Posted by: themoonisdown | January 29, 2010

Is fantasy better than reality? The REAL Rob vs. Fan Fiction by DazzledtoDeath

*Join us for a letter written about a special literary addiction by DazzeledtoDeath!*

Oh it's unleashed alright

Dear Rob,

I read Fanfiction. A lot. I read all kinds-all human, vampire, alternate universe, but no matter what it’s about, I think of you, Rob. Most of the stories are about Edward, but it’s you I’m envisioning. Your voice, your face, your hands doing all those dirty/sexy/creepy things to all those lucky Bellas. So I wondered: What would it be like if it was actually YOU, Rob, in those stories? Hmmm…

Oh hello there Domward

The Scene: A playroom, outfitted with all manner of BDSM paraphernelia-whips, floggers, handcuffs, a whipping bench. The door opens and in walks ROB, wearing just a pair of low-slung jeans. He looks around, looking bewildered and a bit apprehensive. He spies a woman, naked, blindfolded, with a ball gag in her mouth, tied spread-eagled to a large wooden X. He stares, mutters “What the..” then runs out of the room in horror. He eats himself into a Heineken and Hot Pocket stupor  and convinces himself it was just a bad dream.

BB would like to see you in his office, NOW!

The Scene: A corner office in a prestigious office building. ROB walks through the door and past a horrified secretary.  “Sir..did you forget? You have a meeting in 20 minutes!” “Yeah ok…could you order me a cheese burger and Coke?” “Sir…what about your ahh..suit? Do you have one in your office?” “What’s wrong with this hoodie? I just picked it up at Goodwill..Crap-do you have a needle and thread? I’ll put a few stitches in this hole and I’m good to go..” Secretary rolls her eyes as she digs around for a needle and thread. “At least he’s a not so uptight anymore..”

You wanna pierce me WHHHHAATTT?!

The Scene: A Tattoo shop. Alice dances up to Rob, smiling. “Hey Rob, you’ve got a client coming in at 5:00..there’s time enough for me to give you that ampallang you wanted to go with your apadravya.” Rob (befuddled) “Ampa-what?” Alice, showing him a picture:”Ampallang, silly! Bella will love it!” On seeing the picture, Rob clutches his groin and faints dead away.

You don’t really have to have read these fics to see that Rob really doesn’t fit into these scenes at all. And these are just my takes on how  Rob would react to being a Dom, a high powered exec and a hot tattoo artist with multiple piercings. But this why I love fan fiction-even though Rob isn’t Edward, I can imagine him doing all the crazy, f*ckhot things that Edward gets to do in fanfiction. So is the fantasy better than reality? I don’t know, but since I don’t have Rob to find out, fanfic kinda tides me over.

Oh, and case you’re interested, the stories I put Rob in are The Dominant, The Office and Clipped Wings and Inked Armor.

-dazzledtodeath

So do you read fan fic? If so do you imagine Rob when you’re imaging the characters? Does that make you blush when you watch the movies? 😉

Follow the cut to join in the discussion and for something extra!

Stuff:

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Responses

  1. DtD…thanks for the 3 scenes 🙂

    FanFic-fan me? Not at all!
    Fic = german word for F*ck, lol
    I love “real” Rob so much more!

    • Same here. Word by word.
      Even if I’m not at all into fanfic I think all of your Rob fanfic comments are hilarious!!!

      • I’m torn between feeling sorry for you and robgirl that you don’t know the awesomeness of FF and feeling really fcking jealous that you aren’t wasting time on FF. I think the latter is winning.

        • TLG my life/career/aspirations/intelligence/creativity & so on are already ruined with all that Rob/LTR time, I feel that I regressed enough like that, thank you very much. I still hang on to one or two cultural things I do to have smth to talk about in a desperate unsuccessful attempt to save the appearances. Pre-Rob, people at work used to think I was brills and now they will be like ‘What’s up with her, is she depressed? Is she into heavy drugs?”

          But I don’t think fanfic is my thing. I didn’t even read Twilight and I can’t even watch the movies the second time cause I get bored, so…But since accidents may happen, for the security of what’s left in my brain (not much), I will not go there, it has “danger” written all over.

          • That’s my story as well…and reading it so well summed up is NOT FUN!!!
            BUT…..the “danger” thing brills …lol

          • I didn’t mention that you also ruin me but I love it. 🙂

          • You are so smart not to be sucked into the fanfic. It is just like a drug. Fanfic is heroin, you can spend days just floating around in the stories, and then add LTR, which is like a jolt of cocaine to get you going in the morning, and then just surfing for Robporn on the internet is adding little hits of marijuana, and that’s taking the metaphor a little far, but you get the idea.

          • I don’t mind weed but I’m scared of the others. And that’s a metaphor…or not.

            Someone should open a special rehab clinic, just as they did for sex addiction :). That’s hilarious. Who decides what’s the line between normal and addictive behaviour?

          • MP~

            You had me at: I still hang on to one or two cultural things I do
            to have smth to talk about in a desperate unsuccessful
            attempt to save the appearances.

            Same here. I force myself to do these things to fit into “normal” society, and have something to discuss with my nonRoblustingfriends, but really I’d rather just do something related to HIM.

            lion

          • @lion…is that possible?..you called ME Roblusting? lol

          • Lion
            Two week-ends ago I was blocked into the toilets of an exhibition because I really needed to check twitter, you know in case Rob was spotted in Paris. Can’t miss those things.

    • I’m actually realizing that I hate the word “fan” as well…sounds so..teeny…
      @minuit..your fan=me says merci and passes back..lol

      • I don’t like “fan” either, because it came from fanatic and that’s not us, right?

        What word should we use?

        • What about “there-are-no-words-for-what-we-are-doing-but-it’s-fun-girlz”? 🙂
          too long….I know…plus “fun” is supposed to be replaced by other words!
          Suggestions?

          • Robglockenheilung?

          • that sounds like heaven honi!

    • Robgirl you know me, I’m in the middle. I read but not a lot and even so I’m so picky with the stories. I srsly feel like a perv with robfics. LOL. But a lot of these FF and Robfics are very well-written, I must say. I usually take a peak and that’s it for me, I usually don’t finish a story, esp if it’s a robfic. What is wrong with me? LOL

      But I agree with you, I love the real Rob.

