Posted by: Bekah | November 27, 2009

Thankful for that big dude who protects Rob

Continuing with our “we give over the reins on LTT/LTR for Thanksgiving…..” we present.. Jena!

Dear Dean, can I call you Deano?

….I know that’s your name because Rob called you that on The Today Show last year. See, I pay attention to these things. [UC Note: And all this time Moon & I have been calling you Steve!]

So, you’ve been protecting the sparkly one since 2008, right?  I feel you don’t get enough love or thanks. So, seems how I saw you at the New Moon premiere and now feel all connected, cause you know we totes are, I feel the need to give you some warm fuzzies.  Here are the top 10 reasons you rock and why I’m thankful for YOU!

Are you the one who taught him that Hilter-ish wave?

1) You protect 1/3 of the Twilight Trinity.
2) You hold gifts and sharpies while looking at fans with encouragement that what they are doing is in fact…..normal.
3) You know the answer, you know…”THE ” answer, the truth about Listen Hughwert, yet you protect it. Could you just tell me though, I promise to not say anything.
4) I’m pretty sure if I asked if Rob smelled like skittles you would answer it truthfully and may even let me taste that rainbow!
5) You fly all over the world with rarely a day off and probably little sleep to make sure Rob and clan are safe. I’m available if you need a luggage carrier.
6) You barge into Rob’s room the minute you hear of a drug overdose rumor to make sure he’s okay and tell him to call his frantic mother. Yet you could have knocked. That was you wasn’t it? Rob said you didn’t knock. We’ll let that one pass.
7) You put up with douche bag paparazzi. I admit it would be comical to see you go all Tommy Lee one time. You seem so calm and collected that you’re bound to snap, I just know it!
8) I’m sure you not only secure Rob, but I bet you share hot pockets over fatherly advice discussions.
9) You’d give dumpster meetings the privacy they deserve and just say “call when you’re finished”.

I just have two questions:

1) Where were you during the Remember Me crazy girl stalker gate? Seriously! You would had those chicks FKL’d faster than you can say “Whew, Tyler doesn’t wear tweed!” I know you were on set then….were you watching Twilight in Rob’s trailer snuggled in Rob’s snuggie that he got last year for Christmas from Kellan and got so involved you forgot to protect it’s star?  Your excuses better be legit!
2) Have you seen the sparklepeen?

Why didn't you stop this from happening?

No, but seriously thank you.  Thank you for protecting Rob daily and keeping him safe from the crazies. I know your job can’t be easy- Pushing away the pushy fans, getting aggressive, dealing with the nutzos (not me!), scanning the crowd for emergency evacuation plans, getting Rob through the chaotic masses safely.
I’m sure Rob appreciates you immensely.

Because of you I can sleep at night.

Jena….a normal one.

We’re so thankful to you, Dean, that we’re going to continue to call you Steve! XO UC & Moon

Remember we’re kinda MIA this weekend… be patient if you need a comment approved!

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTT, Twitter


  1. Sparklepeen just made me laugh so hard, hot coffee again shot across the room!

    Kudos to you on this one!

    I’d snuggle up to any member of the wolf pack/male cullen clan under that Snuggie any day!

  2. Dear Dean (a.k.a. Steve),

    I was wondering why you would let Mullsten so close to the sparkly peen, shouldn’t that be left in a glass case? Just wondering…..

    Keep up the Good Work,

    p.s. if you need a break, have a Kit-Kat and call me to take over for you!

  3. I’m sooo tired right now that the moment I read
    “We’re so thankful to you, Dean, that we’re going to continue to call you Steve! XO UC & Moon” the song by the Ting Tings started playing in my head
    “Thats not my name!”
    Great post! 😀

  4. Dear Dean/Steve,
    Would you be willing to cockblock Rob any time he gets too close to the mullet for a lifetime supply of the fast-food item of your choosing? Whatever it is that you prefer to keep that big, burly bod in shape- Filet O’Fish, Big Macs,even Hot Pockets if Rob’s got you hooked on them.

    By cockblock I mean you could tackle KStew if she tries to touch Rob, and say you thought she was PattinsonPants, or whatever-you’re the professional, it’s up to you.

    Let me know if you’re interested-I’m sure I could find some LTR ladies who’d be willing to go in on this.

