Posted by: Bekah | December 16, 2009

The Robert Pattinson fever

Dear Rob,

We interrupt your relaxing in LA (aka your “I’m staying out of the public eye so that UC has nothing to write but made-up PSAs” time) to share a Public Service Announcement with our readers. Feel free to print out a few hundred copies and throw them through the fast-food drive through windows when you order your double double cheeseburger with bacon, leave them on the counter at the gas station convenience store when you run in to pick up a week’s supply of funyuns or drop them at the doctors office when you go in to get your prescription for your ‘can-only-order-from-the-doctor-beacause-stores-don’t-sell-them-so-big” condoms.

Have you ever e-mailed a friend something like this?

So…. I just looked at outtake #1 only of the Vanity Fair shoot with Rob…. I’m having heart palpitations!!! Whew!!! What is it that makes my body shudder??? Seriously!!!! I don’t like someone having control over me like this- especially someone I don’t know!!! Wait a minute….. i’m totally OK with Robert having control over me!! hahahaha!! I seriously don’t think I can look at the rest right now. it’s too distracting! -ItalianGirl

Have you ever made something like this in your not-so-spare time?

-JulieP

Have you ever experienced a scenario like this?

I went to CVS last night to pick up prescriptions and there just happened to be a December issue of Vanity Fair there! One left! It must be a sign! So I set it on the counter. I finally got all my prescription stuff squared away and paid and left. It was not until I walked down the aisle and looked at the condoms that I realized I forgot the Rob Vanity Fair on the counter haha. Yep those are the types of things that trigger my rob memory -Jen

Have you ever woken up and were not sure how it got to be the month that it is?

Was it like you lost a huge chunk of time and days, weeks and months went by without you even knowing it? Do alerts chime daily on your computer reminding you of reports you were supposed to run months ago at work? Have your children been begging to be fed? Do your house’s toilets cry out for you to clean them? Do Christmas presents need to be bought, wrapped and sent from last year?

If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, you might have the Robert Pattinson Fever.

Hello, I'm Doctor Rob. What seems to be the problem?

Other symptoms include:

  • The Robert Pattinson shakes: This might occur when you’re anticipating something Rob-related. Found out he’s going to be on Ellen in 3 weeks, 7 days and 4 hours? Shakes. Found out there’s a chance he might come to your town for Remember Me promotion? Shakes. Learned that your 2nd cousin’s ex-husband’s brother’s best friend went to a Bobby Long concert, bought him a beer and they had a 37 second conversation where Bobby said, “My friend Rob likes that team too!*” Major Shakes.
  • The Robert Pattinson trembles: Commonly occurs after a leaked photo-shoot. After Urban Cowboy Rob came out from GQ did you tremble so hard you thought you might morph into a cowgirl yourself? When you saw the leaked photos from Harper’s Bazaar, did you tremble with anger that it was not you he was riding the motorcycle with?
  • The Robert Pattinson gooey-feeling: You might notice a feeling in your stomach like you’re on a see-saw from time to time. Or like you’re on a really fast roller-coaster. You may have a strong desire to imagine that you’re riding the Robert Pattinson roller-coaster- the Robert Pattinson express. That’s Normal. It’s just the fever setting in, making you delirious and causing you to think sexual things about a really fast piece of machinery that actually has nothing to do with Rob and has a better chance of killing you than providing you sexual pleasure.
  • The inevitable barfing: Did you head out to the local karaoke dive with the girls last weekend only to discover that your former favorite song to sing with the the local drunk (Willy the drunk guy) “I love Rock n’ Roll” now causes you to keel over and dry heave? Used to love to put the Italian spice “oregano” on your pizza but no longer seem to be able to stomach the stuff? The Robert Pattinson fever can cause your subconscious to revolt against anything remotely-related to Kristen Stewart. Barfing will always inevitably come with the realization that Kristen Stewart gets to tap that.

Be safe. Stay indoors with your GQ, Vanity Fair, Harpar’s Bazaar & collection of 4207 pictures on your computer. Stay away from REAL roller-coasters. And never, ever watch that movie “Panic Room” from 2002.

I got a fever… and the only prescription.. is more Urban Cowboy + Lobster + Motorcycle (minus the beeyotch) Robert Pattinson, all doing me on a roller-coaster (while eating funyuns),
UnintendedChoice

*There’s a good chance Bobby was referring to a different friend named Rob as a sentence containing “Rob” and “likes that team” has never before been uttered.

Thanks to Italian Girl & Jen, my two real-life friends for their hilarious stories (okay Italian girl’s was a real reaction to her seeing the Vanity Fair pictures for the first time!) and to JulieP for the brilliant hand-cuffed RobPorn!

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTT, Twitter

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Responses

  1. UC,

    Thanks to you, one of the first things I saw this morning was Robert Pattinson in bed with adorable grumpy-face and hot pink handcuffs on.

    And that rocks.

    Love your face

    AJ

    • Um I saw it before bed.

      • IM seeing it before GOING to bed.

        • Hey there. I’m in yahoo.

  2. You lose sleep because you stay up searching on your ipod for new Robert Pattinson news, then stare at the 1,293 pictures you have saved only for the purpose of trying to DREAM about him that night….but you don’t, so you wake up pissed off (yell at any thing your husband may say to you) then you go to LTR to have a laugh?!?

    this is normal, right?!? he-he

    • completely normal… 😛

      • thanks for replying I was begining to worry!

    • Uh, normal. Like every night normal.

      • Hey Singlestrand. Welcome home!