      • haha…nothing wrong with you…you’re like Switzerland…allways in the middle! 🙂

        • Well in this case I am. There are other things that I’m very gungho about though.

  2. now Im definitely blushing…

  3. Alright, I’ll stand along side DtD and confess that I also read Fanfic. But I usually only read vamp stories. Do I picture Rob? Of course (well, Rob as Edward).

    Is fantasy better than reality? Probably! Fantasy Rob is romantic and seductive.

    Reality Rob smells like cigarettes and beer and takes you to cheap bars on New Year’s Eve!

    • Hey, whats wrong with the smell of cigarettes and beer and going to cheap bars on New Year’s Eve? (kidding)

      • Oh, don’t misunderstand me. I would certainly spend NYE with Rob in a cheap bar with him smelling of cigarettes and beer. 🙂
        I just haven’t read too many fanfic that describe him that way!

        • I’m going to write it right now!!

    • Cigarettes, beer, cheap bars on New Year’s eve? WITH ROB???

      Sign me up!!

    • All that just makes me love him more!

  4. Haha, thanks for that Dazzled.
    I’ve never read fan fic… I think I agree with robgirl. Real Rob all the way!

  5. I laughed my effin’ arse off at dazzled’s comments! Yeah, I’m a HUGE FF junkie….and lurve me some Rob, of course!!

  6. I am so guilty of imagining Rob while reading fan fic. Who else would I think of?!?

    Anywho, my work blocked wordpress so I am super unhappy! Posting from my phone isn’t so easy. But I just can’t live in a world where you don’t exist.

    • oh my…”I just can’t live in a world where you don’t exist” that’s the sweetest thing I ever read here….I’blushing and agreeing<3

      • and doing this without “m”…..lol

    • 😦 oh sorry to hear that!

  7. Fanfic has ruined real Twilight for me completely

    I tried to read Eclipse again and found I was no longer in love with Edward without the tattoos, cupcakes, and telling Bella that he f-ing loves her

    I’m all-human only tho, ‘sparkle peen’ just never did it for me

    • I agree… Twilight’s Edward is too innocent for me now… LOL

    • Ou, I totally agree! Edward in the Eclipse kinda seems like a pansy sometimes after Tattward, Domward, Mafiaward, etc. And I have to have AH fics. I haven’t enjoyed any vamp fic and doubt I will.

      • There is one FF writer who took pieces of Twilight/Eclipse and wrote them from Edward’s pov and they’re awesome. But the. I crave EPOV like it’s crack!

        • Crack, huh? I’m genuinely intrigued with EPOV…but haven’t read any and only a (very) little fanfic.

          I think once I start (reading)…I’m afraid that I won’t be able to stop.

      • Oooh HALE yes! Same here.

        Who’s Mafiaward though? Haven’t heard of him.

        • From Emancipation Proclamation. Warning – this fic has a strong human trafficking/slavery line in the story, which may not be for everyone.
          http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5180793

          • Sarita,
            You are kidding about strong human trafficking/slavery
            line in fanfic, right?

            Who knew…

            I’m learning so much today…

          • Hands down Emancipation Proclamation, is probably the best story I have read on FF. I am a FF addict, I love it!!! Click on my name and go to my profile, check out my faves. you will find something good to read in there!!! Read Emancipation Proclamation, you will not be disapointed!!!

          • I don’t know if I could read that. I got the icks from reading Art After 5 because he was 17 and she was 25. Lol.

          • Oh, EP is such a good story!!
            Don’t let the description scare you. It is very good. And the Edward in the story is great!!

        • There’s also Like a Moth to a Flame with Mafiaward on Twilighted.net.
          Not for the timid though.

    • I’ve keep hearing about a fan fiction story that involves “cupcakes” but I haven’t been able to find it. If anyone has the link to that story I would love to read it.
      Otherwise, the only fan fiction I have read was about Breaking Dawn and what happened after they “drifted out into deeper water”…it was really nice.

  8. Guilty!

    Thanks for your honesty dazzledtodeath! I instantly feel less lonely in perv-town.

    • you’ll never be lonely in perv town.

    • I’m a fanfic junkie – I held off getting into it until September when I read Wide Awake and then I was sucked into FF. Yes – I imagine every Edward as Rob….but each is a little different depending on his characteristics.

  9. No, don’t read fanfic. I have no trouble dreamin’ up my own little scenarios about Rob…

    • haha…good point that! me neither…lol

    • Tupelo~
      My imagination is also “unleashed.”
      lion

    • My imagination is already extremely wild, reading more and more ff might just drive me to the robsylum….oops I meant asylum!

      • Robsylum? Love it! If I don’t quit staying up half the night watching Rob on youtube I’m gonna end up in the Robsylum too! Seriously need to be gettin’ some more sleep!

        • Me too. I am up til 2-3am as it is. Ugh. We got a lot of other night owls over here on LTR btw. We all should form a club, but then again we’d get even less sleep!

  10. I don’t just read it, I write it.
    When I’m reading, I don’t really imagine Rob, but more of a Rob-esque sort of blurry face with all of the detail that the author adds in (tatts, etc).
    When I’m writing I picture Rob, but as full on Edward.
    When I’m dreaming…well that’s Real Rob all the way!

    • That’s what I picture when I’m reading fanfic. I’ve only read a few but there are some really talented writers out there. So love going hardcore with a sort of Rob image in my head!
      Of course it’s not really HHH in the same way that Edward isn’t.
      There is only one Rob – unfortunately!!!

  11. I’m a fanfic junkie. Really, men in white coats should probably come take me away.

    I actually don’t picture Rob as Edward when I read at all, in part for the reasons in Dazzled’s hilarious scenarios. Am I weird because I don’t?

    • No – not weird at all. I am not sure RL Rob could handle the FF world. Personally, my FF Edwards are all a little different based on the story and never the real Rob. They all have his schmexy hair and VF shoot lips..but NO hot pockets, Heinekens or Jitterbug phones allowed.

