinson duet on Eclipse Soundtrack.” I was dumbstruck until I realized the date. Thank God-that would have sent my Robsession right down the toilet.

    • THAT is brilliant

    • blasphemy!! ugh..I will boycott if that ever happens.

    • I’m sure it wouldn’t have. Because you know what? Robsession is a one-way ticket without return!! Said it once and will keep saying it…

    • Rob would never do a duet with Justin…just sayin’ and if he did I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t spend 4 hours a day at ltr lusting…

  26. Tiffianzied, your mind facinates me. I am yours. I can’t wait until we can get married. Our devil horn photos will be wonderous.

    • We will have the biggest sparklepeen wedding cake in the history of sparklepeen wedding cakes. Sam Bradley will serenade us with “Whiskey”, and shoulder pads will be banned from the chapel. We will register for Twi-con tickets, and every one will receive a Frisbee with our photo in the middle as a wedding favor.

      • Ahhh yes, the Frisbee. You are an angel.

  27. Love the letter, Tiffanized! I have to disagree with you on one thing though, I would love to see TomStu in one of those Daniel Gale sweaters!

    • You know he probably has the rainbow sweater in his closet, just waiting for the right occasion to show it off.

      • LOL thinking of rainbows, TomStu, and out of the closet.

      • GAWD I hope so! I am a sucker for the rainbow sweater! On Rob, on Tom Stu, on Man Bangs I really don’t care! Rob is my first choice but I take it any way I can get it! 😉

  28. Tiffanized, EPIC WIN!

    Rob would marry this ten thousand times.

  29. Tiffanized…….awesome post…..sooo funny. ‘seeking women 18-67’….lol

  30. -“Running on treadmills in lingerie”
    Ha ha ha, Tiffanized, you are hilarious! Great post!

    about the fake fighting, is it just me, or is it so yummy to watch him get his arse kicked?

    • Totally yummy…and totally normal.

    • Snow~

      NO, it’s not just you, I like watching him get his *ass kicked, too.

      • ML-Maybe it’s because we all think we could take him down, and then… take him down. 😉

        • THIS!

  31. @snowhitedrifted — I watched the special features portion of my disc again last night to watch those scenes!

    Well, those and the “Edward Fast Forward” (which totally made it worth giving my money to Evil Wal Mart).

  32. DO:
    Have TomStu give your profile a read to make sure there are no misspellings, grammatical errors or mentions of “things coming out of your pants”.

    BAHAHAHAAH! Unless whatever it is that’s coming out of his pants is exiting via the button flys. 😉

    • naughty naughty!!!

    • Jena – you read my mind…….

  33. Tiffanized, I am in awe of your techno-skills and your total understanding of the many wondrous facets of Rob. Your choice of photos, your do’s and don’ts, the profile: you are an LTR Goddess!

    • I’m being totally serious when I say this comment gave me a lump in my throat and made me swell with pride. I am very proud of this LTR/LTT Twi-world and that I’ve been able to be a part of it. This blog community may seem frivolous to the casual observer, but we know the truth of how important it is to some of us who would otherwise feel very isolated and lonely. My life is sort of cut off from witty, funny women my own age and I often thank the universe for Moon and UC and what they’ve built here.

      • and THAT gave ME a lump in my throat (and I don’t mean the kind I keep getting full of mucus & flem…)

        • Wiping away tears….

          • Sniff! I love you girls… Someone sing with me…

        • Own it. It’s true.

        • Sweetie pies..

          @ katie S…. – kum-bya!

          • We are the Rob…

      • @ Tiffanized ~

        I strolled over to your blog and read your entries and I have to say, you are an amazing, talented, extremely entertaining writer. If I still lived in New York, I’d totally want to meet up with you for shots. Being a 30-something mom is tough enough (member of that group myself) — finding the time to bring the funny like you do is a talent in and of itself!

        This is a great group of women — I just wish I had found all of you sooner. LTR totally makes my day. While I was away last week I was going through serious withdrawls. I was in Kauai of all damn places and going through LTR and Rob withdrawls!

        Anyway, carry on!

        • P.S. I like exclamation points.

          • Exclamation points rule!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          • They totally do!!!!!!!

      • I’m with you Tiff, I miss having these kinds of ladies in RL. Funny, 30 something’s that don’t talk about their kids (but do talk about Rob’s bulge). So glad to be here!

    • I agree, she is total Goddess material.

      • You get a thumbs up for that.

  34. Great start to the morning, Tiffanized! I laughed so hard at “Mumblish,” dumpsters and corn-on-the-cob I almost cried.

  35. Tiffanized, I am stunned! Two awesome posts in 1 day- what the hell are they feeding you? I want some!

    I love “Good luck finding another out-of-shape thirtysomething, mother of two who will have you.” for obvi reasons 😉

    and “Language: Mumblish” Bwahahahahaa!1!

    Tiff, you are Queen of the World today!

  36. Social comments and analytics for this post…

    This post was mentioned on Twitter by letter2twilight: What if Rob joined match.com? What would his profile look like? http://wp.me/pogY8-2gE @tiffanized gives Rob some DOs and DONTs…

  37. Brilliant. Just Brilliant. Sometimes I want to be inside your head and sometimes that just scares me.

  38. I love you. I love this post. I love creeper Uncle Rob in his other profile pics. lol!!

    M

  39. thank you @tiffanized for an awesome letter! and I can just say thank you UC and Moon for not participating in this horrid day that is april fools..cuz I seriously have had like 3 panic attacks (not twi-related) already from RL friends and its not even noon yet!! Rob would NOT marry april fools day!

    ..now excuse me while I go and figure out why “gullible” is not in the dictionary.

