Posted by: themoonisdown | December 21, 2009

All the Rob news fit to print: Rob mans the nightly news desk edition

In top stories tonight: Robsten or Nonsten, fact or fiction?! I debunk the myth!

Dear Rob,

I saw these pictures over at Robsessed and KNEW I had to write a newsdump for today. This awkward newscaster set-up for an interview was just begging for me to photoshop you as “Bob Pattinson, Newscaster.” Regardless if there’s any really important news about you right now that doesn’t really matter… all that matter are these AMAZING picture of you as a news reporter in a tweed coat. WIN!

A look at some of the truly absurb, funny, and dumb stories in the world of Rob that we simply don’t have enough hours in the day to write letters about

which is a film about public sex… does anyone really want to see pasty white brits get it on on park benches, in buses or say… behind the dumpster??? Well, now that you put it that way…

  • Katy Perry doesn’t DO vampires! Sucks to be her.
  • Every the classy gentleman Rob wears a shirt to that chicks birthday party that both honors women AND reminds us schedule our monthly waxing appointment.

I’ve never wanted to do any of the things I talk about on this blog with my cousins… but Anna Kendrick does…

who the ef compares Rob or Taylor to their cousin?! Yucks-magoo!

  • Rob is SO thrilled to be giving back during the Holidays. Just take a look at his face you couldn’t keep him away from helping out a charity! So which crazy Cougar Twi fan will be telling their husband they want a vintage guitar thats for sell on ebay for Christmas?

Rob’s top 5 tips for dumping a girl…

He forgot: stop letting her hold your wrist in public

It's 10 O'clock do you know where your children are?

And that’s the news tonight! Now back to you Bob!

Goodnight and Good luck!
Themoonisdown

What’s the best Rob news? Did we miss any news that everyone should know? Are you going to schedule your waxing appt now?

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTT, Twitter

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Responses

  1. Scruffy Rob… mmmmm

    • I was first comment?! WOW! What an honor…

      Anyhow, all I could think about when I saw this was the above, I couldn’t at all form sentences or even use the keyboard efficiently.

      Calling him Bob, lol. I can’t see him as a “Bob”.

  2. ps – that’s all that I could think about when I saw this post. 😡

  3. I would so watch the news more if Rob hosted. Just sayin…

    I haven’t commented in forever (whose idea was it for people to have jobs and make money? Cuz they suck). But anyhoo, I can’t believe I missed a post about smokin hot Rob! We lost power here in East Tennessee due to a wicked awesome snowstorm. Greatest birthday present ever (it was Saturday, in case you wondering. And i got a Rob calendar, yay!). I was happy with the solid six inches I got, but I wouldn’t have complained if I had gotten more (um, that’s what she said?). So, since we had no power, I talked my family in to building a Rob snowman. Only they didn’t know it was Rob. 6 feet tall, half smirk, raised eyebrow. And wearing a bowtie and cummerbund. I was Rob at the Oscars. And he was leaning slightly forward. As if drunk. I like to stay true to character.

    Sadly, someone was jealous of our awesome snowman building skills and he was decapitated. RIP SnowRob.

    Have a good day everyone!

    • Oh no! So sorry about the demise of Robsty the Snowman! (I’m stuck on the image of just the bowtie and cummmerbund, though).

    • Happy belated Birthday!!! Rob calendar… Mmmmmmm!

  4. What a way to increase the viewership of the nightly news! I’d watch every single second of every day and Tivo it too! Just think of the many, many facial expressions we’d get to see. The hot, staring looks directly inot the camera! Gah!

    In college, I had a boyfriend named Robert and he insisted that people call him Rob and NOT Bob, because he thought that Bob sounded like a used car salesman. Same effect for a local newscaster!!!

  5. I don’t know if i could pay attention to the news if Rob were giving them… They sky could be falling and I probably never find out…
    Have a lovely week everybody!
    Thank you Moon for the morning laugh!!! good way to start a Monday!

