Posted by: themoonisdown | December 1, 2009

Broken hips, Barbie Dolls, Matlock and kiss tag: it’s all the same to Robert Pattinson

Grandma approved!

Dear Rob,

I was reading this interview you did with MTV news (at Robsessed with a sexy wet picture, go there to look at the picture if you hate me and this post) AND watched a video during the press tour of you saying that 90 year old women say the same stuff as 12 year old girls. First of all where are you meeting NINETY year old women AND TWELVE year old girls, that sounds like a party I really don’t want to be apart of. And what could they possibly be saying to you that is the same?

I just spent a week with my two Grandmas (not to be confused with My Two Stoners, the smash hit TGIFriday tv show) and though they’re not quite 90 they definitely weren’t saying stuff that 12 year olds would say like…

This is the Bella American Girl Doll. Dressed for Forks weather!

  • Wanna play kiss-tag on the jungle gym in my backyard? You be Edward and I’ll be Bella! We’ll let Molly our dog be Jacob!
  • Look at my American Girl doll that I covered in Elmer’s Glue and sprinkled with glitter so he would sparkle in the sunlight like you! I named him Edward!
  • Did you know that Stephenie Meyer wrote another book called “Midnight Sun” but originally it was going to be titled: “Twilight: From Edward’s Point of View?” (no lie, Lilcrazycow’s niece said this to her at Thanksgiving)

Grandma’s say stuff more like this…way different than any 12 year olds I’ve ever hung around

See what 90 year olds would REALLY say to Rob after the cut

This baby goes 7MPH, get the HALE outta my way! I gotta New Moon matinee to hit before the early bird special!

Grandma’s say stuff more like this…way different than any 12 year olds I’ve ever hung around

  • Get out of the way sonny, you’re in between my Rascal and the early bird special at Luby’s!
  • Robert Pattinwho? I don’t care what “talkie” you were in. Find the cure for my bad hip, give me the complete Matlock series on Video Tape and a never ending supply of my pills and then we’ll talk!
  • Who are you?? Dick Senior’s grandson? Well I know him from the war when I was a nurse and he was an injured solider… he came in with a bum leg from being out in the snow for 10 months and we had to saw it off. You know how things were back then we didn’t know better. So Dr. Tom Grandy, you remember him… he took care of your dad when he was a baby and his daughter went to school with Dick Jr and Sally’s boys… You don’t? Well anyway… those were the days (at this point you fall asleep)

As much as I’d love to pretend that both my Grandma and my 12 year old cousin are asking you to sign their sagging/fried egg sized boobs I can’t quite imagine it… but throw out a 20-something, her cougar-ific counterpart and a Saber or two and I KNOW that to be true!

Ordering my Rascal and my Edward American Boy Doll,
Themoonisdown

So what would that special 90 yr old in your life say to Rob? Know a 12 yr old? Do they surprise you with what they know about Twilight?

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTT, Twitter

Because I love you here’s one of my favorite Seinfeld moments ever…

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Responses

  1. Dear Rob,
    No I am not 90 y/o, I am 30 and yes I still play with dolls…..well, I play with my Treasure Troll Doll (because she reminds me of my mother-in-law, lmfao) and my Edward Cullen doll (because it reminds me of you)…..I may have made a few movies of the two of you on facebook BUT it was in good fun…..lol
    At my elementary school where I teach at the 12 y/o all say you don’t shower. My response: so? They are all Team Tay-Jay; my response: you can keep your “baby” I want a dirty old, pussy hound man like ROb!!!!!
    P.S. don’t stay in hiding too long, again.

    • “I want a dirty old, pussy hound man like ROb!!!!!”

      You actually say P*SSY HOUND to 12 year olds? What kind school is THAT???

      🙂

      • * I should have said that’s what I think in my head lol and btw I teach at a Catholic School!!!!!!!

      • That’s not so bad…Taycob Is into bitches.

        • bhahahahababahbahba

    • Teach the children well . . . and feed them on your dreams . . . of Rob.

      Crosby, Stills, & Nash lyrics for a Rob ref? I think the Rascal crowd might appreciate my Googling.

      • We are the ROB!!!!!

      • I appreciate all googling. 😉

        • I love a good googling.

    • damn misty, i never had a teach like you!

  2. “As much as I’d love to pretend that both my Grandma and my 12 year old cousin are asking you to sign their sagging/fried egg sized boobs I can’t quite imagine it.”

    EEEEW!!

  3. My twelve-year old student:
    “You know (to me) that the pale guy in reality showers only once a week?”
    My grandma (89 years):
    “You know (to me) That the pale guy in reality
    showers only once a week?”

    GREAT! REALLY GREAT! 🙂

    P.S. I haven’t seen their boobs yet….and I am glad about it…lol

    • Hahah! That’s awesome!

      No, please no boob showing! Ughh! My grandma’s no longer living but I did see her boobs when I was really young! I was really mortified and scarred for life! LOL.

    • My grandma (to me): “Robert Pattinson only showers once a week? Ah, well, back in the day, when I was young, we only used to shower once a week… Though it wasn’t technically showering, since we didn’t have showers back then, but we would wash ourselves in a wooden bathtub in the kitchen. Also, liquorice used to cost only 5 cents back then and we would get milk in a bucket from the grocery store every day, and then when the war started…”

      • Exactly like my grandma….but plz don’t ask her what she has eaten today! She will NOT know!:-)

      • Picture it! Sicily 1932…

        • And now I’m going to have to turn the TV on Lifetime…

        • YOU WIN!!! any sophia references automatically win!

