Posted by: Bekah | December 19, 2009

Uh oh! Rob, I think we’ve been caught

When we received this fan submitted letter I knew I just HAD to post it…. I think it might resonate with many of us!

Rob Pattinson causes Orgasms

Have an immaculate orgasm in 3....2....1...

Dear Rob,

We have a problem. No, I didn’t run out of Hot Pockets. You’re safe there. This is a much bigger, much deeper problem. [UC note: That’s what she said] My husband knows about us. I have hid it well for the past several months since the fated day I let a high school student of mine convince me to read Twilight. (Yes, Rob, I know it doesn’t make sense for a 24 year old woman to take reading suggestions from a 16 year old girl; however, this time, she was spot on.) I tried to do all my Rob browsing in secret. I tried to keep my conversations about you light and non-committal, because lets face it, its not like I couldn’t NOT talk about you. Now, it seems, he knows of my infidelity. Apparently, I have not been as stealth as I thought. He has seen the pictures I horde on my laptop, he has noticed my uncontrollable need to watch Twilight at least three times a week and he has discovered (through the treachery of a friend’s husband, who shall remained unnamed) that when a certain friend of mine and I get together, few words are uttered that do not include Rob, Edward, RPatz, Twilight and immaculate orgasms.

What are we going to do, Rob? How can I ever continue this secret affair when its not so secret anymore? Its already causing fights between my husband and I. He called you a bad name, Rob. I know, I know, love, it hurts me, too. I defended you vehemently, which only made it worse. My husband screeched “You’re defending him?! I can’t believe you’re defending him!” It was awful. He had attributed my joyous moods and sudden interest in sex to his own prowess. I had to tell him the truth. I only wanted sex with him so I could think of you. I am ashamed to admit it out loud to you.

When my husband first approached me and tried to talk some sense into me, I knew I would have to make a decision. Knowing all problems can be solved by rereading the Twilight series, I dove headfirst into the books. I knew I would find my answer there. I did, Rob. I found my answer. To quote my guide to living, “I know who I can’t live without.” I knew that in the end, I would have to give someone up. I’m so sorry, Rob. I never meant for this to happen, but it has. It breaks my heart to do this, but this is the way it has to be. I’m sorry.

Hot Pocket Fort

Is this thing heated?

The only thing that truly bothers me about this whole situation is where I’m going to get health insurance after I leave my husband. Does Summit have good coverage? Can I join your plan when I move into your Hot Pocket Fort? By the way, I’m prolly gonna at least need your address and phone number, so we can work out all the important details of my new living arrangements, with you, in Vancouver, or LA, or London, or wherever it is you want to get me a palatial pad and put me up in style, so I’m always ready and willing for you to stop by and satisfy your, er, basic needs.

Get back to me as soon as possible, Rob, so I know what city to buy my plane ticket to, what type of lingerie I should buy and who will be picking me up from the airport. I know this is all very sudden, but I know its for the best. Don’t worry. We’ll be happy together. I will take good care of you and I hearby do solemnly swear to never cut my hair into a mullet- you have my word on that. Until then, I will be forever your’s. (And homeless, cause my husband kicked me out. Hurry, please, Rob, its cold here and I don’t have any plaid OR flannel.)

Signed, with love,
Someone Who Will Actually BE Homeless if Her Husband Ever Reads This

Okay, so I’ve TOTES been there, done that with the whole “hubby  has the convo about Rob with me” thing. Fess up- I know it’s happened to YOU too…. Let’s talk about how awesomesauce those convos are!

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTT, Twitter

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Responses

  1. lol – if i had a husband, i would def’ leave him for Rob, i suppose its a a good job i haven’t, there’s nothing standing in our way x

  2. amazing.
    i love the caption under the first picture!

  3. Amazing letter…..
    …and I guess I will pick you up from the airport…I’m homeless too….perhaps….surely…if this double-love-thing happens to be discovered….

    …I’m sooo with you…sometimes girls HAVE to make a decision…..!!! lol

    • sometimes you have to know what’s good for you, right?

    • Wow so many of us could be homeless!

  4. No, I’m not going to tell you the supposedly «good» jokes my boyfriend does about my crush and the other people I’m sharing this with, who are for him a bunch of no-life rednecks. Cause that wouldn’t sound so funny, would it?
    But I am going to tell him about this post (hilarious!) and the immaculate orgasm, see if he finds it funny!

    • never had a Rob immaculate orgasm though, maybe I should forget the funny and concentrate more. be more serious. is it me or does it sound like school?

      • religion + anatomy = Rob school 🙂

      • You def need to forget the funny and get TWEED serious, girl, if you want the Rob-aculate orgasm!

        • She did a bad word choice b/c of the translation, don’t blame her. plz…if english is not the first language that can happen….

        • TWEED seriously girl, great wise advice. Thanx.

    • Tehe..that’s tricky…very “woman-like”…
      I just did it and my BF’s smile def. was NOT like the
      Cullen smile…NO def.NOT !

      (sorry Rob…lol)

      • OK so my bf, who’s accesorly sharing the couch with me, just “happened” to recognize my avi on LTR.
        Rob, I’m afraid I don’t have any other choice, I’m coming. I know what you’re thinking but telling me “I don’t want you to come” is useless. Bella finally joined you in Italy and we all know what happened in BD. So I’m coming. Don’t bother picking me at the airport, i’m taking a cab, I’m a big girl. Could you just tell me ASAP the adress please,? doesn’t matter if you’re staying at Kristen’s. Bye, see you tomorrow, I have a plane to catch.