    • Haha, that sounds like a good plan! 🙂

    • Hahaha…now I think….
      “cockblocking” is not THAT BAD, isn’t it?

    • The force is strong with the mullet; it can not be cocked blocked…

  5. Dealing with the nutzos (not me!)
    love it… *laugh snorts*.

  6. Dear Dean (or do you like being called Steve?),

    thanks for protecting Rob from crazy fangirls as the PPL and other crazies that ask him to bite them.
    You’re the only reason I don’t freak out when robs somewhere surrounded by 15.000 fans!!

    So today’s our celebration day: I’ts BAYRAM! Happy Bayram to everyone!

  7. Dear Jena…the normal one!
    Is this kinda hidden proposal to me?

    Just in case could substitute me with that demanding guy…would you?

    I mean I sometimes feel a bit tired of all that shit…you know honey (I like to call you “honey”) at my age ….all that crazy girls and more..all that paying attention to what you called 1/3 of the trinity…all that wearing uncomfortable suitsstuff…and at least all that standing behind Rob while doing the thousanths interview for NEW MOON….
    NO I am exhausted, you saw it…right?
    So I would say “YES”..
    I think I am in love with you since you mentioned me so nicely…

    Waiting for your decision…<3
    Yours Deansteve

  8. “I’m pretty sure if I asked if Rob smelled like skittles you would answer it truthfully and may even let me taste that rainbow!”

    Oh, oh, can I taste that rainbow too, please Dean! I promise I’ll be good. I won’t tell!

    • Tricky tricky 🙂

      • “4) I’m pretty sure if I asked if Rob smelled like skittles you would answer it truthfully and may even let me taste that rainbow!”

        That was my favorite one also!!!

        Kudos to Jena…

        I have to say that Steve/Dean does make me feel better about Rob being in huge crowds. I do have one question for him though. Can you talk Rob into showing up somewhere in his Stoli shirt with the suspender pants again? I so miss him in that outfit…

        Happy Turkey weekend!!

  9. Dear Steve-Dean,

    I was wondering why you touch Rob’s butt/back when there’s nothing behind him, except maybe for a wall. The ‘crazies” are in front of him. Did you think there were no cameras, that everybody focuses on the fans and on Rob’s face? Well, I saw you.
    So how does it feel and what exactly does it do to you?
    And most important what does it do to Rob? Cause I didn’t hear him complaining, I mean he didn’t fire you and it’s been a year.
    So, I wanted to know if you’re his secret sex friend and all this time you put a doubt on Robsten? Oh what am I saying I unfortunately don’t question myself anymore about the Robsten affair, so I guess what I want to know is whether you three are forming an alternative trinity?

    • Deano had touched the butt of HHH? Where? When? Why?
      I am sooo ready to do his job! I am not THAT tall, but I would find my way to protect the SEXGOD! Maybe with some nice weapon….:-)

      • Butt or back technically it’s a mater of centimeters. “Where, when why?” Everywhere, everytime he gets the chance to and I know why. Who doesn’t want to touch his butt?

        So how will you defend him, with your body on his?

      • Hahah, it might be completely unintentional.

        Robgirl I’m sure we can find some ways to protect HHH!

        • “Not crazy at all” indeed.
          It’s only altruism, so nice of you 🙂

        • unintentional…hahaha..I will recommend YOU next year for the Nobel prize for PEACE! lol

  10. Dear DeanSteve,
    Thank you for all you do. I’m sure it must be obnoxious for you to have to listen to all that squealing. And you know you can’t let your guard down for one second because hormonal women ages 14-98 can smell weakness. I do have one request, however. When people are taking photos of dear Rob, can you just take half a step out of frame? And drag that Nick with you. Thanks.

    • …and ALL the other creepy women around him! Thanks!

    • “When people are taking photos of dear Rob, can you just take half a step out of frame? And drag that Nick with you. Thanks.”.


      …and also don’t forget the mullet, drag her with you too. Thanks, Muah!

    • “and drag that Nick w/ you” LOL! Yes, please!!

  11. I’m pretty sure I overheard him talking about his wife and teen daughter and how she wanted to meet / would be meeting Rob.

    Can 25 year olds be adopted?

    P.S. Does he not look exactly like Joe Simpson (Jessica’s creepster dad) ?

  12. Dear Dean,

    Can you please make sure Rob wears ear plugs to protect his ears? I’m getting worried he might go deaf from the constant deafening screams from fans that he has to deal with!