    • Haha! Actually I was wondering the same thing myself recently. Glad to know I’m not the only one!

  12. I read FF and usually have to cross my legs whilst doing so. In fact, I’ve been reading so much on the computer that I had to get my eyes tested, with the result of “you need to wear glasses when reading”. Shit but totally worth it.

    And I imagine a mixed up version of Rob/EC….

    x

    • Cazza, you’re reading MOTU, aren’t you?
      😉

    • “Shit but totally worth it.”

      I love you!

    • Yes, it goes like this for me:
      1. fanning
      2. legs crossing
      3. taking shower (in case of emergency)

      and my sight is getting worse, too 😦

  13. Dazzled, I too am guilty of reading FFs and I have read two of the three you listed. I don’t usually picture Rob as Edward, although I have on occasion.
    Geek, I agree, I can’t read the saga anymore.

  14. I don’t read many fics, because when I do, I read them obsessively, and there’s only so much my sanity can take. But I could totally imagine your scenes with Rob in them. Brill, dazzled!

    • Bella,

      Agree with you.

      There’s only so much my sanity can take…

      lion

  15. Oh yes. I am addicted to FF. I’m an avid reader and haven’t completed a “real” book since that fateful day in Sept when I googled “Wide Awake” and fell down the Rabbit Hole. It’s kind of embarrassing really….I just decided that I need to at least slowly read a “real” book so that when people ask me what I’m reading I will have something to talk about!

    And I most definitely do picture Rob in FF. It’s better than the movies in that way becuase you can picture your ideal Rob (GQ Rob, Vanity Fair Rob), rather than Rob dolled up in ridiculous vampire makeup and distracting yellow contacts. And a lot of the FF authors write their Edwards with Rob traits, like constantly putting his hands in his hair, and pinching his nose. I love that.

    • In love with your avatar. That is all.

      • Thanks! 🙂

    • I always have a ‘real’ book on the go, as none of my friends are in to Twi/Rob and I can’t imagine explaining any of the stories to them – like CW&IA totally owns me but explaining that Edward is a genius ex-drug addict sexgod tattoo artist… so much easier to say “I’m reading Atonement, it’s great!”

      I can’t let myself think that FF isn’t ‘real’ though – some of the fics I’ve read are seriously amazing and I don’t get how these ladies (and maybe guys, who knows?!) have time to fit in family and work and still create these awesome stories – so much credit to them!

      • Oh, I agree! I probably should have said “published” instead of “real”. I am continually amazed at how very well written much of the FF is….and I have no idea how the writers find time for it…I barely can fit in time to read it.

    • Yup. I’m an avid reader too and have stacks of books I’ve bought but not read. The prospect of reading about characters other than those in Twilight just isn’t really appealing to me right now. Plus I’m involved in so many fics right now I wouldn’t even have time to start a real book.

      And it is hard to explain what you’re reading when people ask. Many of my friends also love to read and when they ask what I’m what reading or try to have a conversation about books they’ve read I feel kind of guilty. But you’re right, some fics are as good as any book.

      • D2D~

        Great post!

        Thanks for getting me to reconsider FF…

        lion

      • Totes agree! I borrowed several books from friends but can’t seem to read them because a book without Edward is not one I want to read. What is wrong with me???? I had to force myself to read a book or my friend was going to disown me and it was about smutty baseball… 2 things I used to love most in the world BT (Before Twilight).

    • Hi Chocoholic,

      YOur back…I’m not a stalker, but def. remember your avi and name.

      HI!!

      lion

      • Hi mountainlion! Yes–I am back. I had a REALLY slow day at work today, which left me lots of time to play here! Unfortunately they usually keep me well occupied so that doesn’t happen very often……..

  16. I’m really new to this Rob madness, coming up to a three month fixation, longest one I’ve ever had and I am seriously starting to worry that it’s going to remain for some time to come.

    Anyway, I’ve never come across Fanfic. Am wondering if it’s worth reading or more to point if I can actually managed to spend more time reading/looking/drooling/slobbering/daydreaming over Rob than I already do, there’s a good chance I’m going to get the sack if I dont’ start doing some work. My productivity’s decreased by about 60% since my interest/fixation/insanity began.

    • 60% ? …damn..you’re a lucky woman! 🙂

      • Well I have an office to myself, so with no one looking over my shoulder I can surf with impunity. But i think tongues are starting to wag and the game may be up! BLIMEY!

    • Oh yes, it’s worth it. I found ff after reading about it on SM’s website-she said something she didn’t read it b/c she found some of it disturbing, or something like that. I googled it and found Twilighted and FanFiction.net and here I am in my dirty house, with my semi-neglected family, happily reading away.

      What I initially loved about it was the BD alternatives-they were so much better than the original(to me). But I’ve since branched and read all kinds of stories.

      • Oh Girl, you too!!! I ALSO have dishes in the sink, laundry in piles and kids running around, but here I am reading LTR, w/ a tab open for fanfic, and Photoshop open making funny new robs cropping his head over other people and laughing out looud about it!

      • I could have written your reply!!!!

      • Somewhere, maybe on “The Lazy, Yet Discerning Ficster” someone said the missing Isle Esme honeymoon scene is the gateway drug to fanfiction, which was true for me. I knew there must be people who would want to write their version of that scene, and I went looking for it, found some really bad stuff, and then found Twilighted and the good stuff. That was a year ago and I haven’t done anything else since. Sigh.

        • So is Twilighted your ff of choice for an Isle Edme redo? I need this!

          Gateway drug to fanfic = brills!

          • The gold standard in Isle Esme fic is Let Your Light Shine by Lolashoes. This is how Summit should make BD. I think it’s available on both sites.

          • If you really want to go there, I can send you links to several Isle Esme stories that filled that need really well. The first one’s free, kid.

          • Old one, please do send it. I’m on the forum, but let me know if you need my email addy.

            Thanks!!!!

            Thanks for the freebie…I think.

          • mountainlion, I’m pretty techtarded so I find the Forum hard to navigate and I don’t know how I’d find you there. If there is an email you don’t mind posting here, I’ll send you a list.