        • Thanks! I’m back!!! It was a long weekend but I’m so glad to have Internet again and be kind of settled. I’ll email you later. I have several LTR and LTT posts to catch up on! 😉

  3. What an awesome way to start my birthday.
    Thanks UC 🙂

    • Happy birthday Jess!
      Have a fabulous day!
      xo

    • Happy Birthday…may this next year of your life be filled with sparklepeens!!

    • Happy birthday! 🙂

    • Happy birthday!

    • Happy Birthday Yess!!

      Feliz Cumpleaños!

    • Penblwydd Hapus x

    • HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Your fake prize is 2 hours with Rob and those pink handcuffs. HAVE FUN!

      • well in that case…it’s my birthday today too!! In fact, I think it might be my birthday tomorrow too. And maybe the day after.

      • That might be THE best (fake) birthday present ever.
        Not a bad way to start off my 20s 😛

    • Happy birthday from ME too…lol

    • Happy B-day, Jess!

    • Happy sparkling 20s Jess!

  4. Yes, no (but only because I don’t really know photoshop), yes and YES. How did it get to be a week before Xmas?? My tree is half decorated, presents are unbought and the house is , um, unfit for guests. To put it mildly.

    I used to be so on the ball-always on top of everything, and the house was always done up in a big way for Christmas. I LOVE Christmas. But I guess I love you more, Rob, because this year it just ain’t happening.

    All I want for Christmas is YOU, Rob (and maybe a gift certificate for a cleaning service),
    d2d

  5. You lose sleep because you stayed up searching for Rob pics to Polaroid-ise on you iPhone, print, cut and laminate for a Christmas gift. Totes me last night!

    • Obvi, I will be making some for
      myself. Because they are fuckhawt.
      StotheP gave me the idea to print and laminate; smart chicky.

  6. Nothing like talking to Bobby Long’s manager, Phil, casually in a kitchen, whilst drinking a cup of tea, and without prompting he mentions Rob in conversation……I had to stand there with a poker face whilst inside my insides were squeaaaalling. If he really knew, he probably would have slapped me 🙂

    Oh and feeding family? I remember them vaguely….

    x

    • What the hell? You give us the build up to what that ass clown Ascot Phil was casually saying but then you don’t actually TELL us what he said??

      SPILL!!!!

      • I can’t tell you otherwise the “he doesn’t want that neither do we” campaign peeps will be after me 🙂

        • C*ckblockers

          • wtf???? what a cock (in our case, pussy) tease!!!!

            not cool. 🙂

        • You must be from Fort Worth. I was at the Bobby Long concert last week and we saw all the pictures from before. We were so jealous that others got to spend some quality time with him!!! Oh, by the way, Van Morrison will be at Bass Hall Jan. 24th. Already got tickets!!!!! Yea!

          • Just to confuse even more, I’m actually from Scotland 🙂

        • You can just whisper it, we won’t tell anyone, promise! It will just be between us.

        • We will all protect you with barricades made of dumptsters and will build you a Hot Pocket fort.

          • and start a “Don’t mess with Cazza” campaign if needed.

  7. Oh my – I’ve got this particular fever b-a-d – maybe I should stay at home today… in bed… with my laptop and books and maybe a few magazines and…

    (um, there is no cure for this affliction, is there? eh – i wouldn’t want to be cured, i guess…)

    : )

    • and don’t forget your bag of crazy core skittles….me been lurking on your twitter conversations 🙂

  8. We all gots the Robert Pattinson Fever!

    You give me fever,
    When you kiss me,
    Fever when you hold me tight,
    Fever.
    In the morning,
    Fever all through the night.

    But what a lovely way to burn!

    Hilar letter UC! And now I’ve found a way to directly link one of my favourite and one of the sexiest songs ever to that picture of Dr. Rob. For that I will love you forever.

    • Dr. Rob picture still makes me think of those hot mormon boys that go out on the missionary trips. Flirt to Convert, yo!

      • Dr. Rob.
        I. Am. Died.

    • Nice reference! 🙂

  9. Warning!

    All of the above conditions can lead to the MOST serious of all illnesses, Rob Dementia.
    This will cause you to find things that you would normally consider “disgusting” or a “turn-off”, to be oddly endearing and even “hot”.

    Example:

    – Rob talking about shitting himself during the MTV awards.
    – Rob talking about pissing in a cup and leaving it in his hotel room.
    – Rob walking around with strange white stuff on his pants and generally looking like he hasn’t showered in months.

    If you overlook these things or you find that these things actually make you love him MORE, you may be suffering from Rob Dementia. (There is no cure!)

    • OMG! I know….it is so weird! Normally some of the things he has said/done would turn me off, but NO…I just think it is so adorable that he is completely and sometimes embarassingly just ‘himself’ and isn’t pretentious or try to put on a facade. He is one of a kind especially by hollywood standards.

    • Toooldforthis,
      Thanks for giving my “affliction” a name. I most definitely have Rob Dementia. Everything you describe (the MTV speech, the pee cup…) I find endearing. I also overlook the over use of plaid and the haphazard buttoning. Things that would drive me crazy if it were any other man doing it.
      I often find myself defending Rob when “others” point out his foibles. I ignore them and just look at the face or listen to the voice and all is well in my world again.
      Like most patients with Rob Dementia, I’m not looking for a cure. I’m very happy here in my Rob induced haze(coma, stupor?). I am gratefuel for LTR and RAoR for helping me manage my disease by hosting these wonderful “support” groups.
      It’s wonderful to know I’m not alone.

    • I essentially wrote the same thing on yesterday’s post because there was a pic captioned “Why is this hot?” WHY IS IT HOT? Because we all know it is! But now I know why I feel this way – I’ve got Rob Dementia!!

