Posted by: Bekah | January 24, 2010

Rob Pattinson: The next Sully from Dr. Quinn?

Rumors popped up all over the interwebs this week that Rob has signed on to a new movie (Water for Elephants) and we know he’s been putting on weight for Bel Ami (Dear God, please let that be the reason he’s put on weight). So what does that mean for the movie Unbound Captives? Well, I don’t really know except that it’s rumored to be on hold. But if it isn’t on hold, or if it does get made some day, here is a fan letter expressing some concern over what we might be exposed to…

Dear Rob,

I know picking projects post-Twilight must be a daunting task. Will you outlive your teen heartthrob phase like Leonardo DiCaprio and Johnny Depp? Or become Luke Perry – bloated, leathery, and wandering the aisles of the West Hollywood Target looking for some small reminder of your former glory in that faint spark of recognition from a shopper in the toilet paper aisle? (Note: True Story!)

I heartily approve of your first post-Twi choice. Remember Me seems to have everything going for it! Smiling, laughing, brooding, fighting, hallway sex, and PLAID. And it’s about…..something I’m sure. Then you signed on for Bel Ami, which we can all say we want to see because it’s a satire of ambition with high brow literary origins, but in actuality we will be seeing for sex, more sex, dirty French sex, and top hats. What more could a girl ask for?

And then there is Unbound Captives. I admit it, Rob, I’ve got doubts. Ignoring the title…. No. Can’t do it. The title, Rob. The title. Is it borrowed from a romance novel? One of those awful airbrushed Fabio numbers. In fact, I’m hoping the title is some kind of in joke between the writer and the middle school girls with whom she traded a worn copy of Unbound Captives: The Romance Novel (naughty passages highlighted, of course.)

Outwardly, I can see the appeal. A sweeping, romantic period piece with Rachel Weisz and Hugh Jackman. Sounds Oscar-baitey. And it’s Madeline Stowe’s directorial debut (Which the people have been clamoring for, right? Ever since they got sick of waiting for her “hey I’m still acting” debut?).

Then I realized that you would be playing a boy raised by Comanches.

Here’s where the bad mental pictures start. Just the thought of the fan art that will ensue is almost too much for me. Don’t get me wrong, it could be good – you with a tan (spray tan?), riding bare back and wearing buck skin pants. On the other hand, you could end up looking like Sully from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman (please see picture). There’s no doubt a wig will be involved. The only question is: how bad will it be and can you borrow Taylor’s? Once you’ve got your flowing locks I would watch out for Catherine Hardwicke stalking you in the bushes.

It seems your Comanche name in the movie is Tsomo which means “bead”. Bead? Really? Supposedly you are a warrior, but a warrior of what? Friendship bracelets? (If so, I would like mine to say “RPattz 4-ever”) There’s got to be a name that better evokes your essence. “Smoking by Dumpsters”? Or perhaps “Eater of Hot Pockets”?

So there must be a good reason you chose to be in this movie. Perhaps you thought “Yes! I get to wear a loin cloth, so much better than “jorts” – plus I can integrate it into my every day wardrobe like my other costumes, right?”. Or was it the possibility of learning dirty words in Comanche? Curiosity about whether you can ride a horse without falling off?

I hate to doubt you, Rob. Prove me wrong.

Love,

HotJupiter

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTT, Twitter

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Responses

  1. bwhahah.. Love those pic!!.
    Rob as a native american!
    re:
    “It seems your Comanche name in the movie is Tsomo which means “bead”….

    I think they got it wrong.. his Commanche name should be something like “His who’s PEEN sparkles” or something as such.

    xH

    • “His who’s PEEN sparkles” ….HILARIOUS!!

  2. That extra weight Robbie has ,
    is more to do with beer & hot pocket consumption I bet. He and TomStu have been hitting the pubs of SoHo again.

    re;Beardward..
    its been damn cold over in the UK.
    I bet that beard he’s sporting helps keep little chubby cheecks warm… Seen pics of
    TomStu (my little cupcake) who is sporting a beard as well.

    (boy is “beard” opportunity for a metaphor or what!) enough snark!

    • Or maybe he had a little argument with Kstew: “If you refuse to shave, so will I!”.

