Posted by: themoonisdown | December 30, 2009

Robert Pattinson is spotted in London and we Break It Down and learn more about Barnes

Dear Rob,

You came out of hiding!!! Congratulations are in order for your parents I assume. I’m pretty sure Clare had had enough of your nasty shoes being all over and couch and you refusing to shower on the regular probably made keeping the windows open a necessity and with it being freezing ass cold I’m sure everyone’s ready for you to step out for an hour or so. So with an alert on my phone and a spring in my step I jumped out of bed ready to Break It Down with UC.

Is there anything else to say but: Let’s Do This!!!

Lizzy um I mean VICTORIA tricking Rob into leaving the house

The one where we figure out It’s Not LIZZY! (said in the “They’re NOT bears!” voice)
can we first talk about the title of the post?! “rob out with sister LIZZY” what about DICK?!
UC: and PS i’m pretty sure that’s NOT lizzy. she has better style that’s Victoria. Victoria wears cashmere, fringey coats and platform boots
Moon: they look like twins but youre right she doesnt really look like lizzy
UC: she looks older
Moon: older sister is ready to throw down with the paps in that one pic. maybe SHE started her own RESPECT the pattz campaign
Moon: Claudia! nice call! twi nerd of the day award for you
UC: thanks! ps a little google search finds me this picture
that’s DEF not lizzy in these pictures. victoria is more plain than lizzy
Moon: victoria fooled the paps! she is a crafty one. older siblings are like that!

The one where we figure out what’s REALLY going on, like the new shrubs

Omg look at that shrub Ron, is that a ficus or an african violet?

Moon: so here’s what i think is happening in these pictures: the pattinson family all agreed that rob needed some new clothes in a BAD BAD way
UC: they know someone in the family who owns a cashmere shop
Moon: so victoria lures him out tell him theyre going to grab some beers or maybe hit a bookstore and then dick opens the door to the prius or whatever car that is and victoria throws him in and they drive off to the store. dicks like ROB we’re just going to Mervyns/khols you NEED a new sweater. youre wearing like 10 shirts and my old windbreaker right now.
UC: and those jeans from the HP days you’re getting really handy with a sewing kit but… they’re falling apart
Moon: exactly he is in desperate need of something made in the last 5 years
UC: and Victoria’s like “I’ll bring my fancy jacket and a cashmere skirt in gray” so we can call him Claudia while he tries on a new sweater. Ps the fam has big feet
Moon: shes got big feet
Moon: jinx
UC: of course!
Moon: her coat is like all kinds of insane. A wookie died for that coat
UC: it’s clearly from a trunk of Claires where they used to pull clothes to dress Rob up in. do you think we’re looking at the Pattinson residence in South Barnes? I’d like to think so
Moon: yea i think they came out the front door or maybe nana’s house
UC: look at the way those bushes are up around the front. (she has a great ass) I think Dick planted them to lure Rob to spend a little time at home
Moon: victorias pointing out the new shrubbery Dick put in while he warms up the car
to trick him. this is clearly a diversion tactic. and her ass is fantastic and she is TALL!
Moon: do you think Victoria was in Clare’s Barbazon school of modeling like rob?
UC: yes! However, I think Dick sold a few extra Porsche’s to get all those photos confiscated. they learned their lesson from the zygote rob fiasco

Want to learn more about Barnes? Want to see Rob’s new wardrobe in 5 years? Follow the jump

Big feet means big... shoes...

The one where UC teaches us about Barnes, London
UC: so i’m going to teach us EVERYTHING there is to know about barnes… first the notable residents
Moon: awwww rob is a notable resident. shouldnt dick and clare be the notable residents?! and DUDE freddy mercury?! Now THAT’s who Barnes should be excited about.
UC: don’t think i’m not google-mapping barnes right now. it’s like SUBURBAN london
Moon: thank god. We need to find his house in street view
UC: i was picturing him living in more like that street in Love Actually. Where Hugh Grant picks up Natalie
Moon: you mean “the dodgy end.” love that movie

The one where a crazy Robsten-er keys Dicks car

You see that son... R-O-B-S-T-E-N wtf is a Robsten? Damn hooligans

Moon: what do you think dick is showing rob? son, now this is a KEY it opens the door….
UC: yeah it could be that OR he recently got keyed by a crazy who wrote “I LOVE ROBSTEN” on the side
Moon: So was it Nikki or Kristen?
UC: it was TammyO
Moon: damn tammyo is going international! Then she keyed a “thumbs down” on it
UC: so le’ts think about this. cuz it’s odd. Papa P is opening the DRIVERS side but it looks like he’s opening the door for Rob
Moon: hopefully he doesnt have a death wish and let’s rob drive
UC: This is his one last act? before Rob drives them to their deaths? Did he send Victoria inside so she didn’t have to partake?
Moon: theres a later pic and i think he’s NOT driving thank god
UC: looks like he took one look at the steering wheel and realized it was REAL and not a fake one-  and got in the back..
Moon: he was like damnit dad i thought this was one of those battery powered ones

Who wants to die today?! Rob, why don't you drive?