    • I’ve never been into “scruffy” unkept guys, that look like they haven’t bathed in the awhile, until Rob.

      • I also hate guys that smoke, but Rob is the exception, because he looks so Hawt doing it…

      • Ditto! Somehow it just works on him!!!!!!!

    • I’ve definitely got Robdementia then.

  10. You freeze for a millisecond and almost start squeeing on the dinner table when your friend’s (at whose house you’re dining) cousin mentions that he works on the SFX team for the Twilight Saga and very subtly try to pry info about Rob from him all evening.

    PS: Rob doesnt support any team? I heard he supports Arsenal (for all you Americans thats a football team in English Premier League)

    • I heard he supports the Chudley Cannons.

      • HA!! You’re a nut.

  11. Rob induced mental fog in which you’re so preoccupied thinking about the 4207 (I might be close to this number of pics) pics of Rob on your computer, wondering where he is and what he’s doing, right now, and replaying some of his funnier interviews in your head that people have to snap there fingers in front of your face to get your attention. Warning, drooling accompanies this fugue-like state.

    When I first saw the pic of Rob on the bed with his wrists up against, the wall, I thought of handcuffs. That’s normal, right?
    Thanks for the improved visual!!!!

    • those are they handcuffs, aren’t they? I just read a fic that involved fuzzy pink handcuffs.

    • 1239, 4207 pictures? Only? Losers! I have 9705. And I travelled twice half way across the world just to catch a glimpse of HHH. Is that a Robert Pattinson fever? Or boredom in RL? I don’t know, but it’s fun. And it’s normal, right?

      • can you just tell me from/to where you travelled so in my dark moments of guilt, I can think of you and say to myself “there’s always worst”. doesn’t apply if you had a one to one moment, clearly worth it.

        • Fabulos photo, minuit passe’. It’s nice to see you!

  12. The Vanity Fair photos should be illegal.

    Clearly Stage 3 of the virus has been released in the form of yet more out-takes.

    The RP-VP Virus is spreading and no end is in sight.

    Symptoms of the RP-VP Virus include:-
    * breathlessness
    * sighs
    * temporary loss of hearing
    * temporary loss of concentration
    * temporary loss of multi-skilling
    * loss of ability to reason
    * Decrease in vocabulary so that it only includes the phrases ‘fuck-hawt’, ‘OMG’, ‘fuck-me’, ‘oh my’, ‘I really like him in that navy coat’, ‘I might re-evaluate my views on smoking’, ‘I finding lobsters hot now’, ‘do me baby’, ‘corn as phallic symbol is weird but hot’ etc.
    * temporary RP shaped spots in eyes that cloud vision
    * Forgetfulness
    * Feelings of increased anxiety that someone might steal your VF copy
    * Isolation as you drool over your VF in private forgetting friends, family and work for your next ‘fix’.
    * Permanent drool mark down chin
    * Loss of dignity when you realise how young the boy is and that you have no immunity to the RP-VF virus

    Further symptoms to be advised…

    • That’s it, its the RP-virus, the 2009 strain! He’s able to infect us all with just a glance through photos or televised pics! This is just one of his superhuman abilities and the first line of action to completely take over the planet!

    • * Decrease in vocabulary so that it only includes the phrases ‘fuck-hawt’, ‘OMG’, ‘fuck-me’, ‘oh my’, ‘I really like him in that navy coat’, ‘I might re-evaluate my views on smoking’, ‘I finding lobsters hot now’, ‘do me baby’, ‘corn as phallic symbol is weird but hot’ etc.

      Have you been following me? Seriously. I used to use words that were semi-Dawson worthy and talk about things like the health care bill and the economy. Now I debate why RobSten probably shouldn’t procreate.

      *whew* I think I might have the Robvapors.

      • PS – Is there a vaccination for this virus?
        That’s one injection I don’t think I’d mind getting.

        • Oooh, oooh I call second in line for that “injection”!

        • ROTFLMAO! Oh, that was good. I think that particular injection is the ONLY thing that can cure me.

      • Get outta my head, Poochimama. I used to care about the econ and health care, too, now I only think of things that really matter like release of RM, when I’ll receive the Little Ashes dvd, what Rob smells like…

        • Hope you get your DVD soon, because March is too far away!
          And Rob totally smells like cigarettes, the Goodwill (in a moth-ball sort of way), and Werther’s 😉

  13. The pink cuffs are great. I bet he loves them. I would forget my head if it wasn’t attached. At one time in my life I used to break out in spots. LA, Paris, Houston, New York. I love it exceept those days were nuts. I also used to lose weeks at a time. Sometimes months. But hey no one is perfect. http://bobbygee.wordpress.com/

    • Bobbygee. You win.

    • Bobbygee, you’re a force of nature, totally random and unpredictable, but somehow unavoidable at the same time.

  14. OMG!! OMG!!! I’m posted – squeeeeee! Thanks UC. Somehow it looks better in a post than printed on A3 and stuck to my ceiling (joke!)(honest!)
    And bobbygee thinks Rob would love them, well Rob, hike on over to Newport, Wales. My pink handcuffs and I are ready and waiting xxxxxxx

  15. Ever harassed a friend with your e-mails so she can become Robaholic too and enjoy together, like all the forbidden things you’ve enjoyed together when you were teens? And told her she’s not normal cause it didn’t really work?

    Ever felt anxious cause it’s Christmas and you still thought it was September when you came back from holydays with so many plans for your future?

    Ever answered the where-are-we-going-these-holydays-question with a “Don’t care as long as we have internet connection”.

    You’re out of ideas when everybody asks you what are you doing all the time on your computer? Like when you’ve got friends over and you sneak in your bedroom to keep up with the news?