          • Oh my gosh yes! Let Your Light Shine was an awesome Isle Esme honeymoon and Bella vamp changing. This is the story that hooked me on FF.

        • Old One,
          Please write me at:
          kmountainlion@yahoo.com

          Thanks again!!!
          lion

      • D2D~
        I love that you said SM found it disturbing and you went right after it. I would have done same.

    • Hi there, answers to some of your questions… No this fixaton won’t be ending time soon! I’m guessing now your on here there is clearly no way back! I don’t know who said it first on here but if I could sue Rob I would I miss my sanity!!!
      If you havn’t started any ff’s yet then be warned!! It is a black hole out of which you may never emerge or be able to read “real books” ever again or at least a couple o’ months! Also like others on here it does start to mess with my original Edward visions and you may find you prefer the non SM versions…eeekk!
      Also if you do start then make sure you go for completed fics.
      I really enjoyed wide awake, and if anyone told me 6 months ago I’d be reading freakin twilight fanfiction I would have said to KILL ME NOW! But some of it is actually brill!
      Rob would defs have a cornary.

    • welcome to LTR, the site where we obsess about all things Rob all day long in our unkept homes, mile-high piled “in-boxes” at work and with our neglected husbands/boyfriends…just for the record it’s totes NORMAL….enjoy.

      • The appeal of this site is the lovely, funny letters and comments made by you guys. Feaverish in Indonisia was my first time sooooooooo funny.

        It’s the first site I go to after lunch. I’ve noticed (I’m in London) that new posts don’t go up until midday, and you guys are so charming, intellegent and funny it’s a pleasure to spend/waste time on this site reading what you have to say about all things Rob. Just love this site.

      • When I manage to get the dishes done or do a load of laundry I feel so accomplished, like I’ve just won a marathon or something.

        • LOL. Me too! I feel so much better! And that’s me without fanfic, Ltr and other social networking sites takes so much of my time. 😉

    • Be prepared to lose any remaining productivity you had if you start on the fic….it’s so worth it though! 😉

      Head over to the forum if you are looking for a place to start, we have a lot of rec’s going on…as a quick guide, AU is alternate universe, in which Edward is a vamp, but not the Edward of the books and AH is all human….

      Enjoy!

      • dancing echoes-thanks for suggestion on saving fics. I was amazed such a thing existed.

        • No problem! I came across it on a blog recently and thought it was really useful…

          ps. if the person who posted this on their blog is reading this, sorry i can’t remember the source! 🙂

    • ha ha i’m goin on four months now i thought it would pass but it gets worse. since all the new moon (i was robsten for about 5 mins afthype died down and we’re in a drought i was forced to do 2 things i thought i’d never do first i watched the VF photoshoot video, (enought to melt nonsten hearts for a while) and then about 3 weeks ago i googled fan fiction, it’s definately worth reading! so far i’ve read wide awake- absolutely brilliant, don’t think i could enjoy the twilgiht books now again. also read burn and shine but unfortunately even thought it’s brilliant it’s not finished and i’m about halfway through tropic of virgo which is very good too. (as you can see i like the human twiporn ones ha ha. and ya i definatly picture robward!!)

      • Looove Burn and Shine. Tropic of Virgo is amazing-it’s one of those that are def as good as any book.

        • Wide AWAKE!!!! ROCKS!! it was completed like a month ago

    • What? Just 60 %? LOL.

    • Mine~

      YOu want believe the things you can give up and never miss by adding something new (related to Rob) in your life.

      It’s miraculous.

  17. Office-Rob is my fav Rob…even in his soiled, torn hoddie….do you think I could put him in jello like Jim did to Dwight’s staplers???? A girl can wish…oy vey

  18. If I thought too hard about a muscled tattooed dom Rob doing pushups over my naked body, with that inked shoulder in my face, my head would explode. Seriously.

    If I imagined suited Rob and myself in a scene from “the secretary” sex w/ boyfriend would be so inadequate. Maybe I could buy him a red pen…..hmm…..giving that one some consideration.

    If real life Rob was at 7-11 in line beside me microwaving a hotpocket, in jeans that had stains from yesterdays hotpocket on them, holding a heinie and a cigarette in the side of his mouth, I might be able to control myself a little better.

    I love Rob, LOVE him, but fantasy Rob and I would probably get along better than real life Rob. But I’m always willing to take one for the team and give it a go.

  19. I hella-love me some fanfic. But the Edward I imagine is Rob-esque. Meaning he resembles Rob in looks, but is less adorkable and ciggy/Heine/HotPocket smelling and has way better style.

  20. I still don’t get FF. Rob pierced and covered in tattoos? Rob as CEO? Can’t imagine.

    Is there a hot philosophy/ literature professor in College de France or indie Brit band guitar player/singer FF?
    I could read that.

    • Yes, you should check out The University of Edward Masen. Edward is a hot lit college prof.
      http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5390119

      • teehee SG…

      • And welcome to the dark side JellybeanRainbow. Srsly. Read this and you’re a goner.

      • I’m reading that right now and it’s one of the few ff that I actually like :-). It’s amazing how it’s rated M and still no lemons. I can’t handle all the hardcore stuff. I’m kind of a prude.

        • At first I was really blushing and giggling to myself while reading the lemony parts. But then I just embraced my inner perv and it feels sooo good! *huge grin*

    • University of Edward Masen.

      Goddamn, that author pwns me.

      • For real. And I’m learning through the lemons with all the Dante references, so I feel less guilty reading a non-book. At least that’s what I tell myself.

        • I would totally book club this fic.

          • I have ONE RL twifriend and we have a fic club. We gchat every week about the fic we are reading. I’ve read tons more than her though so let me know if you ever want to club it up!

        • Love U. of Edward Masen too. I wish Sebastien R would update more often, but that damn RL keeps getting in the way.

        • With the Dante, culture, art and music references I feel less guilty. I’ve learned valuable things from U of EM.

        • oh god i’ve been having the same discussion wiht me too! learning about literature and googling refs while reading pervy ff. balances it out ..yes?.. cos THat’s normal right? phew

    • Google Tropic of Virgo. Robward as blues singer/piano player in a band with the whole gang (Jasper & Rosalie on guitar). God, it’s awesome.