        • Rob, I’m afraid I don’t have any other choice, I’m coming. I know what you’re thinking but telling me “I don’t want you to come” is useless. …So I’m coming Minuit my dear, I think you just had your first Rob immaculate orgasm

          • It’s because I got all TWEED serious, following step by step Obava’s advice.

    • Rednecks? He doesn’t know what that word means.

      • I guess I translated it badly, I’m sorry but that’s what my stupid dictionnary told me. In Fr. it’s “beauf” which means stupid ignorant embarassing people. I know that’s not very flattering for us, but he doesn’t know anything about roblosophy, robnography…So tonight when I get home I’ll look for the meaning and probably be embarassed cause I’ve said smth stupid in En.?

        • I guess you made just a bad word choice…english is not our first language….in my dicct. is isn’t such a bad word in german too, but in US it’s gross, sombody told me ❤

        • Don’t worry about it, no offense taken. We’re still friends :-).

          • Ah I’m sorry about that,hope I didn’t offend anyone. I’m curious cause I still don’t have access to my trustworthy dictionnary. I meant “beauf” which is a common word in French.

          • Minuit…bad translation can happen…to me too….it’s not the end of the world…I’m pretty sure the ladies around will show you understanding

          • Beauf, isn’t the meaning brother-in-law or small minded? It could also mean tacky right?

          • Robgirl, Thanks, but NO need to worry, the house is NOT on fire, don’t really see why it should. I am just out and about enjoying my anonymity without the paps (you know when I’ll be with Rob, I won’t be able to do that anymore ). Still didn’t get what the fuss is all about.
            Nice avi.

            SB, beauf can be the contraction of brother in law, but not in this context. It means ignorant people, who act stupidly and become kind of a funny caricature.

          • Yeah so small-minded can mean ignorant or stupid as well. The word itself is not racist but it is a stereotype. If you ever come and visit me (go see Rob in LA) I’ll show you what I mean. 🙂

          • I ❤ that photo of you SB.

          • Don’t know where my last comment landed. i’m so messing things when I write stuff here, with 10000 mistakes (like Kusturica), I guess I should chill down on the multi-tasking.

            SB wanted to say I ❤ your new photo.

        • Minuit Passe’ – Bon jour.

          A redneck is a hick, someone w/o class, not cultured. Quest que tu pense? Does that help?

          • Honey…I actually looked for the meaning of “hick”,
            know what…the dicct. says..it’s like “dork”, that’s not right as well, isn’t it?

          • You are right, robgirl. A hick is not a dork. If you get my email from southernbelle, I’ll give you the perfect example of a hick. I can’t do it here…too political.

            A dork is someone dumb and awkward.

          • Mountainlion
            Salut (with Rob’s killing accent)
            Thanks for the explanation, I was hoping it hadn’t any racist or homophobic connotation. If it means someone with 0 culture, well that’s what my bf thinks as most of the people in France. Here, those who have heard of Twilight think it’s a stupid&ridiculous, as they do about fangirling, and Rob doesn’t really have much credibility. It’s just the truth.

        • My photo looks better when it’s bigger. I’ll send it to you so you can actually see who you’re talking to :-).

  5. My husband has known for quite awhile he teases me a bit but nothing to hard core but that is only because he doesn’t know to what levels my Rob stalking(only internet Rob no worries) has risen too, he can only quess and to his credit or his selfpreservation he doesn’t ask and I don’t elaborate. I keep it on the down low and have only put movie pics of Rob on my wallpaper when what I really want are the bedroom pics with him looking directly in my eyes and telling me with his heated look how much he wants me in there with him. I think my over stimulated sex drive doesn’t hurt either. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him and gets him laid so win win!

  6. Dear SWWABHIHHERT,
    Please advise Rob to get a palatial palace as more of us will be showing up as husbands/sig others find out the extent of our Robsessions. The best case scenario, of course, is having Rob to one’s self, but human cloning won’t be up to the task in the near future, so we may have to be members of ‘Rob’s Harem’. As you outfit the palace, please include lots of comfy sofas and chair as Rob and I will prefer these.

    BTW- words of profound wisdom:
    “Knowing all problems can be solved by rereading the Twilight series”. That’s saying it!

    Your sister in the harem-

  7. Dear Rob,
    I’ll probably never be homeless, because I own my own apartment so if I’m not gonna sell it in near future to pay for my airplane tickets and hotel stays when I follow you around the world (see you in NY in march 12?) I’ll be just fine.

    I have a different problem and it’s a big problem for me. You know, I have been a groupie – nooo, not that kind of a groupie- but I used to go to (mostly rock) gigs all the time and I used to hang out in places musicians hang out and we became friends, so we hang out and party together after many gigs.

    Now? Not so much. The group of girlfriends I used to go out read Twilight and now it’s all over.
    And no, they didn’t read it when I told them about this amazing book and a good looking guy that played Edward in a movie. One of my friends, who’s almost 30 and is a teacher in elementary school read it when her 12 year old students told her about it. It felt as if I was backstabbed! And now she’s a fan, and other girls are fans and we don’t go out anymore and our groupie days are over. All we do is cyberstalk you and send text messages and links and emails.

    So, dear Rob, there is only one thing we can do: you start going to all kind of gigs, also in Europe, not just LA, and not just The Britpack boys or KoL, and I promise you we will be there and we can hang out with musicians together.
    And you and me can even try just one thing: the thing the real groupies usually do, youknowwhatimean…

    • Ah the uni days (ew nights) and the (boy)friends in rock bands!
      Going to see Kusurica tonight, but it’s so not the same.

