Posted by: Bekah | December 26, 2009

Twas the night before Christmas… with Rob

Dear Rob,

Please put on your Christmas sweater and then come on over here so we can cuddle while I read you this Christmas story we received the other day.



Twas the night before Christmas by Poochimama

Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the house,
I was reading old LTR’s,
And I was totally soused.

The Pocket-Edward was placed,
By the chimney with care,
In hopes that the real thing,
Might somehow show up there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
Which means I’m too old to have this kind of thing running through my head.
With Robporn on the screen of the computer in my lap,
I knew I’d sprain my eyes again before taking a nap.

Read the rest… after the J-U-M-P!

When out on the lawn there such a clatter,
I dropped wine on myself – but what does that matter?
Away to the fridge I flew in a jiffy,
Grabbed a cold Heineiken, isn’t that spiffy?

With bottle in hand, I looked outside at the snow,
While thinking of Rob and feeling warm down below.
When what to my half-glazed eyes should appear,
But a real-live Rob, holding a twelve-pack of beer!

More rapid than KStew,
I blinked and I stuttered,
Then the names I’d once called him,
I started to mutter.

Oh RPatz! Oh Robward!
Oh Edward! Oh Sexy and Lean!
Oh Arthur! Oh Cedric!
Oh sexy sparklepeen!

On the bed, On the couch,
In the snow, Against the wall!
Let’s go for it, right here!
I started to call.

And then, in a twinkling,
I heard a knock at the door,
I adjusted my bra,
To make the girls look like more.

As I tried not to fangirl,
He stepped in my house,
And I smiled as I watched him,
Quiet as a mouse.

He was dressed like a bum,
From his head to his feet,
His hair was all mussy,
And he had grandpa shoes on his feet.

His eyes – how they burned through me!
His smile, so endearing,
His jaw so damn lickable,
that my eyes started tearing!

The stubble on his chin was dark and unkempt,
I needed to stop staring –
I was getting verklempt.

The stump of the cig,
Hanging from his lips,
Was slender a narrow,
Like the V at his hips.

With a wink of his eye,
And a nod of his head,
I knew that I’d gone crazy,
Or else I was dead.

He spoke not a word,
but went straight to his work,
And that’s where I’ll fade to black,
Like Steph, I’m a jerk.

Then laying a finger,
on the tip of my nose,
he looked in my eyes,
and wordlessly he rose.

Then he walked out the door,
turned and gave me a wave,
and I struggled to deal with how I’d just behaved.

But I heard him exclaim,
before I had time to think,
“It was all just a dream!
You’ve had too much to drink!”

Poochimama you are BRILLIANT! XOXO

Thanks to our special friend Pattinson Anonymous for clearing up that the picture above IS a manip!

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTT, Twitter



  1. The picture is amazing and the text is great..!!!

  2. Bahaha…hilarious!

    …the grandpa shoes…too funny

    I am SOOO second-hand-PROUD of you !!!

    • and I cannot believe that the pic is NOT real!
      The sweater is soooo pretty…..ahemmm…….green!

  3. That is the BEST!!! So funny, Poochimama!! Thank you! I think I’ll have to recite this a couple of times today!

  4. Last night, helped by a certain amount of drinks, I thought I met Rob trying to go incognito in a pub, and SPEAKING FRENCH TO ME. And as deadly as it was, I hope this will never happen, because I could never control an extremely ridiculous stupid smile in front of speaking-French-Rob.

    • Clue: if he is speaking French, then Rob he is not… While if he is attempting to speak French with an English accent, while drunkenly pawing you, he just might be! Good luck with that! 😉

      • Oh shit, I don’t remember any pawing. I have to go back there. You never know.

    • bon jshurr…minit…shhe mepppel rrobbeerhhh

      • I’m dying!!!

    • Bwahaha! Minuit! I know it’s not Rob but I want the details! 🙂 Can u email it?

      • I’ll disappoint you. I barely remember anything. I just know that after weeks of convincing myself “I’m cool, I don’t care about this guy” I desperately needed to see him at 2 AM. in a pub. So it’s vague, but fucking intense. Unfortunately not intensely fucking.

        • Oh c’mon. I’m sure I’ll find it interesting.

          Ya know Minuit, I’ve tried convincing myself I don’t like “this guy” either. But it’s gotten me nowhere. I keep telling myself I’m gonna lay it off but I go back to the beginning over and over again. It just made me miserable. So I’ll just go w/ the flow and see where it takes me, hopefully to his side. Just to see him you know? Sigh*

        • There’s simply NO justice in the world….lol

  5. ahhhha!! this is awesome!
    totally made my morning!

    ❤ merry christmas all! its boxing day now for us canucks, and im leavin to go shopping!