    • University of Edward Masen would be my desert island fic. I would pay to read this. It owns me like no fic I’ve ever read. If Rob was making love to me I’d push him away if this fic got updated. Maybe. But it is probably my favorite fic ever.

      A must read.

    • For “Rockward” check out The Lost Boys or Tropic of Virgo.

      • I feel I should add a warning regarding the dangers of starting an incomplete fic like University of Edward Masen – the waiting for updates is a KILLER but the excitement of getting the FF.net update… ahh it’s a beautiful thing

        I think I need to get over to the forum, I clearly have a lot of FF love and no one to share it with 🙂

        • Oh I hear you. I haven’t started U of EM yet for that reason. I try to wait until they are a little closer to being done.

          Of course the other (bigger!) problem is that if you wait too long some of the really good fics get pulled. I’m still pretty upset that I never got to read Poughkeepsie or Behind Enemy Lines! 😦

          • I really wanted to get in to Poughkeepsie but never got past the first few chapters.

            I’m a little impatient so if I don’t want to stay up until 4am finishing the thing after the first chapter or so I give up…

        • Seeing a FF update in my inbox is better than presents under the tree on Xmas morning. I’m very grouchy if a day passes with no updates.grrrr.

          • Sad but true! Most FF writers seem to be in the US so I get the alerts at crazy o’clock UK time on my blackberry – makes me smile even if it wakes me up

      • The Lost Boys. Read it. Just fucking do it.

    • You all hit on the ones I would suggest. The Lost Boys is awesome (and now complete except for an Epilogue).

      If you are going to lose your fanfic virginity, I would suggest you start with Wide Awake though. That story is brilliant. If you don’t like it I’ll eat Rob’s hoodie.

      • Lost mine to Wide Awake also.

        Love that story!

  21. Love this letter, d2d. I will admit than I’m a FF junkie. Originally I only read Lola’s LYLS and ALE just to erase the awfulness of Breaking Dawn. LYLS should have been what we were treated to in the 4th installment. I really didn’t want to read any “human” stories of Edward & Bella. But then some ahole (read: best Twilight friend) reco’d The Office and it was all downhill from there. Wide Awake could be it’s own amazing book, to be turned into a movie (starring Rob, natch).

    Of course I picture Rob. What’s the point otherwise? I will say FF has ruined me. I sometimes can’t remember real Twilight facts from FF. But my sex life has improved ten-fold since reading it (did I just admit that?).

    And Rob has admitted to reading it, so at least when we finally get together we’ll have something to discuss. He’s not fooling me, walking around with all his “obscure” literature. 🙂

    • Awww fck. My iPhone replaced its with it’s automatically. That wasn’t me – if you knew me IRL you’d know that’s my biggest grammar peeve.

      • The apostrophe of shame rears its ugly head…

    • At first I’d only read canon. But that got boring and I branched out with Creature of Habit, then the Sub/Dom. My only requirements are that a fic must be ExB and must have a HEA. I don’t read any other pairings, including slash. I think guy on guy is hot but Edward belongs with Bella dammit.

      • I agree. E and B only and def HEA. I tried to read one of Lola’s one-shots about Jasper & Alice and it felt like a big bowl o’wrong. Like reading about my brother gettin’ it on. Blech.

      • Creature of Habit is one of my favs as well. I’ve recently finished Tangled Web, it’s in a similar vein to CoH. So good.

      • ExB 4ever girls! I am a PTB beta and a girl on their was pimping her fic so I gave it a whirl. DAMMIT it was BxExEMMETT in the very first chapter! Was so pissed but skipped to Chapter 5 and was all good.
        I can’t do EdwardxAnyoneButBella. Too squicky for me.

      • I love Creature of Habit, I love anything that that author writes (hmmonster right). She make excellent characterizations!

    • Lolashoes’ stories are my personal favorites as well. Bella’s transformation in Let Your Light Shine is the best one in fan fic.

      Are you reading her latest sequel, This Hungry World? It’s amazing, of course.

      • I haven’t started reading the sequel because I vowed never to read another FF that wasn’t complete. I read her My Yes, My No as she was writing it and it killed me to read one chapter a week. I’m reading The Training lime that and it sucks (not the story, just having to draw it out).

        Also I got totes cockblocked on Art After 5. I read 43 freakin’ chapters and then the writer took it down. Still so pissed about that.

        • TLG,

          http://sleepyvalentina.livejournal.com/

          you’re welcome.

          Also, read Counterpoint, which is the in-progress EPOV of AA5

          • Zees84, you are my new best friend. Seriously. And AA5 seriously gave me the icks for a while but I kept reading and then loved it until she pulled it.

    • FF has improved my sex life too. Don’t be ashamed to admit it (at least on anonymous online forums…ha)! It’s part of how I ‘justify’ FF to myself…….

    • I will admit that at the top of my list of questions to ask Rob when we are in an elevator alone together includes “What fanfic have you read?” If he can’t remember the name I’m prepared to provide one for him just with a summary of the plot he can give.

  22. Rob is always at my lemonade stand, thank you very much!

    Love the letter dazzledtodeath

    • LOL. Hello shortie bestie!!!! What are you reading now?

  23. Oh fanfiction, how you have ruined me, but oh, how happy I am for that.

    I was complaining that all the stuff I read wasn’t updating…but everyone started back up, I found some new stuff, and with the TwiFans for Haiti BEAST in my inbox….Lord help me, I will never get out from under it. That’s what she said.

    • ha! i was too busy thinking about all the different -wards in my life that I didn’t answer the question.

      I don’t really picture Rob in my head…like everyone else said, a bit of a fuzzy version of him, but not his voice or personality, at all.

      • Yes, this. Edward looks like Rob in that every fanfic author describes him how Rob looks (except his eyes are always burning emeralds and his hair is crazy ass bronze) but it’s more of a fuzzy amalgamation of the Rob from his VF or GQ shoots. Never REAL Rob or Rob’s personality.

    • That Haiti compilation is incredible. It’s over 1200 pages long!! Lots of reading for when there are no updates.