    Ever counted the networking lunches and social events you skipped cause you needed your dose?

    And *tragic tone for dramatic question*
    Ever asked yourself (WTF have you done with your life) how have things evolved for you since you spend your time on this guy?

    Lame but true (a bit). Guess I needed a therapy confession kind of thing.

    • I actually dread having people over because it takes away from my Rob time. We had company for Thxgiving and I kept running upstairs to read fanfic.

      • I was reading The Lost Boys on Thanksgiving…

      • Can’t do anything about the people, they come uninvited several times a week. But it’s material proof that I still have a social life. And a good excuse to throw myself on a fine selection of Rob sites&tweets immediatly after. Fortunately I don’t have the fanfic to manage, cause then I’d be LOST.

        • Don’t do it!! Fanfic is the cleanest route to all out RUIN!

    • Oh see now is a perfect example. I should be taking my daughter to a playgroup Christmas craft and what am I doing? Here, doing Robstuff again!

      Dazzledtodeath I kind of not like having people over sometimes. One of my good friends looked at my laptop and saw this website!!!! She was like “what is this, omg, you are so obsessed with this dude!” Ok she really laughed at me. I was really embarrassed. Also, mother found my Robporn and she looked at the pictures!!!! She said he’s really HOT. I think I have a cougar in the making.

      • My mom thinks he’s pretty hot too. She showed a picture of him to my aunt and she said “eww what does she see in him? he’s homely.”. My response:”I’m so sorry-when did you start losing your eyesight?” I mean come on-if you think Rob is homely you’d better get an eye exam pronto.

        • I like when people think he’s homely, or “Meh, whatever,” or just ignore him completely. That means less of THEM, more of the truly Rob-fever-infected. I like when I’m scanning the news online or on TV and there’s no mention of anything Twilight- or Rob-related, it makes me feel more exclusive, like I’m not sharing him with the ENTIRE world. I pray for more and more of the borderline hangers-on to drift onto new interests, so one day there will only be me as the last Rob-Dementia survivor, and I can finally be alone with Rob (even if only in my addled brain)!

          • One of my friends told me that Rob looks like a troll(I think she was refering to hair). I seriously wanted to slap her face. LOL. I don’t make fun of her celebrity friggin crush, who happens to be Brad Pitt.

          • I am soooo hoping that he’ll do pretty artistic intellectual disturbing underground movies to break his hearthrob image, cause once it’s done the crowds will move away. But it’ll be years (the saga+ bel-ami, remember me not helping at all). And addicts live for immediate pleasure, so I dunno how I’ll do till I do him. But in the same time since we’re not getting anything…

          • To The Old One: LOL! OH, so I’m not the only one with that warped kind of thinking. Sorry, no offense intended. I don’t want the whole world to like him as much as I do either!

          • To loving40s, glad we’re on the same page. I jump up and down and clap in my head when someone says “Robert Pattinson, who’s that?” or “Robert Pattinson is a troll”. I say yay! now go away and look at Johnny Depp pictures or something.

        • You’re mom and my mom have a fine taste in men. And FTR, my dad is 6 yrs younger than my mom…so I guess I’m in good company(I married someone much, much older than me though!).

          • OOOPs I meant to say “your” mom and my mom.

          • actually comparing Rob to a fuzzy haired troll is kinda funny. can someone photoshop that, please? My daughter has a bunch of those troll dolls.

    • And *tragic tone for dramatic question*
      Ever asked yourself (WTF have you done with your life) how have things evolved for you since you spend your time on this guy?

      *****I ask above question everyday and tell myself ‘this is ridiculous, stop it’. But after a few hours, I can’t help myself – – I have to see him, hear him, think about him. That is the definition of addiction, isn’t it? Doing something you know you shouldn’t over and over again and it interferes with your life, your job, your relationships. But being infected with a virus sounds better than ‘addicted’.

      Here’s a few more:
      ***Do you quickly close out the ‘minimize’ the window (with rob on it, of course) on your computer every time your children or husband walks into the room – – – as if you were looking at real porn! They would really think i was messed up if they knew the time I spent on a celebrity. So it is a SECRET!

      ***Is it 9 days before Christmas and you still have 3/4 your Christmas shopping to do? Normally it is done before December, but not this year. Why? The RP Virus 2009 strain has zapped me of all strength or time to do it.

      ***Do you read the Twilight books over and over sometimes looking for alot of Edward dialogue just so you can visualize Rob saying those lines? And Rob is the focus here….not Edward.

      • You and I sound so much alike! I tell myself too that this is ridiculous but then again I don’t ever want it to end. Silly me! Well I’m glad I’m not the only one. How long have you been feeling this way? 😉

        • I’m a latecomer to the twilight and rob mania. I just discovered Twilight AND Rob last month right before New Moon came out. I read Twilight and, of course, was mesmerized with Edward. Ran out and got the DVD and then became mesmerized with Rob. So I began googling him and became even more bewitched after watching interviews (discovering his personality), listening to his music, etc. that was it. I AM DIED!

          • Right there with ya, loving40s. Welcome and glad you found LTR so quickly. It took me a while…

          • Wohoo! Welcome! I’ve been this way since March 2009. My life has never been the same! LOL.

    • Ever answered the where-are-we-going-these-holydays-question with a “Don’t care as long as we have internet connection”.

      I actually paid for my grandparents to upgrade and go wireless last August so I could get my fix for the week I was there.
      That’s normal right?

      • Of course, that only proves that you’re an intellectually curious person, who wants to be informed, stay in touch with the world even in holydays. It’s like reading the papers every day.