        • Grace and George would love that you quoted Sophia from the Golden Girls…

    • My family got to talking about Rob on Thanksgiving at the dinner table!! Most of them men and women were saying they dont’t understand what is so great about him. My aunt thinks he looks good as Edward but not in real life. And that he looks like he doesn’t shower or comb his hair and he giggles like a girl. Of course my sister and I were all about defending him. Saying those are the things we find so adorable about him. We are so sure he smells smexy!

  4. I dunno, Moonie, Have you ever been in the company of some of those Red Hat ladies? They are under the impression that they are old and they deserve to be as nutty as they want. I once costumed a production of The Full Monty where the matinee was 3/4 full of Red Hats. I never heard such whooping and catcalling and carrying on. I thought those boys were going to need a police escort.

    • And actually, now that I think of it every time I have seen New Moon there has been this woman either in the same theater or just coming out of a New Moon showing. She’s at least 70 if I’m being generous. She’s got her grandma clothes and her big grandma purse resting on the seat of her fancy maroon walker and she has her bangs dyed maroon to match. She’s so flipping cute.

  5. This is the part where I confess that I totally scammed babysitting on Thanksgiving using Rob’s theory.
    Me: “Hey Gram, hey Kids – wanna go to a movie? It’s about werewolves and vampires!”
    Gram: “Good Lord, no! Why would you want to watch something like that? I’d rather stay here and play with the kids!”
    Kids: “No way! We wanna stay here and play with Grama!”
    Me: “Well, I guess I’ll just have to go by myself.”
    *hangs head and shuffles off trying to fight a smile*

    You’re right Rob, they DO think alike. THANK GOD. If they didn’t we couldn’t have had that quality time together 😉

    PS – Moon, why is the Bella doll in a wheelchair? Is she THAT clumsy?

    • “is she that clumsy?” A thumbs up was not enough! Had to reply and quote!

      • Seriously! I love how fanfic writers make her out to be borderline retarded! It’s like she’s constantly on a ship.

        • BINGO!! to clumsy to function

      • Why didn’t Edward think of that?

    • Poochimama,
      You should totally mention your 30th birthday present on this one…

      It is oh so appropriate 😉

      ❤ ya girlie :giggle:

      • You stinker!
        So to those who aren’t in the know, it went a little like:
        My Mother: “Happy 30th birthday!” *hands me gift*
        Me: “Thanks!”
        Her: “Hope you like your undead Barbie doll!”
        Me: *unwraps Edward Barbie and tries to come up with appropriate response but just jumps up and down like the fangirl -squeeing* “Thanks, Mom!”
        Her: “You are going to leave it in the box, right? It’s a collectors item.
        Me: “But, Mooooom, if I leave it in the box, how can I carry it around in my pocket?!”

        And there you have it.

  6. First of all, I love you because you love Seinfeld and you understand that EVERYTHING in life can relate back to a Seinfeld episode.

    My mother is 60 years old (it’s not 90, I know) but still, she’s waaay out of “cougar” range. And she has me out buying the VF magazine because she can’t find it. She has every magazine cover with Rob on it and she calls them “Collector’s Items”. Whenever I call her, she gives me updates on where he is and where he was last seen.

    I can’t decide if it’s cute or creepy.

    • I vote for cute…. As long as Cullen Capris stay.

      • …away

        • My mother would NEVER wear Cullen Capris or Pattinson Pants (no offense to the Pattinson Pants lady). I would institutionalize her first 🙂

          • Hee hee… Now, a Taycob Tank Top is a whole other story.

    • “EVERYTHING in life can relate back to a Seinfeld episode.” So, so true.

    • My Grandma thinks that EVERYTHING is a collector’s item. What IS that?

    • EVERYTHING can relate to seinfeld cause it was the best show ever! are you watching “the reunion” on curb your enthusiasm?

      • When is it on? Did I miss it?

      • Uh yeh! Tis brilliant. You peed on jesus!

        • Damn! Now I’ll have to “On Demand” it.

  7. My 62 year old mother….”I don’t understand what’s so great about him, he’s no Keanu” LOLOL!!!!!

    • I agree with your mother… Rob is no Keanu – thank God!

    • My mom says the same thing except it is either Rick Springfield, Rob Lowe or Rod Stewart.

      Hey! Don’t hate…when I was a kid I actually though my mom was Pat Benatar cause she was THAT hip and cool.

    • KEANU!!! your mother has great taste. I am here cheating on him, actually. I love his non-acting adorkable body…face!

    • My 55 year old mom said the same thing. Her thing is Pierce Brosnon. Guess who’s going to Remember Me with me? 😉

      • I’ve always had a thing for Pierce Brosnon too. It was almost weird for me when he was cast as Rob’s dad. It’s like wanting to have sex with my father in law….ew. Wait, does that make sense?…’Cause in my dreams, I’m married to Rob….yeah that makes sense.

    • I can’t tell you how many times she’s made me sit through “A Walk In The Clouds”

    • He IS no Keanu – just like Keanu is no Gosling is no Cusack is no Ledger is no Bernal is no . . .

      I could go on, but my point is that I love them all individually. But Rob just might be the kid I favor most and take with me to the grocery store.

  8. LOL “Wanna play kiss-tag on the jungle gym in my backyard? You be Edward and I’ll be Bella! We’ll let Molly our dog be Jacob!” I don’t know many 12 year olds, but they def know about Rob and Twilight. This assumption is based on the fact that I know two 4 year olds that get in-the-zone googly eyed when they watch Zac Efron on tv (and that Lucas Till from the Hannah Montana movie). You’re 4! How do you know you want a “boyfren”?