      • D2D – can you explain what the Haiti collection is? Where to access it, etc.!? TIA.

  24. GAH. Fanfic is a no-no for me. Where’s Janetrigs with her matching purity ring? I need some support.

    • I told Janetrigs she needed to open a FF rehab and she could make a shtload of money.

      • Start with the Hunger Games! It’s required reading in the Re-Hab!

        • LOL Janetrigs. I’m reading it right now! (when I’m not reading FF or LTR)

          • Oh my gosh! The Hunger Games series is better than Twilight. YES! It is true. PUT down the FF and get to reading those books….More books to follow.

    • What the what?!? I didn’t know you too wore the purity ring! You and Janet need to write a letter to all of us fanfic h00rs explaning the purity. This smut lover doesn’t get it. ❤ u both anyway!

      • Yup. I’ve literally never read a word of it and I never will!

        If Janet and I “got together” to write a letter, I’m pretty sure it would quickly dissolve into us binge drinking and the letter never being written. Or it would be written, but poorly and with lots of typos. This actually sounds like a great idea.

        • It does sound goo! I don’t spell so well as you know.

          BUT YES! FF is grossy gross. WE LOVE BOOKS!

          We all need some Leigh Anne back up. She has the bestest ever recomendations! Newest one –> The Maze Runner. It’s very very #Goo!

          Finally, #peetaownsme/US

          • YES! #DownWithFanfic #UpWithPeeta (that’s what she said)

          • Is it weird that I’m team Gale?

          • NO! Gale is very Goo too! I just prefer Peeta.

          • No, I love Gale too! I actually have more trouble choosing sides in the HG K/P/G love triangle than I ever did with the Twi E/B/J one. Probably because Katniss can’t make up her mind and Gale isn’t forcing himself on her like a whiny puppy (pun intended).

          • I also struggle with that! It’s frustrating not being able to pick a team. The good thing is, I will be okay with whoever of the two she choses. Somehow I have a feeling Gale will end up with Madge, Peeta will die and Katniss will turn into a cat lady. It’s a good thing I’m not a writer.

          • HeyyyBrother…girl, you know I love you. WE ARE UNITED!
            Hey, Janetrigs–you are super sweet for giving me love all up in Moonie & UC’s website.

            Hands across America, people. Hands across this land I love…

            p.s. The Maze Runner=BRILLIANCE. Go read. The author is Mormon, like Stephenie Meyer. Word.

      • I need rehab, bad! I have a sneaking suspicion though that if Janetrigs is in charge, I’ll just be exchanging one addiction for another. There may be no hope.

        • Being addicted to Books is the best kind of addiction, I promise! I like Books (overall) better than beer, and I can drink like a man!

          • Books? You mean those floppy paper things that don’t have internet access and actually have final chapters and stuff? Hmm. Sounds kind of retro- vintage-y.

  25. God, it has been so long since I’ve posted a comment here. Just recently moved, and life has been a little hectic….

    I read a lot of fan fic. It is sort of an addiction for me lately. Definitely a way to escape. I have to admit that I don’t think of Rob in every story that I read. I had a general pic in my head of Edward when I read Twilight the first time, because I had not seen the movie. So for me, most Edwards, both human and vampire, are that original image in my head.
    One exception is The Lost Boys by hwimsey. This is story is my all time favorite, and would highly recommend reading it. Truly amazing writing, and Edward in this story is so hawt, that it was hard not to picture Rob.
    Rob fan fics are not always a favorite for most people, but there are some good ones out there. Northern Lights and Whiskey Lullabies by Songirl was the first fan fic that I read, and it is really good. Her writing is like poetry. Open to Interpretation by Elvis4Scilla is another great Rob story. Really hot!!!

    Glad to be back…

    • I just don’t think I could read Rob fanfic. That seems too odd to me. I know, right? I sound like I have standards when I totally don’t. Maybe I just prefer the buffer of Edward.

      • I am the same way….and maybe it is silly because I have no problem picturing Edward as Rob, but somehow this feels slightly different. I can tell myself I’m imagining his likeness and his mannerisms, but it’s not actually HIM. Just feels slightly less pervy to me.

        NOT to knock people who like Robfics. I know there are some great ones out there and I’m sure I’d like them if I read them. It’s just that luckily there are enough Edward fics out there to keep me happy, so I don’t have to go there…….

      • I agree. If I am going to read something like FF it HAS to be about Rob or what’s the point. I’m all about the Roblove. I suppose I lack imagination and wanderlust.

    • I am extremely picky about Rob fan fics. He has to be portrayed properly and realistically, I mean, as much as possible. The female character has to be worthy of him. And last but not least, there has to be real chemistry between them. Both stories that I recommended definitely meet those standards.

      • I don’t read any Rob FFs. I have little interests in make-believe Rob when there is a real Rob out there.
        My FFs have to be E/B focused stories.

      • I feel the same way! I have a hard time reading the ones that make him like some kind of a sex god. We really don’t know for sure but those kind of make me cringe and blush.

    • I’m a total FF whore. But I don’t want to read a Rob fanfic. It would make me feel uncomfortable. No offense to anyone, it’s just not my cup of tea.

  26. I’m so addicted to FF, but I so should have followed UC’s lead by not reading FF that hasn’t been completed yet. I now check back for updates like a crack addict and mind you I have 2 kids under the age of 2. But That’s Normal, right?!?

  27. Addicted. Like rehab-worthy addicted. Sometimes it’s Rob I picture but not always. There is one story (still in progress) that I’m massive-obsessed with right now: The Blessing and the Curse. I picture Rob in this one…a little too much, maybe. The recent EW outtakes helped that picture a lot.

    http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5100876/1/

    • Another great one. I loove this Edward. Updates are slow though 😦

  28. Guess what? I didn’t read any of this post. I know you’re very very hurt. But you know….it deals with the FF. UgghhhH!!

    FF is BLAH!! BOOKS are the Coo!!

    • I know there are people who wear the purity ring and I respect that. But maybe there will be a few converts today.

      • DON’T DO IT! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

        • I’m totally insignificant but I’m with you JT. It’s all about the real Rob.

          • YOU ARE VERY VERY COO!