      • I don’t even want to go on vacation because it’ll take away my “Rob-time.” I’m so sick…. I think I need a 12 step program and I mean no disprespect for anyone here who is actually in a real 12 step program.

        Step 1 -Admitted I was powerless over my addiction – that my life has become unmanageable
        Step 2 – Came to believe that a Power (Rob) greater than me could restore me to sanity
        Step 3 – you get the idea…

        • No, vacations are the only thing who can prove you that you can fight this for a week or two. I hope.

          • Minuit Passe’,
            Ok, I’ll give this vacation thing a try, but I don’t want to. I even stay late at work some nights, just so I can hang with you guys. Rob would not marry this…I’m pretty sure.

          • I know, I sometimes work at like 2 in the morning at home to make up for the LTR time each afternoon.

    • Ever came back from work and had to read about 900000 comments on here and DOING IT?

      Wow minuit…your comment was like throwing a little stone in water…
      Love the part of thinking it’s still september….isn’t it?

      • Stop making fun of me! I’m loosing (what’s left of) my youth on this guy. I NEED HELP!!!

        • No fun…I have no force anymore today….
          “what’s left of ..)…lol
          Soooo true…..
          Why can’t YOU be Rob, so I would have CONTACT!
          ??????
          Waiting for the avatar…:-)

          • If that can make you feel better, there are people who work 12 h every day (not that they are workaholic) with the hysterics, the funny, the cool, the biotches, the frigid, the psycho-rigid, the too hypy-trendy, the too waisted &cie and act as if all these people in the jungle got along. Tomorrow is another day.

          • Minuit…thx for your …I would call it…”fake-consolation”…
            12h day……..I’m NOT used to that…I’m a teacher…I always have free…lol…I’m working for the german state…so I go to school every day….. just saying…”Know what…you little teen, teach all that stuff by yourself! Almost quiet, please, don’t disturb the teacher while he’s looking for Robporn on his blackberry!” oh….I forgot…I’d crushed it today…

          • Well since you’ve already taken the little teens out to watch (Robporn) New Moon make them do a creative smth around (Robporn) the main character of the film. Than you’ll get to watch all the videos/collages of course for very professional reasons. Ah, those teachers, tey can’t do smth school related even if it involves Robporn.

  16. When the “inevitable barfing” sets in and the inevitable realization threatens to surface, I retreat to my happy place. In my happy place Kristen Stewart does not get to tap that.

    *grumbles
    Never said my happy place = reality

    • My mantra is “nothing lasts forever.”

      • I agreee! LOL

    • “Barfing will always inevitably come with the realization that Kristen Stewart gets to tap that.” I remember the day that I realized that it is probably true. I took my Hubbie to see Pirate Radio. I wanted to drool over another Brit boy, Tom Stu, just to keep from barfing and maybe crying.

      Don’t get me wrong I want Rob to be happy. Even my hubbie said, when he was forced to sit thru the MTV music awards with me, “You know, that is not going to last.”, with regards to Kristen and Rob. He said that he thinks that they are together, because it was eventually going to just happen.

    • My happy place is also sans Robsten. Robsten reality = Sucks!

  17. Hey Rob, I have pink fluffy handcuffs. So get your butt over here!

    • I hate to pull the geography card, but if he’s home for Christmas, I’m a LOT closer 😉 I’ll send him over in the New Year?!

      • Oh darn it! Yes I heard he’s gonna be in London for Christmas. That makes me happy though if he’s gonna be with his family :-).

        Anyways, yeah New Years is fine w/ me! We can kiss at the drop of the New Year’s Ball and welcome 2010!

    • Thanks for sharing, Southernbelle.

  18. I got chills, they’re multiplying and I’m losing control. Cause the power you’re supplying, IT’s ELECTRIFYING!!!!

    See where my head goes? You mention Urban Cowboy that leads me to think about John Travolta which leads to Grease and thinking that Rob would make a GREAT Danny Zucko!

    You’re the one that want (you are the one I want) o, o, oo, honey!

    • You better shape up,’cause I neeeeeed a man
      and my heart is set on ROoooB!!!!

      o,o, oo, honey!!

    • Rob dancing in Grease? noooooo waaaaaay

  19. I have that pic saved in my files :-). So dreamy. Won’t that be awesome if I woke up to him like that! Squee!

    Well I agree with all your points, I have all that, I’m not so bad w/ the last one anymore. I don’t really care anymore who he’s with. He’s not shagging me anyway(darn it). This yr I’m late with everything. I’m not even done w/ the Christmas presents, I haven’t sent a single Christmas card, I don’t even have a list, I have no menu for Christmas and the list goes on! Ditto on the feeding your family. Haha! Lots of groans and complaints fr my SO and child about that.

    I feel like a giddy teenager most of the time when I see a picture of Rob. My goodness, how I’ve changed in just a span of 9 months!

    • southwenbelle, your comment about feeling like a giddy teenager made me think of a question for anybody who wants to chime in. Is this Robsession very unusual for you or do you usually have some kind of celebrity that you follow? In other words, before Rob was there somebody else that you were addicted to or fantasized about all the time or is this completely out of the norm for you?

      I ask because for me HHH came out of nowhere and knocked me on my ass. . .my head is still spinning because this is NOT like me at all. I haven’t had a crush like this on a celebrity since I was 15 yo. Sure there have been a few through the years that I think “OMG, he’s gorgeous” but that’s it. I had a thing for Brad Pitt for awhile and Viggo Mortensen (Lord of the Rings)….but all I did when I discovered Viggo was read one or two websites about his background and put a picture of him on my desktop which stayed there for about a month or so. That was it. I did not read about him daily, look at pics and interviews of him daily (several times a day), think about him almost constantly, etc. like i do with Rob.

      so just wondering what it was like for the rest of you? do you usually have at least one celeb hottie you follow/obsess over or is this all new?

