*In light of the whole Tiger Woods scandal, January Morning tells Rob he has nothing to worry about if he ever chose to ditch the zero and get with a hero. IfyouknowwhatImsayin’.*
Go ahead Rob, we'll never know!
I know that you’re a celebrity but with all the insane coverage EVEN you must have heard about Tiger-gate. In light of all these developments, i want to tell you how if you were cheating you would never get caught – in case you ever get sick of K-Stew monogamy.
1. You dont know how to text well-enough to send me dirty messages so that i could save them and sell them to the media keep them for later. Considering you just recently updated your jitterbug to a real phone I’m really not convinced you even know how to text. Or, if you do… you probably text like an 8th grade girl. Like:
Hi, Whts ^
U r cute
Lets hang L8 @ my rm
I ❤ hotpockets
C u L8
DOH! I got caught. I shoulda been RPattz
2. You wear the same clothes for days. No one would suspect anything of you, if you came stumbling out of a hotel wearing the same clothes from last night… or even last week probably. People would just assume that your being your normal hygiene-challenged sexy self. No one would have to know you spent the night with someone who isnt a cranky mullet-wearing non-smiler your girlfriend.
3. You could say you were hanging out with your other sister. You know, that one NO ONE knows about. What’s her name? Veronica? Victoria? Vivienne? Who knows! Which is why is works to your advantage. You just tell K-Stew your current g/f you were spending time with her and since i think MAYBE 5 people have seen her face, she’ll definitely believe you.
Wait, I texted you WHAT?!
4. DENY DENY DENY. Rob, i know your good at it now. You denied, side-stepped, and dodged your way through countless interviews about banging befriending Kristen, so just sing the same old song. Anytime anyone mentions it, just answer your cryptic little answers, laugh, run your fingers through your hair, and exude your orgasmic everyday robness – people will believe!
At the end of the day, you might be just too much Rob for one woman… let the LTR girls take care of that for you! Remember, we are the rob is more than just a song – its a lifestyle!
Wanting to be Rob’s mistress number 1,
If you’re number 1, can I be his number 2 gal? Wait… ummm maybe I’ll be number 3. Give a big hand to January Morning and let us know which mistress you are and what other tips Rob needs…
Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTT, Twitter