      P.S. I love Stewy.
      P.S.2. Indian Rob looks hot. I’m hopeless.

      • re: KStewy
        oh well, can’t fault the girl… Stewy has to keep warm as well right?
        We we’re all once covered in fur.

        Some just have more than others.
        Shows that she has a lot of testerostone.

        Kstew, if your reading this.. DON’T SHAVE!

  3. haha…
    doubts? No…not really
    manips? …….:-)
    Depp reference = win
    long career? Hopefully
    short career? Hopefully..he would be more attainable…lol

    Dear Rob
    you are special and beautiful
    NO doubts
    love,
    me

    P.S. In case you’ll fail with films, career or so…you can come to my place and complain how long you’ll like…just sayin…

    • “short career? Hopefully..he would be more attainable”

      I love the way you think!

      • selfish and without any compassion, is there some cure around?

        • No cure whatsoever except more Rob, and that’s a therapy, not a cure!!!!

          • lol..I will go for the therapy!!!

          • Okay, but it means daily treatments of Rob! Oh wait, LTR is part of the therapy!

            I knew this site was good for me!!!!

          • I read..treatments by Rob!
            so the therapy is working….<3

    • Robgirl the new avi is hot? Who’s that?

    • I don’t know, I have mixed feelings. If he has a short career then he’s more attainable, yeah. But then if he has a long career then I get to see more of him. I just can’t decide robgirl. 🙂

      Can’t have the cake and eat it too.

  4. Bwhahahahaha – warrior of friendship bracelets!

    Will Rob start a new trend “Native American Hobo?” Rob is such a clothing klepto, you know he’ll try it.

    • They’ll all be wonky, poorly constructed, and smell like beer.

      • He will actually make the beads out of beer and Hot Pockets labels.

  5. For the requirements of Bel-Ami, and for that reason only Rob has been squatting TomStu’s and Marcus’ flat, to be in an inspiring artistic environment. Plus they could rehearse, TomStu playing the mistresses. He then thoroughly followed their life regime, for good ol’ times memories and of course the requirements of the film. It consists in a savant mix of pizzas and Hot Pockets, to go with some Heines. But since he has been starving for ages, he first couldn’t eat more than one Hot Pocket a day. He had no choice but smoke joints with the guys to get his appetite back on track. Clare also helped by taking out that rich Christmas fruit cake she cooked in 1999, we all know that thing is like wine : the older the better. In between, the guys worked hard on checking out all the great English beers of all the pubs in the neighbourhood. But only those located within a 3 minutes walk in order to maximise the beer and Hot Pocket time.
    Yes, gaining weight is hard work and he must be exhausted. I sense another tearing campaign with fans all over the world feeling for him being so tired. And all that just to please us. Poor Rob.

    • haha…
      poor Rob? NO…poor ME!
      Why nobody says that I’m looking “healthier” when I’m gaining weight?
      The world is NOT fair!

      • Because we never gain weight! bwhaha

        • I can picture the scenario that you’ve described, a little too well.

          • It’s been New Years Eve ALL the time!

          • And if you don’t see a hyphon (year’s) it’s because you’ve had too much too drink. I always edit my comments carefully, never doing 10000 mistakes a post.
            Hopeless.

        • right, because WE never go in pubs drinking beer or eating fat food! NOT our style!!!

          • at all.

      • LOL. I guess the standards for Rob are slightly different than the one for us.

  6. I’m a little lost…..what are people talking about KStew needing shaving?

  7. Dirty French sex and top hats…. it’s gonna be a long morning in church thanks to you HotJupiter!!

    If Rob is going to borrow Tay’s wig to play a NA, can he plase borrow the ones from SNL? They were soooo much better.

    Oh, and Re: “bead”…friendship bracelets – bravo for your mind not going directly where my mind went. I should prob lay off fanfic for a while until my mind starts functioning normally again. (But my hubby’s gonna be so sad…)

    • oh no! My mind went there too! Damn you fanfic!

      • IKR? I can’t decide what sadder…my life before or after discovering it.

        • *what’s
          Indian Rob messes with my typing skills.