  8. Interesting letter… I guess I’ve been in the same position, but I went a different route, and kept up the charade.

    Here is my story in a letter I wrote to LTR:

    My guy said the most amazing thing about you this morning, before I went to work, and I just had to tell you!! We are getting ready to move back to Chicago, from Michigan, so my guy is working on packing up things around the house. (Don’t worry, I’ll give you my forwarding address, so that we can meet up, next time you’re in Chitown) I kind of wish that he would ask me first, before packing some things, like my Twilight books, but he told me what box that they are in, in case I need a fix before New Moon comes out. (He is so sweet!) This morning I woke up, I mean literally sat up in bed in a panic, wondering if in his haste to clear things out, that he might have accidently, throw out his stack of magazines, in the office. I didn’t want to wake my guy in his sleep, but I was wondering if I needed to go thru the trash can in the garage, for a certain magazine, from April of this year. I took a shower, had some coffee, and tried to think about how to approach him about this, without being laughed at. Because of my time constraints before going to work, I needed to get right to the point, so I just went with honesty, “Love, don’t laugh at me about this, but did you throw out all of your magazines that were sitting in a stack, in your office?” He looked at me with a smirk, and said, “No love, I didn’t throw your favorite magazine out. I kept it some place safe.” I didn’t want to hurt his ego so I had to ask,”You don’t hate me for wanting to keep that GQ magazine with Rob?” Here is where it gets interesting. His reply was, “Are you kidding me? I have the utmost respect for Robert Pattinson. I should thank that guy.” See Rob, he is starting to understand us!
    I can only guess that he is slowly coming to the realization that because of you, Twilight, and some serious long nights reading Fanfiction, based on you and Twilight, that his life in our bedroom, had greatly improved for the better. I know, I know, that this sounds like I am cheating on us, but really, you are just in my dreams, and my guy is pretty amazing.
    I mean, like 7 months ago, when my head was buried in the Twilight series, and I was impatiently waiting for the movie on DVD, I mistakingly mentioned you in passing. My guy has no idea just how much time I spend looking at pictures/videos of you, but he did notice my reaction to his GQ magazine when it arrived, with your face on the cover. My face kind of gave my feelings away, when he showed it to me. Sorry, but you really out did yourself with that photo shoot. My guy, at that time, and the months following, refused to call you by your right name, and in fact most of the time, you were referred to, as “a tool”. The fact that he wants to thank you, is a really big deal.
    This is why I feel so complied to tell you about this revelation. I promise, this will be the last time, that I will speak of this. I don’t want to ruin your mood, when we “see” each other again. See you soon, baby.

    I’m torn between two lovers. Hee Hee Hee..

    • Katie,
      I love that your boyfriend calls Rob “a tool.” Fun.

      • I love that Rob calls himself “a tool” and a big, hard one, at that.

        • You know that new commercial for Christmas about them making some wrench or something that’s gonna be “your favorite tool”? Not even close…

          I’m not even a handywoman but Rob’s definitely my favorite “tool”.

          • I don’t know that commercial, but I’m going to look for it now…and ditto, Rob is my favorite “tool,” too.

        • I swoon at that clip where he calls himself a “big, hard, tool.” I think I have to go look it up right now. . ..

          • I don’t think I’ve seen that, can someone link it here?

            Thanks

          • Hey Old One, I can’t find my version of the “big, hard tool” comment. Kindly post for SB and I. thanks!!!

            *swoon*

          • um, send that to me when ya find it would’ja? (you can find me on the forum if you want to pm me)

          • We are all dying of curiosity here :-).

          • BIG HARD TOOL….

            Enjoy, lovelies.

          • Thanks for tracking that down. That’s a f*king great interview!

  9. Okay, I loved this. And my hubby and I were just having this discussion/argument a couple days ago. I made plans to see New Moon (for the fifth time), and he gave me “the look.” He didn’t fall for my innocent reaction, and even used the word…intervention. Gulp!
    Well, naturally, I played the denial card. I admit to being a fan of the books and the movies. I admit to having coherency problems when it comes to the jailbait’s abs , and Rob’s jaw . But I really thought I’d kept my cyberstalking of the poor guy(s) secret. Not so much. My hubs knows all about how this has become a bit of an obsession. And whenever he walks into the room to find me smirking at my laptop, he no longer assumes I’ve found something funny on youtube…he knows it’s Rob (or Taylor) related. I’ve been found out.

    Upsides: he hasn’t actually committed me to an institution yet, and…he throws down his best moves when he thinks I’m distracted, hehe. It’s awkward lusting after another man in my own living room, but it has perks =)

  10. Last night, my love began questioning my online activity.

    “What do you do on twitter?”

    “Do you have twitter boyfriends?”

    “Are you really talking to that Robert Pattinson guy?”

    He seems to think that whether I’m reading fanfic, on Skype or actually on Twitter is Twitter. He kinda fails on technology.

    My response? *rolls eyes* “Do you really think I’d still be here if I was talking to ROBERT PATTINSON (I always say his name in a British accent then immediately go back to my midwestern/southern mixup) on twitter?”

    Then I laughed. For about ten minutes. And he sulked.

    • I love it when my husband sulks.

  11. “Are you really talking to that Robert Pattinson guy?”
    You wish, right?

  12. My husband actually offered to write Rob and Stephenie Meyer a thank you note.
    Only once has he ever said, “That guy’s not even that hot, why is he on the computer all the time. And what are you reading on there?”
    Not having the patience in the middle of The Office epilogue to explain, I simply looked at him and said, “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you, dear.”
    ‘Nuf said.