    This is for you Moon, since we’re sharing our favorite Seinfeld clips. This is what I get to experience every morning. And right now because I have to run to work and not be late because I’m still in my PJs reading LTR.

    • This is one of my favorite episodes of Seinfeld. Never have I seen a sitcom be more true to life than this episode. =)

    • I heart Elaine Benis to death!!! She is my hero. Thanks for posting this and simultaneously hurting my stomach.

      …one banana, two banana…

    • Hahaha, thank you for this! When I lived in Philly, every time the lights would flicker out on the subway trains, I would think of this scene.

      Doesn’t anyone use deodorant in this city?

      • What is touching my leg?!?!

    • favorite Seinfeld ever

    • why is elaine benes the BEST EVER?>! god julia louis dryfus (sp?!) has the best comedic timing ever!

  9. Wow I had completely forgotten about My Two Stoners! I will check my local listings!

    • set your tivo!

  10. I have a 90 year old grandmother. This is my area of expertise.

    As I was sitting in my mother’s den watching Twilight, she came in pushing her walking (you can hear it five miles away).

    She loud whispers to me (as is her custom), “Whatcha watchin?”

    I replied, “A movie about glittery vampires and possible werewolves.”

    She rolled her eyes at me, turned around and left.

    Dear Rob,

    You do not impress ninety year old women. They have Harlequins. You’re abstinence story is OVERrated. Get over yourself.

    ❤ Me.

    • I don’t like the way you’re talking to my lover. Lucky he gets turned on by that kind of talk, but still, I would appreciate it if you toned down the foreplay.

      • I’m nothing if not a dom at heart.

        • Uhm, your name IS Fangbanger. This I knew. 

  11. I actually reckon Rob is in very good company with the 90 year olds. Probably has a stock pile of *Depends*, I mean he admitted it, we heard it straight from the horse’s mouth “…….because I think a little bit is coming out of my pants right now.” 🙂

    x

    • You know when Rob said that the old ladies were thinking, “Yes, dear, that happens to me too. Don’t use the generic brand!”

    • Or if he’s out of Depends, he just pees in a cup in the hotel room – WTF??? This should REALLY turn me off, but it doesn’t. I still ❤ Rob.

      • I think we’ve grown immune to it. We just learn to laugh at the strange things. Plus I always figure he’s full of sh** and he’s just trying to tell a funny made-up story. At least it makes me feel better to think that.

  12. Nothing to do with the post (sorry, sorry sorry), but I have to answer yesterday’s “have you watched New Moon” question.

    Yes I did and I had a stupid smile on my face all the time.
    Because charming Rob was killing me with the smiles, the in love attitude, the beauty and the porn in Italy.
    Because I was secretly cross country fangirling with Robgirl, since we were watching it at pretty much the same hour.
    Because almost all the normal gals were alone thinking they could go incognito.
    Because they were only a few people in the place and during the long moments when the lights were on and the screen was off, we were timidly looking at each other saying to ourselves “I know why you came here for and what you’re doing at home”
    Because the two present couples ended up almost having sex when the lights went on at the end.

    But the no Rob moment was loooooooooong, so long and longing.

    I have to admit the DILF did some beautiful scenes (the meadow at the beginning, Bella in the water, the painting, Bella agonising in front of her window…….) but there’s also a lot of shizz like
    – the make-up was a joke: did they run out of professional products and decided to use what was handy: coke, flour…?
    – Robward’s wardwrobe as well: is the stylist a cougar who wanted to get back at something did or did not happen with said person?
    – the 3D werewolf transforming . And what’s up with the square head creature standing in the dark with brightening eyes?
    – the “I don’t want you to come” dialogue. Rob, see what happens if you don’t hang out with intellectual not sexually obsessed people like us? It didn’t even cross your mind. Or maybe it did and then you took KStew behind a tree to prove that you didn’t mean it.
    – I might have burst out laughing when Jacob was saying that he too could harm Bella, but that’s just the character in the book I suppose. Please don’t hate me for that.

    But as much as KStew’s inability of expressing herself makes me wonder if she’s retarded, I must admit she is a very good actress. Really liked her. And I might go on another date with in love Robward.

    • Your gravatar frightens me.

      • Is it because it has a sparklepeen?

        • I saw your last night’s comment this morning. I told you you’re hilarious. So my answer is: it’s not a coincidence that my avatar resembles a sparkle peen. It’s a sign. From destiny.
          Or did you mean it’s a coincidence with you avatar, you know with the tongue? OK, I’m out. That was first hand embarrassment.

          • OMG I never realized that before! OMG minuit passe you’re obscene! HAHA!

        • Bingo.

          • I suppose you’re not either 12yo or 90yo. So don’t be afraid of the sparklepeen. Yesterday I was thinking of changing my avatar, but now that xylem brought it up, I might wait a bit, let you all enjoy.

          • I’m not afraid of THE sparklepeen, just yours. I do like that you are walking like an Egyptian, though.

          • You’re just jealous you didn’t get the sparklepeen. 🙂

          • Hey man, I have jazz hands. I’m awesome. =)

          • Don’t forget your palm tree.

          • Palm tree?! Them’s fightin’ words, NaA! =) It’s my super high ponytail. What else would I have when I have such awesome jazz hands?

        • Great now I have the Sparklepeen song set to spiderman stuck in my head AGAIN!!!

      • gravatar as in avatar?

