Posted by: themoonisdown | December 23, 2009

Singing Christmas songs with Robert Pattinson: Vol. 1 Santa Baby

*Hey friends, it’s Christmas week and to get us into the spirit of the season we’re going to be reworking some classic Christmas songs. Today’s is brought to us by the lovely, funny, witty, rad Calli. Just try not to blush, I dare you!*

Robbie Baby has got some mistletoe and a "package" he'd like to give you for being naughty

Robbie Baby

(aka “The Time Calli Wrote a Song and Got Uncomfortable”**)

(To the Tune of “Santa Baby”)

Buh-bum.. buh-bum…
Robbie Baby, just slip yourself under the tree, for me
Promise I won’t fangirl
Robbie baby, so make your way to see me tonight

Robbie baby, wear a mismatched button down too, light blue,
I’ll be waiting right here,
Robbie baby, come hide from papz at my place tonight

Kristen might be a little pissed,
but Rob your jawline’s begging to be kissed
one little peck and then i’ll be good
Just let me check you off my Christmas list

Robbie baby, give me watcha got cuz your oh, so hot
Been lovin you for a year
robbie baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Ho, Ho, Vodka

robbie honey, so maybe one more thing i need, the deed
want to have you as mine,
robbie baby, so climb on into my bed tonight

robbie cutie, and fill my evening with tastes of your neck and pecks,
on you I’d like to dine
robbie cutie, come get your kicks with me tonight

Come and trim my chirstmas tree,
With some crocked smiles meant for only me

Fine, I admit I obsesses over you,
‘just think that we are meant to be

Robbie baby, forgot to mention one little thing, I wanna Scream,
I don’t mean for the Team,
Robbie baby, so climb up in my chimney tonight 😉

climb up in my chimney tonight
Climb, tonight.
Now sing along…

Follow the cut to see a note from Calli to Rob…

Calli Disclaimer:

Callie feels about as weird as the person who made this SHOULD feel!

Dear Rob,

If you happen to read this, I would like you to know that it was extremely awkward writing a song about wanting to do you… and have you climb up into places. Not saying I oppose the notion, but… I just want to let you know that just like I’m sure reading this got awkward for you the further it progressed… writing it got awkward for me too. So, you know, we’ve got that in common. Let’s talk about it. Call me.

Okay, and one other thing. It sorta felt like fanfiction… and I had a lightbulb moment and was like… whoa… wait a second… Rob reads fanfiction… sometimes, about himself. That’s REALLY, REALLY awkward man. Like, really awkward. You MUST be kinky… because, let’s be honest… you’re not reading it because you’re searching for the next Pulitzer Prize winner. What would Clare say Rob? I bet she’s asked you about it. How’d you explain that one away… you kinky sex freak…. I mean… haha… where was I? Oh yes… Call me. We can discuss the awkwardness that was me writing/you reading this song.


Oh Calli… welcome to the club! This reminds me of that one time UC bet me and I had to write a one shot fan fiction about that stupid tabloid Robsten story. Let’s be 2nd hand embarrassed together. XO- Moon

So what’d you think of Robbie/Santa Baby? Do you want to trim his Christmas Tree (duh!), will this be stuck in your head forever now? (yes!), what other Christmas songs do you want to be Rob-icised? Are you following Calliopeblabs? Well you SHOULD BE! Tell her how awesome Santa baby is!

Santa Baby graphic courtesy of the crazy fun Jen at MyRobertPattinson. Booze Santa courtesy of me!

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTT, Twitter


  1. Ha Ha Calli THAT song is gonna have a WHOLE new meaning!!!

  2. Oh Calli.
    You are effing hilar. That was brills!!
    You should do A HolidayStew one next … that shit cracks me up.

  3. what a cute song…but we all know what we want Rob to give us for Christmas, Rubukha and KwanzRob:: obviously himself, duh…what about what are we going to give him…I have decided that since Rob is such a big hollywood stud now, his plain ol’ hot pocktes aren’t good enough for him, soooo…..

    Versace Hotpockets, (thanks SNL):

    • You’ve enriched my life with this enriched flour designer goodness decorated with swirls and no doubt gold plated cheese. Rob would love this.

      • isn’t it hilar!!!!!!!!!

  4. Is this a preview? LTR: The Christmas Album. I’d buy it.

    Calliope that is hilarious. Now can you work up a dirrty version of Here Comes Santa Claus?

  5. Dear Calli,

    I’m sure it was awkward to write, but believe me when I say it was so, so worth it. Loved it.