  13. Rob Pattinson, sex therapist extraordinaire!!! It’s really almost ridiculous the number of relationships that have been sexified by this man immaculate-orgasam-inducing-gift-to-womankind!!

    SWWABHIHHERT, you said:”He had attributed my joyous moods and sudden interest in sex to his own prowess. I had to tell him the truth. I only wanted sex with him so I could think of you. and herein lies your folly – DON’T TELL YOUR DUDE IT’S ACTUALLY ROB YOU’RE PICTURING BETWEEN YOUR LEGS!!!! What boys don’t know won’t hurt them….cuz boys are dumb. And because they’re dumb what they do know might hurt them.

    • Truth!

    • Exactly!!! My hubby doesn’t know that I might not always be thinking about him, or even hearing his voice when we are being intimate. I just focus on NOT saying Rob’s name by mistake. THAT WOULD BE BAD.

  14. My husband has become increasingly aware of the amount of time I spent on things Rob and Twi related. He is not impressed but he doesn’t get mad at least. Last night at dinner, he asked me who I have been talking to on Twitter. I responded, oh you know, my girlfriends. He knows that I don’t actually have girlfriends so he got suspicious. I had to admit to him that they were mostly LTR girls. He told me that I’m as bad as those nerds that play Worlds of Warcraft for days on end. I just smirked.
    Hours later, he came out of the bedroom with a reallllly old flannel on buttoned the wrong way. I was reading a good fanfic so I just coughed to cover my smile and went back to reading. He proceeded to come stand right in front of me and try to do a sexy strip tease out of the shirt. He totally knows. I’m pretty sure he’s a lurker on here. He mostly just likes to make fun of my Robsession but if he ever finds out my screenname and reads all my back comments, I’m effed.

    • When I’m reading fanfic, my husband tries to grab the computer to see what I’m reading. If he gets too close I just shut it down-I’d die if he saw some of the stuff I read. He knows my screenname and sometimes browses LTR but that doesn’t bother me so much.

      • One night when Dh was home he read the fanfic i was reading. He just saw a paragraph or so. He was like WTH are you reading? So I learned my lesson and never read fanfic when he’s home. 🙂

    • @SingleStrand: Lady, you gotta change your avatar. I keep thinking you’re Ang when you post. Ang has been using that avatar since….well, since forever. It was waaaaaay before the Rob Booger Avatar Debacle. And what a debacle it was!! And I keep thinking you’re her when I see your posts so I’m all like “Oooooooo, look at you. Too busy to email me back, but you have time to post comments on LTT”…and she’s all “I don’t know what you’re talking about”….so I’m all “I’m not an idiot. I saw your post today”…..and she’s all “that wasn’t me, I was busy with work all day. Now please, leave me alone”…..so I’m all “don’t lie to me! It’s upsetting. Don’t get me upset…things could get very messy”…and she’s all “I’ve asked you nicely to stop stalking me. Please don’t make me get a restraining order”….so I’m all “LET’S DO THIS!!!”. You get the idea. Alls I’m sayin’ is if you don’t change your avatar I’m not resposible for any mean things that might get said to you by accident with people like me mistaking you for her.

      Ok, none of that really happened. I made it all up. Maybe. Except for the part about me being an idiot. I really am an idiot, and so your avatar being the one Ang has… it’s so confusing me.

      PS – LET’S DO THIS, Leeeeeeeerooooooy Jenkins!!! (Leroy is a moron….and so am I)

      • Yeah me too, I keep thinking she was Ang!!! And Ang hasn’t emailed me in ages!!!!

      • That settles it Singlestrand….you’ve gotta change it now….look at all the dummies LTT/LTRers you’re confusing….we only have so much room in our brains you know..what with all the extra Rob stuff taking up residence in any of the parts that weren’t being used.

        • LMAO! Dummies! I just got an idea for a book

          “Robsessed for Dummies”

      • Alright ladies. I have changed it. I have no idea who Ang is and I have no idea what the Rob Booger Avatar Debacle is but I changed it. I thought I looked through a few days of posts before I chose something, but I digress. It should show up new in a few minutes. Any Rob’ll do me so I’m not concerned!

        • I love your new avatar!!! VF Rob!!!! Woot!

        • I”m still seeing hair-in-hair-Ang-vatar…but it doesn’t matter…cuz all I read was “Rob’ll do me ..lucky you!!!

          (ps – can’t wait to see your new VF avatar. VF Rob = yummy!) 🙂

          • oops, I meant HAND-in-hair-Ang-vatar….it’s 2.30 in the A.M. I’ve been drinking….and I’m a dork.

        • Thanks girls! VF Rob is def my favorite. My husband just asked me (at 7:30 in the morning) if I was running off to read LTR. I shamelessly said Yep, I have girls to talk to about very important things. Ha!
          Absolutelyvlc, what didya drink last night? Am I talking TOO LOUD for you this morning! 😉

          • Now I”m seein’ the new avatar. VERY yummy indeed!

            I have no idea what it was I was drinking last night….it was a Christmas party….it was red…it had bubbles…and it was also yummy. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go turn the volume down on my coffee mug….;-)

    • Well 2 months ago my husband thought I was having an online affair because I was online all the time, chatting, emailing. So I had to tell him it was girls from here that I communicate with about Rob. Pfft. He was still not happy.

    • I love your honesty, Singlestrand!

    • Your husband knows about the misbuttoned flannel shirts??!! He’s totally a lurker! When the male population discovers that misbuttoned shirts are a huge turn-on for a whole lot of women we will all be in such trouble . . . .