          • Not insignificant, Snapped!

            hugs,
            lion

    • I didn’t read this post, either. Because fanfic is, as we both know, lame.

      REAL BOOKS, people. Read real books! Or read penthouse forum–I hear fanfic is pretty much the same.

      Janetrigs, you know we are the purest of the pure. I’m proud to stand with you, united in our solidarity.
      #TEAM PEETA!
      (Did you say The Hunger Games is better than Twilight? You did. Girl, you have ginormous balls. You know I agree with you, 100%, but to say that on a Twilight blog…that’s just cajones right there.)

      p.s. I love Moon & UC and anyone who says otherwise will get their ass kicked. They know of my distaste for the fan fic. They also know that I love Robert Pattinson. And dumpsters.
      That is all.

      • Penthouse Forum………..HAHAHAHHAHA!!!

  29. TooOldForThis, you just cracked me up with: “the real Rob smells like beer and cigarettes, and takes you to cheap bars on New Years Eve!”
    So there you have it. FF is better than real life. A fact KStew would probably fully share if Summit ever allows them to go public…

  30. So addicted to FF. It is a verrry deep hole to fall into.

    With all the improvements it has done for our sex lives, can you imagine Rob & Kristen’s sex life. You KNOW they must have read a few at this point.

    Do they imagine themselves staring in their own FF stories. They look the same. (minus the piercings and tattoos)…(hopefully)

    Does Kristen laugh at Rob when she reads the description on FF Edward’s ginormous c*ck and how he can get it up over and over right away.

    Does Rob laugh at Kristen while reading about the LaPerla power Panties and being completely bare down there?

    just something to think about

    • Best part of FF is what it has done for my sex life. As soon as hubs realized all the reading I was doing on my phone was beneficial for him too, he has become an avid supporter of the FF.

    • I may or may not have bought some LaPerla power panties. Just in case…

  31. Well, I love fan fic.
    The office and MotU are the best!
    and yes, I picture Rob in all the sexy scenes…a woman can dream…
    But real Rob is the best.
    Look what I have found: (after “The Office fan vid” …finally 2 “MotU” video)

    • That was hot.

      I can’t believe how open mind has become since reading Fanfic. If I saw something like this last year, I would have found it deeply disturbing.

      Now, not so much. Good find HilarY

      • GOOD LORD!!! I stated earlier that I was not into FF and only the Real Rob. And as far as I am lusting, that is Rob. Way to go on the production of that tid bit.

      • You’re so right. I think my future boyfriend is gonna be extremely grateful I discovered fanfic.

  32. i only imagine Rob when the story is like PG13, for hard core Edwards (The Office/The Doms/the ADULTS) i Always imagine the original Edward (by S.Meyer) HENRY CAVILL http://melificent.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/henry-cavill.jpg , He is F$#@ how i imagine a dirty, wicked, sexy Edward, ’cause lets be real, Rob is pretty and cuddly, but he is not a SEX God, probably Kstew is whipping him around and he calls her MISTRESS

    • Scrubbie, you just ruined my life. Rob is not a sex god? Why don’t you just tell me there’s no Easter Bunny?

      I will give you that Henry Cavill is gorge. But Rob=Edward always for me.

    • KStew is so the dominant in that relationship!

  33. Always. I always see Rob. I don’t always see Kristen as Bella, or Peter as Carlisle, but I always see Rob. That’s why I read it.

    Also, I was proud/embarrassed that I knew all of the fics dazzled was referring to. Also excited/embarrassed to spend my snowed in weekend on my sofa in my Lambie robe re-reading these.

    • LAME!

      • Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it (thatswhatshesaid)! 🙂

    • That’s me too, I can’t see Kristen as Bella in the few fanfics I’ve read. I wonder why?

  34. I’ve recently come out of the closet with my husband regarding what I’m reading.

    I had to because he thought I was texting someone late at night not realizing I was actually reading my stories on my iphone.

    I can’t wait for the iPad. It’s gonna make reading Fics so much easier.

    • Steve Jobs is actuly considering that for the ipad’s slogan. The iPad: making it easier to read Twilight porn without going blind.

      I also read FF on my iPhone. And I will be blind soon.

      • hilarious!!!
        You really should send him your slogan & advertising proposals. You know he’s listening to the market. All that saving the press speech was just a cover up reason for the fanfic.

    • Seriously, I SO thought about that when I read about the iPad yesterday. 🙂

      If you have an iPhone, I find that FF.net is easier to read if you switch to the 1/2 or 3/4 page format (in the upper right hand corner). The you can zoom in quite easily and read without ruining your eyes……….

  35. Fanfic is the devil. I love it. I’ve read The Dominant, Wide Awake, Edward Wallbanger and liked them all. I have to say I really enjoy Robfic too. Read Opposites Attract on Twilighted – really hot Rob action.

    • LOL fanfic is the devil. There is some truth to that!

      • “fanfic is the devil”

        PREACH!

  36. I Love LA was the best FF with Rob, Grace was perfect nemesis for him, the dialogue was so real…

    especially when the seagull crapped in Grace’s hair….

    Feathersmmmm is a great writer, but I Love LA has disappeared off the face of the internet for some reason…too bad

    Although her Edward Wallbanger is pretty funny, too.

    • it’s being published.

      http://omnificpublishing.com/

      It’s great that ff authors can get published, but that ruins it for me. I don’t want a book with non-Twi names. I know they can’t use them but to me it becomes something else entirely.

      • WOW..that’s just weird…didn’t know they did that with fanfic. I mean, I could have seen Wide Awake as a “real” story…actually, I think it had real merit. But as much as I like “LA”, without Rob…there’s nothing there. It’s just good RobPorn, not that much of a story. IMHO. Oh, well. Would be interesting to know how it sells.

  37. Well…I think I have a brilliant idea. I just finished writing my fanfic, and the last chapter is with the Beta. I finished it because I ran out of raunchy things to do with Edward and I had a hard time picturing ROB doing thses things. SO..I see I’m not alone. I think my next fic should be about an Edward that is very much like Rob…adorkable, full of flaws and sexy as hell by accident.