  40. Oh tiffanized you never cease to amaze me. Really. You completely deserve your title. I blame you that I didn’t even think about contesting because let’s face it: you set the bar pretty high for the M.O.M.s to come…

    Oh my Rob after a day like this I was CRAVING a good laugh. Of course LTR provided one. And thanks to BelAmiMovie and Robsessed for making my mood a bazillion times better. I feel so honored!!

    I may or may not have fallen for that profile you created. I mean Creepy uncle rob and Rob with a bow in his hair are just fucktastic… There’s just one picture missing imo. The one with the heart-shaped sunglasses. That would have been epic!!

    Ok I should stop thinking about Rob in such a pervy way since I already got an e-mail saying that I am a perv for today’s blog post….
    (And I didn’t even get started yet. Woooo!)

    • Yes, Tiffanized! I don’t think anyone can top your M.O.M, and I mean no disrespect to any of the LTR ladies cuz ya’ll bring the funny and are freaking hilarious every damn day, but Tiffanized set the bar SO HIGH. Oh well, I shall die trying to be 1/1,000,000th as good.

  41. Tiffanized this is so awesome!!! You’re daBomb!!!! 🙂 Does anyone still use that term? Oh well.

    So hilarious, so glad I fall into Rob’s demographics ya know? Whew I can really relax now. Thanks!!!!

    • Charlie Swan uses that term, which makes it Mustache Approved.

      • Is that like Mustache Tested – Mustache Approved ?

    • See SB, Rob does like the shorties! It’s just UC that freaks out around short people!

      • Rob approves!!! [short people]

      • Oh I know, hey I’m 5’1! Like I said above, I love the fact that I can look up at him and he can look down at me, isn’t that romantic?

  42. Good job today Miss Sparklepeen cake-maker (aka Tiff)-

    So.. theorizing –
    If Rob joins Match.com .. then TomStu has to join as well.. (my little cupcake).
    Match.com is anonymous right?

    Rob would probably end up matching with TomStu (in your heart you know that)
    In anycase….

    The Ad would read:
    Wanted: Partner to get drunk and trade stinky clothes with. Bad hygine a must. Must wear plaid and smoke incessently.
    Body type: must be thin, pale and look like a 14 yr old adolscent boy.. (ok so KStew would qualify for the 14 yr old boy part).

    I’m ready for the thumbs down ladies. hit me.

    • KStew fits all of that criteria! FML

      PS – I just watched Little Ashes last night. F Me but Rob and Javier were hott. I wonder if Rob & TomStud would be that hot. #ifeeldirty

      • @K-

        Oh my.. Rob & TomStud a’la Little Ashes.. hmm
        Perhaps.. But ONLY when their falling down drunk (ahem).
        You have a point though… yeah…. I feel dirty too. Ashes WAS hott.

        I make funzies of TomStu but I do luv em.. in all honesty he does resemble a girl.— I think its the smooth white skin and the full pouty mouth. I did meet him in the flesh about a year or so ago.

        Anyway.. –So perhaps its ok for Rob + TomStud.. no biggie. …
        figuratively speaking. UNLESS TomStu IS a biggie.
        Big suprise come in small packages.

  43. *snorted loudly at work @ post title*

    oh my god this is hilarious. Makes me want to sign up for Match!!

    I’m so happy he’s open to curvy Hispanic women! Sigh. This is like a confirmation that we belong together. *twinkly eyed*

    “I’m an Actor. Sometimes I’m really good at it. lol.” BWAHHHH!!! It sooo sounds like him!

    oh I hear the post! ❤

    I need to print this or share it.

  44. Older women.. & younger men–

    I was watching The Graduate the other day..(the 1960’s version) .. Dustin Hoffman, Anne Bancroft.
    First watched it when I was 19.

    Now that we’re approaching the big 30 (ahem) .. I completly get it. –There are some movies that just get better as you grow older… The nuances, etc.

    “OH NO Mrs. Robinson!”.. …

    What a delighfully naughty woman she was.. I want to grow up to be just like Mrs. Robinson.
    (Now that I understand what she was about).

    • Loved that movie, H!

    • The original cougar! They didn’t have that term then.

  45. Things I love about April Fools Day:

    1. This post by Tiffanized. You are cool. I want to be like you in my next life.

    2. Turning my Rob calendar from March to April and seeing Rob with beanie and hands folded towards chin in a “namaste” kind of gesture.

    3. Blowing off my DH last night (before he left town) to look at robsessed.com scam that tempted me by saying a sex video was leaked from RM.

    • I have the same calendar and on Facebook’s Confessions of an Adult Twilight Fan page I posted the same thing about being thankful for today because I got to change my calendar and this picture is full of WIN! (By the way…I think I actually found you guys through a link someone on that page posted. To return the favor…if you’re on Facebook, you might want to check it out ’cause there are GREAT women there also! Come join us!)

      • Totally just joined that group! Thanks for the head’s up 🙂

    • I fell for that trick on robsessed too. I srsly couldn’t click on it fast enough! LOL

  46. Loved the profile Tiffanized. It’s hilarious.
    Thanks for the laugh.

  47. This is EPIC! Tiff you Rule! I am so LOL! Also I gigglesnorted. 😀

  48. Tiff, you are tops!
    Abso-freaking-lutely full of win!

  49. tiffanized-
    I have been a lurker for 2 months and I HAD to come out of the closet (there’s some chick named TomStu in here? Anyone?) and comment. I literally peed myself laughing so hard and woke up my cat (she’s not pleased). Holy shit–you are BRILLIANT!! I love you and you must marry me immediately, or at the very least, let me go down on you for like 12 hours!!

  50. This was really funny and well done, Tiffanized. Nice job! 🙂


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