  6. What wonderful Christmas poetry! And oh, if only dreams were as biddable as yours seem to be, then who would need any other kind of Christmas gifts? 🙂
    Wish I could dream the holidays away, instead of waking at 3 am with a muzzy head cold and confused dreams I can’t make head or tail of…Come back here, Rob! Right this minute!

  7. What a beautiful poem! I love it! 🙂

    “And then, in a twinkling,
    I heard a knock at the door,
    I adjusted my bra,
    To make the girls look like more”

    You made me laugh so much this morning!!! I have to remember not to have tea in front of my laptop!

    Btw that’s so true, I bet all of us moms can’t wait til our children go to we can have more ME time….time with Rob, to read fanfic, blogs, drool over pictures, watch Twilight and other Rob-related stuff!


  8. That was fuggin HILARIOUS. Bless you!! x

  9. poochimama that.was.brilliant!!

  10. B-R-I-L-L-I-A-N-T

  11. Forgive me Moon & UC, for I have sinned. It’s been at least a week since I last confessed my Roblove on your sites, or even read any of your hilarious posts.

    There are so many reasons for this major fail: too busy with all the shopping for the holidays, too busy addressing our 200 cards (would have graced you with one, but don’t know your address – side note – hubby did offer to address one to Rob, and then I had to admit that I knew the exact name of the town his parents live in), too busy coming to FL & hanging with the inlaws. Merely excuses. I will do my penance. I will read all the posts I missed and snicker to myself at the kitchen table this morning.

    Hope you each had a very Merry Christmas!

    ps – loved the poem! great job poochimama!

  12. “It was all a dream, you’ve had to much to drink”

    Maybe I need to have to much to drink… I wanna have a dream like this!!!

  13. “More rapid than KStew,
    I blinked and I stuttered”

    “He spoke not a word,
    but went straight to his work,
    And that’s where I’ll fade to black,
    Like Steph, I’m a jerk.”

    wow…you just raised the the rob genius bar up a few!

    • My favorite parts.
      Poochimama, that was amazing.

      Hope everyone had a good Christmas 🙂 Those of you who dare to venture into the insanity that will be shopping malls today.. enjoy!

    • True. Story.

  14. I am died.


    That was fanfic-alicious.

    I love you so much.

  15. p.s. I SHOULD HOPE that photo is a manip or else my Rob dreams are DOWN the drain! ❤

  16. Call 911…I’ve choked on my latte…AGAIN. Twas the adjusting the girls to look like more
    That made me sputter and choke as I rolled on the floor.
    Splendidly done, Poochi!

  17. Very, very, well done!!

  18. This is excellent! 🙂 Do they give Pulitzers for fanfic poetry? They should..

  19. I do love any Christmas poem with the words, “sexy sparkleeen.”

    Thanks, Poochimama! Nice.

    Am posting this video, as I love the music and need some pretty.

    • Can’t spell..meant to say “sparklepeen,”

    • Thanks mountainlion! I love that video…it makes me blush every time. It’s just so sensual! ;-).

      • hahaha….ssseeennnssssuuuuaaaalllll!!!

    • Thank you for posting the PRETTY…. I love that video too….

      too much for me

      • Glad you both liked it. It makes me want to dance everytime I hear it AND I have no interest in green-sweater Rob. I try to scroll past it without looking.

    • Thanks for the link. My heart is still racing.. and so is my mind. Steph Myer would not approve.

      The poem is brillant. I’m printing this one out and keeping it.

  20. That was effing brilliant! For real! 😀

  21. Brilliant!

  22. This was so funny. I have ornaments on my tree with the night before christmas written on them. Each one has a different part on it.

    It would be amazing if I could get them with this version as well. I could just hang them up and wait to see if anyone noticed. Put the sparklepeen right up front!

    I kept stopping in the middle to scroll back up to see that pic. That was ALMOST too much.

    Happy holidays everyone!!

    • I’ll work on that for next year!

  23. THAT … was fantastic.

  24. *blushes*
    Thank you all!
    I’ve been traveling ALL DAY, but to reach my destination and see all this made the trip worth it!
    Thanks to UC and Moon for a whole year of inspiration 🙂
    Now if you’ll excuse me (adjusts boobage) I have some drinking to do….
    Big Christmas *MUAH* to you all!

    • I. Am. Proud.

      Poochi is an AWESOME writer. Period. Glad to call her friend and the moment she sent this to me I said “SEND IT TO UC NOW!!!”

      So glad she shared it with ya’ll!

      Can’t wait to see you this week Poochi!!!



  25. Hilarious Poochimama!!!

  26. pure aswesomeness Pooch!

  27. haha 🙂

  28. i love this poem so much

  29. Zomg, that was fucking brilliant.

  30. Hilarious! I love it!

  31. I need to print that out. I love it. So. Great.

  32. ooh the color of that sweater..
    Doesn´t matter..

    what you wrote was great!! haha

  33. Hey guys, nice to be here! I love!

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