    I’d also like to know what you and Rob talk about. Does he talk to you about his personal life? Can he cry on your shoulder if he needs to? Cause you know, unfortunately I can’t always be there, and he needs someone to hold him in times of distress. Let him cry on your shoulder and a bottle of Heineken should do the trick to ease his anxieties.

    Thanks Dean!

    SB (a loyal but not crazy fan of Rob)

    • Honey…I just overheard “NOT CRAZY”….
      Dean, that’s not true…she is tricky as I said…:-)

      I have to agree about the plugs and the offered shoulder and the Heineken….so if you need some help….
      pick up ME, b/c the “not crazy girl” is really BUSY!

      …and last question…
      are you obliged to hide all the stolen stuff for him?

      • Are you kidding? Rob flaunts all the stolen stuff! Haha!

        • No need to hide, he just wears it.

          • Yeah girls…right…
            but Dean is obviously not obliged to WASH it!
            I could do that…I mean…DAMN …it must be possibile today to find ME some JOB on/around/behind/under ROB!

          • 🙂
            Yes, we have to give some chances to the young gneration to have a job and fulfill their dreams.

            Or maybe you just talked about JOBS because of all the word associations that come to your mind. If so, you’re such a perv 🙂 And Rob would love that.

            I’ll be the dresser for the photo shoots. “Oh no, those boxers are not OK, let me take it off!”

          • Minuit passe’…so listen carefully 🙂
            1. YES, I will offer my body to protect his ass and more!
            2. With the JOB note …you just BLOW my mind away!
            3. No PHOTOSHOOTS anymore! I am jealous of little french perv.girls!

          • 🙂 🙂 🙂


            While you were thinking of me BLOWING your mind (that’s what she said), I just found myself another JOB : I think he’ll need some French coaching for Bel-Ami, especially with phonetics. So I can be the one teaching him basically how to move his tongue. What? It’s for the benefit of the film and his acting abilities. It’s culture.
            All the jobs I can do!

        • Ok girls, we can all share jobs!

          What should I be? I don’t mind, I’ll be Rob’s maid. I’ll wash his clothes and cook him some good old southern food to fatten him up! He can go have fun with Kristen but I’m the one he’ll come home to! Heheh!

          • southernbelle, it’s a good thing you ‘not crazy fan’ commented cause this discussion degenerated from caring for Rob to perv’ conversation. 🙂

            The position of physiotherapist is still available, you know in case of butt injury.

            Do you think the cleaning ladies from his hotels’ are as normal as we are and would roll naked in his sheets while he’s not around?

          • Southernbelle…”How many times I have to tell you not to be a(n) (actor) HOUSEWIFE! (Robword!)
            HOT…SB…HOT…that’s the key-word!lol

          • Haha, ok I guess I can be the physiotherapist, I can do a little butt massage. LOL

            Robgirl, Donna Reed rememeber? 🙂

  13. 9) You’d give dumpster meetings the privacy they deserve and just say “call when you’re finished”.

    Could you change that sentence to “call when you’re finished with Cazza” 🙂 Yep, I have been raised well!


  14. He has to be the most photographed body guard in history. Everyone knows that face.

    • He is!…and I love that his facial expression is ALWAYS the same! TEAM DEAN!

    • Haha, yeah for sure! He should have his reality show someday:

      The Bodyguard: Chronicles of a Hobolicious Heartbrob’s Protector

      • oops I think a book sounds good too, aside from a reality show!

        • I love that he is becoming famous more than Nick

    • I would totes ask him for an autograph if I saw him walking around town… that is, after I’ve finished with Rob. *cough*


        THAT could be the ultimate pick-up line to ROB…I mean just saying…
        “Please Rob, can I get an autograph from DEAN?”
        That’s so much better than take off clothes….hahaha

  15. Dear Stean,

    Thank you protecting our Robward. I want you to try one thing. The next time Rob leaves his banananutmuffin jeans on the hotel room floor, could you kindly give them to room service to wash? If you replace them by the time he wakes up, he’ll never know. Even better, you won’t have to cope with the daily smell. Think about it.

    Worst part of your job: screaming Tweens.
    Best part of your job: a front row seat to milf and twimom cleavage intended for Rob.