      • yeah, but it’s a total catch-22 on the misbuttoned shirt thing…..on someone as fuckhawt as Rob it’s fuckhawt….on someone whose NOT so fuckhawt it just makes them look like a slob.

      • Yeah he totally knows because I used to make comments on pap pictures of him during the New York summer of Rob. He does stuff like that to taunt me all the time. Sexy flannel striptease attempt (which didn’t really work for me btw) was just the most recent in a string of ridiculousness.
        Last night we watched Rendition. At the very end of the movie, he looked at me, rolled his eyes and said “They have a Volvo. Weak.” I said immediately “Edward Cullen doesn’t think it’s weak.” He then told me to shut my hole…all of my holes.
        Today, he was talking about a coworker and said “He’s from Jacksonville” I smirked and said “What’s in Jacksonville?” He rolled his eyes and said “Not Floridians.” He can quote the movie like I can but refuses to read the books. It’s insane.

        • Your guy is a unicorn!

    • omg – the flannel striptease!!! lmao – your husband’s hilarious!!!

  15. My husband knows all about my love for Rob. Actually I read this letter to him this morning and when I got to the part about thinking about Rob during sex he just raised his eyebrows and said “hmmph.” Obviously he know that his sudden good fortune is due to Rob. But I try not to flaunt it.
    He’s actually pretty good about it, even helps me in some of my Rob/Twi endeavors, so I have no complaints.

    I wonder if Rob would mind adding a small wing to our palatial pad for my husband? I’d kinda hate to let him go.

    • dazzledtodeath,
      I love that u want to keep your husband around when you move in with Rob. That would be perfect, right? Then you’d have every need met.

  16. Haha, fortunately the men in my life are sweet and indulgent and overlook my strange infatuation with anything Twilight and all things Rob – because they know I have become a better (if less normal?) person for it… 🙂

    It’s hilarious though, how this is on my mind almost all the time, while I manage to lead a productive and creative life and work my butt off?! I passed a store selling women’s clothing the other day and stopped dead in my tracks because they had a big sign saying “We make you SPARKLE in the night!” Ooooh, yes, please do! Bring Edward out!

    And going to the gym has become increasingly difficult: whenever they play “Halo”, I drift away to Youtube videos of Rob and lose track off how many repetitions I have done, and when “Sex on fire” is playing my heart palpitations interfere in a serious way with my running!

    (Don’t worry though, Rob, I am still enough in control that I can organize your life and give you shelter, should you be forced to move when your house is mobbed by crowds of homeless women!)

    By the way, I saw ín a rag that you and Kristen are now shopping for a house in LA? Take my advice: don’t move in with anyone who smokes what she is smoking. The smell is almost impossible to get out of the curtains and upholstery… 😉

  17. Dear Someone Who Will Actually BE Homeless if Her Husband Ever Reads This.

    Don’t worry, if I were you I would totally made the same choice, and I’m sure you’re making Rob very happy with your decision, please give us an update of your robunion 🙂

  18. This letter made me laugh. So true though. I’m kind of in the same boat, I’m not homeless yet. 🙂 But my hubby has been increasingly getting jealous and irritated w/ me more and more. Luckily he works nights so I do my fanfic reading and any other Rob-related stuff. The other day he took my laptop away from me and took me with him. He said, “why can’t you obsess about me instead?” That made me kind of sad for him when he said those words.

    He keeps telling me Rob’s not even good-looking, Rob’s a boy, that he’s nasty, etc. etc. It’s all falling on deaf ears. By the way my husband has lurked in this site several times and saw my comments. He just did it last week and that caused an argument between us.

    I don’t know if I’ll choose Rob…maybe if he’ll take me. But we have lots of complications here, like what about my child? 🙂 For now I think I’ll try to be more discreet and stay in the comfort and warmth of my home. It’s not easy to stop going gaga over Rob when your husband is gone for work all the time.

    • honey I’m with your man…
      I think too that Rob isn’t “good-looking”……
      HE is STUNNING!
      lol

    • Oh sweetie, if you have to go before you get to Rob, one of us will take you in. Then we’ll combine our efforts and we’ll take turns. Big Love style.

      • Thanks poochimama! Btw I just love your screename!

  19. Sweet baby Jesus, that letter was hilarious!

    This day is just getting more out of control by the minute. I’m babysitting my 2 year old nephew and was laughing so loud, he came over to see what was so funny.

    We had just watched the Twilight trailer (about 50x) so he now knows who Rob/Edward is…. so this sweet, precious child says “Auntie TiAmo.Sempre, Rob push the car?” (that’s the baby’s favorite part)… and I had to say that no, honey…Rob is in his Hot Pocket fort….he looked at the picture for a few seconds, but just didn’t get it. He went back to watching Mickey Mouse Christmas.

    The entire time I had this child on my lap watching the trailer, I was laughing at myself. We would squee when Edward saved Bella….

    Oh, sister of mine, you should come back soon or your precious little boy will be talking about Edward, Bella, wolves and Hot Pockets…..

    Thank you for the hilarious letter,

  20. I already shared on LTT how my husband defending Rob’s honor at a party we were recently at when the other guys were cracking on Rob.

    My husband actually admitted that Rob is his mancrush…

    BUT, I do sometimes wonder if he only said that to annoy me and to in essense come between Rob and me…like a “keep your enemies closer” thing??

    • “Mancrush?” Wow that’s pretty impressive! I wish my hubby said that! He just does it to spite me, he will never admit Rob’s handsome or anything. He told me the other day that Jensen Ackles is his mancrush.