    Though I’m not sure I’ll be able to listen to that song the same way again..


    • hello!
      Merry christmas days

  6. I can’t believe that you didn’t add “the deed” yourself. This Christmas song will never be the same from now on. Brill!

    that song is great Calli!!! Amazing!!! you said what we all want!!! LOL

    “Robbie baby, so climb up in my chimney tonight…”

    bum bum bum bum…

  8. I love it this is really cool.

    • I was wondering…now that is Christmas (a lot of good wishes for you and football)…
      are thinking of Rob as much as WE?

  9. I had no idea the cool kids were calling it a “chimney” this year! I’m all sorts of behind on things 🙂
    Loved this!!

  10. So Bleriana is finally back in town girls, after being gone for “personal reasons”. And I am kind of happy and kind of sad. Happy because I get to read about 25 post of LTR/LTT today since I missed so much and sad because I don’t even know if I can make it through them all…. But I am soooo happy to be back anyway

    And hey Calli this isn’t awkward at all; that’s normal!!

    • Welcome back! I wondered what happened to you.

      • honey what a lovely avatar…<3

    • welcome back ❤

      • Thanks robgirl, you keep telling me I’m showing my face so I thought I’d hide my face a little for a while :-). How are you?

  11. Thanks Calli, that was awesome! It was very fanfictiony! Oolala!

    I tried not to blush but oh my goodness, I couldn’t help it ;-). Your song made me think of….bad things. And I just woke up!

    • Well let’s just say I kinda had to recover from smth bad… But I am happy I get to be home for 5 days for Chrismas and get some information on what happened in the world around me…
      Would anyone like to sum the rob information in the last 30 days up for me?

      • Oh info on the last 30 days…it’s so much! I don’t know where to even begin.

      • I will try…
        -he was out with the Britpack
        -he drank some beer
        -he did a new Pap-film
        -others fighted for his rights
        -there was/is a HUGE “We-fight-for-Rob-campaign”
        -he drank some more beer
        -he got maybe swine flu
        -he will marry Kate Perry
        -he has not shaved
        -he is back in London
        ups…..and MOST IMPORTANT!!!!

        he has a NEW SHIRT!

        • omg…. brilliant…

          • Merry Christmas from Germany/Düsseldorf
            thanks for your daily effort!
            A LOT!

        • Wow… Rob bought a new shirt and I missed it ?!!
          Well I am halfway through the post I missed so I am not yet informed about everything… Thanks a lot robgirl86!!!

          • honey not bought….”bought”….lol

  12. Regarding Rob being a kinky sex freak (which I am 100% down with, for the record), according to my Cosmo bedside astrologer, Taurus guys are “supersexual…and his drive never fades.” Evidently, and this is a direct quote, “he wants to be part of a couple, and once he knows you’re his, he relaxes and actually gets hornier.” I always knew that bulls and archers went together like peas and carrots!

    • HAHAHAHAH… Actually I am a Taurus too… so what does it say about woman??
      And I totally agree on the “Rob being a kinky sex freak” thing… I mean who would read fanfic (about urself) just for fun??

      • Cool things about you….

        Your key trait: Good taste.
        Your guilty pleasure: Pampering yourself.

        And “Taurus girls have vivid fantasies. Let your guy in on one in the a.m. He’ll make it a reality.”

        • I totally agree on the “vivid fantasies” being a Taurus myself.

          • Another Taurus here! And yes, “vivid fantasies” are a major plus. ;D

        • That one doesn’t really fit with me but I just take it as a compliment… Or as a secret I never knew existed…
          Ur a taurus too southernbelle? What date are you born. I am on 20th May..

          • the 12th 😉

          • I’m making my way through the post and stuff seems enlighten me as far as robnews are concerned… and OMG I missed LTR/LTT anniversary?!? WTF ?!?!

            HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRLS!!! (I know I’m a bit late but to my defence I haven’t been here to congratulate you…)

          • Aaaaand, my birthday is also May 20th. Yay!

        • Katie yeah you’re Taurus too! 🙂

          • Another Taurus here! I recently found out Moon and I have the same b-day!!! I knew we’d be besties 😉

          • Long live all the Tauruses!!!!! Cheers!

    • Rob is a Taurus?!?!

      So is Mr. Fang.