    • Oh, Stean… Also, I forgot to ask. Why is Taylor’s bodyguard pocket sized?

      • …because Taylor is pocket sized! lol

        • Take it back, Robgirl86, take it back! He is 5’11” and he is still growing(twss). So take it back! 

          • Hahaha…ok..he is a minor…so I won’t judge…
            I don’t know how tall is 5’11 ……
            (is that taller than a parking meter? lol), we have the meter system. so Rob is tall 1,85m…Taylor?
            But when I read your post…I first read ….
            “he is still growling”….hahaha!

            Anyway I take it back, I am bit afraid of the Robtongue!

          • @Rob(mean)girl86

            Taycob is 1.8034 m So there! 

            Yes, be very afraid of the Robtongue…. It is dannngerous!

      • Pocket sized?! ROTFLMAO!!!!

        • Jena… Your post rocks!!! I and SM thank you for our laugh lines fot the day.

    • stean!!!!!!!!!!!!! bhbhhahahahah

    • Rob’s got like 2 pairs of jeans right? Haha, oh Rob! 🙂

      • YES..the one that was black and dirty and the other one that was black and dirty…lol

        • LMAO!!!

        • One was black and the other was blue jeans with buttons! 🙂

    • Stean!!!!! Effing hilarious!

  16. Dear Dean,
    you simply have the best job on earth!
    Plus …you are payed…
    I mean…what have you done in your former life for getting this?
    What an enigma today…!

  17. When I read this line: “I know your job can’t be easy,” I read it as: “I know your Rob can’t be easy.”

    Someone has Rob on the brain. *rolls eyes*

    • P.S. Love that the 8 ) turned into 8)… wait a minute… this guy looks like STEVE!

      *facepalm* I mean, DEAN! *embarrassed*

  18. “Stean.” hahaha. too funny 😀

  19. Dear Steve, you are actually called Dean, I vote that we just call you Stean from now on. Stean rhymes with a certain word that starts with sparkle…

    • omg I think I just fell off the chair from laughing so hard HAHAHAHA
      you are totes great notanaddiktbella!!

  20. Your leg hitch obsession is most appreciated. God, now I have to come up with a reason I was laughing so hard. My daughter wants to know. My husband just rolls his eyes.

  21. OK I’m a dork, Jena, I apologize, its Sparklepeen that had me snorting just now. Leg hitch obsession was 5 minutes ago on moon’s post (damned tabs)

    Love you, hope you write more soon.

  22. Today we sing an ode to Dean
    Summit hired you to keep our heartthrob clean
    At every photo op you’re there,
    Silent, stoic and hyper-aware
    Keeping the crazy MILFs at bay
    Could you spill the beans one day?

    O Dean, your watchful eyes
    Keep tabs on His Hotness’ thighs
    So the world is waiting for you to speak
    A tell-all book would make us freak!
    Tell us what Rob’s really like
    And in whose bed he spends the night

    If you would talk, we all would listen
    What’s the scoop with him and Kristen?

  23. Great letter Jena! Ain’t anyone worried about Steans physique? I mean, he is protecting our precious here, he just doesn’t look that strong to me. Let’s hope he’s our Frodo.

  24. I would have loved to witness Rob’s reaction to Nick telling him he needed a bodyguard. Claire & Dick were probably like, “no need, we’ll do it.” haha

  25. I finally managed to write down a summary of the Fan Event in munich. So who’s interested in reading: Just ask.

    • Hey I want to read it :-). Are you posting it here or do you want to send PM it to me on the forum?

      • It’s a bit long to post in here. Just ask robgirl were she found it. Or aswell send me a pm and I’ll give you the link.

    • ME too…obviously…:-)

  26. WOW Bleriana thank you so much, I really enjoyed your review! All I can say is…how can it be possible that everyone says Rob is looking even better in reality? That freaks me out…I mean what is that? He “works” a lot with the eyes and facial expressions, one after the other, very bubbly and feisty…is it that what we can’t see in the photos? I dunno I didn’t get it!

    • It’s just something about his presence that makes you go all crazy… Taylor for example is just the same he is in pictures, but Robs got a very special “aura”-thing going on. It’s like something magical surrounding him. And thats sooooo seducing… You’d feel so intoxicated by his very presence.

  27. Thankies Deanie for helping our Rob have at least a small shread of personal space. *gives a puppy as a reward.*

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