The one where girls talk about cars
Moon: so what kind of car is that?
UC: mercedes?
Moon: ive been trying to figure it out it doesnt look like a mercedes
UC: jag b/c they’re british?
Moon: it looks like a Kia
UC: Kia or a Hyundai Sonata. Hard to tell
Moon: if it was a merc. the lights would be circular, I think you’re right its defs the sonata or a ford festiva. They love those small ass cars over there. like i can talk….
UC: for their small ass streets. on the dodgey ends

The one where Dick models “Dad Couture”

You'll look great in purple, Rob

UC: do you SEE his dads shirt? that’s his in another 2-3 years
Moon: YES
UC: purple! That’s a new color or him. it has a ZIPPER!?
Moon: the purple zip up pullover. That was clearly a clare/victoria/lizzy gift from xmas. “theyre like here’s the hottest thing dad, PURPLE zip up! You’ll be so hot down at the dealership”
UC: and Rob saw him open it, his eyes got big as he thought of what i’ll look like in 2-3 years, with a few small holes around the breast
Moon: rob was like what am i going to match that with in 10 years? all my stuff is blue, black and olive green hmmm maybe dad will give me that north face puffy jacket too….
Moon: Robs new look will be classified at “south barnes retiree chic”
UC: notice he’s holding what seems to be a black peacoat clearly from the Dick Pattinson 2008 collection since he dons the north face in 2009. He was walking out and Clair said “Where do you think you’re going without a heavier jacket, Mister?”
Moon: that wind breaker plus 293489324 shirts isnt going to keep you warm
UC: he’s like “Mom, I’m 23, and a millionaire actor starring in a film that just made 640 mil world wide”
Moon: seriously im counting 4-5 shirts/layers
UC: “plus i may or may not be screwing a girl younger than 20. why are you on my back?” then she gave him The Look. So he grabbed the jacket. you don’t mess with The Look from Claire
Moon: not at all thats from her advanced modeling class “guilt with your eyes” is what the looks called.
Tyra stole it for top model and i think maybe my mom was in the same modeling class, shes GOOD with that look

I won rock/paper/scissors fair and square Rob, stop pouting!

The one where nothing changes

UC: it’s why he never goes home, that look…plus this
UC: nothing ever changes. it doesnt’ matter than he’s a millionaire in a hot relationship he’s a hot actor on the red carpet BUT Vickie still gets to ride shot gun in the Sonata
Moon: he’s in the BACK of the sonata and he’s pissed cause he has to straddle the car trash bag back there
UC: i bet that’s why it looked like Dick was holding him back as they got into the car. He was afraid he was going to leap around the other side and take Vicky’s seat and She’s wearing her cashmere so he knows she’s in a serious mood you don’t mess with Vic when she’s in cashmere so.. he held Rob back.
Moon: never
UC: guided him into the back of the Sonata
Moon: and Dick’s seen his Edward moves in getting around a car in lightening speed. He had to hold him back
UC: i think this is some european car we don’t have
Moon: its defs a euro car we know nothing about. European readers, TELL US what this is
Moon: So besides Mervyns/Khols for a new sweater where did they go? (whats’s the UK version of Mervyns?)  i would love to see the Pattinson family out for the Sunday sale at khols. I would die of laughter while clare’s trying on outfits from the simply vera wang collection for khols. Rob trying on new nikes cause im pretty sure that the only place where you can still get that model

The one where we go on the Rob Pattinson Tour of London

Worthy of it's OWN tour

UC: ps. barnes is around 7.5 miles from Buckingham palace
Moon: OHHHH fancy
UC: I wish we knew MORE of where he lived..
Moon: i wonder if they salute the queen every time they drive by we need to visit take the “Robert Pattinson’s London” group tour trip
UC: YES, i’d love it
Moon: the tour guide would wear plaid shirts and holey jeans and her little tour guide flag would be a ripped up piece of flannel on a stick
UC: hahaha
Moon: “Robert Pattinson’s London” would be like 3 stops: his parents house, the South Barnes Theater and that alley way behind the bar in the tweet/dumpster picture and the tour would take place in a Hyundai Sonata
UC: So you know the name of that theater? I need to find the address
Moon: Nope, but you need to find it cause we need to know all about Barnes. I wish england made their contribution records public
UC: what would we look for?
Moon: than we could find out if his parents contributed to any political campaigns and that would give us their home address
UC: Cause Tha’ts Normal

So there we have it Rob, you’re back in London… what else will you be up to? Will we be treated to another bearded drunk fest with an unnamed kid? Will La Stew show up? Will you throw your mom a bone and go on a couple modeling gigs for her? Whatever it is, we can’t wait!