    • My mind went there as well. Damn ffs will be the death of normalcy as we know it.

    • If you would like even more dirty french sex, I recommend reading Bel Ami. You will be immediately excited (In multiple ways) to see the movie….lots of sex. By the time you finish, you will REALLY wish you are Christina Ricci.

      • Reading the book now. Can’t wait to see the scenes with coltilde! Who is playing racheal in the movie??

      • Putting that on my “Books with actual pages” list tonight!!!

      • Yes I agree. I wish I am Clotilde or Christina Ricci. Lucky girl!

        I was wondering too who will play Rachel, I looked in IMDB and it’s not listed.

  8. @poochimama: I thought my mind was the only one that went straight into the gutter with the bead comment 😉

  9. Haha!
    I think the weight is a little less role and a little more “I don’t have to play Edward for a long time! Gonna stop exercizing!”

  10. I’m slightly concerned with everyone being so concerned with Rob’s weight gain. He looks like he’s gone from scrawny to healthy. Surely this is a good thing, right? Maybe his bum has returned!

    • Yes, his inner full-time bum has returned! I like the slight weight gain- more of him to love!

    • Am I bad fan that I don’t notice Rob’s weight fluxuations?

      When you said “bum has returned” I instantly thought of those Italy pics of the quarter slot. Nice.

      • Ha!

      • I didnt notice it either till my friend pointed it out to me. LMAO at the Italy comment!

    • Me too, i think its good to see him gain weight because it influence the butt size as well, tehee. dont get me wrong, his is sexy but needs more ‘fat’ for it. just a thought =)

    • I like the slight weight gain! He looks healthy, like I said yesterday. I don’t mind a little junk in the trunk. LOL. Honestly, he’s hot. I like it.

    • I don’t mind the weight gain! I like it, he looks healthy. I don’t mind a little junk in the trunk. Honestly, he looks hot. I love it.

      I apologize if this shows up twice.

  11. ASS CANDY!!!

  12. Maybe he should be more of the mohawked, totally tattted up Indian, is anyone liking that better?!!

    • I like the “totally tatted up Indian,” but not sure about the mohawk. Personally, I think he should only accept acting roles where he gets to look like Rob. Yes, I’m very selfish, but I don’t care.

  13. I think Unbound Captives sounds interesting, at least extremely different than anything else he’s done. If it does go through, we’ll be waiting breathlessly for daily reports if he’s fallen of a horse (please don’t get hurt, Rob).

    His character’s name- Tsomo meaning ‘Bead”. This maybe an oversimplification, and please correct me if anyone knows this, but in many Native American cultures, beads were used as money and were considered valuable.

    So please correct me, but if he’s named valuable, then I have to agree!

  14. PS Those manips are vastly disturbing!!!!
    Kudos!

  15. Could it be a typo? Maybe the meaning of his name is not “Bead” but Appropiately “Bed”

    Now that make sense , and I’m all for that role:)

    • Or it could be “Bad.” I’d go for that, too.

  16. I think IndianRob is really HOT!!!

    But that may be because I like long hair on men, I’m part american indian myself or I’m not thinking straight because I was locked out of my house nekkid this morning…

    • ………..???? I’d so like to hear the rest of the story…lol

      • Well… As I was getting out of the shower this morning, I remembered that I needed something out of my car. I decided to run out and get it. As I go out the door it somehow locks itself behind me! I’m wearing a skimpy towel that barely covers my hooha… might as well have been nekkid! No one else is home. I had a key hidden outside but I forgot to put it back after I was locked out the last time. My best friend lives next door and has a key, so I walk over there. She’s not home but her husband and two guys he works with are. I’m dying of embarrassment! Her hubby doesn’t know where the key is so I call her. While she’s trying to remember where she put it, these guys are staring at me. Her hubby is trying his best not to laugh. Finally, I have the key. One of the guys asks if I need help opening the door. NO! Anyway, I’m safely back inside my house now but I think I’m a little traumatized….

        • Oh dear! Glad that you’re back safely.

        • lmao….sounds like a good idea for some film…..<3…and thinking of it I saw something similar on Desperate Housewifes………! Anyway all went well……<3

          • Yeah, it’d make a good film and Rob could play the guy who asked if I needed help opening the door and this time I would say YES…..