    • Oh my …we did it! That’s so cute…I was thinking of you too- great Rob-french-german-connection! 🙂
      …and I am absolutely with you, EXACTLY my opinion…after the first view! After the second one I loved the film more, I saw some things/scenes way better! Yesterday the third view…
      and finally I think
      1) C.W. wanted to be very true to the book, so he did…
      2) The soundtrack is GREAT but he didn’t used it….WHY?
      3) C.H. explained in the adds of the DVD something about the general “rythm” of a film (she cuts out two of her fav.scenes) and I guess that’s the problem…there are lot of rythm-errors, some too short, some too long, some from wrong angles (ALL kissing-scenes!)
      4) All the mean actors were great (ecception: the wolf-pack-horrible acting..sorry), Jacob, Kristen, Peter, CHARLIE, Mike and Angela…and Rob OBVIOUSLY did a great job ..too!
      5) Some of the dialogues were very simple and cheesy, but perhaps in english it will be different…I am going to enjoy it this evening!
      6) best for me: ALL the parts with ROB!!! ( although I hate the Make up and the contactlinses, they looked like yellow beams..)
      7) As a person I love C.W. and I really don’t like C.H. (bäh!), but some/many things were better in Twilight, even with the half budget….
      ……
      8) Anyway….I LOVE ROB, he will be GREAT as TYLER! 🙂

      • So wait, didn’t you watch it again last night? So you’re watching it for the 4th time tonight? You’re hardcore! You go girl!

        PS I sent u a long email, you asked about the British guy so I answered ;-).

        • I only heard “Hardcore”..SB…I AM hardcore…and you too..:-)…Donna Reed…ppffffppp….
          I will watch it in about 4 hours for the 4th time (last time!) in original language…it was not that easy to find a theater…b/c anybody here age 12/around 12 (major target group) is NOT able to understand enough english …because they are ALL lazy and stupid and are NOT paying attention at school ( teacher heart spoken…lol)
          will write you back ❤

          • In France it’s all about the 12 yo as well.

            So Rob, if you want to come (no New Moon reference) let’s say on a weekend with your friends who will be playing in a certain European city (2 hours away from London, I mean c’mon) you should do it! Just do it!
            No one will jump on you. The 12yo will be in bed with their Edward doll, hating their parents, the 90 yo will be complaining about their back at home with a bottle of bottle of whiskey. People in between those critical ages don’t know you. But I’ll be there and I’ll be good.

      • I won’t argue with the I “didn’t really get the movie” part cause you’re probably right since I was asking myself every second where’s Rob, where’s Rob?
        I don’t have the whole comparison picture, since I haven’t read the books nor watched the DVD. Only listened to the comments on you tube, who didn’t have the image. Great.
        Don’t know the whole soundtrack but I like what I know.
        I also like CW as a person I think he’s cool and smart and funny. So that’s why I was expecting a bit more.
        But I liked the camera movements, it was involving and almost made my head spin, or maybe it was just Rob.
        Also not exactly the best kisses, but the moan saved them all.

        • Arrrggghh…you can imagine? They CUT the moan by dubbing!
          GREAT SCANDAL!!!
          Where was Rob?
          “I guess…he was on a great bender!” (Robword)

          I think….. THAT’s OK!

          • What? No moan? Ughhh, that’s a travesty!!!! Dubbing over Rob is wrong! LOL

            We can be drama queens today my darlin.

          • Robgirl the times you’ve watched it in German don’t count. Strange idea to watch it dubbed! So now you HAVE to watch it 3 times again in English.
            And with that you can compete with the British gal who confessed yesterday to having watched it 7 times.

          • Girls, plz…calm down….

            Southernbelle..OTHER people dubbed it…it’s not my fault! and we are ALL great drama queens here around…! Every day ervery time!

            minuit passe’…did I hear heavy sarcasm? It will be the last time…otherwise I could play Bella by myself! 🙂

          • My Robgirl,
            No heavy sarcasm here, only nice joke about you, me, us. But I was hoping we could go to the cinema again!
            Altough I might have to agree with SB, you are hardcore, but in a very good way. It’s a compliment.

          • Minuit Passe’…you are like a little BEE…always stitching a bit…lol..but in a very good way. It’s a compliment too!
            Hahaha!

          • Robgirl
            I am laughing and I don’t know why cause I didn’t really understand. lol

          • Minuit passe’/ Southernbelle
            OMG, I just came back from the first view in ENGLISH! It was AMAZING, so much better, they KILLED the film by dubbing!The voices, Rob’s voice…..wow! NOW I love NEW MOON (eccept the clothing…but it’s ok..lol)…I LOVE IT and I LOVE it!

          • @robgirl86 -yeah! So much better because you can hear Rob’s actual voice! Were there any subtitles? Did you go on your own?

          • SB did you think he had a small British accent?

    • @minuit passe do you want to give me your email? I think I was the one that asked you this yesterday.

      • Sorry but yesterday it was late here and all this New Moon thing was very energy consumer. I know I’m making up all these words, but you get it, right? So the mail iingrid23 yahoo the french version. Don’t want to write it together cause i’ll get a lot of spam then, from people who use machines to pick up e-mail adresses on the internet.

        • What’s the Yahoo French version? Isn’t it all yahoo.com?

          • it’s dot fr

    • In my screening, when she says, “I’m coming” and he says “I don’t want you to come” everyone laughed. Even me. Because apparently I have the sense of humor of a 13yo boy. I stand by my first assumption that Melissa Rosenberg should burn at the stake for that screenplay.

      • This didn’t occur to me at all.I was too caught up in the moment, thinking about how devastating it would be to hear those words.

        Is my mind not dirty enough?

        • No, it’s not that you’re not dirty enough…I’m just guessing you’re more mature than me (and all the 12yos in the theatre with me). Here’s what: that IS a devastating scene and it SHOULD make all of us weep and feel the loss. But when you have two actors (who, lets face it, AREN’T the best actors on the planet – they’re good, don’t get me wrong) saying things like “I’m coming” and “I don’t want you to come,” juveniles and juvenile-thinking adults are gonna laugh.