      • I haven’t had it this bad since I was 16. Sure, there are guys I think are hot-Jude Law, Robert Downey Jr, Johnny Depp, on and on-but none of them come close to what I feel for Rob. I’d never checked out any celeb websites or blogs or commented on a blog regularly before Rob. I’d never seen a movie in a the theater multiple times, bought magazines because a certain someone was on the cover or had a stash of pictures on my computer of anyone but my daughter.

        I’ll admit to my last crush before Rob-Dan Zanes, of the Del Fuegos and kids’ music fame. He is just so charming and sweet in person, not to mention tall, thin and has crazy hair.
        Rob put him on the back burner, though. I definitely have the Rob fever and I don’t want the cure!! Although sometimes it’s almost painful to have such strong feelings for someone who’s so unattainable. Oh, and besides that I’m happily married. Gah, sometimes I wonder why? Why do I feel this way about a complete stranger?? Maybe I’ll take that cure after all..Nah.

        • dazzledtodeath: You said, “Although sometimes it’s almost painful to have such strong feelings for someone who’s so unattainable.” I feel EXACTLY the same way. I have never felt this way about a celebrity. Part of me wants the cure and part of me doesn’t. I’m a sick puppy.

          I’m also happily married, but my husband has given me a ‘free pass’ so to speak. So if the impossible ever happened and I met Rob, I’d be free to fully enjoy him. wink, wink. Actually, I think that makes it more frustrating to me because he’s not completely unattainable as he is for some married women who don’t have a free pass….well, except for the fact that we live in two different worlds and the chance that i’d ever get within 5 feet of him/passed his bodyguards is about 1 in a trillion! LOL. Yep, that part makes him unattainable!

        • Well said, dazzled. I’ve never felt this way about a celeb either and I had it bad for Johnny Depp.

      • Same as. Had posters as a teenager – looooonnng time ago. More recently thought (and still think) that Brad, George, Hugh are gorgeous – BUT – no-one does if for me like Rob.

        I don’t think the fan fic helps!! It doesn’t matter that the name is Edward, we all know it’s Rob you picture doing the deed. Le sigh!

      • OMG honey, he swept me off my feet! I had celebrity crushes when I was a teenager, I like Leo til now. But my affection for Rob is way more than I felt for Leo or any other. So weird how someone I don’t even know in real life can affect me so much. I started on this road in March 2009(geez I sound like an addict). LOL. I spend way too much gazing at pictures and on here, also reading fanfic…etc.

        2 yrs ago I was crushing on Jared Padalecki. Then Rob came along and I dropped Jared like a hot-potato. 🙂

        He takes a my breath away everytime I see his beautiful face. That’s how deep I am in this hole. I have no hope of getting out. Rob has bewitched me body and soul. Sigh. I love everything about him. It seems like all my rules have been thrown out the window when it comes to Rob(ex. smoking, drinking, not showering).

        I’m just hopeless, I guess!

        • WORD!
          Before Robfever…I was normal…in a weird way…
          After being infected…I’m weird…in a normal way…lol
          <3<3<3

        • ..dropped Jared like a hot-potato….
          so funny,
          here we say …hot-tomato
          🙂

          • Yes, poor Jared. I still watch his show (Supernatural). A long time ago my avatar actually shows his face. How times have changed!

            I’m normal, in a Robward kind-0f-way.

      • Never had any kind of celebrity obsession before, as a teenager or adult, in fact scoffed at those who got into such things. Didn’t look at blogs let alone post comments. It started with the Twilight/Edward book obsession, and morphed into a Rob obsession really only when I started following the New Moon publicity tour and watched all the interviews, started looking at all the VF pictures, and WHAM I’ve caught it bad. It is a disease, and I don’t know if it’s curable. Time will tell I suppose.

        • Not since 1990 and Joe McIntyre has my kitty purred for a celebrity. And back then my kitty was too young to purr.
          I don’t know what Rob has that makes me so gaga over him but I hope he never loses it.
          I hear Etta James singing At Last whenever a new picture comes out…my looove has come along

  20. Did anyone see that “Adventureland” is up for worst flick of the year? Wow! Mulsten will be even crabbier than usual.

    Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.

    Unfortunately, there isn’t cure for Robache, Patzmonia, Cullenitis, or Little Rashes. But a vibrator gently held on the right spot [TWSS] will temporarily reduce symptoms.

    • Did you make a fake Rob sex toy even before the original came out?

    • I loved Adventureland, not because of KStew in particular, but I thought it was great. Definitely not the worst movie of the year.

    • “But a vibrator gently held on the right spot [TWSS] will temporarily reduce symptoms.” LMAO
      I second that!!!

  21. Wow, this post and nearly all the comments are completely and utterly fabulous.

    I shot coca-cola out of my nose, starting tearing up, and turned bright red all in a matter of 3minutes.

    I seriously think I need to link this to the public… It’s a very serious and important health risk! I think it’s severly contagious!

    Much love to LTR&Commenters!
    -Athena

  22. LMAO!!!!!!
    I haven’t been able to read you guys in a couple of days and I find this Today!!! MUAHAHAHHAHAHA
    Thank you for the laughs UC!!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHA

    I definitely suffer for Robert Pattinson Fever!
    The hardest part of the fever is the nightmares, cause you know, a lovely dream can transform into a nightmare when a mullet appears.
    I have a dreamcatcher for that right in bed 😉

    I dont mind suffering for this fever, I would die for this fever… then I will be in Rob’s heaven. *sigh*

  23. “Used to love to put the Italian spice “oregano” on your pizza but no longer seem to be able to stomach the stuff?”

