I feel that we’ve reached a point in our (fake) relationship that I must confess something to you that has been bothering me for the past year. No, I’m not cheating on you – unless you count my husband. It’s much worse than that. Okay, here it goes. Rob, when I first saw you, I didn’t think you were cute. I know it’s painful to hear. Trust me I feel foolish for admitting it since, obviously you are the hottest and sexiest man walking the planet. But allow me to tell you my story and perhaps you can find it in your heart to forgive me.
Like most women here, I was introduced to you via the Twilight movie. My mother dragged me to the theater on opening weekend for a little mother/daughter time. Neither one of us knew anything about this little movie you made, but we were lured in by all of the hype. So that’s where I had my first encounter with you. I remember the first moment you came on screen. I remember your slo-mo walk into the Forks High School cafeteria. I remember it because that was the moment I lost 10% of my hearing as every hormonal teenage girl in the crowded theater squealed with delight. What was my reaction, you ask? Was I “dazzled”. Sadly, no. I laughed. That’s right, Rob. I laughed at you. So did my mother. We laughed at your bouffant hairdo. We laughed at your Maybelline #743 red lipstick. And we didn’t stop laughing throughout the entire movie. The more the girls screamed, the harder we laughed.
On the car ride back to my house, we had a discussion on whether or not you were good looking. We decided that you probably looked better without your vampire make-up. So after arriving home, I googled you. (Okay, first I had to look up Twilight on Imdb so I could pull up the cast list and figure out what the hell your name was – then I googled you.) I spent the next 15 minutes looking at photos of you without your vampire make-up. Guess what? I still didn’t think you were cute. Just stick with me, Rob. I’m getting to the good part, I promise.
I soon forgot about you and went on with my life. One day, as I was doing some cleaning, you showed up on Ellen. That’s right, the famous Ellen interview of ’08. At least that’s how I refer to it. That’s the moment you dazzled me, Rob. I heard you giggling, and I stopped what I was doing so I could watch. I’ve never heard a grown man giggle, so I was intrigued. As I watched I became aware of the fact that you seemed very nervous and awkward and, quite frankly, you seemed like a complete dork. I loved it!! You were the complete opposite of the typical “Hollywood Movie Star”.
Find out the rest of TooOldforThis’s deep dark confession and see what finally won her over after the cut
I decided to go on youtube and look for other interviews with you. I spent the rest of the day ignoring both my kids and my housework so I could watch you. That was the day I fell in love with you, Rob. I fell in love with your personality. The more shy and awkward you seemed, the cuter I thought you were. I quickly came (that’s what she said) to appreciate the whole package. It’s an incredible phenomenon you’ve created. You’ve lured us in with your quirky sense of humor and your self-deprecation. Now you can do almost anything and we think it’s “cute”.
Of course there will always be the occasional cringe-worthy picture that makes “outsiders” wonder why we think you are so hot – the zygote pictures (you were young, you needed the money), the creepy uncle Rob photos and The Tuck (dear God, the tuck!). But we know there’s another side to you. There’s GQ Rob, Vanity Fair Rob and the occasional Drunk Rob (so adorable). This is the Rob that makes teen girls,their mothers and sometimes even their grandmothers “swoon” and have inappropriate thoughts and dreams about you.
So there it is Rob. I hope you can forgive me. I think confession is good for every (fake) relationship and I hope we can move past this and look forward to our (fake) future together.
Love you always (even through “The Tuck”),
Big thanks to TooOldForThis for writing a fantastic letter to Rob. Show some love and tell us what was your tipping point? Did you like Rob right off the bat or did something happen that made you change your mind? And seriously, how hideous is that first picture?! WOW.