      And I am the Virgo that perfectly complements the horned one…

    • Pink Dolphin,

      You got me curious about Rob and I’s compatiblity, so I did some research. This is what more than one website said, about Libras and Taurus. Looks like we are both ruled by love. Ahhh…

      Libra and Taurus are both ruled by Venus, planet of beauty. Libra’s effortless beauty and social graces are what Taurus seeks in a partner. They will think alike and both appreciate beauty and prestige. It will seem like a constant party. They will balance each other out beautifully. Taurus provides substance and intensity to Libra. Libra lifts Taurus out of the darkness and into greater optimism.
      This one is my favorite!! “This relationship gets better over time. Long- term love will depend on both individuals’ goals. Here is someone who will help Taurus dress better and get out of the house once in a while.”
      Funny, because it is obvious that She isn’t helping him right now, with his wardrobe choices.

      • I love this!!!

        I’m Libra btw…. Looks like there’s hope after all… *sighs* =)

  13. When I think of the song “Santa Baby” all I can picture now is the ridiculously HOT ass dude in the S. Claus “Santa Baby” commercials for Belk (the department stores)…

    Have y’all seen that dude?

    PS. yes, I know this is a blog about Rob but that dude is seriously HAWT!! And probably closer to my age.

    • Belks is only in the south….but I got you! Do you have holiday plans? Hope so,..cause my rents left today and I was gonna tell you that you could hitch a ride with them to me for Xmas…but then I forgot. #invitingyouoverFAIL
      Anyhow, Happy Holidays! and send me my effing Frisbee Bitch! 🙂

      • Belk is only in the south? Does that mean that hot hunk of man meat MIGHT be within driving distance? YUM…stupid hot really.

        I know! I suck. Even has stamps on it. I gotta go to the post office tomorrow so I will FOR CERTAIN send to you then. I promise.

        Christmas with J to the Rigs would be EPIC beyond EPIC!

  14. Funny you said that because I’m also a Taurus, in fact Rob and I almost had the same birthday, just one day apart! So what happens when 2 Tauruses(is that a word) get together? Never get out of the bedroom? 😉

    Ok I kind of like the “kinky sex freak Rob idea” a little too much!

    • Aww shoot, Pink Dolphin, this above post was meant as a reply to your post. Sorry.

    • I like that idea a bit too much aswell… But it has a nice ring to it doesn’t it?!
      That thing about the “2 Tauruses” (quote from southernbelle) getting together would be interesting to find out. I hope your guess is some kind of right…

    • one Taurus…two Tauri ???Sounds strange…
      4 horns fighting against….
      ….a wall……
      Was that in your mind???

      I am a Sagittarius….best to couple with
      a Taurus, especially the ones from 13th of May…
      …speaking from personal experience…
      just saying…:-)

      • HAHAHA… That one was good… But I think that a Taurus born on 13th of May goes extremly well with lots of girls ifyouknowwhatimsaying…
        I once had some kind of astrologer that told you stuff about you considering the first letter of your name… I guess I have to find that again….

        • THAT astrologer is surely 14 !!!

          • I’m a Sagittarius too. We’ll have to fight for him.
            Pistols at noon?

          • Christa64c….no pistols
            just two beers

      • Hon, there are no horns involved in my mind.

        • haha so not true and …you know it….

        • Hey you know it girlfriend. I have other things in mind.

    • My parents are both Taurus and have been happily married for 36 years. I’m sure this means Rob and I will be very happy together 😉
      (Hopefully this is the only time I have to mention my ‘rents on this lustful site)

  15. Dear Calli,

    Do NOT feel akward. That was genius. I love you for it. I will not love you, however, when I start singing it by accident during Christmas dinner with the family. ;D

    And Rob being kinky… I never even considered that… Even with all the fanfic I read, I never considered the idea that RL Rob could be kinky. Oh, the possibilities, Rob. There’s a possibility….


    • Please, anyone that can eye f*ck like that has GOT TO be kinky. He’s got the “up against the wall and bent over the chair” smolder look in spades. (at least I hope so)

      • Oh, good lord. As if I couldn’t want him more, you go and plant that image…

      • Christa64c…so it’s Rob’s fault!
        A big YES!

      • Brilliant!

      • Rob’s totally working it. We are all putty in his hands(or eyes for this matter)!

  16. I’m not sure about this….

    My child sings this song ALL the time. I do not think that I need to accidently bust in with Robicized lyrics.

    BUT what I did read is very good Calli!