  38. I’ve never found the time to read FF, but if He stares, mutters “What the..” then runs out of the room in horror. He eats himself into a Heineken and Hot Pocket stupor and convinces himself it was just a bad dream is a sampling of the hilarity that FF contains, I may just start.
    Brill DtD. 🙂

  39. I tried once to read ff. But I couldnt find any that were very good….any suggestions? I would always get so nervous like I am doing something “wrong” while reading it!

    • I think Tropic of Virgo is a very sweet fic to start with. It’s all human, cannon pairings (Bella/Edward, Alice/Jasper, etc) and not too dark or depressing.
      http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4901517

      • thanks Sarita! might check it out when I get home from work…or next week when my husband is out of town! lol

  40. Am I the only one who didn’t love Wide Awake?

    • yes.

    • I didn’t Love it or bother to even read it!

      • Rob would marry Janetrigs and her books!

      • Amen.

        I read Twilight. New Moon. Eclipse. Breaking Dawn. And the first 12 chapters of Midnight Sun.

        I don’t have a problem with the fade to black shiz. ‘Cause my imagination is far more vivid than any fan fic sex scene could ever attempt. THE END.

    • I haven’t read it yet. I might be the only non-purity ring wearer who hasn’t.

    • Interesting that you didn’t love it, Zees. It didn’t sound that great to me, but everyone raves about it so I put it in my faves. I keep putting off reading it but I’ll get to it eventually.

    • No,
      It was suggested I start with this one, but only managed about 17 pages before i started to lose the will to live. Perhaps I should have given it more of a chance. Will try again tomorrow as no recent sightings/photos/vids etc of Rob around to drool over. Need something to take my mind of the Rob drought.

  41. I have only read AH fanfic. Edward is usually a blurry image that has Rob’s characteristics mixed with those the author has thrown in. A lot of fanfic writers do mix in Rob with Edward traits and those are the ones where Rob is more prominently pictured in my head while reading.

    It started innocently (snort) enough with Wide Awake. Then I was hooked. It was like that first free hit of crack or something. I just finished The Lost Boys. I’m also reading Master of the Universe, Hydraulic Level 5, Edward Wallbanger, and Clipped Wings and Inked Armor. I’m so far gone it isn’t funny.

  42. Wow, you guys have A LOT to say about ff. It’s interesting that some have sworn it off (purity ring and all) and some, like me, have fallen into the black hole. Yeah, there’s no hope for me now. It started with Wide Awake and has spiraled out of control. And now, to beat all, I’m writing the damn stuff! I never realized how unfulfilling the books were until I read ff. These writers have amazing brains (not all, but there’s so much brilliant material out there). It inspired me to not only write my own ff, but to write a REAL book too. Shit, if I can do this, I can do anything!
    Thanks girls!

  43. Is anyone reading “Expectations and Other Moving Pieces” ? One of my favorites at the moment. It’s something completey different, that why I like it so much. It’s unfinished but I do think that there will be a happy ending.

    • Yes yes yes! I love it so bad! I need more chapters. I have been reviewing every chapter of that one and I’m much more of a lurker than reviewer. ChromeTurtle’s B and E are painful to read and I want them to be happeh so badly!

    • Yes! I was unsure about it but I think it will end happily too. Up til now it’s been a pretty rough read-I’ve never seen B&E portrayed that way.

  44. I read fanfic but I’m really picky and I don’t read a lot. Right now I’m reading the University of Edward Cullen. When I read, I also see Rob as Edward. I guess that’s just automatic for me.

    It appears that Rob reads fanfic too, I’d love to know which ones he’s read and which ones are his favorites!

  45. I love Moon & UC.

    • I love Moon & UC & Fanfic 😉

      • Now someone is going to write a fanfic with Moon and UC as characters . . .

        • Oy, I didn’t mean it like that! I should’ve said I like Moon and UC. And (separately) I also like fanfic.
          I haven’t gotten into slashfic (though I see it has potential) but I think I would start with an Edward/Jasper or an Edward/Jacob first.

          • errrr. I have been wanting to ask this for ages…so here goes. What is “slash fic” ?

          • Homosexual.

  46. I found fanfic like a few weeks ago starting with tby789’s The Office… and I am hooked ever since!! In times of Rob hiding in London and making love with KStew by the open fire I need something to keep me occupied. And fanfic is definitly the best way to keep urself occupied.
    Right now I have like 100+ authors and probs 300+ stories so I have a lot to do…

    • You’re reading The Office? Where, how?
      .. can you tell I’m desperate yet? 😀

      • I’m sorry I don’t have it but did you look over in the Forum? Maybe someone there can help u??

  47. Just a question: is there any way I could get to read The Office or is it down for good?

    I was sooo frustrated when it got taken down just right after I read the first chapter 😦

  48. You know you read too much (or just enough) ffic when you know exactly what stories these Robs are from: Mafiaward, Domward, BB, Skittleward, Tattward, Nerdward, Wallbanger, or Darkward. And you love them all!

    • Skittleward? Oh my. Which one is that?

  49. I prefer real Rob.

    I have 3 lil ones…dont have time for much, except LTR!

    • God Bless yoU!

      • You as well! =)

  50. Need some help with something off the subject. What EXACTLY is the comment that Edward makes to Bella that goes something like this…be careful with my heart because I left it with you. Is this exactly what he says???

    • I’m pretty sure it’s “Look after my heart, I’ve left it with you.” I love it-so gushy and romantic.

      • Yeah and it’s a note he writes and leaves on her pillow, not a comment to her in person…sigh. So romantic, that Edward.

    • Look after my heart, I’ve left it with you.

      He went hunting and Bella was asleep I think when he left. I know it by heart because I have a gorgeous pic of Rob(pillow) and that’s the caption! 🙂

      • It was a note left on her pillow. Sigh. So romantic! My heart felt like it would burst when I read that the first time.

        • I wish I’d get a note on my pillow like that!

      • OOOPs sorry, I’m correcting myself, it actually says:

        “Look after my heart, I’ve left it with you.”

        Page 95 Eclipse. So romantic!

        Drsaka, I wish Rob would leave a note like that on my pillow!


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