  6. Didn’t I hear that Charlie Gibson was retiring? Hmmm…..

    • Yes he is!!

  7. Argh, thank you showing the Anna vid! It has been annoying the crap out of me for months how all his co-stars are all like “yes he is good looking, but I don’t see him that way, he’s like a brother or a cousin”.

    LIARS! Your hormones ain’t better than ours. You wanna do him just as much as we do. Against a wall, behind a dumpster, underneath the table during your aunt’s Christmas dinner. We know it and you know it. So be honest the next time, or just be a perv.

    • Ahhhhahaha. Under the table at Xmas dinner, omg!

      I snorted coffee outta my nose!

    • And how about that picture of the two of them with his tongue almost on her face. She doesn’t give the sicked-out-because-I-don’t-think-of-him-that-way vibe to me. Just sayin.

    • She says that because she’s already done him. “Like a cousin” is code for “backseat blowjob” and “like a brother” is a trailer quickie. “He’s a really good guy” … well, you can figure that one out.

  8. Ok so after all the breaking up philosophy, I came to a conclusion I don’t dislike: he dumped her. That’s why he said he cryptically avoided the subject.
    1) I’m sure he surprised her and I’m sure she didn’t see it coming (cause he didn’t wanted her to come – btw this NM reference is getting old, but I do intend to repeat it till everyone has enough of it and begs/threatens me to stop).
    2) He has been sooo quiet about it.
    3) We have no proof he called her up, maybe they just bumb into each other every time we see them together.
    4) He looked her in the eyes so many times.
    5) And last but not least, we have no proof that he slept with Oregano.
    Ah, and them holding wrists, it was a photoshoot, didn’t you know that?
    Yes, I develop an insanely protective thing in difficult times.

    • So do I!….and that’s why I think
      …..the shirt is kinda like a silent…..

      CRY FOR HELP!

      poor boy, really can’t get a date….

    • I think you may be onto something here Minuit. 🙂

  9. long time lurker my first post. just want to thank uc and moon for the fun i have reading this blog. best Rob site ever.

    • thanks!!!!!!! XO

    • Hi Crazyvamp,
      Moon and UC say/do something impressive every day of the week here. Have fun.
      mountainlion

      • send you a mail honey

        • ok, looking forward to it, robgirl.

      • welcome crazyvamp!

    • Best. Rob. Site. EVAH!!!

  10. PLEASE let the ‘DOGGING: A UK Love Story’ story be true!! That would be totally hilarious.

    • After I read that I immediately saved it in my Netflix queue, so I can picture Rob doing all the things Luke Treadaway will be doing.

      • You do know what dogging is, right?

        • Wikipedia says:
          Dogging is a British euphemism for engaging in sexual acts in a semi-public place (typically a secluded car park in a car) and then watching others doing so. Frequently, there are more than two participants; both group sex and gang banging can be included. As observation is encouraged, voyeurism and exhibitionism are closely associated with dogging. The two sets of people involved often meet either randomly or (increasingly) arrange to meet-up beforehand over the Internet.

          I’m with dazzledtodeath. I’ll watch Luke while thinking of Rob.

          • …that’s all normal behaviour, right?

          • So, in other words, just like my nightly dreams of Rob. 😉

          • Only in the UK!

            TLG, I’m with you on this one. Me, Rob and a dumpster… in fact, if it’s supposed to be a ‘group activity’ you can probably throw TomStu, Marcus and Bobby in there too 😉

          • Honey…so I understand that the Twilight saaaaga has no dogging in it….right???? lol

        • yeah.

          • Wikipedia fails to say it’s basically a bunch of skanks fapping in a carpark to a flabby unattractive couple getting their groove on in a car & inviting others to join them…

          • Thanks for the details, beakerj….always helpful.

          • unattractive couples????
            and..what exactly is the fun to watch it??

    • Where, oh where, is the audition tape for “Dogging”! The audition for How To Be was so great, just imagine how hot the one for Dogging would be. Whoever has the tape, just know there are many many people who would pay good money to see that . . . .