          I lent out my copy of New Moon to a friend, so I can’t quote from the book, but I am *pretty* sure that they don’t say those lines in the book. And they shortened that scene so much from the book – the book’s version is definitely more devastating. Thanks again, Melissa Rosenberg.

      • @TLG
        Do you still have a place in the 13 yo boy club?
        Can’t really judge the script cause I don’t know the book.
        IN the book are there a lot of references to Romeo and Juliette?
        The famous lines come from the book?

        @dazzledtodeath
        See that’s the thing, I wasn’t caught up in the story, but that’s me not the movie.

        • In the book, there are a few references to Romeo & Juliet. She has to watch the movie for class so Edward watches it with her at home. Then he tells her he envies Romeo the whole suicide thing – enter the Volturi discussion. Also, when they first reunite in Italy – when she slams into him – he quotes Shakespeare. MUCH better in the book. Him woodenly reciting Shakespeare for the class in the movie was pure cheese. Not romantic at all – very different from the book.

          I want to go on record saying that I know I sound like I didn’t like the movie. I did. I just keep holding out hope that the movie will live up to expectations. I need to remember Moon & UC’s advice to manage expectations. My favorite book is Eclipse and I’m SO worried about Rosenberg’s treatment of the proposal scene. If she messes it up, I don’t know what I’ll do.

    • You watched it… You really watched it! About the missing Rob parts and in the words of that hawt famous ‘”ladies’ man” sometimes you gotta learn to love what’s good for you

      • I DID IT! And it felt gooood!
        For now I just want BAD, VERY BAD things! Badly!

  13. My abuelita is not 90 but she is bad ass. She’s 79 and before she was coming to the U.S. from Spain to wed my abuelito she killed a bear who was in her garden with an ax. She’s 5’1″.

    So I’m pretty sure that there is NOTHING Rob could do to interest her. Unless he came to her house and let her feed him, then she might like him.

    • Wow that’s very impressive! I can just imagine her in her 5’1 frame, hacking away at that poor bear! 🙂

    • Holy cow. That bear would’ve mauled the crap out of a 12 year old.

      Seriously that is an amazing story.

    • Now I’m jealous. My grandma never killed a bear with an ax. She was bad ass, but not that bad ass.

    • It’s obvious why your grandma hasn’t interests for Rob…she is NOT like Bella!lol

    • Have you checked your twitter lately? Ewww that sounds gross….but anyhow, please go check.

      • I can’t! Work has it blocked and I only get online at work (cause I’m a good employee like that!)

  14. Dear Rob,

    Wanna play hide and seek with me? I’ll hide and you seek. When you find me, we can just stay in that hole where I was hiding. I don’t care…we can stay there all day doing whatever we want to do.

    XO

    I don’t know any 90-yr-olds but I think if my grandmother was alive she would love Rob too! is 65 old enough? My mom acts like my grandma and my mom has told me that “Rob is HOT!” Not to mention she was a real knockout when she was young! She stayed w/ me for a week in September and was using my laptop when she chanced upon my extensive Robporn! She looked at all the pictures!

    Mommy SB: “WOW he’s really handsome!” *big dreamy smile on her face*

    Me: Oh my goodness. Well yeah that’s beside the point, why are you rummaging thru my files!?!

    Oh boy, I’d love for my mom to meet Rob. She will completely embarrass herself and I can tease her forever.

    • Hi girl with a lovely mum…love that story :-)….

      My mum is different…I really don’t want her to touch my laptop…it would be sooooo embarassing, SHE would tease me for LIFE!
      She saw me already several times doing internet (Robinternetstalking…lol)and when I told her quickly..”That’s research for school…”, she gave me the same strange look when I asked her(while I was 12years old),,Mama, what does MASTURBATION mean?”

      • So curious…what does your robporn consist of? I don’t need details, just a few hints and wanna make sure I haven’t missed something.

        Thanks, robgirl86!!!

      • YEAH robgirl, spill it out! What’s in your robporn! Do you have photoshopped stuff in there!?

    • Your mom found your Robporn! ahhh!
      My mom would probably break my laptop. Step away from the Robporn!!

      • Yeah she’s barely knows how to check her email but she found my Robporn! Now my sister, brother, cousins and relatives know about it! She blabbed!

      • Imagine how I felt having to explain to her this certain picture of Rob. You know the one where he’s wearing black shirt and black jeans, laying on his side with his hands between his legs! He looks like he’s touching himself….so embarrassing.

        • 🙂
          You should have said ‘I was there Mum and he was looking at me. I was his inspiration!” Your mom is cool cause she’s laughing about it. Mine wouldn’t find it that funny I think.

          • @minuit passe -Yeah my mom is really cool! She used to borrow my clothes when I was in high school. During that time I didn’t think that was cool that she wore my clothes! Now we’re more friends than anything really.

            I’ll remember that next time I see her, I’ll tell her I was there and I inspired Rob to pose that way! Hehe. She’ll love that answer!

        • My all time fav pic of Rob. This is the pic I think of when gettin’ busy with my hubs. Oh, no, did I just say that!!?? Just joking! (not really) 😉

          • Yes u did just say that! I heart you for that! Hahah!

            My hubby should be thankful for that picture!

  15. My 14 year old nephew is 2nd hand embarrassed that his aunt (Me!) saw New Moon twice in the first week it opened. However, his female classmates said “That’s my kind of aunt!”

    That’s all I got on this topic, besides my family knowing I’ve seen the movie, I am very very deeply in the twi-closet.