      • Jensen Ackles is quite cute; but HHH is just in another league!

        • Oh I know…for sure. Do they show Supernaturals in the UK?

    • AJ~ Your DH is so clever. Good thinking on his part. Sounds like something my DH would do and believe me having your DH admire your crush def takes some of the zing out things…if you know what I mean?

    • confession: I’ve used “Oh, so when’s your calendar coming out?” on a number of occassions since I read about your DH, AJ. It always makes people shudupintheirface 🙂

    • Damn. My hubby’s mancrush is Derek Jeter.
      I used to be ok with that, but now… well, now I question his taste in men.

  21. Men are men. They accept whatever it is that results in them having more sex. Don’t mistake their hormones for kindness in persuit of our happiness. And god bless them for that!

    • hahaha…true word…men are men…
      ALL the same…..and that makes things sometimes easier to handle….
      God bless MEN!

    • Sex and food…I think that’s what’s in their minds a lot. 🙂

  22. Hubs has no idea. Well, he knows I’ve read the books and seen the 2 films (with shame). I’ve sworn him to secrecy about it. But he doesn’t know at all the extent of my “interest” in Rob. At one point he exclaimed, “Hey, your crazy, amped-up sex drive started around the same time you started up with that Twilight stuff…” I managed to dismiss his spot-on theory well (I think).

    However, there are downsides to remaining in the closet alone with Rob. For instance: I don’t own any of the books, save for Breaking Dawn (blech) which wasn’t available from the library. Neither do I own a Twilight DVD, which means I’m a special edition commentary virgin–*gasp*!!! I couldn’t let him know that I cared about it enough to spend $$ on it, especially after making fun of it throughout so he wouldn’t know how badly I lust for Rob. No thumbdrives full of hot Rob images either. And I delete search history and history of sites visited about 50 times a day.

    It’s a tough life protecting my man’s self-esteem…

    • you sound just like me!!! deleting search histories…making fun of the movie though I continue to watch it regularly (have borrowed the movie from a friend). I actually just bought twilight and How to Be last night…the problem is that they are hidden in my car still. I dont know how to “bring them out”, trying to figure that one out…any suggustions? My husband also noticed my increased sex drive in relation to the time I became involved with “twilight” (ROB!!) and I tried to play it down.

      I’d love him to read all these women’s stories so he knows “we’re normal” and he’s not alone in becoming back seat to Rob 🙂 But, that would mean I’d actually have to show him this site and you know THATS NOT GONNA HAPPEN!!

      • haha…you could change the cover….but that would be such a pitty….

      • Sorry–no advice here. I cannot even get as far as you have–buying the films. You’re Brave!! It’s not just that I’m trying to hide my Rob-lust from my husband, I’m also trying to hide the fact that I’ve read Twilight and will see all the movies from everyone else in my RL. I’m completely embarrassed by it all.

        However, I have put How to Be on our Netflix queue–it’s still pretty far down on the queue, though. I’m hoping that the hubs doesn’t even know Rob’s name, and won’t recognize him from the Edward posters he may have seen), so I can just claim to want to watch a funny, quirky little film. But it may take a while unless I’m brave enough to move it up the list!

        • I think Rob looks/acts so differently in Twilight and How To Be that someone who wasn’t clued in might actually not realize it’s the same actor. You could totally pretend you didn’t know, too.

        • Good luck with staying in the closet, WhyamIdoingthis. It’s not an easy place to be. My DH knows some things, but travels a lot, so when he’s gone I go crazy with music, photos, films. I pull out everything I’ve got, then I go back into the closet. when he’s home. What a way to live, but I have no regrets.

          Agree with Old One (as usual). Your DH prolly won’t even know he’s looking at Rob in How to Be.

        • I’ve watched How to Be, Goblet of Fire and Haunted Airman all while my bf was busy or out of town. Part of it is because I want to be able to enjoy the films without him making fun of me. And if I want to rewind any part, it’s A-okay. I do have Rob as my desktop background and my bf just says comments like “hmm nice background.” I’ve actually never heard him utter Rob’s name. So whenever I talk about Rob, I have to say “that dude from Twilight” or “Robert Pattinson from Twilight.” He still hasn’t seen New Moon yet….but don’t you worry – I am dragging him there to see it for my 3rd viewing. He made me see the last 2 Saw movies in the theater. I knew I’d get him back!

          • Krystal, Your BF owes you after making you see Saw.

            Love that video you posted at LTT.

            *died*

      • usualnurse, I keep my Rob videos in a file drawer at work, and only bring them home to watch when I know no one will be in the house except me for a few hours . . . I keep my laptop close at all times and delete the history if I think there’s a chance hubby might be curious and check. It’s classic addict behavior, isn’t it? At least it’s not little bottles of vodka or vials of crack. That’s what I keep telling myself anyway!

        • Yes, Old One I am displaying classic addict behaviour, too. I need a 12 step program related to Rob and yes, I tell myself at least I’m not doing crack.

        • My bf knows about the Twi/Rob obsession to a limited point. He says I rather have you obsessed with this than doing drugs. LOL.

  23. i’ve had this conversation with my husband as well – and it was exactly like the same one i had with him about Jude Law 10 years ago…him: “of course you know he’s gay…” – me: “all men i think are hot are gay…except you.” it has worked so far…

    • I loooooooove that you tell your husband “they’re all gay”… That’s a scream!!! Gotta remember that!