      • I second Old One’s request for “Dogging” audition tape.

  11. Five easy steps to dumping a guy:

    1. Tell him your diet needs more veg & that you can’t survive solely on hot pockets for the rest of your life;

    2. When they say drink plenty of water every day, Heineken should not really be included in that group;

    3. You really would prefer to have sex like a normal couple in a bed & not beside some crappy dumpster;

    4. You really can’t spend anymore time with somebody who spends more time playing with their hair than you do yourself;

    5. And finally, the old adage of big feet = big &$*K is totally not true 🙂

    x

    • Haha this is hilarious….
      thank you…<3

    • Hahaha! Love this! But, don’t knock behind-the-dumpster sex until you’ve tried it… wait, what?

      • LOL I’ll always try something once 🙂

    • “Tell him your diet needs more veg & that you can’t survive solely on hot pockets for the rest of your life”

      Haha, I guess I can really use that line, he really won’t like me when he sees what my “special” diet is like. 🙂

  12. This is good becuase that’s all the idiots at the state run media are. Actors faking at the news. I am othello and I howl at the moon. http://bobbygee.wordpress.com/

  13. Rob as a newscaster man?
    I would watch every second of it!

    Rob giving (good) advice for dumping with class?
    The only thing I can concentrate is that little whistle away to himself!

    Rob as a hot cousin…….of Anna???
    I only heard the words “hot” and “sleep with him”!

    CONCLUSION?
    He is great/sexy/hot in every situation b/c I am soooo not able to reflect properly ANYWAY!
    lol

    • “Rob as a hot cousin…….of Anna???
      I only heard the words “hot” and “sleep with him”!”

      Me too!!

      • haha…so that’s the proof that some sense is out of function while concentrating on HHH!

      • Me three!

  14. under the table! rofl!!
    Note to self: never drink anything while reading LTT/LTR

    The ‘5 tips for dumping a girl’ vid isnt opening on my cell. Can someone post the youtube link please??

    • I agree BiteThatLipRob, LTR owes me a new keyboard…….

      xoxo

      • Testing my new name and new pic 🙂

        From PG11 to PG11B

        • The pics did not work 😦

      • PG11, wish I could see a full size glimpse of your avi. Is that Rob-doll with your dog?

  15. Is it ironic that they made him recite lines from Anchorman when he was on a radio show a while back?
    “You are a smelly pirate hooker. Go back to your home on whore island.”

    • LauraBee, they made him recite the pirate hooker lines? Poor Rob.

      • OMG that would be hillari-O’s*!!

        (*pronounced like CheeriO’s)

      • Yep! It’s right here!

        • Thanks!

  16. You forgot the story last week about the fan recovering from swine flu jumping out of a car and kissing him, and THEN admitting to him she has swine flu. I love that story, regardless of its truth!

    Stay well, Rob! And kick Dean/Steve’s ass for not protecting you better from the crazies!

    • Also, wanted to add that I love your mad photoshop skillz. First photo particularly.

  17. I have a feeling that he hasn’t ever actually dumped a girl. Maybe he hasn’t ever called them again but his “tips” gave me the feeling that he was inexperienced.

    Dear Rob,

    Telling any girl that you “don’t want her to come” will cause a breakup eventually. Unless you have some sort of special “Red Room”. And you have a huge business. And you get your kicks off of spanking chicks. If this is true, please give me a sign! I need to know. Maybe hold a bullwhip at your next public appearance? Just a suggestion.


    me

    • Dear FB,
      Obviously, we’re reading the same “novels.”
      🙂 Poochimama

    • I’m with you, fangbanger. I don’t think he’s ever dumped a girl, either and I ALWAYS appreciate your insights.

      • Hes said in previous interviews that the girls break up with him?

        How come none of the girls he had dated has yet to sell their story to the Sun or OK or People magazine?? Where are they? Tied up in the “red room” waiting for their punishment?