    Baahahahaha….

    I gotstah fevah!

  24. Well, my mind went straight to “MORE COWBELL” (duh) and then I imagined Rob playing Will Ferrel’s part in that SNL sketch, and well…I’m pretty sure my fever broke.

    Sorry for the hosedown everyone.

    P.S. My friend used her work connections and surprised me with my very own hard copy of GQ from the archives. The internet does not do justice to the pictures (which, incidentally, do not do justice to the hotness in person….sigh).

  25. Yes – Yes – Yes – Yes. Damn it!

  26. I am sorry I don’t have any of those reactions. It takes Oscar Rob or DrunkRob for any Rob-Sickness to engulf me. #HotAlex on the other hand, totally a different story. But #HotAlex is my FF.

    Who’s #HotAlex, in case you didn’t know, well let me show you (SHAMELESS PROMOTION)
    http://h2bsexiestmaninworld.wordpress.com/

    • Who gave #HotAlex a thumbs down…..not fair! Not fair at all.

      • PS Now, I am under #hotAlex, as well I should be.

  27. Thanks so much for this warning. I actually think I have a particularly virulent strain of the Robert Pattinson STD.

    Sexually Toned Daydreams, that is.

    There is no cure and the symptoms intensify with repeat exposure. A quarantine is only helpful if it includes restriction from the Internet.

    • unfortunately there are also side effects to being quarantined – i.e. ALONE WITH YOUR THOUGHT AND DAYDREAMS. The Devil finds work for idle hands to do as they say. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need some alone time with that pink fuzzy hand cuff photo.

    • I agree, the quarantine can’t heal the STP virus. It probably entered your body very deeply. At this point the only thing to do, is do him.

      • now THAT is a cure I could get behind….or under…or beside….or on top of….

        • …or against the wall…behind the dumpster…
          Actually I would replace “or” by “and.”

          I’m sorry, I hope I didn’t disturb you, you seemed occupied with with the Devil and the idle hands and the hand cuffs photo.

          • It’s ok, I can multitask. 🙂

          • I’ll keep that example in mind next time someone tells me “For this job, we’re looking for someone who can manage multiple projects”.

      • I think Rob needs to get on the celebrity charity bandwagon like Peter Facinelli, and do his part to work towards the cure for this disease. He may have to do some hands-on research. I’ll be volunteering as a research subject, to do my part for humanity.

        • That’s the best advice he’s been given. All this celebrity charity is good but we might doubt the real motivations. Whereas this is believable, original and much (appreciated) needed.

  28. OH MY GOD!!! I’m sick. I’ve got it. Apparently it’s contagious. Stay away from me!!!

    Is that why all those girls screem when they see him; they’re afraid of getting “infected”? (I have images of a really bad, cheezy horror movie playing in my head right now)

    I only disagree with one thing you said, UC, and that was naming the Rob rollercoaster The Robert Pattinson Express. You’re out of your mind. But it’s ok, I understand. You’ve got the fever. It plays with your mind.

  29. Why, oh why didn’t Vanity Fair just publish ALL the Rob pics (including the outtakes) in one big mag? I would pay good money for that! Then I could take my All-Rob VF to my bedroom for private, special “Don’t bother Mommy” time (computer is in the living room- no privacy!).

    Robward fan fic is sucking my time these days- and happily!

  30. Okay…so this is completely off subject but I felt the need to share.
    So I was on the phone with the idiot girl from AT&T this morning. I was trying to pay my bill and she was telling me how I could save about a billion dollars a year if I would just bundle all my stuff and get AT&T cable, internet, phones etc. I fell prey to the 6 months of free Starz and DVR’s for all of my TV’s. Anyhoo, I was setting all of this up and the idiot girl told me I needed to set up a security question. I got to pick from Who’s you favorite actor, singer, tv show or my first dog’s middle name. Of course I picked favorite actor. I don’t need to tell ya’ll who I picked. I swear to Jeebus, the idiot girl, who by her voice I’m saying may have been 15 years old says to me…”I don’t know who that is. Did you say Robert Patterson?”
    HUH?
    How is this possible?
    I know I live in a Rob bubble and I’m okay with this. But could there be a rock hidden in the forrest far enough away that someone living under it has never heard of him?
    I was just taken aback. I pulled myself together and told her he was the guy from Twilight with the hair and she was like…”Oh I think I know who you’re talking about” Bless her heart….
    I felt like one of those missionaries who go into the South American Jungles to share the “news” of Jesus with a native tribe that worships a volcano. I was compelled to tell her all about him. I couldn’t help myself.
    It was all just surreal.

    Oh…and back on topic, I actually did get the shakes and my heart rate picked up a little when I was describing to this twit what he looked like.

    • Worship a volcano! BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

      Gawd I love you.

    • Maybe she’s in a prison work release program? Prisons are probably a little behind on all the latest entertainment news. Maybe she’s in solitary and works from her cell?

    • LOL, well one of my friends didn’t know him either. I told her the gorgeous vamp in Twilight and a light bulb in her head lit up and she said :”oh Edward Patterson.” Talk about living under a rock.

      • It’s always better than having heard about him and saying “are you by any chance talking about the guy who drives crazy the 12 yo plus all the no-life momon mums?” Cause that’s what a friend told me, still waiting for the joke she thought I’d do about him.

        • that happened to me too…
          not only once…

      • HA! Edward Patterson. That’s as good as my husband referring to him as “that Edward Diggory kid”

    • Did someone say “missionary?” Now, I have new image in my head and it doesn’t have anything to do with conversions in South America. Thanks, LauraHOney.

