There comes a time in every vampire blogger’s life when she has EPIC moments. There was the day when Moon & I decided the world needed our take in a blog about you, the time when we put Action Figure Edward in front of Ashley Greene’s face and took a picture and the time when Moon chased down the Pattinson Pants lady in San Diego in hopes she could get an interview! Some moments stick out well above others. Some moments will go down in history as my favorites along with my wedding, the birth of my cats and the time I found a vintage Chanel dress at the Goodwill for $17.00. The email we received last week is one of those moments:
Dear UC & Moon,
Well, the time has come. I’ve retired the Pattinson Pants, as previously discussed. Now, I will give LTR and LTT first shot at the second hand embarrassment comments and jokes as I offer for the New Moon Premiere Night…..my “Cullen Capris”…let the name-calling, me bashing begin!! I love them…….
Rob- Moon & I died. This could not REALLY be her, could it!? We jumped up and down. We held hands (no, not through the phone- we got this email when I was still in L.A!) and I immediately wrote her back sounding like a fangirl who just got an email back from your management telling her you agree to teach her how to have pretend movie-sex (I pray for an email response to the one I sent to Nick just like that every day):
Wait….. YOU’RE THE PATTINSON PANTS LADY!?????Moon & I are fangirling seriously. We yelled out loud when we opened the email.DO NOT THROW AWAY THE PATTINSON PANTS. We beg you. We love those so much. Ooh– idea…. MAKE JORTS OUT OF THEM!!!! (Or put them in a time capsule!)I love love LOVE the Cullen Capris.We looked for you at the premiere- we seriously did. If we met you our lives would be complete!Hugs & THANKS for making our night! Best Day ever! We’re seeing New Moon tonight- and “meet” the Pattinson Pants lady before we leave!XO,
UC & Moon
We waited patiently by our computers, checking our email every 5 seconds until….
I am indeed the Pattinson Pants Lady but I was NOT at the premiere, I’ve tried to convince everyone I’m not actually a stalker….hahaha…but I’m truly not! I did not throw them away, absofuckinglutely NOT!!!! I just retired them. Happy enough to say that as fat as I still am, I’ve lost a lot of weight, and they’re way too big. The Cullen Capris (had to go with the alliteration, of course) were made for the New Moon opening. I figure there are plenty of women ready to have a go at the second hand embarrased comments….let it ride, I’m ready. As I’ve said before, I don’t go out in these clothes to Target or Wal-Mart! I wear them to specific “Rob” events, and that’s it. Rob saw them at comic con btw…gave me a huge grin and a thumbs up. My husband was devastated, saying he’s making fun of me. I said, “Excellent! If he’s making fun of me, then I exist in his world!!!!” He doesn’t approve of my way of thinking…
So let the games begin….All I know is I love the man, and I have a damn good time making the shit, so I will. People can kiss my fat Pattinson Pants ass if they don’t like it! New Moon Rocked..by the way..
You heard her Rob (and concerned readers on LTR) The Pattinson Pants lady says she will absofuckinglutely NOT throw them away!
I’m grinning as I write this letter, remembering the moment when I opened the email and saw the Cullen Capris for the first time. It was another EPIC moment. On my list of things to do before I die I have written the following: 1. Hug Big Daddy Lautner 2. Befriend the Pattinson Pants lady 3. Sex (preferably real, but I’ll take fake movie sex if I need to) with Rob. I’m only 26 and I have already accomplished one thing on my list! I guess I should be expecting a returned letter from Nick any day letting me know when you’re going to teach me your movie-sex movies (or at least hear back from the PR department at McDonalds in response to my pitch to them about a LTT/Big Daddy Lautner advertising campaign.)
Thanks to the Pattinson Pants turned Cullen Capris lady for emailing us about your new pants! We may make fun of you and would never in a million years wear Pattinson Pants or Cullen Capris ourselves, but we love that you’re a good sport about it! Next time you see Moon chasing you down the streets of San Diego, stop and say hi (stop really fast so that she runs smack into you and falls right onto the picture of Rob as Cedric Diggory) and let her buy you a drink!
Confess: What have you done that we’d make fun of on LTR if we knew about it? If Pattinson Pants/Cullen Capris lady has the guts to send us pics knowing we’ll make fun of it, the least you can do is confess what you’ve done!