        Wait. Er……. I am getting my realities mixed up. Sigh.

        Middle school (whats it called over in the UK? Lower school?) crushes, high school dates, the girl(s) he was dating during HP? Was there one? Where’s the fan that waited outside of his apartment for two weeks in Spain during little ashes, that he took to dinner and proceeded to bore her in about five minutes.

        Where did they go?

        • Perhaps Rob is more like Bluebeard.

          Maybe there is a room full of his former loves hanging on hooks on the walls…

          Eww. Nevermind. Rob can’t be like that.

          Jailward wouldn’t be hawt.

        • Ok :(basically)

          Age 4-7 Infant School
          Age 7-11 Junior or Primary School
          Age 11-16 Secondary School
          Age 16-18 Sixth Form or College
          Age 18+ University etc

          However, this is State School. Rob went to a Private School. Who the hell knows what they do?

          But I’m with you on the ladies – maybe he’s just so lovely no-one would ever dish the dirt on him to the press. It may just be that they’re all too classy…

    • I’m pretty sure I saw an interview where he says he’s always been the one that gets dumped. Where are all these former flames, anyway?

      • Guess Rob’s ex-girlfriends aren’t talking. Tiger (I mean Cheetah…thanks TS) Woods should be so lucky.

        • Maybe they were left with such fond feelings they didn’t want to be all disloyal and gossipy, or were so well-brought-up they weren’t the type to kiss and tell. I actually hope that’s the case, for Rob’s sake.

      • I think the only think of the 5-step-programm…he REALLY did
        was….
        to NEVER CALL UP or BACK!!!

    • Ha! If he shows up with a whip we’ll know for sure he reads us! And I will have a fit and fall back in it!

  18. I’m in love with the newscasting photo, LMAO!
    That’s unfortunate for Katy Perry cause it worries me to think what she could possibly be getting from Russell Brand that may require a topical ointment. Yucko! I do admit though, I’m coming around with him (no pun intended).

    • Russel bites back!!!:-)

    • What is this shiz with Katy Perry? I heard something on the radio that our man was her new boyfriend. NO WAY!

      • She gave him a drive home,
        b/c of that they will marry soon…

        • Sorry OT but go to yahoo.

  19. I hate not being able to see the videos! BOO!!!

    What are the classy ways of dumping a girl? I mean, are there classy ways? I don’t think so.

    • With a British accent the break-up just sounds better.

  20. “And now to Poochimama for tonight’s Headlines.”
    “Thanks, Bob. In the news tonight:

    Robert Pattinson in newscaster’s chair causes global warming due to women everywhere getting hotter.

    Network News has so many viewers that satellites explode in space.

    Spontaneous (undergarment) combustion no longer a myth.

    In Sports: No one really cares, now do they?

    In Weather: As temps rise, flooding occurs.

    Back to you, Bob.”

    • Perfect! =)

      • Aww, bless your heart! I was beginning to think no one got it…

        • ….because…that WAS perfect!

    • Poochimama you made me laugh, thanks! 🙂

  21. PS. I love Katy and Russell together. It is like my celeb loves are crashing and banging…

    lit’rally.

    • Me too – they were at a football match together yesterday and they were totally adorable!

      • Agreed, the penalties got me watching but Rusty got me BAD. Love them.

  22. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by LetterstoTwilight, Noodles. Noodles said: RT @letter2twilight: Now we bring you your nightly news with Bob Pattinson of NBC: http://tinyurl.com/y9sxlvo […]

  23. Well, you’ve done it again! I had a complete shit storm weekend (my kitty was very sick 😦 And no, not the Clipped Wings Inked Armor kind of kitty……), and I was so not in the mood to laugh this Monday morning, but you all had to giggling! This is why I heart you ladies to no end.

    And if Rob was giving the nightly news I would be the most well informed (and horny) girl on the east coast.

    • I would be the most informed girl in the Midwest!!! I’d be less depressed about everything if the news was delivered by that face and that voice!