  24. These letters are KILLING me b/c we’ve all had our various “discussions”. I posted mine last week, but I’ll post it again here since we’re on the subject:

    This was my discussion after my husband caught me perusing ROBSESSED (i told him it’s not just a rob site, but all of twilight related stuff):

    Mr: This is NOT NORMAL!! You honestly have an EMOTIONAL attachment to these CHARACTERS!!
    (no, I have an all out STALKER-LIKE OBSESSION with ROB-again, he doesnt need to know that).

    Me: I know you think it’s not normal, but it is in that ALL WOMEN of ALL AGES from around the world feel like this!!!

    Mr: Just because somethings NORMAL doesnt mean its RIGHT. Just because its NORMAL that most men look at porn, it doenst mean its RIGHT. This is like porn for you!! How would you feel about me spending hours/day watching porn? (as long as it means i can keep watching robporn, go for it….b/c i’m an addict…..or not an addikt ,like alice)

    Me: I dont spend HOURS each day (yes I do-but he doesnt need to know that!!). FINE! Do you want me to stop following the blog? You have football that brings you pleasure, this gives me a little pleasure (I can name a lot of other “stuff” that’d also give me pleasure!) Just let me have my little twilight (Rob) fantasy land. It takes me back in time to my youth with fun memories of new love and first kisses and stuff.

    Mr: and do those memories affect our relationship now? Do they make you sad because you want that again and now your married and i dont give that anymore?

    Me: No, well, maybe, I dont know. (YES!!!).

    Mr: Do you fantasize about your perfect VAMPIRE while we’re having sex?

    Me: No. (YES!!- hello??? Arent you wondering why I actually WANT sex all the time again after all these years?? And not just sex, but HOT sex??? DUHHH!!)

    Mr: well, I’m not going to ask you to stop following that blog. You know your own heart. I trust you to do what you think is right. And if you dont think it’s negatively affecting our marriage, then you do what you want.

    Me: SWEET!!

    (The funny thin is that this is his impression when I’m TOTALLY EDITING my feelings/comments about rob and twilight throughout my daily life! HE HAS NO CLUE TO THE EXTENT OF IT!! Thank goodness he doesnt actually know about LTT/LTR or my secret folder of robporn photos I have stored on my computer)

    • LMAO! your little dialogue with your husband cracked me up….too funny woman you are! ❤

  25. Na I don’t think so but the Hot Pocket fort is really cool. I love it. You can build a thousand of them. This would be fun. http://bobbygee.wordpress.com/

  26. Usualnurse –
    Thanks for sharing, my story is pretty much the same as yours.
    My hubs dealt with it for a few months before he starting complaining and making similar comments like “this isn’t normal, you’re like crazy obsessed” (and he doesn’t even know HALF the time I spend on Rob stuff)!. I told him “Haven’t you noticed I’ve been more lovey-dovey the last couple months? Do you really want that to stop? This book series has made me more affectionate because I’m always thinking about Love and romance now”.

    That kinda works but I still have to be careful about how much I mention Rob or Twilight stuff. Last time we had the “conversation” he told me as long as I don’t rub it in his face like “Rob is so Hot!” etc, he’ll be OK with it.

  27. Oh I have definitely been there, although not with a husband but my partner absolutely.

    We have a kind of truce now, I can have Rob as long as he can Kate Hudson.

    • Sounds fair.

  28. Loved the letter!
    My husband knows that I spend alot of time online, especially on LTR/LTT. He does not know the extent of how much time, although suspects due to the lack of cooking and cleaning going on at my house.
    He doesn’t seem to mind too much. He thinks this is going to pass and he also knows how old Rob is and how old I am, so thinks that it would never work if I was ever graced with actually meeting him in real life. I’m guessing he is glad that I’m obcessed with something like this and not out secretly meeting up with someone in real life or our doing drugs or something.
    I guess I better think about what I would do if I ever really met Rob!!
    I can keep dreaming right?!?

    • That’s what I keep telling my hubby, be thankful I’m not doing drugs! Although I feel like Rob is my own personal brand of heroin. 😉

      Oh my gosh, I worry that he might find all the robporn in my computer, that might be the end of my marriage!

  29. Being a bit older then the core readership here, and being married, I would like to offer some advice to those who have not had to have “The Rob-convo” with their hubs yet.

    You have a couple of options,

    1) Say it’s not Rob it’s Edward. Most hubs I’ve heard from are OK with you loving a fictitious character, it’s when it’s a real guy things get a little sticky (That’s what she said)

    2) If that doesn’t work, because he has deeply perused your rob-porn collection or perhaps traced your Internet history and seen the comments you’ve been making about tall the things you want to do with Rob, it’s probably best to fess up, admit you find him f*ckhawt,… but… you know he’s flawed. Then, give the hubs your best come hither smile and tell him how happy you are to have found your Rob. Yes it;s a little white lie.. but hey.. it’s about marital bliss and being able to continue with the robsession.

    3) If you just aren’t on your “come hither” game… fess up to the Fanfic,..” I know you don’t like Rob honey, but look what he has led me too, fanfic… remember last Tuesday.. when I did that thing you liked so much?” And when the moment of dawning crosses his face then give him the big smile, a big hug and announce “See we both win here” then pat him on his butt and tell him you’ll meet him after you put the kids to bed to try out something new. Now, for those of you not married this may seem a little “prostitute-ish” but really marriage is a game of keeping him happy so you can keep doing what makes you happy. Trust…

    4) Continued from #3, you may have to come up with “something new” to remind him of the benefits to him… in case of emergency book mark the following

    http://www.fanfiction.net

    It can be a life saver!

