Rob’s Mailbag: A dude writes Robert Pattinson and Rob writes back

*Since we write a blog called “Letters to Rob” we receieve TONS of emails (yea, sorry it takes a while for us to respond sometimes we’re busy with uh… rob… things). Mostly people write to us, about us, about Rob or about Twilight. But then there are those “special” people who think WE ARE ROB. Cause Rob writes letters to himself on a blog, daily. Riiiiight. So let’s empty out ol Rob’s mailbag and see what the crazy has brought us today and then we’ll let “Rob” answer them cause he has nothing else to do right now while he’s holed up in his parents house*

it's true

hey rob (if your robs assistant reading please pass on0 –

you probly dont remeber me but my names also “rob” (really “robert”) and you were at this concert of your freinds band at that place hoetel cafe in hollywood? and you came outside when i was outside smoking and asked for one of mine and i gave you one. i thinkn you di’dn’t even smoke it because all these paparazis were all over you pretty fast but we made jokes about the door guy and how he thinks hes this poet and always reading his shitty poetry to people? anyway that was me. i had on a fallout boy tshirt.

anyway i know its wierd but i had a favor to ask you becasue you seem like a ok guy. i took this girl natalee to see that show and then she was all pissed that i met you and she didnt (she was inside wtching the show). and i mean she went on about how why did’nt i come in and get her and introduce her and all this. sometims she does that and comes off all like a bitch but shes always really sweet to my little brother whos “learnig disabled” and shes mosty really nice. and ill be honest man, she will do whatever thing i want hr to doin the sack so you know how it is. but now so whenever we get in a fight shes always like why didnt you even think about me and come get me you know i think hes my favrite acter, you never think about me only yourself your so selfish and i dont even know why i date you. (she means me.) blah blah blah pms shit. but now its like shes not even ltting me touc h her at all.

Read the rest of the other Rob’s letter along with Rob’s response and some more amazing FallOut Boy tshirts

damn that Ashlee Simpson...

so man i know your busy and its a big favor but man could i jsut get you to say hi to her in personN? my frisnd who works at the hotel cafe says you hang around whenever your freind bobby long plays, but he cant hook me up with you because he will lose his job. ive gone to four bobby long shows in town since we met and i havents seen you once. i even ask bobby long every time but i know hes not gonna rat you out. maybe your backstage or something. but if i knew youd be there i could bring natalee and you could just say hi real quick. i promise it wouldnt take long and shed be really exited then shed chill out on me. and honestly man i need to get some real soon. a mans got needs. i know you hear me on that. (please dont talk about kristen because natalee gets all pissy and jelous. right, like youd even talk to natalees chunky ass if i didnt get you to. we both know you didnt get with your girl for her acting. man to man.)

i hpe this gets to you. sorry this is so long but i had to explain it. if you want ill even buy you beers. you seem liek a standup guy so i’m sure you know where im coming from. drinks on me, man.

thanks,
rob
(the other “rob”)
ps, dont worry about putting us on the list, my freind can get us on.

And now for the response…

He's going downtown in an earlier round, sugar we're going down swinging

Dear (the other) Rob,

Nice name, man. Sorry to say it but I havent been around lately, if you follow anything about me (and youre a dude so you shouldnt. high five) you’d know I’m in the UK right now living it up at crappy beer gardens and taking strolls with my um….maybe….maybe not… don’t tell the my publicist I’m talking about this… girlfriend getting smashed off 1.50 shots otherwise id maybe show up to one of those four shows youve been to but I’ll do my best to help from my spot here on my parents coach that I havent moved from in at least 7 days.

So when you say this natalee girl will do “whatever you want her to do in the sack” does that mean she’ll blindfold herself with a plaid shirt and drip hot pocket grease down her chest while I eat another hot pocket and watch from a chair across the room? Cause that’s pretty hot dude, you should hang on to her or um better yet send her my way cause I’m getting tired of my old ball and chain. She would definitely never be into a grease fantasy situation unless we’re talking hair grease, then she’d be ALL over that. But microwaved pepperoni grease? NO WAY. Trust me. I’ve tried.

he'll be your number one with a bullet. Loaded gun complex, cock it and pull it

so as much as this girl goes on and on about you totally box-blocking her from meeting me, it’s probably for the best since if what you say is true and she’s nice to the specially-abled folks and is possibly into microwave dinner fetish play than i probably would have stolen her away with my purposely mumble-y british accent and self deprecating humor cause chicks dig that shit man, I know cause they write about it all the time on this blog and well i’ve got a couple friends who could be considered specially abled and like i said grease and chicks? HOT. between you and me, i’m seriously over banging a bag of bones, if natalee’s got some cushion for the pushin then sign me up.

x
rob

ps can your friend put me on the list too? Oh and thanks for the smokes, next time I want your fallout boy tshirt.

*would you believe this letter to Rob Pattinson was actually written by a friend of mine who just happens to be fluent in 14 year old teenager and not really some whackadoo who likes Fall Out Boy? give him some props and let us know what you think about dudes writing rob , how you feel about me knowing fallout boy lyrics and if you’re into hot grease…XO, moon*

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTT, Twitter