  16. I laughed so hard I’m crying. First it was the pic of Grandma on her Rascal, giving a cheery wave and saying get the HALE out of my way…then it was your description of Dick getting his leg sawed off..oh, it’s so true-even my mom talks like that, and she’s not anywhere near 90! “You know so and so, who I went to school with and used to live over on Whatever Street?” Um, no, I wasn’t born when you were in school, remember?

    My grandmother would have had some choice things to say about Rob-she had a pretty dirty mind for an 86 year old. She had dementia the last few years and died a few weeks ago, but oh, in her prime..she wouldn’t have sounded like a twelve year old at all.

    • I’m so sorry about your grandma’s passing. Mine got dementia when she turned 90, so by the time she passed, she had already been gone for a while. Hope you and your family are doing OK.

    • grandmas are awesome! especially when theyre cussing on their rascals!

  17. My mother, 77 years-young, watched as I excitedly ripped open my Rob-Porn, Vanity-Fair December Edition, for my birthday. She wrinkled her nose and said, “He’s not even that cute” – Blasphemy! I immediately stuck her in a nursing home.

    My 10 year-old daughter, finished Twilight and just started reading New Moon. She was talking about how she felt Bella’s loss and sadness during “The End.” I then said, “Didn’t you feel like you were falling in love with Edward too, during Twilight?” She said, “No.” Blasphemy! I sent her to boarding school in London. This way I can visit her and stalk Rob when he is home.

    Long Live Seinfeld!

    • Tread lightly, blasphemers, lest you be sent way to an age-appropriate institution.

    • I love how you are so great at getting all the negative out of your life. You should teach a class!

      • Not only could I teach a class, but maybe take Oprah’s spot when she leaves and just host my own show about ridding all Twilight/Rob haters out of our life, cause it ain’t healthy and possibly dangerous. . .

    • obviously you did the RIGHT thing by the old lady and the young girl. stow them away till they learn their lesson!

  18. I’m also pretty deep in the Twicloset, except I had the New Moon premiere on my calendar for months and had asked husband to stay home from work that day with the kids. But then at the last minute he had a trip out of the country for work. So I called my mom and cried, “Mommy, will you please come babysit for me so I can go see a veeeery important movie.” “Yeah, that vampire movie.” “Yeah, I know, I know, you raised me better than this.” *hangs head in shame* but not enough shame that I stayed home!

  19. The twelve year olds that I know are all team Jacob, which confuses me, but whatever. They can have Tay-Tay – more Rob for me.

    My grandma might have been a Rob fan. She certainly would not have been put off by the age difference. When she first met my brother-in-law Eric, she developed a huge crush on him. At family parties she would always sit at the same table as him and one time she looked at him and said “if I was 20 years younger” and shook her head. We all got hysterical – she was in her late 80s and he was maybe 25! We were like, “yeah, if you were 20 years younger, you would still be like 40 years older than Eric!” But I guess she would go all Jacob on him and say “age is just a number.”

    • My grannie is a giant flirt with my hubs. If she was any younger it would be gross, but now it is just cute!

    • “Age is just a number, Babe!” One of my fave quotes from NM. So wise for such a young boy Jacob!!

  20. My favorite RL Rob/Twilight story is the perfect example of this. I have very good friends from a former job. Five years after leaving this job, we’re still friends. I even drove 3 hours to see New Moon with them. There is a big difference in our ages. I’m 35, Friend1 is 40, and Friend2 is 61. This summer Friend1 got married. Friend2 and I were there with our husbands. Friend1 brings her 11-year old neice to our table and says, “Neice, this is my friend, abcoolie, the one I told you about.” Neice looks at me like,”Why would I possibly care about your 35-year old friend?” Friend1 nudges Neice and says, “You know…Edward?” Neice’s face lights up and she says, “Ah, Edward.” I smile and repeat, “Ah, Edward.” Friend2 looks up and says, “Are we talking about Edward?” “Yes.” Friend2, “Ah, Edward.”
    We all smiled at each other, took a moment to reflect in silence, and laughed.
    No kidding ladies, there was a 50 YEAR age difference in that group, but we all stood in the middle of a wedding and shared the love of Edward.

    • Wow….Edward has “Barack Obama” qualities…lol

      • Yes he does have Obama qualities!! So glad you mentioned Barack Obama!

  21. If my mom were still alive, she’d be 86 and all over Rob & co.! I’d have a BritPack buddy to go with to all the shows & she would flirt shamelessly with all the guys.
    *hmm*
    For perhaps the first time since I was 6, I wanna be just like my mom when I grow up!

  22. The coolest things about geriatrics and tweens is that the don’t bother staying in the TwiCloset. Loud and proud.

  23. Dear Rob,

    Whatever!! Seriously, you are just jealous because the 12 year olds lurve Taytor Tot and the grannies are all about Carlisle, I mean he is a doctor!!

    Just stick with the 20-30 somethings and we will keep you happy! I will make it my job to keep you happy!

    Love,
    3Hboyshouse

    Moon,

    Why is Bella in a wheelchair? Just curious!
    Love ya,
    Me

    • Your post just reminds me of a big question…
      “Why is our great group of 20/30somthgs never been mentioned anywhere….. no questions about it in interviews…. no mentioning (only Twimums etc) at all, only big references to teeny crowds and all twilight-related-groups…..

      Is Rob actually conscious about the REALLY hot women who LOVE him?