So what so do we think? Is that a Sonata, a Kia, some rando VW? What about Lizzy/VIctoria. Does anyone else love that silver fox, Dick?!


Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTT, Twitter


  1. Dear UC&Moon,

    I love your Break It Down messages. I just want to make a small correction. Victoria is not driving that car because in England the driver seat is the one on the right. Obviously, she sits on the left, waiting for his daddy to start the car 😛

  2. That was really mean… call his dad “dick”, like wtf?? I didn’t find it funny. After reading this I have a question: are you Rob fan?? Because I don’t think so….

    • I have questions, too! What a coincidence!

      1. Is your name TammyO?

      2. How many Twikids do you have?

      3. Will you memorize the following?

      And if you’re still unsure about our feelings for Mr. Pattinson ’round these parts, relax. Clair loves Dick and so do we.

    • Baba…..I have question Nr.

      4) What do you think about the “sparklepeen”?

      and a question to StotheP

      1) Do you like Rob too? b /c I like him a lot!

      2) When will you finally marry me?


      • Be still my heart! My first online proposal! Can we honeymoon on Isle Esme?

        Unfortch, love, I already have a Mr. totheP. However, bigamy is legal in my head. Move over, Rob . . .

          I’m not a witch, I’m your wife, but after what you just said StothePizzo I”m not even sure I want to be that anymore.
          Ever since I proposed to you this past autumn StothePizzo your confidence has been shattered. HUMPERDINK, HUMPERDINK, HUMPERDINK! Have fun storming the castle. Goodbyyyeeeeee.

    • i have ONE question for you!

      Do you know Rob’s Dads NAME??!!

      Why yes, it’s RICHARD…

      and what’s the nickname for a man named Richard?

      Why yes, it’s DICK!


      • Preach it Moon! 🙂

    • Dick is the customary British shortening of the name Richard…not primarily an insult!
      Lots of people don’t use it anymore because of what it’s come to mean…but in Dick P’s generation, it’s still the done thing. In Rob’s generation the shortened form would be Rich, Rick, maybe Richie…

  3. RPattz looks more like his mum. He’s such a pretty boy =)

  4. Dick is definitely driving and Vikky is shotgun – remember we drive on the other side of the road and other side of the car lol. I used to live in Barnes – I loved it there!! Very rich but there is a bad side of town (which was where we lived haha) where the houses are smaller!! Love the break down!

  5. El oh Elled ———>

    • ps. I ❤ you hos.

  6. Oh. My. Gawd. I am LOVING this site. Almost as much as I love Rob. That’s a heck of a lot in case any of you were wondering. I’m certain that I’m not alone here. 🙂


    • where have you been!? so glad you found us:)

    • not alone at all! welcome twimilf!

  7. Is it just me or does Papa Dick look a little bit like William Shatner from the Priceline commercial?? NO? Just me? Ok.
    Anyhoo, I vote that we spend next Christmas in Barnes. Whose with me?

  8. […] Robert Pattinson is spotted in London and we Break It Down and learn more about Barnes Dear Rob, You came out of hiding!!! Congratulations are in order for your parents I assume. I’m pretty sure Clare […] […]

  9. before 2009 ends i want to thank the ladies of LTR for being part of the journey into my robsession. in RL they say i am crazy but here i’m normal.

  10. I just got around to reading this,I am still crying with laughter,”The one where nothing changes”. Can’t you just see, bothersome little brother, always has to sit in the back, cause you know, I’m old and my relationships with my two younger brothers are still the same in some ways that they have always been.
    UC and Moon, thanks for breaking it down, no one does it better!

  11. […] or Mervyns. UC: haha OMG- Rob is at the british version of Khols Moon: Remember when we did that breaking it down for the Pattinson family/house/car pics?? We SAID they were going to KHOLS. We know him so well!!! I  think I might love them even more now! […]

  12. […] they’ll know it’s a scam Moon: truth! We could buy the Hyundai sonata/Vauxhall (or whatever our awesome UK readers figured out is the car his dad drives) Moon: and get a vanity plate says: WATCH OUT! Moon: drvs lke cullen […]

  13. Not to be a stalker, but does anyone have his parents’ exact address? I’m an indie designer in Manhattan who has printed images of him and the Twilight cast….I missed meeting him by 15 min. tonight after he left The Daily Show…I wanted to give him some shirts….I’ll trying catching up with Kristen Stewart when she’s back in NYC in a week for her Runaways premiere, but I’d honestly rather just mail a box to his parents. Don’t worry, I don’t plan on going to London, and, no, I don’t want to mail anything to his rep’s address where they surely steal everything…Any info. would be much appreciated, as I see you all are taking photos of his place, so you must have the address, no???

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