          • WHY I just knew what you’d reply????….lol

          • Excellent idea and inspired casting!

          • Now Robgirl, what else would you expect from a self admitted Robsessed gal like me?

          • haha, i remembered that! Teri Hatcher was frikkin hilarious in DW and tupe since Rob is the door guy, can i audition for ur part please??

          • Sawittri84, sure all of you LTR ladies could audition with Rob but ultimately I’d have to give the part to…. MYSELF!

          • tupelo if that’s the case there will be thousands of women auditioning! LOL Me included!

        • Geez, and did it never dawn on any of these men to possibly get you a robe to wear while you were waiting on the discovery of said key?

          And as for Indian Rob, well, I say let’s just go with it! The thing is, even if it sucks out the wazoo, we are all going to go see it just for the Rob Candy. I mean really, why fight it?

          Because this is how we roll.

          xoxo,

          loveme

          • Hey loveme, I guess it didn’t occur to them. They were enjoying the view and my embarrassment too much maybe?…

          • You probably made their day.
            You know, like how we get when there is a photo snapped of Rob with a bulge in his pants or a gap in his shirt that shows that joyous happy trail or when he appears without Kristen.
            Just all giddy inside!

          • Yeah, I think it did make their day. A little while later as I was going out to my car, they started whistling and hollering “Ooh, baby, take it off! Take it all off!” Plus, they’ve been telling folks about it! Gawd….

          • I’d like to see a new picture of Rob with a bulge in his pants! That would make my day! Yeah, that would be just what I need after a day like today!!

        • wow hahaha TP such a lovely story .where do u live ?isn’t it freeze outhere?

          • Che, I live just north of Memphis, TN. It was about 45 degrees or so. Yeah, I was soaking wet and freezing my a** off! Don’t know what the hale possessed me to go out like that to start with…

        • Haha! You are funny! I bet the guys enjoyed it! 🙂

          I’ve had something similar happen to me before but I’m not gonna steal your thunder today! 🙂

          • SB, tell me about it. Email me or post it here!

            and I’m sure those guys are gonna be talking about it for a long time… a couple of people have already called asking about the whole situation. They’re never gonna let me forget this!

          • tupelo – OMG I can’t share it here, so embarrassing! Plus like I said I don’t want to steal your thunder.

            Here’s a hint, mine involved a fautly swimsuit. That should be enough information for right now. 🙂

          • Sorry, I meant “faulty” swimsuit. See Tupelo, I am so red and embarrassed now that I can barely type.

          • Steal my thunder, Girl! I don’t mind. We’ll share! LOL.

            I think I can kinda imagine what you’re talking about tho!

          • Tupelo, after reading your account, I’ve decided never to come outside the house in the state of undress. 🙂 I’ve not come out of the house after a shower but a lot of times I’m just wearing a really thin tank top and short shorts(for sleeping) to get the newspaper or the mail.

            Glad you got the idea of my faulty swimsuit!

            Btw I read the Bel Ami script, it’s great! Can’t wait to see it! I have so many things to say but won’t because I don’t want to spoil it for others here.

    • Ah, what??? How were you locked out of your house nekkid this morning??? What happened?

      Presumably you got back in, since you’re posting, unless you brought a laptop outside with you when you were nekkid and if so, I’m not sure I want to know the reason!!!!

      • No, I didn’t have a laptop outside…. LOL.

        • GOOD!

        • Oh good! LOL!

          • LOL. I’ve read drsaka’s comment a few times and about pee my pants laughing! The idea of being nekkid outside with a laptop!

            Drsaka, you are too funny!

          • Tupelo -LOL naked outside with a laptop! Haha!

            I just pictured you! You’re southern so I pictured your house would have a little porch in the front(like ours) and you’d be there sitting in one of the chairs w/ your feet propped up(nekkid) and the laptop on your lap!!!!

          • Glad that you liked it! I’m glad that you were NOT up to ‘nekkid outside with a laptop’ shenanigans.