  31. Do you think if Rob read this PSA he’d cry? (a la cold medicine commercial as revealed in Jimmy Kimmel interview)

  32. I literally have a fever right now (another one, other than the Robert Pattinson fever) and that is where the inspiration for this letter came from!!!

    • welcome to the club. Apparently it’s not a very exclusive club because I’m in it along with 2 of my kids, my dad and my friend Andrew. Tis the season.

    • feel better soon sweeties.

    • Feel better soon, UC. I’ve got a cold coming on as well.
      Damn winter weather.

    • Oh no, is it swine fever? Feel better. I had it a month ago, not fun.

    • As long as it’s not horrible, it only means more time at home with HHH. Hope you feel better, though.

    • UC, sorry you have the fever. Get better soon.

  33. perhaps the panic attack that i was relating to my 15 page paper that’s due in 3 hours and i’m on page 4 of isn’t related to the paper at all…maybe i’m just having a rob-related affliction…..

    no. i really think it’s the paper.

  34. So THAT is what I am suffering from? I was beginning to think I was crazy. I just relized that “Im Normal”

    Whew!!

  35. Ufff…I actually did it…

    to read ALL the comments after a 12 hours shit working day…
    PLUS…….
    I crashed my (new) blackberry today…and felt soooooooooo bad…not so for the 500 Euro that I dropped into the gully…..
    BUT of ALL the ROBPORN I lost…………:-(
    I’m feeling like a 5year old…will there be some hope in hell????
    I can’t call this “disease” anymore….really!

    • omg omg..I actually realized that the “repairing-blackberry-phone-company-person” will probably become aware of ALL my Robporn……lol

      • OMG you’re so right! Hey I can send you my robporn files. That should tide you over til you get yours recovered! Capische? 😉 Say the word and it’ll be on the way!

        • Capito! WORD!

        • I wouldn’ worry too much though, I think she was careful enough to keep a backup impressive Robporn collection on her computer 🙂

    • Sorry you had a shit day, Robgirl. My co-worker caught me looking at LTR yesterday and I was frozen with embarrassment.

    • Uh the cable/internet installer man was at my house today and he needed a computer to hook up to make sure the internet was set up right. The only thing I had to offer was my laptop. Hmm, background Robporn pic – check. File on my very decluttered desktop titled RobPorn – check. Web browser homepage set to LTR – check. I was totes 1st-hand embarrassed! And then I thought, he was the cable guy and I’m almost Rob’s #1 fan (see LTT today) so who gives a a sh!t.

  36. UC – Another Brilliant post! BRILLIANT!
    I most definitely suffer from all of these. Damn it.
    That is all.

  37. Being on the Robert Pattinson express has been one of the best rides of my life and I plan to stay on this train indefinately.

    • hahaha…well said…an express, almost very crowdy there…
      UC said the other day….”someday it will end (LTR)”…I know she’s right, but it causes me some nightmares….
      so again…NO Robdreams….only dreaming of LTR!
      lol

    • Me too. It’s just too much fun!

  38. So my boyfriend just caught me reading LTR for the first time today.
    Of course he already knew that I think very fondly of this “Twilight guy” (I just couldn’t refrain from putting him on my desktop). He just didn’t know exactly HOW very fondly I think of him.
    At first he looked like he was having a panic attack asking me if I seriously write letters to this dude. I did some explaining and managed to calm him down a bit. But he still looked at me as if I was wearing a blood-stained clown costume…
    I do not want to find out how he would be looking at me if he ever found out the true extent of my Rob-fever.

    • I laughed because I actually wore a blood-stained clown costume once for a Halloween party.

      • Old One, that’s so funny. No wonder I like you so much!

    • I told my husband he should be thanking Rob. Because of Rob, he gets a lot of fringe benefits! He doesn’t buy it though. We just had this conversation this afternoon, he literally pried me off the computer and wanted me to “chill” out with him. We all know what that meant.

  39. Moan,
    “He still looked at me as if I was wearing a blood-stained clown costume?” YOu killed me.

    One day soon my husband will discover the truth about my Rob addiction, but I don’t care…it’s worth it. I’ve never been happier and I’m not doing anything wrong, right?

  40. Then there is Rob Schizophrenia. In which you start to actually have hope that you can make some sort of a good impression on him when or if you meet him. This condition is terminal, but after you realize the truth you can go into an even worse Rob depression. 😦 Sorry, but I feel depressed now. The only cure is watching or listening to anything that deals with Rob, especially LTR.

    • I’ve been there, darkbook108. I’ve freaked myself out many times about Rob, which is so silly, but I’m glad I’m not the only one.

  41. I may be the very last person to post a comment today. I mean I am suffering from robnesia. Because I can’t recall even one thing that happened to me this year. Where has the year gone? What have I been doing?
    Wow! When I think about it, Rob really has taken over my life. It is a sickness for sure and I’ve got the fever!

    • I suddenly have the urge to yell WE NEED MORE COW BELL!!!

      • absolutelyvlc: lol I was thinking the same thing! more cow bell, only errr Rob bell?

  42. Word!!!

    I’m totally under the Rob fever effects! Was reading *duh, re-reading* the Esme island chapters and couldn’t stop thinking about the VF pics and the way he-s gonna look in the movie.

    But that’s normal, right? After all, those happy places r obvs related with him and his no-no places

  43. I definitely have Rob fever! Oh help! I saw him tonight on Jimmy Fallon’s late show and my heart won’t stop going! And that was like… 2 1/2 hours ago! 😮

    *logs off to cuddle with Edward pillow and throw*


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