  24. Rob,
    REALLY? That t-shirt? What were you thinking?

    That seems so unlike the you…I supposedly know…but don’t really know anything about.

    • I think he’s trying really hard to repel women. Like Ross and Chandler teach Joey in Friends. Next thing we know he’ll start finishiing his sentences with “ba-da-da pshhhh!”

    • Someone over on Robsessed I think explained exactly what that shirt is saying, aimed at the papps: “Kiss my ass and F*ck off!” My sentiments exactly.

      • The papps def deserve that and I’ll bet we are going to see lots of this tee.

  25. I love how you said “good night and good luck” at the end. That was one boring movie, but George Clooney was in it. The end.

    • By the way, how appropriate is it that Rob supports a charity for the homeless? Aids? Nah. Illiteracy? Nah. Let’s support the homeless! Now don’t go rummaging through those bags of clothes Rob. They are not for you, homeless though you may feel.

  26. Rob hasn’t been AWOL cuz he’s busy doing the LTR channel news (nice Photoshopping skillz Moonie!!!). The real reason he’s been missing is cuz he’s been busy making his Ultimate Xmas tree: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccEduayuXh8

    He even made a little one for his parents’ living room: http://www.funpic.hu/en.picview.php?id=31297&c=18&s=dd&p=4

    • I want one for my living room!

      • I started working on mine last night. I’m tanked!! Drunk at work…awesome*

        *I am not actually drinking at work, that would be irresponsible…..instead I just surf the internet all day looking for Rob porn…cuz that’s the way to be irresponsible inconspicuoulsly 🙂

        • Let’s hear it for inconspicuous addiction!

          • woot woot

    • LMAO!

  27. Side RobNote: I found this gif by accidnet. I think it was supposed to be offensive, but quite the contrary. I nearly peed myself.

    • Priceless!

    • Oh hell. Even Rob photoshopped on a dress is hawt!

      • That was photoshopped?!

        🙂

    • That. Is. Brilliant.

    • LMFAO! Again!

    • Holy cow! LOL.

  28. Stay Classy, Forks

    • Thanks for stopping by!

    • I would so fall for Anchorrob…I dated a sportscaster in college. When I say dated, I mean I went on a date with him when he asked so I could tell everyone that was around every time he was on TV that I f*cked him. I’m such a better person than I used to be.

      • LMAO!!!
        That was gooood!!!
        Sooo.today we finally found the real…..cousin of Rob! Just here…around on LTR…GREAT! 🙂

        • Yeah, I wouldn’t take back my college experiences for the world. They were some great times. Now I’m married and settled and boring and think about what a different life I had then! Le sigh

          • I think you are HOT!:-)

  29. Well I’m finally on here and I can see I missed a lot from this morning.

    I’m really digging Anchorman Rob…hmm. I love that last picture of him. His eyes are smoldering, at me. Gorgeous face, British accent, sex hair, to die for stubble…what’s not to like? I don’t even watch the news(it’s depressing) but I will watch every second of it if Rob is the newscaster!

    • …the newscaster
      AND the weatherman
      And the announcer of the lottery winner
      AND
      ……:-)

      Happy to see you

      • Happy to see you too. Sorry. You know there’s been a lot of stress in my life lately. Sorry I’m out of it these days.

  30. OMG. This is BY FAR one of the funniest posts on this site.

    Good job you guys. I deffo had my morning laugh.

  31. Ok, long time lurker here…LOVE this site and look at it every day. Y’all are just so funny and have me cracking up constantly. I just have one question- what is this dumpster thing all about? Is it from a fanfic? Just curious!!!

    • haha. no! one time, EastFriend from The Quad (group of me, Moon & 2 friends) mentioned in casual convo that she’d go as far as to “do” Rob behind a dumpster.. .thus…. dumpster diving with Rob Pattinson became a favorite topic:)

      • Ha! Ok, well thanks for clearing that up for me!! I’d have to agree with her on that one 🙂


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