There’s been a TON of hullabaloo over the last week about your “nude” photoshoot. People speculated everything under the sun about this photoshoot, from naked women to making out, to stuff that makes even me blush. And of course about .2% of any of this was true. Details came out and said there were a couple models who were nude but you weren’t. So of course that got my wheels spinning thinking about those lucky biotches poor models and what they could have been going through when they showed up to a modeling gig and it turns out they’re in their birthday suits with YOU!
Here’s how I think it might have gone…
Photographer: Ladies welcome to the Details photoshoot why don’t you strip down I’d love to introduce you to our main guy today! You’re in for a treat… Rob… we’re ready to start why don’t you come over here and we’ll get rolling
Girl #1: Rob? Dear God please say it’s Robert Downey Jr. or Rob Zombie, that’d be a cool goth shoot… or maybe Robert Redford! Now we’re talking…
Girl #2: Rob… there’s only ONE Rob I care about and I’d die if Robert Pattinson walked through those doors. But it just wouldn’t be him. All that time spent reading those books, seeing his movies, stalking him on the internet and in real life will NEVER pay off. It’ll be Robert Goulet before it would be Robert effing Pattinson with my luck.
Photographer: Ladies, I’d like you to meet Robert Pattinson who you’ll be shooting with today, Ladies… Rob… Rob… Ladies… now drop those robes ladies and let’s get started.
Girl #1: OH COME ON! The vampire guy? Ugh. At least give us someone good to drop trou in front of… Rob Lowe?! ANYONE… *drops robe*
Girl #2: *stunned silence/wide eyed* HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAPPITY CRAP CRAP CRAP!!!!!!!!!!! DEAR SWEET BABY JESUS please don’t let me faint! Did he just look at me?! HE LOOKED AT ME!!!!!!!!!! JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL!!! *slowly fumbles with robe, misses knot and has to claw robe from body*
Follow the cut to find out what REALLY happened
Photographer: Hurry it up now we have to get shooting before we lose the light. Now Rob you come over here and stand like this. Give us a real strong look… right in the camera and put your hands in your pockets… yes… now girl #1 come over here and stand facing Rob and look at his face and hold his right arm… PERFECT
Girl #1: Is that a chicken wing or a man’s arm under there? Pathetic…
Photographer: Now Girl #2 mirror Girl #1 but put your arm on his left arm…
Girl #2: OH MY GOD! That’s his bicep… crazy it kinda feels like mine… Keep it together… this is what I like to call “lean sexy”… what do you do it you feel faint? Head between your legs? Head between HIS legs? Wait… breathe… I’m holding Rob Pattinson’s arm NO ONE is going to believe me! OH MY GOOOODDD!!
Photographer: Hun, stand up straight and grab his arm… I said his ARM! Great… Ok, let’s change it a little now Girl #2 unbutton the top few buttons on Rob’s shirt while I shoot a few frames… yes his shirt…
Girl #2: *trembling hands* WAIT is his skin sparkling? I thought that was EDWARD! Seriously, no one’s going to believe this. This is like straight out of some fan fiction shiz.
Girl #1: I wonder if they have Oreo on the craft services table…
Photographer: Rob let’s move over to the couch and get you sitting on it with the ladies laying at your feet
Girl #1: Dude does this guy smell? Is he for reals?
Girl #2: Hmmm *takes a whiff* I don’t know what they’re talking about with the smell… he smells great! Like a rose garden and waves crashing on the rocks with just a hint of stale beer and the smokers lounge after a Saturday night… you know in that sexy lingering way
Girl #1: God, why do I have a craving for a cigarette SO bad right now? I wonder if this guy keeps a pack hidden up in that hair…is he falling asleep?
Photographer: Rob… ROB… yea open your eyes a little for this shot lets get the ladies around the back grabbing on to your back
Girl #2: If I said “Hold on tight you little spider monkey” do you think I’d get fired or he’d laugh?
Photographer: Ok now girls can you each grab one of his hands and hold it like this?
Girl #1: Ew, how long and boney are these things? It’s like Skeletor is touching me… EWWW
Girl #2: Oh man, I get to touch THE hands… THE originator of the “Finger Porn.” It’s like the hands of God on me... I wonder if I can ask the photographer for a 2 minute bathroom break I have to tweet this cause NO one’s going to believe me…
So is this how it happened Rob? I mean you do play Edward so I’m sure some of those mind reading skillz rubbed off on you, right? Whatever happened I just hope there are more hot pictures like that one above. YOWZA!!
PS DON’T FORGET to join in on the Valentine’s Day contest! You could win BIG! Not only LTR/LTT bragging rights but actual RAD prizes!! DO IT! NOW!
So what do you think went down at this shoot? Would you have died if you were the model and it was Rob? What would you have been thinking?