      • I think that’s a great question! Those daft reporters who always refer to the ‘screaming mobs of tweens and Twimoms’ really misrepresent the truth. The 20/30 somethings are always out in great force. We need to get to the heart of this matter and make sure it’s corrected. That would be an entire demograhic of hot women that Rob may not even be aware of…. no, that couldn’t be possible….20/30 somethings UNITE

        • Hey TiAmoSempre….for that…. Ti amero sicuramente per sempre! lol

      • I know right???!!
        Why do they do that?? Does have kstew have uber PR’s to keep all of the fit women like us on LTR out of the media picture mmm?
        Off topic here but today I allowed myself one listen of Wham’s Last Christmas! The cheesiest crimbo song OF ALL TIME!!

      • Exactly my point.
        Probably because the interviewers are shallow and stupid and content themselves with only licking the photos. Whereas we here write constructive stuff. Or maybe some of them are on LTT and don’t want to speak about touchy subjects and be discovered.
        And Rob I’m sure you’ll LOVE us (ahem), so why deprive yourself?
        Maybe he doesn’t go out cause he spends the whole time on LTT. Like us. Oh Rob I guess we have so many things in common.

        • I love the part of the “constructive stuff”…lol….so true…I repeat myself every day like “I love you Rob”…..that’s soooo constructive!
          Exists LTT? Really? What are they writing to him? I think I have to shut up now…….:-)

          • that’s what I was saying : “constructive”
            read LTR
            being all distracted today

    • Hail to the 20/30 somethings! I just heard something annoying. My hubby was telling my father-in-law on the phone (earlier today) that I’m into Twilight and how I came home for watching New Moon yesterday practically floating, screaming etc. I was like, what the heck did you have to tell him that for? Ughh, men. Then he proceeded to tell his dad that Twilight/Newmoon was geared for teens. I said “correction, not just for teens, even professional women are into it” I said loudly so his dad could hear!

      My husband is completely clueless and I hate how he told his dad about me acting like a fangirl!

      • Don’t be annoyed, your husband as well as your father in law have some embarrassing things they love. Everybody does. You just have to know what it is, so you can take it out if someone brings up “the Twilight affair” in a family reunion.
        Trust me, I have some experience since my BF thought it would be funny to mention that I watch shows like American Idol (french version) and stuff and ever since his dad thinks it’s funny to tease me when ALL the family is there. Like at Christmas. But I always have a good embarassing joke to answer back so it bacame kind of a private joke.
        But I can understand that Rob thing is different cause it’s really serious and obsessional.

        • Wow there’s a French American Idol? Cool!

          Oh my FIL, pfft, he’s not a nice person. Same with MIL. So whatever info they have that just means more ammunition to ruin my reputation!

          • There is also german American Idol…with..guess…HEIDI SEAL KLUM! I don’t watch it, she is lousy!
            Don’t care about your reputation for NOT nice people, it’s better to care about yourself (and with yourself I mean ROB…lol)

          • I think it’s like Am Idol, dunno really but it’s cool.and funny.

            My in-laws are cool but if they weren’t I would have ignored them (read not seeing them). Pfffffff

          • I’m sorry…and am so glad you have us.

      • Don’t worry…. my whole family is making (bad) jokes about me and my Robsession….they are rolling eyes behind my back…they make faces kinda she is crazy….they say things like “He is not so good-looking”….and so on…the bad thing is that I can’t handle it as well as minuit passe’ (she IS cool!)…everytime I am BLUSHING and that’s soooo embarassing! My family is MEAN!

        • I handle well second hand embarrassment cause it’s not related to Twilight/Rob. Remember I didn’t even talk (nor looked at) to Rob because I was terrified that fangirl stigma curse would prevent me from never having crazy sex with him:). And by the way I was right, happy to have been snobbish about that He talked about the Twihards in Paris. And nothing would be more embarrassing than Rob calling me a Th.
          I hope my BF won’t have a very drunk moment and talk about the Robmania, he’s usually afraid of all the stupid jokes I might do on my behalf, so…
          But I wouldn’t tell my family about Rob cause I know how it was when I was supposedly dating this musician.

          • Yes…I remember…but you know, its not that I told something to my family…I was betrayed by myself while always going aroung with a huge stupid smile on my face….lol….and plz let us make some new plans for meeting him in natural surroundings…lol

          • Yes I know the betrayal stupid smile thing. I HAD to tell my bf cause he’s also a very close friend. Not good right? And I still tell him all the good jokes we do here and he really doesn’t find it funny.
            YES YES YES for the plans in natural surroundings. Just have to wait and see. But I don’t have high hopes for London caus’ he knows where to hide there, plus go to all his mates’ places plus last time he went out at Grucho’s which is a member club thing. Still have hopes for Paris. By the way I left my mail to SB but was pretty cryptical about it so again iingrid23(at)yahoo(dot)fr

          • @minuit passe and robgirl my FIL is well, how do I put it w/out sounding so bad. He’s prejudice, and you know I’m mixed so that’s a huge problem for him and his wife. Stupid I know but it still happens.

            @Minuit, I got your email, thanks. I’ll send you a message but I thought it’s really late there now so I’ll wait. Do you ever sleep? 🙂

          • @sb
            What? I have to add smth to my previous answer about ignoring the IL. I would first tell them all the “good” stuff I think about people who have these ideas that really give me a headache. And the wine doesn”t help.

            I don’t sleep I’m a vampire:) and drink a lot of coffee. it’s ok about the mail, just thought I wasn’t clear and since she wasn’t following…

  24. The grand ma on wheels is cool. The little old lady from Pasadena. Go granny go granny go. This is the sad thing about age gravity. It hits us all. http://bobbygee.wordpress.com/

    • Are you looking at my boobs again??

  25. ANY post that ends with a Seinfeld video is a total win. Moon, today you win the internets. Or 1,000,000 miles for Rob Air, your choice.