          • SB, my house actually has a big front porch with a swing, 2 rocking chairs and a wicker loveseat. I prefer the swing. So I can picture your little scenario. Buck nekkid on a swing with a laptop! Wouldn’t the neighbors have something to talk about!

            Maybe I’ll write a “Letter to Rob” about being nekkid on a swing sans laptop. I’ll see what I can come up with!

          • tupelo, see I’m glad I gave you that idea. My head is full of ideas like these. I always write them out :-).

            Hahah I knew it, I knew you’d have a porch :-). We southerners always do because we all like to chill outside drinking sweet tea(but with clothes on!).

    • Do tell, Tupelo.

      • Why, ML, do tell indeed! Girl, you do sound southern! You sure you’re not from mine and SB’s neck of the woods?

        • Tupelo~
          I’m from New Orleans/Lafayette LA (for 28 years), and I don’t think you get can more southern than that. Glad to be from your neck of the woods. I’m in CO now.

  17. did you guys know that he might be in Water for Elephants the movie? its a really good book and so im really excited for the movie and if robs in it i just my pee my pants (pattinson pants of course)

    • Don’t stain the pattinson pants! Yes, WFE looks interesting too!

  18. its a really cute romance that takes place in a depression era circus, but dont worry, rob wont be wearing any clown make up or anything

    • Now that (Rob in clown makeup) would be disturbing!!! Though we’ve already seen what he looks like in too much red, red lipstick and!

      • delete the ‘and’ after lipstick!

        • No…and too much white makeup!!!

    • Oh that’s great to know :-). I heard about the book but I haven’t read it yet.

    • Does Sean Penn’s character kick Rob’s character’s arse? Isn’t there a love triangle or something? Guess I’ll have to go buy the book!

      • the book is really good, there is a love triangle and you should def read it

  19. Personally i still think he chooses this role bcoz he likes to take challenge and try new things (comanche, horse riding, blablabla), or perhaps he wants to feel how is it to be a son of amazing Rachel Weisz?? But, i cringe every time long hair Rob visually comes to my mind bcoz last time i checked long hair Rob (twilight prep, ladies) was ehem..fail.

    PS. I hope Rob involvement in WFE is true. He and whiterspoon and penn will be fantastic =)

  20. haha, yea we could deal with a makeup free rob for a while

  21. http://www.hellomagazine.com/vote/grand-finale2009/menattractive.html
    sorry guys for being stalker, but there are only 25 hours we have to bring it home. it’s a sinking bout like someone said but there are 30 Russian fans who opened new email addresses only to vote for Laurie. they say “we must beat American fans”. so i did. so everyone can do. if some girls here at least 20 open addresses for voting it will run fast and we”ll win. for me it’s not only about Rob anymore it’s about being a fan

    • i’ve already voted! Laurie is 112009 votes while Rob is 118438 . Hugh Laurie has lot fans too! What TV series he’s in? i saw it once, but i forget the tittle

      • He’s the star of “House,” and he had a bit part in “How to Be.”

        When Art is riding the bus the Hugh Laurie character is sporting a lovely t-shirt that say’s, “Eat My F*ck.” What does that mean? I’m old.

        • Ah, House! Know i remember that! Thank You!

          And i’m so sorry i dont have any idea what the sentence means since i’m indonesian? =)

        • what the guy on the bus was Hugh Laurie?OMG i watched How to be(just twice-shameonme)but i didn’t recognize him.i love that scene Art’s reaction is awsome.

        • i’ve just watched the part to be sure and it seams Hugh.if he was Hugh laurie ,i don’t understand He’s been doing Hause since 2004,he couldn’t be an extra for an indie movie .i guess he might be did this just for fun otherwise it doesn’t make sense

          • Che,
            It does look like Hugh, but I couldn’t find his name in the credits…so maybe it’s not him. I dunno…

            Anyway, maybe he’s friends with Oliver Irving (dir.) and just wanted to have some fun so he did this little tiny part.

          • “Anyway, maybe he’s friends with Oliver Irving (dir.) and just wanted to have some fun so he did this little tiny part.”

            yeah i thought that too.

            i even got my sister out of bed (which she were lying cuz she got an surgery from her teeth-yes i’m just cruel)to see it and asked what she think. and she said it wasn’t him too ,maybe his lost twin:)

        • ML, you’re funny. I will explain it you thru email.
          ❤ you always.