    5) now you may have to just admit to you robsession flat out and deal with the inevitable bruised ego. Facts is facts, A guy like Rob.. sort of like Haley’s Comet, comes along once every 75 or 76 years.. and boom they are gone. You got to be there to enjoy it… but also, this particular comet tends to turn other comets off.. sooo, you need to stroke the ego of your own comet… in plain terms.. do whatcha gotta do to make sure your own comet is blazing across your sky… nuff said…

    6) You may need to make the tough choice, when that happens… well it’s a personal choice… it;s never easy… but you know, you need to determine what is right for you. Personally I had to make the decision… funny.. it was really easier then I thought… I hardly even miss my husband.

    I hope I’ve been of some help to your girls… remember, Rob isn’t a life choice… you have no control over his power over you.. the best you can do is to just accept it… and enjoy the Rob-ride.

    • I’m crying…laughing so hard! We “not 20 somethings anymore” have it hard (that’s what she said) for a guy that we’ve only seen in pics!!! That’s hysterical! This is crude… forgive me Lord for what I’m about to say…

      But, I’m going thru a split from hubby of 22 years right now. This Rob/Edward-obsession of mine has made it a little easier to cope with and move on! Isn’t that sad?

  30. My hubby has had the “talk” with me multiple times. I hates the amount of time I spend on twitter/blogs/FF but loves the benefits. Major benefits. He even encourages my “habit” because of my way increased libido.

    I wonder if Rob has any clue of the effect he has had on marriages/sex lives? He is the ovary whisperer for sure.

    • The “ovary whisperer?” Awesomeness.

    • Oh my gah….LOL. Ovary whisperer!

    • Ovary Whisperer…. that made me fall out of bed laughing! You are so right.

      You guys know he reads the stuff written about him on the internet, right? He has mentioned that in several interviews. When he’s bored, he “googles” himself. Funny…

      I hope he knows… every night, many, many fantasies have him as the starring role… many, many, many…

  31. Ha – I was so sure your decision was that you had to give up Rob, to keep the husband. What the hell was I thinking?

    Shit, I’m the one who has the health insurance so that’s a no brainer….buh bye.

  32. well, thankfully I have already sent the hubby packing (he was just an ass) so I am free to enjoy my rob time in peace. I can tack up all the pics of rob from GQ and there isn’t a person to complain about it.

    I only have to deal with my preschooler asking “mommy why are you giggling at that picture of edward again?” and I suppose, that I can deal with 😉

  33. My darling daughter this eventing pulled the Rpattz calender off a display in Walmart in front of husband. “Look Mommy its Robert Pattinson” I had to turn away to keep him from seeing the horror(?)/ laughter on my face. He thinks Im obsessed with a vampire. (yeah lets keep thinking THAT)
    Had to remind daughter that doing stuff like that in front of Daddy is not good. (men and their egos – Ugh!!)

    The benefits of this obsession is nice — if only the man could keep up!! *wink* ah, to be 23 again…..

  34. Best reader letter ever!

  35. OMFG! I almost wet myself when I read your letter! Friggin awesome!
    My husband just basically ignores my obsession as much as possible…..my 13 year old son is the problem. Seems to bother him a lot…..”None of the other moms are OBSESSED with that stupid Edward guy!” I guess I kinda flaunt it sometimes just to irritate him!!! LOL

  36. OOOOOkkkk…so I kind of didn’t think through the nickname that I signed the letter with. So, you guys can just call me Liz. 🙂 Thanks for all the great responses to my letter. I’m glad everyone seemed to enjoy it. And thanks to UC for posting it!

  37. We should start a club!!!! Right with you there ladies!

  38. I’m a die-hard “Twi-Fan”. My daughter got me hooked and it’s been a roller coaster ride ever since. Lots of fun for this 40-something Twi-Mom. I had no idea there were so many of us.

    So, I’ve been asking myself… did my marriage finally fall apart because it didn’t live up to my desire for an Edward/Bella relationship?

    Here’s my question: How will any guy live up to Rob in our eyes? How did he get so ingrained into our psyche that we compare every guy to Rob? Are we comparing them to Rob, or to Edward? I have been pondering that for about a year now.

    My next love is going to have to earn my heart. He’s going to have to be my Edward… or he isn’t going to get in! I’m just sayin’… I know what I want. I won’t settle for anything less.

    Thank you Bella, for giving us our Edward! You brought out the best in him.

    Thank you Rob, for giving life to our Edward! He will always have your sweet face, your soft voice and the lonely look in your eyes. He will always look at us like we are “his life now”. I want to be someone’s life now…

    So, yeah, I’ll keep looking for all things Rob… cuz baby, you’re THAT good!

  39. Hey girls – What an awesome letter! Gosh, it’s like she plucked that right out of the heads of many of us! Brilliant!
    Thankfully, my hubby puts up with my obsession with Twilight AND Rob. I talk about my “boyfriend” and he just shakes his head. He’s read the books and doesn’t make fun when he finds Twilight in the DVD player for the umpteenth time. He pretends not to notice when I slam my laptop closed so he won’t catch me looking at pics of Rob. And he’s never once asked me to give him up – because I don’t think I could.
    He has his list of celebrity “girlfriends” – you know, the list we all make of famous people we’d like to jump in the sack with. It’s just that he’s got a list of a few on there, and my list now only consists of one.
    He’s really secure with our marriage, I guess.
    Which is good.

  40. Ha … I just told my DH, that he should be grateful, because I could no longer grump at him about looking at swimsuit issues online…again and again…


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