  17. Why would I ever want Santa to come down my chimney now?

  18. “Robbie baby, forgot to mention one little thing, I wanna Scream,
    I don’t mean for the Team,”

    LOL! 😉

  19. Good lord will there be anything left in everyday life that will not have an LTT/LTR association? Y’all are taking over my mind one little bottle and holiday song at a time. Happy holidays y’all!

  20. Ho Ho vodka…

    I wanna sit on HIS lap!
    Thank you Calli

    • But would you tell him what a naughty girl you have been especially in the last year ?! (I would)

    • I agree w/ Bleriana, you’ve been very naughty. LOL.

      Hey sorry I can’t get back to yahoo. I keep getting disconnected.

      • so we are both…disconnected…
        to Rob today


  21. NICE

  22. Mille grazie Calli! I swear Rob’s fans are brilliant!

    Which one of you lovlies can lay down a sexy voiced track while smoldering hot pics of HHH just fly by, you know, one after another until your eyes glaze over and *thud*

    You know who you are. You can do it. Please?

  23. There is no way to improve on the genius of this post. Calli, you are a conveyer belt of Christmas wishes. Thanks for keepin them coming….. Ahem, the wishes I mean.

    Santa, Baby, please give Rob the boby above, for me…

    (yeah, that’s all I got, what? I don’t have Calli’s genius)

  24. Oh dear, from what you said over chat last night I thought you were writing about his throbbing member. psssh, this is nothing.

    Great work!

    • “Throbbing member” reminded me of “quivering member” from one of my guilty pleasures from back in the day – 10 Things I Hate About You. You win.

      • Me too! “It was a bratwurst”

  25. Cali,
    You made my favorite Christmas song 10 effing times better!!!
    “You MUST be kinky…” That is my grown up Christmas wish.

  26. The song will never be the same! Also love the disclaimer letter at the end.

  27. Can AmanDUH record this please? It would be epic.

    • Seconded!

      • I third this!

  28. OK – here’s what I came up with in 3 minutes. I have dropped to new levels of depravity – especially having the words pullin’ and sparkle and peen in the same line. God – what’s wrong with me?

    To the tune of Here comes Santa Claus

    Here comes RPatz,
    Here comes RPatz,
    Oh the look on his face,
    KStew breathin’ and hand a weavin’
    Pullin’ on his sparkle peen.
    Bells are ringin’, he is singin’,
    All is merry and bright.
    So remove your stockings and say your prayers,
    ‘Cause RPatz comes tonight.

    And the original:
    Here comes Santa Claus,
    Here comes Santa Claus,
    Right down Santa Claus Lane,
    Vixen and Blitzen and all his reindeer
    Pullin’ on the reins.
    Bells are ringin’, children singin’,
    All is merry and bright.
    So hang your stockings and say your prayers,
    ‘Cause Santa Claus comes tonight.

    I’d like to apologise now

    • Ha! Oh my, I may have blushed. Or felt some serious chagrin.

    • LOL. Amazing.

  29. Calli, you are amazing. Period. 😀

    Also, I love the fact that “creepy” is one of the tags on this post.

  30. Calli, I ❤ you! Oh and I got one of those little bottles at work today….totally reminded me of you and our kits. Ha! Merry Christmas!

  31. hi5 to Katie S!!!
    Actually I never met so many people born in May!! And especially on the 20th…
    I’ll try and find out what Robs name says about him…

    • I did so NOT to google it…its
      ROBERT= fame+brilliant

      • No I didn’t mean that… there was some albanian website that had it.. It told you how u were supposed to be like when your name starts with an e.g. R… But I cant find it… Im sorry

  32. Oh oh… I will never feel the same way about that song again…

  33. Calli, love this song! I’ve got it stuck in my head now. I can just imagine the looks on the family’s face if I happen to start singing it during dinner tomorrow! Oh well… they already think I’m a little odd. Guess I’ll just give them some more ammunition…

  34. thanks or the support people. sorry i wasn’t around today. i’ve been bathing in holy water at church all day long trying to repent for writing this. haa.

  35. I’m singing this song all day tomorrow and on Christmas day.

  36. haha so funny. I put the karaoke version of Santa Baby on and sang the song myself ; ) your lyrics is alot better, haha. Perhaps a little perfromance for my family later tonight, what do you think? hehe.

  37. I”m reading it a day late, but it was well worth the wait. Calli, that was friggin’ AWESOMESAUCE!!

  38. Hey that poem/song is really wrong. I can’t belive that some one would post something like that. Why does he smoke to stay white. I am like white like snow, but like a ton darker.

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