    • i OWN air rob

  26. Hilarity, srsly. My god, your brilliance is astounding.

  27. My bf’s sister is 14 (I know, not the same as 12 but still… and my bf is 30 even if he has teen siblings, FYI) and she said that Rob is a terrible actor and ugly. “The scruff looks so horrible!” she said. Also her brother, who is 13 (can you imagine, a 13-year old boy who has read and watched Twilight?) had the same opinion about Rob but that is of course more understandable. They were visting us and I threatened that they will end up sleeping outside if they keep saying such things about Rob, but eventually I was merciful and let them sleep on the kitchen floor since they showed me some funny Twilight videos I hadn’t seen before.

    • You are much kinder to your guests than I. I would’ve showed them that scary avatar of yours and made them sleep outside on an Edward pillow. Tough Love.

  28. Someone please photoshop that pic of the jazzy chair–but put Rob’s head on it.

    Then I can die happily. Rob in a jazzy chair…oh my stars.

  29. I’ll bet the old British ladies ask him to come over and listen to George Formby records all the time.

    And hey! I watch Matlock. I’ve seen every episode, including the one where Buttcrack Santa tries to beat up Patrick Swayze’s little brother. I kid you not.

  30. I saw that picture of the Bella doll in a wheelchair and knew this post was gonna be great!
    Did you find a leprocy doll as well?

    I’m so second hand embarrassed with that Rascal website. I expect Bella’s motorcycle friends would be rather surpirsed when the showed up at the Rascal Riders Club meeting. And then happy when they saw there was cake.

  31. I love American Girl dolls! I suppose I am a 12 year old trapped in a 25 year old’s body. Unfortunately, however, I have yet to find an Edward/Bella AG doll. Thus, I have made a mental note to petition AG to make a flannel outfit for the Bella doll and I’m going to customize a Edward doll complete with permanently sparkly vinyl skin.* Ebay here I come! Thanks for the idea.

    I am also grateful to this post for prompting me to google “Edward and Bella American Girl doll” and sighed in relief when no one has customized their dolls as such yet. I can, however, buy this extremely creepy Twilight tank top for my doll. http://thedollcloset.ecrater.com/product.php?pid=5730744 What 12 year old girl’s doll wouldn’t look great in a shirt depicting a shirtless male about to bite an emo girl on the neck?!

    *Not really.

  32. “Wanna play kiss-tag on the jungle gym in my backyard? You be Edward and I’ll be Bella! We’ll let Molly our dog be Jacob!”

    LMAO! I love that he is ageless! Seriously!

  33. I put Rob in that catagory that is reserved for my preteen son and his friends, I was talking to them about somewhere they had been for Halloween and they told me that and “old” lady answered the door, I asked suspiciously, “How old?” and they answered, “about 50”. When I then informed them that my son’s father was fifty they quickly retracted that statement and put the number in the late 60’s.
    The woman Rob talked to was probably in her 60’s but knowing Rob he has no idea!!!
    Another reason, like my 13 year old son and his friends RP is sooooo cute!

  34. Seinfeld references always win. Always. Fact: I celebrate Festivus; complete with Airing of Grievances and Feats of Strength.

    • I celebrate the airing of grievances every day.

  35. Just because…. It’s Classic Rob. Try not smiling while you watch….it’s Not Possible.

    • This is good old days Rob. LOVED those interviews. Why didn’t they do the interview with the Laura girl this year? It would have been great, just to see how things evolve. Probably because they thanked her after the supposed internship during which the employers promise fortune and glory.
      MTV you failed. Should have searched for the Laura girl and hired her just for the interviews. I like the editor guy, but those two had a particular relationship. ANd the Barbie looking interviewers in Hollywood failed at bringing real great Rob back.
      Now Rob, can you please stop becoming a star and do the real you “good” jokes thing?

    • I simply love that interview because he looks AMAZING, most beautiful man in the world!The Laura girl handled it well but she was a Twilight fan….I am a Rob addicted, so I would have thrown myself at him, so that they had to carry me away with the force….face down and shame!

      • Hahah you’re so funny! You reminded me of the fan who started taking her clothes off in front of Rob. She was escorted out by security! LOL.

        I think I would just have been so quiet…or fainted. I wouldn’t know what to say. My face would be so red and I’d be dumbfounded, speechless, mouth wide-open type of a reaction. Laura did great! And Rob, wow, well he’s always great and I love him! :-p

    • What I love most about this, besides unfiltered-Rob, is how awesome she handles it when he taps her on the shoulder. She is a rock star! Awesome. Also, the video doesn’t show it, but I love when she calls him out on the pants he stole from the Twilight set. She’s ballsy but not snarky. Just plain cute. Love you, Laura!

  36. Ha ha ha, I watched Twilight with my grandma, (minus the steamy midnight make-out session, o fcourse) and during that awful tree-climbing scene, she’s like, “Oh boy, he’s not human! What is she doing with him?”
    ANd my mum’s reaction: “What do you see in that guy who wears lipstick all the time…”
    But she did say that he looked nice during the end credits, where he wears that ridiculous white jacket…
    Sadly, people in my family don’t have the same reaction to Rob that I do…oh well…at least I have you lovelies to share my love (read: obsession) for Rob with….
    By the way, I am new in posting comments, so can anyone tell me how I can change my avatar?Another great post MooN!

  37. […] Broken hips, Barbie Dolls, Matlock and kiss tag: it’s all the same to Robert Pattinson Dear Rob, I was reading this interview you did with MTV news (at Robsessed with a sexy wet picture, go there to look at […] […]


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