          SB

          • ok, do tell, SB.

  22. The butter thing is disturbing me.

    • and the creepy Fabio one with the wolves is disturbing me. Somehow my mind is processing it as some sort of freaky portrait of Rob and Taylor (Taylor having been transformed into a wolf cub, naturally).

    • I think that they’re all disturbing!

      • Manipulated photos of Rob is my least favorite thing.

      • Stuff that Rob nightmares are made of.

  23. Did anyone notice the Post Secret entry w/ Rob today?

    • where?

    • My cousin just posted that on Facebook saying she agreed. Whatever! I love how they used one of the sexiest pictures of him too. But to each her own I suppose. More for the rest of us to love!

    • Where? Post the link please. Thanks.

  24. i love western movies.i would love to see Rob as an cowboy more than an indian.

  25. OMG! I still have to read the post, but I just wanted to say how much I looooved Water For Elephants, and if this is true, I just might die. I had heard rumors that they were making it into a movie and that made me happy, but this would make it completely perfect!!! K now I’m going to actually read the post.

  26. Hahahaha “bead!” I don’t know why that’s so funny to me, but it is. And my mind didn’t immediately go to a dirty place, but thanks ladies for taking it there! I guess fanfic hasn’t quite taken over my life yet, but I think it’s well on its way. And those manips are just disturbing! Sully!!! I remember thinking he was pretty sexy back in the day. I think I was like 9 or 10 when Dr. Quinn was on? What’s weird is I was actually just thinking about that show yesterday. This was my train of thought: Walk The Line was on tv, started thinking about Johnny Cash’s life, thought about how he became majorly religious in his latter years, thought about him playing a reverend (I think) on Dr. Quinn. Yeah.

  27. Wow these pics are very funny but rather disturbing! 🙂

    I am glad Rob has versatility, that’s a valuable asset. I personally like to see him more as himself but then that’s not really acting isn’t it? lol. I can’t wait to see all these other movies he’s in. I don’t care if he plays a gay guy, a Comanche, a pimp…it’s Rob, Iwill pay money to see it.

    BTW I read the Bel Ami script and the first thought that came to mind was, “these women who get to sleep/makeout with him are so darn lucky!”

  28. *quietly* am i the only one who prefers robward to beardward?? i know he cant look like the vf pictures everyday but not loving the look at the moment.

    • OMG this post made me laugh sooo hard.. the thought of Rob in some bad native American garb is pretty off putting.. especially the dr quinn reference.. the mental picture made me cringe

      lets hope it ends up being GREAT not cheesy

      I actually LIKE beardward.. I bet it tickles.. well… yeah ok my mind is ALWAYS in the gutter.. but I think Rob is cute no matter what, and him looking like some dude I would run into in the book store gives me hope there are actually super hot guys hiding under manfur ALL AROUND ME

  29. The only question is: how bad will it be and can you borrow Taylor’s? — No comment on that just HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. Me died of laughter…

    Or was it the possibility of learning dirty words in Comanche? –I hope this language goes in the Spanish-kinda direction cause that would be SO hot…

    Curiosity about whether you can ride a horse without falling off? –Please tell me that it’s not just me who is having ambiguous thoughts about this statement…

  30. Speaking of Water for Elephants, does anyone else think it is hilarious that Reese Witherspoon played his mother and will now be playing his lover? Oh Hollywood how I love you.

    • i’m sure she would be more pleased with second one,who doesn’t:)

    • Yeah, its funny!

  31. “It seems your Comanche name in the movie is Tsomo which means “bead”. Bead? Really? Supposedly you are a warrior, but a warrior of what? Friendship bracelets?”

    bwahahahaha… Okay, I am such a lurker over here at LTR… but I just couldnt pass up the opportunity to tell HotJupiter: I lit’rally *giggle/snorted* for a good 5 minutes after reading that^

  32. I’m late to this post unfortunately, because it was hysterical! Great job HotJupiter!!

  33. “Cant believe it’s not butter…” will never be the same… *twinkly eyed* sighhhh.


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