Posted by: Bekah | December 14, 2009

Dramatic Poetry reading to Rob Pattinson

Dear Rob,

It’s no secret that we receive fan mail that was intended for you all the time. We laugh. We cry. We really pity you because if WE receive these crazy-times letters, we can’t imagine what kind of fan mail you get on a daily basis. Our favorite type of intercepted mail intended for you is poetry, songs and, of course, pictures of women with their cats. Today we decided it’s time for another round of “Moon & UC share videos they made when they were together in Los Angeles a few weeks ago when they thought it would be funny to wear disguises and do dramatic readings but really they just look crazy, tired and quite possibly drunk (but they’re not)” aka: Here are two of our favorite poems we’ve received, addressed to you, dramatically read in the fashion we feel most appropriate reflects the tone of the piece.

I have a continuous heartquake,

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTT, Twitter

For really good times (or if you can’t watch video at work), read the transcript of the poetry after the jump!

To Fall in Love

To fall in love. So careless to forget what happennes around. So fondly. So light-heartedly. To fall in love with every cell of a body, with every feature, with every sight and every movement.

To fall in love with the smile, mood, style, character. Just like I have fallen in love with the music. To fall in love just to never leave this condition, to have a continuous heartquake. To fall in love to replace the hours of watching TV and a glass of cold water.

To fall in love like addict with the drugs, like I with the cigarettes, to catch the smoke from the lips and to enjoy it. Pleasure which will never leave you. To fall in love and to forget everything that I knew, and was learnt, to tousle the hair and to tear the blouse on the white body.

To fall in love and to wake up from the cold and trembling in your blood in the night, to take the guitar and to play something with closed eyes. To fall in love devilishly as we are mad teens or lost old people. To drink “him” like a glass of warm red wine, to smoke like the last cigarette in shivering hands. Just to fall in love. Why is it so difficult?

My Love For You

When I first saw you I couldn’t breathe,
It was like god made you just for me.
When you speak it’s like poetry,
When sing it’s heavenly.
I wanted to confess my love to you but can’t,
For you have gave someone that chance.
Why does love blind me so,
For my love for you will surely grow.
I would do anything to be with you,
Even choking your love until she is blue.
All I dream of is kissing you,
But I know that will never be true.
Our worlds are too different.
You live in the world of gold,
And I live in the world that’s cold.
Oh, why my love can’t you be the boy next door,
Instead of being everyone’s shining star.
I have been looking for someone like you all my life,
Now that I found you I want to be your wife.
Oh sweet lord please make this true,
Because Robert Pattinson, I Love You


  1. Oh, I laughed so hard, cringing with second-hand embarrassment, that this was all the workout I needed today!

    I hope Rob reads his fan mail (some of it) because he could REALLY do with the laughs…
    But then, he would need a poetry-appreciation class first from you guys, just to help him get in the mood 🙂

  2. Amazing!

    I am now going to use heartquake in my every day dialogue. *wonders how I didn’t think of it before…*

    • hahaha…sooo funny ..”quake” in german is the sound that frogs are doing..
      quake quake…

      • hahahahahahahaha!! good one.

    • i just tweeted that i think “heartquake” is the new “Cullen Smile”

  3. Rhyming love poetry AND boys II men. All the things I loathe love most.

    (ang! I think I maybe just threw up a little in my house)

    • agree. what a lovely picture!

  4. I just want to commend you both for getting through those without laughing.

    Especially you UC, that was just…impressive and disturbing and hilarious!

    BTW. I know those were really YOUR poems ladies! ;P

    • you’re right. we wrote them. i had a ‘heartquake’ and just needed to share it…

  5. “to wake up from the cold and trembling in your blood in the night”

    Either she’s talking about a really “heavy” day in which case I recommend Vampax Super Plus Ultras
    She’s talking about waking up in Rob’s blood, in which case I recommend some antipsychotic meds and I’ll just be over here calling the police….

    • Bahahaha…you cracked me up!!!
      Now I’m going to bed with this….Vampax Super Plus Ultras or…. calling the police…..
      I really don’t know what’s worse…lol
      I’m sparkling out!

    • LMAO! Not a pretty sight! Sounds like murder doesn’t it?

  6. 2nd hand embarrassment!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Hilarious dramatic reading, ladies. I love the southern accent in the second reading (that’s what it’s supposed to be, right?) Y’all crack me up!

    PS Love those sunglasses, where are they from?

  7. “I would do anything to be with you,
    Even choking your love until she is blue.”


    Shit. If I was KStew I would be seriously worried right now.

  8. […] Dramatic Poetry reading to Rob Pattinson Dear Rob, It’s no secret that we receive fan mail that was intended for you all the time. We laugh. We cry. We […] […]

  9. Boyz II Men + Unabomber threads = WIN

  10. Just to be on the safe side, Moon and/or UC can you please let me know if one of those strange creatures lives in Florida, more specifically, the Tampa Bay area? I might have to move sooner of what I expected in that case…

    ***My mom was laughing at you (your video), and she does not like Rob, and does not speak English…that’s all I will say***

  11. umm.. u had me at the boyz 2 men song.. ^^

    question: what accent was moon using? were u pretending that u were from georgia or something? hahahaha.. taylor is not gonna like this.

  12. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAA i just L-O-Led so hard. these poems are masterpieces. and your accents are fucking hilarious. UC- you should probably talk like that forever.

  13. Creepy shizz!

    Nicely executed though UC and Moon.

  14. I love how you guys have “I’ll Make Love To You”by Boyz II Men in the background.

  15. Southern poetry for a British boy. *sigh* Sooo romantic.

  16. […] (Missed that one? I completely forgot about it too!!! Continuous Heartquake) […]

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